Harry Potter Is Killing the Kids
So says a mother of four from Georgia. Laura Mallory has been pushing for the Harry Potter books to be removed from the shelves of Georgia public school libraries.
Referring to the recent rash of deadly assaults at schools, Mallory said books that promote evil – as she claims the Potter ones do – help foster the kind of culture where school shootings happen.
Via Associated Press.
That’s quite a leap there, Laura Mallory, from wizards and Hogwarts and fighting evil to assault with a deadly weapon.
Of course, there’s no evil or violence written of in The Bible.
Oh, hey, remember when King Herrod ordered that all the baby boys in Egypt be killed?
That was HILARIOUS!
How about when Cain slaughtered his own brother Abel because he thought God liked Abel more?
Oh, I got a good one! How about when God killed EVERYONE ON EARTH (except Noah and his family) with a flood because he thought they were bad, bad people?
Man, the Bible is such a heart-warming book full of good stories that teach kids love and tolerance.
Speaking of Noah, were you totally squicked out that the entire world was repopulated by his family? I never was really able to wrap my head around that one in bible school.
Oh, I know. Gross. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the first black guy one of Noah’s sons who was so punished because he caught his dad drunkenly masturbating or something?
Man, the Bible is good times.
I don’t know if he was masturbating, but he was drunk (and who wouldn’t be after spending 40 days and 40 nights in a boat with a bunch of animals and only your family – if that doesn’t drive a body to drink, what does?) and was found by Ham who then told his two brothers. The two brothers, Shem and Japeth, took a cloak and covered him. Noah awakens and curses Canaan, who is the son of Ham. (sins of the father, you know).
Yep, good times.
Ohhhhh… I must have gotten that story confused with the one where this guy is having sex with his wife and he spills his semen to the ground and God turns his wife to a pillar of salt.
Okay, obviously, I didn’t pay attention to my catechism classes.
Yeah – that’s the Sodom and Gomorrah story. You know, where Lot (I think) was told to flee and he took his wife and she turned back to look at the cities of SIN and for looking back and not fully repenting, she’s turned to salt.
Ah, the trip down memory lane is so fun. My parents would be so proud that my 12 years in Christian School has netted me an ability to have this discourse.
What about that slut Jezebel who got pushed outta the window? Wasn’t she banging everything that moved?
Oh, and don’t forget that Dude who’s hands and feet got nailed to a cross and was left to die.
Oh happy times.
Speaking of whores, remember when the townsfolk were throwing rocks at Mary Magdalene’s head ’cause she was hanging out with the disciples and she throws herself at Jesus’s feet for mercy and kisses his sandals?
Or was that only in that snuff film, Passion of the Christ?
Man, with Christmas coming up and us trading our favorite Bible stories back and forth… it really warms my heart up, you know?
Oh, what about that stripper whore Salome who danced the Seven Veils and demanded the head of John the Baptist be served to her on a silver platter?
I love it when the Bible portrays women as vile, manipulative creatures who only serve as the downfall of good men.
Nope, I remember that being in the BIBLE. I don’t remember the Jezebel story very well. The DUDE story is sad, but redemptive.
[quote comment=”13820″]I love it when the Bible portrays women as vile, manipulative creatures who only serve as the downfall of good men.[/quote]
Is this the genesis (pun kind of intended) of the virgin=good girl; whore=evil woman (also commonly known as first wife?). Mary is the ultimate good girl. Salome, Jezebel, Lot’s wife (who doesn’t even rate a name), Mary Magdalene are all very bad girls who suck the life out of men and turn them into bitter, alpha males.
How about good old Job, the upright and true, whom God rewarded by burning his farm, killing his sons–not to mention the sheep–to win a bet with the devil. That’s a fine lesson. Live a good life, harming none, and God could get a whim to kill your sheep and give you some boils for the kicker.
Man, that Old Testament’s just full of fun!
Then, there’s Jacob who robs his older brother, Esau, of Esau’s rightful inheritance as the first born.
Joseph’s brothers who sell him into slavery.
Jonah who wins the prize of spending three days in the belly of the whale.
David who lusts after Bathsheba and in order to have her, sends her husband to be killed in battle.
Good times. Good guys.
Am I the only one reading these comments and wishing for Jane and Bam and Karen to write a romance parody of a bible story?
How about an historical about Moses, whose wife left him because of his obsession with burning bushes and parting seas, and his redemption via the love of a good woman…who came up with the ten commandments while they were fooling around up on the mountain, but let him and god have the credit for them.
Or a paranormal explaining why Shadrach et al. really didn’t burn in Nebuchadnezzar’s furnace.
Or something similar :)
I still don’t know who populated the first town that Cain went to after he killed his brother. When did God populate a town?
I have a soft spot for whores named Jezebel.
Hey, how about the Seven Plagues–frog, locusts, rivers of blood! This would be fun for the kiddies to read about!
Then there’s that jokester Abraham, about to slice up his son because The Voice told him to do it! Real father/son bonding time.
Gotta love those wacky human sacrifices.
You gotta admit though, that that Evie was something else. All the bitch and that chicken shit Adam had to do was to keep the fuck away from the apple tree.
Who the f*ck listens to a talking snake anyway? I’m still convinced that Evie was smoking some bad shit that day.
You just can’t help some people…
I believe you could literally kill someone with a Harry Potter book. They weigh a freaking TON. And. AND. When my husband interrupted me once as I was reading the latest HP cinder block novel, I was tempted to hit him over the head with it. Had I done so, he would now be dead. End of story.
OMG (please excuse the implied blasphemy!) you guys crack me up.
I’m pretty sure there was a lot of incest in the Bible, at least that’s what I extrapolate if events truly fell out exactly as written. I asked about that when I was like ten in Bible School. The teacher got really red in the face and sent me out. I never did get an answer about the Cain and Abel thing, Jackie.
People with no imagination are a scary lot.
Per the Bible, I’m partial to the rape and pillage myself. Or pretending to be your wife’s brother and then being offended when some other dude hits on her. Or swapping daughters at the altar so you can marry off the uglier one. Or offering your maids as concubines to your husband.
And people complain about bodice rippers…
Hey, we could call the book/TV show/Movie “The OT.”
Now I KNOW I’m going to hell.
Bwaaaa-ha-haaa!!!
I love it! (wiping eyes…)
And then there are all the BETRAYALS.
Samson and Delilah, Judas and Jesus, Peter and Jesus, Judith and Holofernes…
No, nothing there that’d promote evil against your mates. Nope, nothing at all…
Then there’s the lovely Jael, wife of Heber the Kenite. She hammered a tent-peg/nail through the head of Sisera, the Canaanite as he slept in her tent where she’d invited him after he sought refuge with her tribe, fleeing defeat in a battle. It’s in Judges. Gotta love that OT sense of fun.
The name Jael means “mountain-goat.”
Years ago I actually read a romance where Jael was the heroine. Wasn’t an inspirational either – I tried googling but it’s not the “Woman of the Bible” one. For one thing, it couldn’t have been because I vividly recall a mention of a pagan priestess’ umm- “pleasure staff” which was “one or two cubits” long. Since IIRC a cubit is about 20 inches long, the logistics of this quite horrified me.
I liked the story of Judith and Holofernes. He was an Assyrian general or some such who was sent to chastise the Isrealites. She was a Jewish widow who seduced him then cut off his head. This was considered a GOOD THING which puzzled me a bit because it contradicted the Do Not Kill part. My mother’s Bible was illustrated with a painting of Judith with bare breasts carrying Holofernes head in a basket.
That was my favorite picture next to the one of Solomon going to cut the baby in half.
Yep, great fun in the Bible.
Halo!!!
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I enjoy that her last name is Mallroy (anyone see what I’m saying?)