Being crazy: An insider’s view on ableist language
[themify_box style=”light-yellow rounded ” ]Kris used to review and blog on book related things before RL intervened in big, scary ways. Now she tends to somewhat vaguely hang out on Twitter, comment *very* infrequently on reading matters that pique her interest and talk about her mental health journey on tumblr (in addition to posting on completely random topics and images). You can find her @krisrandom and at krisngoodthings.tumblr.com. No pressure though. [/themify_box]
Note: This is a guest post, written on a very sensitive subject from a personal perspective. I (Robin) hope that it generates a lot of good, meaty, critical discussion, but I also want to make sure that we cultivate a safe space for that discussion. So please be respectful of each other, focus on issues, not people, and keep in mind that this is not an easy subject to discuss, so a little extra patience can go a long way to keeping the discussion on track.
Yesterday I lay on my psychologist’s couch fighting off a migraine and even more tears as I outlined the Kathleen Hale’s horrendous actions as reported in The Guardian article and the varied responses to this appalling situation. I went on to talk about why I was so incredibly upset. Struggling to find the words to describe the mass of feelings choking my breath and bouncing in my head. Trying to articulate why I felt devastated, why I felt lost, why I now felt unsafe in the book community I loved.
Crazy, batshit, nuts, psycho, deranged, mental, crack pot, insane.
Those were just some of the words I told my therapist I had seen in reference to Hale’s behaviour. She asked me what was it about them that hurt me so much.
My response to her was it felt like they were directed at me.
That the words so often used in a derogatory way to describe mental illness felt like a punch to my gut every time I saw them.
I have a mental illness. Actually I have been diagnosed with several types.
My name is Kris and I have Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.
In the scheme of things my mental illness is a relatively new thing. Although I have suffered from depression off and on for many years, the events triggering my Bipolar Disorder and with it the myriad of others only occurred three years ago. It is still new to me. And it is something I struggle with daily.
I particularly have difficulties with acceptance, not only acceptance from others, but also acceptance of myself. That I have to live with, to try and manage, my mental illness for the rest of my life is so big. It is like a constant weight on my shoulders.
I feel the stigma greatly. It makes me incredibly sensitive whenever the topic of mental illness is raised.
Crazy, batshit, nuts, psycho, deranged, mental, crack pot, insane.
These are not just words to me.
Ableism is recognised as a form of discrimination towards physical, intellectual and mental disabilities. It reflects a point of view in which able-bodied people are those who are considered to function ‘normally’ in everyday society whereas those with disabilities are ‘abnormal’ and should strive to become more normalised, more like their able-bodied peers. As a result, having a disability becomes a bad thing. Disabilities become marginalised.
Ableist language is words and terms, usually descriptors and fillers, which target individuals with disabilities. Words like ‘spaz’ or ‘retarded’ can be used intentionally or casually in day-to-day speech, but because of their invested meaning/s are problematic and can insult and cause harm to those who have disabilities.
Crazy, batshit, nuts, psycho, deranged, mental, crack pot, insane.
These are not just words to me.
For me, such terms increase the stigma of mental illness.
For me, such terms have triggered some of my own mental health problems to the point I am seriously considering whether I want to remain part of the book community. A community that, despite being one of my few connections to the outside world, has been so full of hate speech and lack of acceptance towards mental illness during the past week it has been devastating to me. I have had to wonder if it is doing me more harm than good. Something I am still thinking about.
Am I advocating censorship? Am I setting myself up as the language police? Am I being too PC? No, I am not.
What I am suggesting, no, fuck it, what I am stating outright is that as a society we seem to have become so desensitised to the meaning of certain words we forget words have power. They have the power to transform and they have the power to harm.
As a community where words are loved and the stories they help tell are cause for so many emotions, I believe we are perfectly placed to talk about ableist language, to consider the terms we may intentionally or inadvertently use, to take a step back and ask ourselves in what other ways we can express ourselves to describe a situation or an action or an individual.
Crazy, batshit, nuts, psycho, deranged, mental, crack pot, insane.
None of us can know if Hale has any mental health issues. More importantly, and regardless if she does have an illness, it does NOT make her behaviour appropriate. Being triggered, does NOT justify her response. Whilst mental illness may give insight in to an individual’s thoughts and actions it certainly does NOT absolve responsibility.
What Hale did was wrong. She was an arsehole. It is as simple as that.
Crazy, batshit, nuts, psycho, deranged, mental, crack pot, insane.
These are not just words to me.
Be mindful. Words have power. Words hurt.
Or maybe you so-called ‘normal’ folk have forgotten that.
In this community, above other communities, we should KNOW that words have power and that the right word, or the wrong one can make all the difference.
Thank you so much, Kris, for sharing your story. I have often found that meaningful change to my own behaviours (and many have been necessary!) have come from appreciating what it means to others at a *personal level*, rather than the amorphous “they”. It’s a gift I’ve been given from reading romance actually. Seeing behaviours at the personal level in safe spaces where I can more easily take a step back from my own pride and privilege.
And, it’s a gift I’ve been given by this community, by people such as yourself, whose job it is NOT to teach and educate, but who graciously do so anyway. Thank you.
I’m sorry that the Halestorm has had such a negative effect on you and those with mental illness, the vast majority of whom don’t stalk people and don’t think it’s okay to do so.
For my part, I hope you find you are able to stay in the book/romance community in ways that are healthy for you. Your contribution is valuable and precious, just as you are.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it here. I am so very proud of you, Kris. Proud to have you as my friend, proud of your bravery and kindness. You should not have had to go through all this, and I hope your post makes people think hard before they speak so carelessly again.
Rock on, dearheart.
Hugs. We do all throw around words far too casually sometimes. Our mouth goes faster than our brain at times. It never hurts to remind ourselves that words are not powerless.
I appreciate this perspective – thanks.
ARE there words that are more appropriate to describe this sort of behaviour? I’ve trained myself not to say ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ or any of the words that are more closely linked to mental illness in these sorts of situations, but I honestly think I might have resorted to the coarser words, like ‘batshit’ or ‘mental’ because they, to me, seem more removed from legitimate mental illness. I’d never use them to describe someone mentally ill, so it seemed okay to use them for someone who was… who was doing the sort of things Hale did. But I see now that they could be offensive, too.
I guess we can just use cooler, more distant words – Hale was irrational, aggressive… but those don’t seem adequate to capture the special brand of behaviour she exhibited. IS there an acceptable word to describe it?
And, on a related note – is it the words themselves, and that’s all, or is there also a concern about the gleeful horror with which we traced this woman’s… meltdown? (I don’t know the full connotations of all these words. Meltdown makes me think of a toddler, not a mentally ill person – does it offend?) I don’t mean to judge anyone else’s interest in Hale – I’ve been intrigued myself, and have been sucked into other similar stories in the past.
There’s something fascinating about it. But is there also something ‘othering’? Are we all gathering to point and laugh at her, and THAT, combined with the ableist language, is painful?
I don’t know. I think it’s important that we observe and report on this sort of behaviour and make it clear that Hale was way out of line and irrational and aggressive and this isn’t how it’s done. And it feels important to laugh at HER, because laughter is such an effective antidote to self-importance. But I don’t like the idea that by laughing at her we may have made other people feel we were laughing at them. (If that’s what happened).
More hugs and thanks so much for saying this. Basically what Tam said. Words are not powerless and I am going to continue to try hard to remember that.
Thanks for writing this, Kris, and for allowing it to be posted here. We talk about “brave” a lot, but this is the definition of brave.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how we use words signifying mental illness to describe behavior that is dangerous and destructive toward other people. Some of this usage comes from the honorable desire to remind people that mental illness leads to these kinds of behaviors. It’s a recognition of the extent to which mental illness is present in society and an attempt to destigmatize it (because it often reduces the person’s responsibility for the act). But it can also be overinclusive, i.e., people who behave badly aren’t always mentally ill. And it’s more often used to explain the behavior of middle-class, societally privileged people than poor, marginalized, or minority people.
I’m also not sure why we are willing to call Hale mentally ill and not the people threatening Anita Sarkeesian, Brianna Wu, et al. Women are quite able to act in horrible, violent ways.
Here’s the thing: we *can’t* know what someone’s mental condition is based on their behavior. They may be mentally ill or they may be awful people. And even if they’re mentally ill, we can’t know how much control they have over their behavior. Most mentally ill people have levels of agency, even though that agency may be more constrained. We don’t want to say someone is a terrible person when they might be mentally ill, so we default to “mentally ill,” especially if the person has an upbringing and privileges like Hale does (as if someone like that is less likely to be an awful person). But when we collectively wind up ascribing a lot of horrible behavior to mental illness, it starts to sound as if the only people who behave this way are the mentally ill, and that antisocial, dangerous behavior is the province of that group and no other.
In our secular world many of us don’t think of people as evil rather than good. But there are people who are willing to hurt others, or people who don’t care about how their actions affect others.
We could always go back to describing behavior in terms of its effects rather than describing it according to the motivations of the actor. We don’t have to draw conclusions when we clearly don’t have enough information to do so.
I think this is a really important issue. One of the things that went on during the Halestorm which bothered me was the number of people willing to make actual mental health diagnoses over the internet. Diagnosis of mental illness is complex and nuanced and doesn’t generally depend on individual instances of behaviour. I don’t think it’s ever appropriate for non-experts to assume that they can assess these things, especially for someone they haven’t even met.
But it also bothers me that there seems to be an impulse to diagnose mental illness on the basis of criminal behaviour. Criminal behaviour is wrong. That’s why it’s criminal. But plenty of people engage in all kinds of criminal behaviour without any mental illness. And actually, I think that given the right circumstances, we’re all capable of engaging in horrible, unkind, malicious, selfish behaviour – which may end up being criminal. ‘Badness’, for want of a better catch-all word, isn’t abnormal. In fact, it’s completely normal.
I don’t know if there are studies on this, but given the prevalence of mental illness in Western society, I would be surprised if it is actually a contributory factor in criminal behaviour. A LOT of people – including me – manage to live with mental illness for years without it ever leading them to crime. The two things don’t seem to me to correllate, let alone have a causal relationship.
One reason I suspect that people were attributing mental illness to Hale was her history of killing and torturing animals. That is usually a large red flag for pathology.
@Michelle: That’s true. There were various incidents in her history that raised alarm bells. I still think that diagnosis is best left to medical professionals. Not least because, with Hale, I have no idea how much of what she says about herself is true and how much is fictional.
Thank you for sharing. Mental Health should be a top priority in our society.
Thanks for opening up and speaking about this to the romance community. I hope you decide to remain a part of it.
As the mom of a special needs kid, this hits home. Words like “retarded” and “stupid” take on a new meaning and not a good one. I think I used the word sick and hoped that Hale would seek therapy since it seems clear to me that not only is her behavior out of line but she seems oblivious to its impact. But Kris, you are right. I think the intensity of the fear made me forget that others may see “crazy” as directed at them in some negative connotation. I, of all people, ought to know the power of words.
Thank you for this eye opening post. As Maya Angelou said, “When you knew better you did better.” Going forward, I’ll do better.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I’m sure I was guilty of calling Hale or her behavior crazy because it was so incomprehensible to me. But it wasn’t at all necessary to compare her to people struggling with mental illness who still manage not to act in such rude, entitled, reprehensible ways.
Maybe we do need to revert to calling KH evil. “Not nice” seems too weak for someone so unrepentantly hurtful. Even if one buys into her criticisms of the blogger, that in no way justifies KH’s behavior.
I think perhaps the best words to describe Hale’s actions are aggressive, threatening, anti-social and destructive. The best terms to describe Hale may be self-centered and tone-deaf (in the broader sense, not the literal one). We use terms like “batshit crazy” precisely because of the stigma attached to mental illness. We apply it to people whom we perceive to be acting in irrational, reality-denying ways (like politicians who advocate ideological extremes) because we want to stigmatize them. Kris has raised an excellent point about the way in which that practice perpetuates and increases the stigma attached to mental illness. We need to express ourselves more accurately and not exploit mental health issues for purposes of snark.
I found this interesting. I have a brother who has had a multiple of diagnoses, like Kris, which are efforts to categorize his issues. They have included Autism and mental retardation. My brother’s problems don’t include memory, so he knows he is/was retarded.
But when I talk about someone, like Hale, who egregiously exited the space of acceptable behavior, or the average Republican, it would be nice to have a less than respectful term.
What do you suggest?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, Kris. The following comment might seem like a very small nitpick within the larger context of this subject, but as a word nerd, can I just say how delighted I am by your phrasing of the following: “My name is Kris and I have Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.”
You HAVE these disorders, but you ARE NOT these disorders. Your health diagnoses don’t describe the totality of your existence, or your experience. It can be so easy to unthinkingly say, “I’m bipolar, obsessive compulsive, diabetic…” or “I’m so OCD…”
No. We’re not. We are not our health conditions, and health conditions are not labels. The verb is important: “I have diabetes.” “I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” Let’s use our verbs, and not label ourselves, or each other, in such limiting ways.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Thank you so much, Kris. I’ve ranted about authors demonizing (or trivializing) mental illness before, and I’ve considered blogging about the impact of ableist language and characters on myself as a reader and as a mental health patient, but you’ve done it so much more thoughtfully and eloquently than I ever could. Thank you.
I’m on pretty strong meds and I see a therapist regularly for anxiety and depression. I’ve been evaluated for bipolar disorder twice, and likely will be again because of my family history. I get annoyed when people equate mood swings with being bipolar, or claim to be OCD because they mow their lawns in straight lines. I cringe when people toss around umbrella terms like “psychotic” or “sociopath” that have multiple, and widely divergent, clinical definitions and applications. I focus my ire on people who have NO F’ING CLUE who deign to (as Ros said above) make ACTUAL MENTAL HEALTH DIAGNOSES about someone they’ve NEVER HAD ANY INTERACTION WITH. (Whoops, there go the rantypants again….) I had to turn away from discussions here and on other blogs and on Twitter because the fly-by diagnoses and *vicious* dissection of Hale’s mental health – from authors and bloggers I highly respect – had me clenching my teeth in frustration.
I pride myself on consciously avoiding words like “deranged” or “delusional” because I know they have clinical meanings. But I’m guilty – many, MANY times over – of using “colorful” phrases like “batshit crazy.” After reading your post, I realized that this kind of hyperbolic language seems “safer” and less offensive because it implies a level of craziness that seems far, far, removed from me. And if I use that language, I’m attempting to distance myself from it even further. And I apologize for that. I needed this reminder that despite my self-proclaimed status as a mental health advocate, I am just as lazy and insensitive as everyone else when it comes to the words I use to describe and define others.
Thank you. And please keep reading and participating in the romance community – I doubt the “Halestrom” will be one-off anomaly, but we’re all here to discuss and share and learn, and we need more voices like your.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, Kris. The following comment might seem like a very small nitpick within the larger context of this subject, but as a word nerd, can I just say how delighted I am by your phrasing of the following: “My name is Kris and I have Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.”
You HAVE these disorders, but you ARE NOT these disorders. Your health diagnoses don’t describe the totality of your existence, or your experience. It can be so easy to unthinkingly say, “I’m bipolar, obsessive compulsive, autistic, diabetic…” or “I’m so OCD…”
No. We’re not. We are not our health conditions, and health conditions are not labels. The verb is important: “I have diabetes.” “I have autism.” “I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” Let’s use our verbs, and not label ourselves, or each other, in such limiting ways.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Thank you for this. Even despite *knowing* that words have power, I still casually use phrases like “batshit crazy.” It’s not correct, and I need to actively prevent myself from using these words.
I sympathize with you but I don’t really see what you’re aiming at.
Do you want people to stop using the word “crazy” and its synonyms altogether because it might trigger someone somewhere?
Yes, words can hurt but they also have multiple meanings.
Is the phrase “crazy in love” OK to you?
“Insanely jealous” also?
Or is it only the use of these words in certain situations that seem to aim at mental illness that enrages you?
I’m honestly asking a question and not trying to insult btw. Sometimes the tone of my comments can seem abrupt but it’s only because English is not my mother tongue.
Thank you for your perspective, Kris. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and am also a clinical social worker. So, I get a peek at life from both sides of the fence. It’s incredibly depressing that our society is so openly wary of mental illnesses, thus making it very difficult to talk about getting mental health treatment (talking and sharing experiences would help normalize the process and empower people). And I sympathize with you about knowing that it will a daily struggle for the rest of your life. Sometimes, when I realize that GAD will probably be with me until death does us part (how romantic), I feel just crushingly sad, overwhelmed and angry, sometimes for days. Sometimes, I even hate myself, because I’ve been socialized to think of my mental illness as a personal failing or a moral weakness, something that could be overcome if I wasn’t such a bad, weak person. These are real attitudes that people have about people with mental health, and I wish I hadn’t absorbed these thoughts from others/society and internalized them. Some of these attitudes were definitely on display during the Kathleen Hale whirlwind.
And, talking about the Kathleen Hale coverage, I think one of the issues that lead people to conflate mental health illnesses with criminal and/or predatory behavior, is that most people do not have a good understanding of how mental health influences behavior. Thus, the words like: “crazy, batshit insane, etc.” When people see someone who is mentally ill commit a crime or engage in erratic behavior, most people just see the mental illness — Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective D/O, etc. That person then gets labeled and the label extends outward, a lot of time shadowing everyone who struggles with mental health issues. There is no awareness of the many, many other contributing factors to predatory behaviors: social, environmental and socio-economic — all of which, also, directly impact mental health issues and treatment.
Kris, as one of the many who used several of the words you mentioned, thoughtlessly, I do apologize.
Please bear in mind that, though I flatter myself that I’m fairly articulate, I’m not a writer. I asked this question in another thread where the issue of pseudo-diagnosing people who act irrationally was brought up.
I thought that using the term “batshit irrational” would not offend, but I see from your post that it’s still hurtful. Okay, that’s out then.
But, as sao said above, simply saying that KH is irrational lacks the emphasis necessary. We all do things without properly thinking things through now and again–we all act irrationally over small or not so small issues. KH’s behaviour goes so far beyond that it’s egregious.
So please, to all of you, now that we know what expressions not to use, can we come up with something we can say without offense, yet that accurately conveys the magnitude of our reaction?
Whoopsie! I lost my long, long comment while I was trying to decide if it would be a productive addition to the conversation or not… Maybe a sign? Anyway, I, too, found some of the commenting on the original story to be distasteful and not helpful. If somebody is being stalked and you can help, please do so. It makes all the difference in the world, knowing that somebody else can see what’s happening to you and that it’s not OK. Looky-Louing the aftermath? Of limited benefit to anyone.
@Michele Mills: I love the Maya Angelou quote because it’s so true. Reading the post was very illuminating and Kris, thank you so much for sharing.
@azteclady: “Egregious” is a great word – it’s strong, visceral and “conveys the magnitude of our reaction” to Hale’s behavior – and it’s hard to argue to that Hale’s behavior (and her grotesque grab at publicity) was anything but egregious.
The majority of the reactions, however, went WAY beyond commenting on behaviors – Hale’s actions were *immediately* and *overwhelmingly* attributed to mental illness, using blatantly fear-mongering words like “sociopath” and “psychotic” in the same sentence as “crazy.” That kind of knee-jerk response is what perpetuates the stigma.
Yes, Hale showed (and still shows) no remorse for her stalking – but does that make her a “nutjob” or just a selfish, entitled, privileged whiner? If posts like this remind us to think twice about the impact of the words we choose, it’s a step in the right direction.
I don’t think I used any of that language while discussing the Hale mess, mostly because I haven’t said that much about it. But I know I’ve used it in other contexts, and for that I apologize to Kris and anyone else I’ve offended. I’ll try to do better.
People have asked for alternative non-ableist terms with which to condemn Hale’s behavior and I think that would be helpful for me as well. Here are some I can think of, and I hope others can add to the list and/or let me know if any of these words should not be on my list:
dangerous
stalker
destructive
self-centered
self-focused
selfish
deceptive
dishonest
privileged
harmful
shitty
has priorities in the wrong place
damaging
injuring
These words can be combined with other words for stronger condemnation: “That dangerous stalker, “What a shitty human being,” “”Hale’s self-centered, destructive actions have damaged our community.”
A couple I’m not sure about:
messed up — is this one okay?
irrational — again, is this one okay?
I am someone who ought to know better, but sometimes the words are out of my mouth before I think of replacing them. Longtime habits die hard, but I will keep trying.
Kris love, as always, I am so amazed at what a stellar human being you are. Thank you for sharing your perspective – it’s something we all need to be reminded of.
I was planning to include a list of words, but Janine just did it for me :)
Thanks.
As Kaetrin said, posts like this do help to change my behaviours. I’m sorry you were put in a position where you had to speak out about this.
And as someone whose daughter is socially anxious, I’ve a little bit of a feeling for how difficult it might be to post this and I really admire you for doing it – and I hope you’ll feel it was worth whatever anxiety it did cost you, because it was really worth saying.
Kris – thank you for being so honest about this. Subconsciously, I realised the KH debacle could (and did) do a lot of damage; so I commentated rarely, and NEVER alluded to any mental problems.
We’ve recently diagnosed my eldest grand-daughter as having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (fairly new in ADD/ADHD symptoms) so I’ve learnt (very quickly!) to be careful of using certain words! So thank you for pointing out ALL the possible no-no words! I hope people will learn that damage IS caused by unthinkingly using certain words/phrases; and hopefully (although it may not happen overnight) that people THINK about what they’re saying/writing.
*Hugs*
Who or what is RL?
AJ, RL is a common texting abbreviation for Real Life.
I have nearly the same diagnosis, though mine is stabilized enough that I don’t use medication. (There *are* times when I think I might need medication, but for the most part I’m able to maintain with upbeat music and staying away from books and movies that put me in a darker mood. When I say I’m not in the mood for a movie or something, it’s usually when I can feel myself going down the rabbit hole, which is never much fun.)
I guess I’ve been “crazy” for so long that I don’t think about the word’s effect on other people. Sometimes there’s so much going on in my head that the only way I can describe it is “crazy.” Yet when someone else uses the word at me… I do give them that Look, like “What the heck gives you the right to diagnose me?” There is a sense of being hunted, that people can look at me and see that my brain chemistry isn’t quite “normal,” which makes me self-defensive and causes my social anxiety to flare.
I do get offended when someone starts taking apart another person’s mental state and a whole group of people jumps in on the issue. At some point there’s the feeling that the focus will inevitably change and turn to me. It makes me uncomfortable, wondering what horrible things they all say about me behind my back, which raises my paranoia levels and gets me thinking of self-harm, and once that happens it chain reacts to paranoia-> anxiety -> self-defensive aggression -> magic thinking -> emotional shut down -> self-harm -> paranoia. It’s a cycle that never wants to end, so I have to scrape up the strength to get myself away from it–which usually involves an Internet blackout or a few days away from the people involved–otherwise things can snowball to the point where I get concerned about how far my thoughts of self-harm want to go.
Words do have power, and I have to remind myself not to use some words or phrases. It’s just really hard when marginalizing people is such a part of our culture. There’s a subversive undercurrent in nearly every part of our society today that pushes an outdated notion of normal. Even the media that promotes “unique” characters either over-inflates their issues to mockery levels or they’re kids appropriating genuine quirks and tics for attention and laughter. (I am regularly disgusted by the shows on Nickelodeon. I do not understand how anyone can let their child watch such garbage, then wonder why there’s discipline problems later.)
I apologize if my casual acceptance of ableist language has added to anyone’s pain. Mental health issues are not something to be ashamed of, and people need to know it. There are many treatments and medications out there, and if no one ever talks about what’s happening, kids and adults that haven’t been diagnosed yet or are in the midst of their first episodes feel as if there’s nowhere to turn. So I appreciate when there is a dialogue happening, and even when the things people say are awful and hurtful, it’s great when even one person speaks out and says “Dude, just because someone has mental health issues doesn’t mean they’re a monster. They shouldn’t have to hide away because you’re uncomfortable.”
It’s awful and hard at first, but things do eventually get better. It took me five years to find some equilibrium, but at some point you start recognizing the mood signs and it’s easier to cut the bad days off before they happen. So for anyone that’s currently in a bad place, you are not alone, and it does get better.
Wow. It’s early morning here and I’ve woken up to all your comments. Just wow.
Before I try and answer some of the questions people have asked, I wanted to make a few comments about this post.
Firstly, I am incredibly grateful to Robin and the DA team, who provided me with the opportunity to express the way I was feeling. It was a cathartic process. I still have issues with what has happened and continues to take place, but this felt/feels so positive and that is a very good thing.
Secondly, I won’t lie. I was terrified writing this post. Completely scared shitless and anxious with it. Poor Robin, Sunita and Ann bore the brunt of this and offered many reassurances including Robin’s willingness not to post the piece if I felt too unsafe. I believed the topic to be too important, though, and I’ve always promised myself to raise awareness about mental health issues where I can and even if it is a struggle for me to do so. Therefore, thank you for the broad support you have given me. It means a very great deal.
Hugs to you, Kris.
I have PTSD, which was diagnosed as chronic depression and anxiety for years. I have family with a variety of mental illnesses and trauma-related disorders and extended family with invisible things like autism. This stuff is hard, hard, hard to listen to — not for myself, but for them, especially when some of them are still just kids.
When people say “Wow that person is XXXX” I find that it distances them from the person who is committing these awful acts — as if it is not possible for someone who is NOT mentally ill to be harmful to others, to act inappropriately or illegally or scarily or threateningly or violently. It’s like victim-blaming to me, and I see it as people trying to distance themselves from the victim, because if someone did NOT deserve what happened to them, that could mean GOOD PEOPLE could have bad things happen to them, that could mean bad things could happen to ME. Nopenopenope, head in sand, they must have done something to deserve it.
The same distancing is involved. They’re crazy — literally saying they are not neurotypical, and therefore not like me, and NT people (GOOD people) don’t do things like that. It also could not be further from the truth. The truth is, while we have serious problems with how we handle MIs (very little in the way of money, services, coverage, diagnosis, treatments available and massive stigmas surrounding all of them), providing all of that TODAY would not stop bad things from happening, because we don’t have a clinical diagnosis for “Did A Bad Thing Once” or “Does Really Bad Things All The Time” or “Asshole” (Yes, I know sometimes you can lump people into sociapathy and narcissism but honestly internet diagnoses are not a thing and they’re really less than helpful in general).
I work really hard to blow up a lot of stigma surrounding mental illnesses in my family and circle of friends, part of which has involved detailing publicly my treatments, diagnoses, and journeys through medication and therapy. Part of it involves speaking up online and saying why yes, I DO have PTSD, and opening myself up to hurtful or ignorant comments (“What war were YOU in,” asked a family member. As if reasons why you have it are graded in the order of acceptability), or pushing aside disinformation like “Well some people just have a genetic disposition towards PTSD” (yes, it’s called being a human being).
I am incredibly lucky that I have the energy to do so, the rock-solid support network of family and friends and medical professionals to do so, the privilege that allows me to do so with extremely little backlash for other facets of my person. I spent a lot of time dealing with the medical system (and over 20 years of failed “Getting Help” before I was correctly diagnosed) and now spend a lot of time trying to help others navigate that system, be it finding therapists or doctors or the right magic words to let you keep your clothes if you check yourself in to a hospital. Because the people who need the most help regarding MIs are the people who have the least energy, the tiniest voices, the least ability to advocate for themselves, and NOBODY should have to go through the shit that I have, that others I know have. This is even before you hit the abuse rampant through medical care for people with MIs, and the fact that treatment of MIs is big business ($100 a pill for pills I HAVE to take every day? $300 a session to have someone with training help me navigate the swamp of my mind and get to dry land?).
So when people dismiss violent, criminal behaviour as “crazy”, they’re not just doing harm and perpetuating gross stereotypes that prevent people from getting treatment and help they need… they’re also dismissing the fact that no really, completely “normal” people can be violent and criminal, and THAT IS NOT OKAY. It’s not made any more okay when someone DOES have a MI, but for gosh sakes, dismissing them as “crazy” or everything associated completely lessens the impact of the awful things they have done and quite frankly seems to absolve them of all responsibility, while people with MIs are tasked with the responsibilities of not only seeing to their own health and wellbeing, but also being model citizens and blamed for the actions of others.
@Cate Cameron: @sao: @azteclady: You all asked for alternative words for ‘crazy’, etc and @Janine has provided a great list. Thanks! You can also find replacement, for wont of a better term, words in this fantastic post: http://whatprivilege.com/replacing-crazy-for-ableism-and-preciseness-of-language/ If you get a chance, please read through the comments as they provide interesting discussion about ableist language.
I sent this link to Kris yesterday, as it’s another person with mental illness giving her perspective on the discussion of Hale’s actions:
http://haphazardcoffee.com/2014/10/27/snarky-reviewing-is-not-a-crime-stalking-is/
On the subject of better words to describe whacky behaviour:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/parker-marie-molloy/2013/10/15-crazy-examples-of-insanely-ableist-language/
and
http://whatprivilege.com/replacing-crazy-for-ableism-and-preciseness-of-language/
I’ll just add as a personal observation – it’s not up to Kris or any other person with a disability to educate us about this, or what language to use. I googled ‘ableism mental illness’ and the two links above are on the first page of results. Putting the burden on the marginalised individual to ‘fix’ us – whether that person is the victim of ableism, racism, homophobia – is lazy. I’m sure Kris, being a sweetheart, will do her best to answer your questions, but please, try to do some research yourself? Kris won’t claim to have all the answers, so it’s to your benefit and to those you interact with.
Thanks for this, Kris, and a big virtual hug to you for writing it! As the parent of a young adult with bi-polar disorder, I am very sensitive to the casual and inappropriate use of clinical terms, the use of insulting terms, and the assumptions that behavior in which we would not engage must be a sign of mental illness. It hurts when people don’t understand, and don’t seem to care that they don’t understand, and it especially hurts when someone does a bad thing and the automatic defense is “mental illness.” (As an aside, that’s more likely when the “someone” is white, in my experience.)
I agree with Sunita above that “We could always go back to describing behavior in terms of its effects rather than describing it according to the motivations of the actor. We don’t have to draw conclusions when we clearly don’t have enough information to do so.” Speculating about someone’s mental health is almost certainly pointless; I think we do better when we focus our discussion on what was done and how it affects people.
Another tangent – I have some of the same issues with the use of language regarding addiction and substance abuse. When people say they are “addicted” to something, or describe a book as “crack,” I always wince, and when it goes on, I have to pull away. I have two family members in recovery (both healthy, happy and productive now, thanks to a lot of hard work), and such language seems to belittle their very real challenges.
@Cate Cameron: I have a comment waiting moderation which provides you and others with a link to a list of alternative terms to ‘crazy’. @Janine has also provided an excellent list.
“There’s something fascinating about it. But is there also something ‘othering’? Are we all gathering to point and laugh at her, and THAT, combined with the ableist language, is painful?”
Yes, that was part of the problem I, and obviously I can only speak for myself, had with the situation.
I think it is human nature to be curious about something which is unfamiliar or in this case completely incomprehensible. We look at it, study it and try to understand. If we can’t, there is a tendency to objectify it, other it. I do this myself.
Why I was so upset re: this particular incident was that some people, quite well known and highly respected ones, kept on using the word fascinating in a way which appeared like they were just about to settle down in their comfy chair with some popcorn and avidly watch a train wreck. At least this was how I took it.
This diminished the behaviour of KH, the impact her actions had on Blythe and the ripple effect it had on the entire community.
When combined with ableist language, the fascination was dismissive. For me, it seemed to cavalierly categorise KH and her actions as ‘crazy’. For me, all the armchair diagnoses and labelling of criminal and offensive behaviour as ‘psycho’ did was increase the stigma of mental illness.
Does that make sense?
@Kris: That’s a great link, thank you!
@Sunita: @Ros: @Lindsay: @SonomaLass:
“We could always go back to describing behavior in terms of its effects rather than describing it according to the motivations of the actor. We don’t have to draw conclusions when we clearly don’t have enough information to do so.”
“But it also bothers me that there seems to be an impulse to diagnose mental illness on the basis of criminal behaviour. Criminal behaviour is wrong. That’s why it’s criminal. But plenty of people engage in all kinds of criminal behaviour without any mental illness.”
These comments from Sunita and Ros as well as points raised by others are really important to me as they highlight the issue of equating certain behaviours to mental illness. The wholesale categorising of incomprehensible and abhorrent actions and thought processes, like violence and crime, to mental illness is dismissive and stigmatising full stop.
As my psychologist said to me, ‘People do bad things because they suck, not because they’re crazy.’ She has a way with words.
@Michele Mills: This is a fantastic quote. Something all of us can learn to live by.
@Tamara Hogan: “You HAVE these disorders, but you ARE NOT these disorders.”
Thank you for making this point, Tamara. It is an important one. It is especially relevant to me because I’m still dealing with acceptance of my mental health issues so identifying them as something I have rather than something I am is a significant part of my treatment.
@Junne: “Do you want people to stop using the word “crazy” and its synonyms altogether because it might trigger someone somewhere?
Yes, words can hurt but they also have multiple meanings.
Is the phrase “crazy in love” OK to you?
“Insanely jealous” also?
Or is it only the use of these words in certain situations that seem to aim at mental illness that enrages you?”
I think one of the main points people discussing ableist language are trying to make is that there are less problematic and invested words such as ‘crazy’ which can be used to describe events. (See the link I provided above and Janine’s list.) The majority who deal critically with ableism would like to see the complete disuse/cessation of such terms because they do stigmatise and cause harm to those who have physical, intellectual and mental disabilities.
When ableist language is used in certain situations like that of KH, I find it particularly offensive and extremely upsetting. Criminal behaviour is criminal behaviour. Labelling it with terms that are used in derogative ways to refer to mental illness is not only dismissive, but implies those who suffer are the only people responsible for violence and crime. That is not true and not okay.
@Diana: “And, talking about the Kathleen Hale coverage, I think one of the issues that lead people to conflate mental health illnesses with criminal and/or predatory behavior, is that most people do not have a good understanding of how mental health influences behavior. Thus, the words like: “crazy, batshit insane, etc.” When people see someone who is mentally ill commit a crime or engage in erratic behavior, most people just see the mental illness — Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective D/O, etc. That person then gets labeled and the label extends outward, a lot of time shadowing everyone who struggles with mental health issues. There is no awareness of the many, many other contributing factors to predatory behaviors: social, environmental and socio-economic — all of which, also, directly impact mental health issues and treatment.”
Well said, Diana. Misunderstanding, misrepresentation and appropriation have caused numerous problems for those of us who suffer from mental illness. Not only in terms of the way in which society portrays us and people interact with us, but how we view ourselves. This is what makes discussions like this so important, particularly with regard to increasing awareness. Thank you for commenting.
@Janine: We can only keep trying. Let’s face it, it’s a hell of a lot better than apathy and complacency. :)
These are only my opinions…
“messed up — is this one okay?”
This is one in which context is everything. It can be used in an offensive way, but is not overly harmful at heart. Chaotic or confused could also be used.
“irrational — again, is this one okay?”
This is a borderline one for me because so many of the behaviours I display due to my mental illness are described as irrational. I would suggest using words such as unwise, foolish, careless, thoughtless, etc instead, but, as I say, this is as a result of my own sensitivities.
@Harper Kingsley: “There is a sense of being hunted, that people can look at me and see that my brain chemistry isn’t quite “normal,” which makes me self-defensive and causes my social anxiety to flare.”
Yes. The KH situation made my own social anxiety and paranoia flare. All of a sudden I felt under the microscope and that all of the comments made about KH were directed at me, that people could ‘see’ me and the fact I wasn’t like them. It was/is incredibly distressing.
There are so many things I want to say, but I think I’m commented out. At least for the moment. I’m incapable of shutting up on topics which mean so much to me.
If you have any questions, etc, I’ll try and do my best to answer albeit from my own POV. Alternatively, as Ann said, Google is your friend and it’s really worth reading more about ableism and ableist language.
I wanted to thank you all again for taking the time to participate in this important discussion. I appreciate the support given to me and am especially thankful for those of you who have also had the bravery to share your own mental health stories and perspectives. Thank you.
@Harper Kingsley: Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciated you as a commenter at my VacuousMinx blog and it’s great to see you here.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago and used both psychoanalytic and drug therapies to address it; each had benefits and drawbacks. No one was more surprised than I when the chemotherapy and radiation treatments I had for breast cancer seemed to eradicate it. Once I ended those treatments (and the drugs eventually stopped having an effect), I found that I could usually deal with the familiar symptoms in non-medical ways, which is a great relief.
I share your experience that the longer I have these conditions, the more able I am to address them with immediate behavioral therapies. I really appreciate that.
Kris, I just wanted to say thank you for this post and that I am sorry this current situation hurt you.
@Sunita
Marcia Angell who has a prominent position in the medical establishment (editor of the NE Journal of Medicine, I think) had two articles a few years ago about mental illness and the state of medical knowledge about it. They are well researched and worth reading. Im sure you can find them by Googling the New York Review of Books and Marcia Angell.
@Ann Somerville:
I appreciate that it’s not any random person’s responsibility to educate anyone about anything, but if someone write a well-reasoned article about an issue, follow-up questions don’t seem out of line. I mean, if we were going for maximum efficiency, minimum effort on Kris’s part, she could have just posted “google ableist language” and been done with it. Surely the point of her post is to add one more perspective to the issue, and to personalize the conversation?
In this case, for example, both of the links you suggested include the word ‘irrational’ as an option, but Kris suggests that word isn’t ideal for her. Interesting perspective. Google is useful, but so is personal interaction.
Thanks for providing your unique perspective, Kris.
@sao: Thanks. After looking it up, I remember reading that exchange (her review article and the subsequent letters and response). Angell has staked out a position in the mental illness treatment wars, that’s for sure.
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone, Kris. I posted an update on Facebook the other day and one FB friend commented that it was “crazy.” It bothered me, but I let it go to avoid the confrontation. Thankfully, one other FB friend commented right below and explained how wrong it was to just call something “crazy” like that, mainly because he faces mental challenges daily. I think this kind of awareness is important to get out there.
“Language shapes conscientiousness” : a wise woman said this to me years ago in regards to referring to all ages of females as “girls”. So thank you Kris, for reminding me that language does indeed shape conscientiousness.
As the parent of a child with many diagnosed mental illnesses, I have found my tolerance levels at an all time low with society’s flippant attitude. Do not talk to me about your hero’s mental issues if you haven’t done the research. I have read characters described as bipolar, OCD suffers, etc and the ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ mentality sickens me. Would you tell a cancer patient to ‘man up and stop milking her diagnosis’? Would you write (or read) a character with severe birth deformity and tell them to ‘get over it’? Would you tell a Down’s Syndrome child they are worthless? I sincerely hope not. So why is it acceptable to make fun of the mentally ill and use them as a punchline?
Not all mentally ill people are on the street corner holding Doomsday signs. They are teachers, doctors, surgeons, lawyers, mothers, fathers, ministers and the like. And the reason there are those on the street is because society has thrown them away. Not every person who commits a horrendous crime, like a mass shooting, is mentally ill. Many are just morally ill. Not every person with a mental illness is a murder waiting to happen. Most of them are just people who pay bills, eat at Taco Bell, raise their kids, drive to work and coach Little League. Normal people who happen to have an ILLNESS.
I have written about mental illnesses and I try my best to get the research right. I don’t let love magically cure the character because that is bullshit. Mental illness is this generations little people. In 1920, it was normal to call them midgets, devalue them as people and use them solely as a means of entertainment. it was wrong then and it is wrong now. As a whole, we have learned more tolerance of dwarfism but mental illness is still the scapegoat. It is time to stop it.
@Inez Kelley: “Do not talk to me about your hero’s mental issues if you haven’t done the research.”
Yes. I despise this. I hate those books in which one of the MCs are ‘fixed’ by love, the magically healing cock/vag or BDSM. If it was as simple as this, I’d be fucking my way through all of the hardcore clubs in my city in the hopes of finding twu wuv.
I have a particular hatred of the way in which OCD is treated in romance. It is used carelessly in throw away terms. One of the last posts I did on my blog was on this very subject and impolitely requested authors to do their research. It’s here for those interested in reading it: http://krisngoodthings.tumblr.com/post/47749532987/dear-author-research-is-not-a-dirty-word-a-repost
“Most of them are just people who pay bills, eat at Taco Bell, raise their kids, drive to work and coach Little League. Normal people who happen to have an ILLNESS.”
Thank you for this reminder and for such a powerful comment, Inez. It is very much appreciated.
I was diagnosed with a mental illness around fifteen years ago. Last year I became unable to work and working in not in my foreseeable future. This is a struggle for me since I have a professional qualification and two B.S. degrees for which I worked and sacrificed.
When I was first diagnosed I also felt hurt by words such as batshit, nuts, etc. Now they just seem like pop culture descriptions of odd behaviors or perceptions. I’m not offended by them just like I can laugh at Jewish jokes. I think there is a distinction between describing a person’s actions as insane as a shorthand for not easily understood and using it in a discriminatory fashion.
I am very passionate about the rights of the mentally ill and I have “come out” to most of my friends and family (after fifteen years) in a personal effort to show that in most ways I am just like them. While not as difficult or as life changing as someone who comes out as gay, talking about myself was unbelievably hard. My friends have been mostly ok with it, my family mostly decided that I (and several doctors) am wrong and that I’m fine. Obviously, since I’m posting this anonymously, I’m not 100% comfortable being open about this.
@Anonymous: “I think there is a distinction between describing a person’s actions as insane as a shorthand for not easily understood and using it in a discriminatory fashion.”
I think for those people against ableist language such a distinction doesn’t matter as they believe that describing an individual who’s actions or thoughts aren’t easily understood as crazy, etc is dismissive and diminishes those who actually have a mental illness, thereby increasing the stigma of those with mental health issues. Does that make sense?
I use self-reflexive humour as a coping mechanism and have come across others, not the majority, who do this in the various groups and therapies in which I’ve been involved in the past three years. I’m always really careful about the context in which I use it and will only do so with other sufferers I’ve become close to and also use humour as a coping mechanism.
“Last year I became unable to work and working in not in my foreseeable future. This is a struggle for me since I have a professional qualification and two B.S. degrees for which I worked and sacrificed.”
I have been unable to work (in the same way I did) ever since the traumatic episode that triggered my Bipolar three years ago. I have a BA (Hons) and an MA, and went from owning and operating my own very successful consultancy to only being able to do maybe 4-8 hrs of paid work a fortnight.
I am extremely lucky to have a tight family network and a few close friends who may not always understand what I’m going through and can sometimes be careless and insensitive, but at the same time are incredibly supportive. I also lost a number of friendships because of my illness; some after I told them about my diagnosis and others because I have the tendency to isolate myself.
It’s not an easy thing we have, is it, this mental illness.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Anonymous or not, it’s very brave of you.
You’re amazing Kris and thank you. Without being educated, we will never learn. You continue to inspire and amaze me every time you post.
Kris,
Thank you for the understanding reply. Although I don’t totally agree with you about ableist language, it’s good to hear from someone also experiencing the loss of their life as a working professional to something invisible and which can’t really be quantified (or discussed). Without my husband and my daughters, both adults, the transition would be even more difficult. Yes, mental illness sucks.
Take care.