Gauging Other Romance Readers
This week I found out that my cube-mate at work reads romance. The conversation began when we started talking about the 50 Shades of Grey trailer that premiered during last week’s Scandal. I asked if she’d read the book, to which she said she’d read the first and found it badly written and “kinda porny”. This perked my ears up, “is she a romance reader”? So of course, I asked, what kinds of books do you read? She reads historical romances and chick lit. By then I was practically bouncing in my seat. Which romances/authors do you love? What are your favorites? The conversation resulted in me sending her a list of about 15 romances I thought she might like based off of our conversation.
It got me think about how I specifically “gauge” other romance readers. “What’s your favorite paranormal series?”; “When you read historicals, what setting do you like best?”; “Have you read LyVyrle Spencer/Linda Howard/Nora Roberts? Do you love her or hate her?”
As a voracious reader and active social networker, I’m constantly trolling for books I haven’t read. And I use what other readers have loved and highly recommend as a measuring stick. For instance, I loved Whitney, My Love by Judith McNaught (I’ll pause to wait while those who loathe the book roll their eyes), and other reader’s reactions to Whitney tells me something about their reading tastes; how they might align with mine; and what books I can suggest for them to try. There are certain books or authors that I’ll throw out there as starting points to gauge another romance reader’s tastes against mine. Not that there is any wrong answer, I think we can all agree that reading romance is fully subjective, but if a reader adores the Sookie Stackhouse series and the Betsy, Queen of the Vampires series, I know our reading tastes are unlikely to align.
The awesome part of romance reading is that there is something out there for everyone. But for me, I have a specific list of books that I use as a reference point to start a conversation about romances. Sometimes it’s not about the specific book, it’s about the author. My next question to a reader who says they love Julie Garwood is “which one?” The one that they name tells me something about them. Likewise, Judith McNaught. There’s almost a shorthand to it for me.
So this got me to thinking, how do you figure out if you and another reader have similar or dissimilar reading tastes? Which are those “measuring stick” books and authors that you use to align your reading tastes with another reader’s?
I have a friend who loves Sophie Kinsella books for some reason. She eats the shopaholic books up. From that I’ve given her other chick-lit type books and now she wants more.
My other friend who rarely reads at all loves the In Death series and out appreciation for Roarke. Now she’s open to reading other books like In Death or with a hero who is like Roarke.
I do the same thing…recently a couple of women from church were over and we got to talking about romance books. One of them flipped out when she saw I had all of Garwood’s historicals and then told me her daughter’s loved Ward.
It’s also how I gage the heat level of books to send to my sister.
It’s wonderful when you find like-minded readers in unexpected settings. Now if we could only get more women and men to own up to their love of romance novels, we might no longer be stereotyped in the media as purveyors of porn for housewives.
When I discovered romance blogs, I’d look up reviews of books that I loved and hated to try to gauge if the reviewers’ tastes overlapped with mine. Whitney, My Love was my hated it reference point (and was I surprised to discover how many romance readers love this book). Although it turns out that one data point isn’t enough – if someone likes WML, it usually just means that they have a much higher tolerance for assholey heroes than I do.
I don’t run into many romance readers irl, but when I run into another genre reader, I’ll run through my favorite authors in different genres to find overlap (de Lint, LeGuin, Dick Francis, etc) and will sometimes suggest overlapping romances. My SIL reads a lot of sff and I got her to try Nalini Singh.
The nice thing about being widely read in multiple genres is that I can usually find at least one book or author to discuss with someone and we can usually trade recommendations.
I’ve learned the hard way not to take recs from anyone who roots for Lisa Kleypas, Georgette Heyer, Diane Gabaldon, Sylvia Day, Nora Roberts, Kristen Ashley or J.R. Ward.
My roommate’s friend sent me three bags of books recently because “you like the same kind of books”. I kept six, and two of them were non-fiction that were mixed in with the historical romances.
Once you dig into the specific sub-genre, non-romance readers would be baffled by what readers glom and are meh about. There’s a mountain of difference between authors; when I come across someone who relishes the same books I love, I give them virtual bear hugs (because my RL friends usually give me the side-eye).
If someone I met loved Sherry Thomas, Laura Kinsale, Courtney Milan and Anna Campbell, I would ask them to be my BFF right then and there.
I usually find other romance readers by accident. I was talking about a SFF YA series with a work friend a few years ago. When I told her I hadn’t read them yet, she got excited and said she’d email them to me so we could talk about them. Then she accidentally sent me 50 Shades instead. Oops. Neither of us were particular fans of that series, but hello new romance friend! But I don’t know a whole lot of established romance readers IRL.
Sometimes casual acquaintances who know I read romance will ask me for recs – folks who have never read romance but are curious about it. Where I struggle is figuring out heat levels to recommend to these people. How do you figure out what to recommend to non-romance readers?
I often strike up book conversations with random people. It’s become a habit. I really like to affirm that reading romance is common and bring it out of the closet when I’m out and about in my daily life – not just when I’m on the internet!
In fact, I gave recs a couple weeks ago to two other mothers sitting in a therapy waiting room. One was reading an incredibly thick library book, and I started with, “So, is that an Outlander or a Game of Thrones?” … I knew that either way, I had friends’ books that would satisfy her that I could recommend. Turned out it was Outlander #2, but she had in fact also read all the Game of Thrones. I pegged her as a series completer, a person who reads the well-known items but doesn’t delve really deeply into the romance genre, more into the deep escape popular books than into romance per se. I went with World War Z (for the well-known pop culture angle – the book is ten thousand times amazing) and Amy Raby’s Assassin’s Gambit (for the fantasy world angle – she was not into historical or contemporary). She’d been meaning to try Sookie, but hadn’t yet, and we discussed that too.
And then the other mother who was eavesdropping admitted to being a romance reader too. SHE liked Georgette Heyer and classic Signet Regency – she admitted to being a modern sex-scene skipper. So I had a whole range of recs I could give! (reissues of Judith Laik for the classic Signets, all of Rose Lerner for the feels of the classics, and she had not heard of Courtney Milan! I felt like an Amazon algorithm). We got into talking about the classic authors like Mary Balogh and the early Amanda Quicks, which was fun.
For several weeks I had shared this waiting room, but I hadn’t opened conversation w/either of them b/c they were always on a device – so I hadn’t known where to start. It took a real book to open the door. I’m a digital author, but that communal experience of seeing someone else’s book is something that the digital is taking away. It’s just harder to find a way to approach a person on a device, which I guess is good in a lot of ways (creeps, go away) but also sort of isolating.
I have a work colleague whose tastes overlap really well with mine, but it took us a while to figure that out since we were initially both a little embarrassed about admitting to some of the more out-there stuff that we read! Now we share a Kobo account and there really aren’t any (reading!) secrets between us any more. I love having a reading buddy- it reminds me of the Anne of Green Gables books when they talk about “the race that knows Joseph”- that’s how I feel about people who love the same books.
Kati, I thought your list of benchmark authors was really interesting- I’ve been reading romance voraciously and almost exclusively for a few years now, but I primarily read new-ish books, so I’ve never read anything by most of those authors! (McNaught, Howard, Spencer, etc.)
@KellyM: I’d just recommend a really good book in the genre they like, historical, fantasy, contemporary, etc. Unless you know or suspect they really don’t like sex scenes, don’t worry about heat level and just base your rec on the characters and story. Lots of readers have trained themselves to skip the sex scenes if they don’t like it. (Exhibit 1: my mother).
I actually had a friend tell me, after reading His Road Home, that it was the first time she hadn’t skipped the sex scenes in a long time! So don’t worry about the heat level – that will sort itself out – unless the person flat out says “I don’t like all these modern sex scenes”.
I don’t know that there’s any short-list of books that are my “gauge.” I tend to find out what other people like or dislike, and then go from there. Their feelings about most books give me a gauge on where to start with recommending or talking about books we may have in common.
I have a friend at work who was reading a romance novel (paperback) way back when I first met her. That definitely opened the door and we started talking about books. At that point she really only read Nora Roberts and Janet Evanovich. I was a little apprehensive about recommending Nalini Singh (though I adore her books and can’t imagine anyone not! LOL), and more authors in the PNR genre – where most of my favorites reside. But she’s loved nearly everything I’ve given her! We have a great time talking books and frequently go to the UBS near our work on our lunch break.
Anna – I read on my Kindle a lot, almost exclusively. It has rarely stopped anyone from asking what I’m reading. I admit to sometimes (though less and less frequently) being embarrassed by what I’m reading and not really wanting to answer, but I almost always do. I’ve gotten quite a few people interested in new books or series because of those discussions.
i met up with a high school friend I hadn’t seen in person in years and she wanted to know more about my writing. I mentioned RWA and a conference and she sort of lit up. She said she devours contemporary romance, so I have her more suggestions. It’s been so fun!
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Sharing book love is such a high! One of my BFF’s was going through some stuff a few years ago and hadn’t been much of a reader. I handed her the first 3 In Death books and she voraciously read through the whole series, followed by Suzanne Brockmann and Janet Evonovich (who I’m not a fan of but could tell she would enjoy. See authors? Even if we don’t care for your stuff, it doesn’t mean we don’t pass your books along to friends!!). Now she regularly asks for recommendations and I love passing on new authors I find through sites like DA.
I used to love meeting strangers in the romance book aisle and sharing favorite rec’s. I do that more on twitter and the like now instead.
@KellyM – I usually make romance recommendations based on what else they like in other genres. I don’t know that I consciously worry about the heat level, although I wouldn’t recommend a really spicy book to a non romance reader unless they specifically asked for that. I do take into account the level of purple prose or silly titles – frex, I’m careful who I recommend Nalini Singh’s psy/changeling series and I warn them about the cheesy covers.
Ooh fun post! I think I pretty much just gauge by genre. I had a coworker who loooved paranormal/UF series and menage books (like the Maya Banks 3 brothers sharing one woman etc) which aren’t my thing. She was similarly uninterested in historicals of any time period and when I recc’d Nalini Singh it was too tame for her!! However we still bonded over love of reading & romance in general and took turns on coffee runs when we’d stayed up too late finishing a book.
HOWEVER, I had a recent experience at my fave used bookstore when a fellow romance reader who had struck up a conversation with ME told me that she generally “stayed away from historicals BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE SEX.” Sadly that is just not a point with which I have any common ground and I backed away slowly…
Kati, I agree with you on McNaught/Whitney My Love being a hinge author. When an acquaintance ended up loving it, she went from friend of a friend to MY friend. :)
@Viola Morne, I, too, love Sherry T. and Courtney M.!
There are 4 or 5 “LOVE LOVE LOVE” historical romances that, if someone else likes, I’ll assume we share the same taste. But I’ve realized that, most often, the defining characteristic of a romance I’ve loved and remembered or read twice come down to whether or not I truly fell for the hero (followed next by the number of times the author made me think about something in a slightly different way, which is one reason why Sherry T. and Courtney M. rate so high).
Bottom line, I guess I could use the favorite romance heroes (Jamie Fraser, Winter Makepeace, Sebastian/Lord St. Vincent, Ian/Viscount St. Clair) as more of a measuring stick of similar taste than an actual book. Hmm…that sounds kinda bad when I say it aloud. But I can’t lie! It’s all about the hero for me.
I have a few real life friends who have recently let slip that they read and liked 50 Shades (which I haven’t read myself) – which gave me an opening to tell them about other authors that I thought they might like too (not similar in style but in heat level perhaps such as Christina Lauren’s Beautiful Bastard series and some other erotic romances). But my overall interaction with romance readers is through social media, goodreads definitely and twitter and facebook. There I have found so many people who like to read what I do! It’s been wonderful (and led me to this blog for example). I devoured Judith McNaught, Julie Garwood and Amanda Quick in my early twenties, but I couldn’t tell you a whit about their plots or the distinction between any of their stories as it was too long ago for me to remember. I don’t remember disliking any of them – so if you asked me if I liked Whitney My Love I’d say yes. But I’d be more likely to be able to coherently discuss books I’ve read in the last two years. ( With the Exception of Diana G’s Outlander series that I’ve read since it started).
@jamie beck: and Jamie, I’m with you on remembering heroes more than specific book plots. I’m also a big fan of Winter and Jamie F :-)
I discovered that I am unable to judge how close (or not) close my tastes with somebody else’s during one conversation. I am just not, for me figuring this out is a long process, several hit or miss mutual recommendations make it easier usually, but definitely not right away.
Although if the person is a m/m romance reader and loves Tamara Allen’s and Ginn Hale’s works, this probably will be a pretty safe bet that our tastes are close, but even then it is not a guarantee.
My off internet reading buddies read urban fantasy and historical mysteries – I can also figure out by genre that we can find stuff to talk about and recommend to each other. In the urban fantasy it is much easier for me actually – I ask if they read and liked Ilona Andrews :).
And thank you for the post Kati, I seem to lack manners again :(.
@Viola Morne: So does this mean that I need to read Laura Kinsale and Anna Campbell? Because I’m right there with you with Courtney Milan and Sherry Thomas. Kinsale and Campbell aren’t even on my (very long) TBR. Where to start?
@Sirius: ” if the person is a m/m romance reader and loves Tamara Allen’s and Ginn Hale’s works”
“if”?
/blinks/
There are readers who DON’T love Tamara Allen and Ginn Hale?
I know Hapax :), I find this just as confusing as you far believe me ;). Speaking about Ginn Hale , have you read “Champion of scarlet wolf” book one yet? I am pushing this one on everybody any chance I get :). So so so so good if you ask me
@Sirius:Saving it for when I *finally* get through my stack of review books. There are so many good books I want to read!
But to be honest, have had real good luck with this latest string of reviews, too. Not a dud in the bunch.
I’m part of an irl romance book club! I was a closet romance reader, not out to my friends. A friend of mine just went NUTS over Twilight. That led to a group of mutual friends all reading it and enjoying it. And so then we went to a midnight book release part for one of the Twilight books. (Don’t judge. I’m a busy mom who lacks in adult social activities. If a group if my friends wants to go to a bookstore? I don’t care why, I’m in!)
Anyway, as we were standing around the bookstore waiting for the clock to strike midnight, there was an end cap of JR Wards books with a “Twilight for adults” banner. I was already addicted to the crack that is the Black Dagger Brotherhood. I offered to lend them to my friends, but only if they promised not to judge me because the books had explicit sex scenes.
No one judged me. So we all devoured Ward and started meeting regularly to discuss. We never had assigned reading, but we tended to work through a series together. We read through Sherrilyn Kenyon, and Jeanine Frost, and went through a historical phase, and then we each started branching out and finding our favorites. We still meet at least once per month and pimp books to each other.
We make for a very complicated Venn diagram of reading preferences, with everyone falling into a subgroup or two. We know each other well, and it’s not uncommon for someone to talk about a book they didn’t enjoy, but end with “so, it didn’t work for me, but Anne would really like it.”
As for the authors I use to gauge other readers? For me it’s Shannon Stacey, Lauren Dane, Jill Shalvis, JR Ward, and Shelly Laurenston.
@Julia: One of my favorite Laura Kinsale novels is “The Prince of Midnight” but really, they are all good. “Flowers in the Storm” is very popular, as is “Shadowheart”.
For Anna Campbell, I would start in order of publication with “Claiming the Courtesan” and “Untouched”. Her books just keep getting better.
LOL. When I find out someone reads romance the first author I ask about is Julie Garwood, then historical or contemporary. I also run through Julia Quinn and Johanna Lindsey for historical, Marina Adair and Rachel Harris for contemporary. I love when I run into someone who reads romances too. All too often I get strange looks when I say I read and work on romance books.
For the most part, my RL interactions with other readers often include a point where the other party sneers something about “trashy romances,” so I don’t have a frame of reference for romance. Had an interesting interaction yesterday, however, that I should have followed up on.
I was working as an extra on a TV show, which consists largely of sitting around and waiting. So a book or some other entertainment is a necessity. The show is a medical drama and seated next to me were three actual paramedics who were playing make-believe paramedics–two men, one woman. I was reading Laini Taylor’s Dreams of Gods and Monsters, when I heard someone say, “Excuse me, ma’am.” When I looked up, one of the male EMTs was pointing at my book. He smiles and said emphatically, “That is a great series, just great. Amazing!”
I agreed, but stupidly, didn’t follow up more because I was sort of amazed that a grownup male loved the books. I mean, they are full of action and battles, but there’s also all manner of angst and romance. And sexist me was so amazed that a guy would like the series, that I probably missed a chance to get some other recommendations. Sigh.
As for romance, my response to learning someone love-love-loves J.R. Ward, or Twilight, or 50 Shades is a sickly smile and a rapid change of subject. If they love the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant or anything by Nicholas Sparks, I flee as if my ass is covered in steak and the hounds of hell approaching with a slavering hunger. Otherwise, my feelers usually perk up for book recs, even if the other reader isn’t my soul-sister/brother in books.
If I were a computer science person, I would totally create a program where you’d go through a test where you say yes or no to specific authors and say why yes or why no. And it would spit out a bunch of recommendations.
Seriously, someone needs to make this test thingy.
@P. Kirby:
Twilight, 50 Shades, and Nicholas Sparks are all on my no go list too. J.R.R. Ward I can take.
To the Sherry Thomas book lovers upthread, I was hooked on her as soon as I read this passage:
“Little could he guess that at twenty- eight he would marry, out of the blue, a lady who was quite some years removed from seventeen, neither naive nor plump- chested, and who examined the ground on which he trod with a most suspicious eye, seeing villainy in everything he said and did. Her name was Louisa Cantwell, and she would be his undoing.”
It just gets better from there.