First Page: The Jedburgh Conspiracy (Historical Fiction)
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Scotland, 1733.
My cousin Lady Cathcart promised an introduction to Court in exchange for three months’ companionship at Goodtrees.
I sunk all my hopes in the scheme. The rate of return might be lower than a South Sea stock, but it was far less risky. Goodtrees was part of my brother Sir James’s estates, an hour’s ride from Edinburgh. It wasn’t taxing to give up my chamber to the countess and share a room with one of my younger sisters for awhile.
I had only to read aloud to Lady Cathcart from the latest verses and miscellanies, calm her recalcitrant daughters when they escaped the governess’s tutelage, maintain a pleasant disposition through the vagaries and complaints of her child-bearing—and keep her confidences.
I retreated when the earl entered to embrace her and consoled her after their arguments. When she grew bored watching the snow fall on Goodtrees’ gardens and woodlands, I appealed to her for instruction in what she knew best: political secrets and courtly intrigue.
She had a bounty of amusing, salacious stories, which I turned to good account in my writing, certain to bring a nicer profit than the droll advice of The Polite Philosopher. Its several editions had enriched my brother’s printer-friends but brought me little income and no accolades as the unknown author.
Neither Lady Cathcart nor I had any expectation I’d put her scandalous wisdom to use with prospective suitors, though she tempted me with assurances we’d make the journey to London before the season was out. There a better sort of publisher paid well for fanciful memoirs and romans-a-clef. And there ambitious, admiring soldiers and diplomats would crowd her salons. We’d only need wait a few months after the birthing.
The Ides of March passed uneventfully, boding well for us all. The babe, big and kicking, pressed hard to meet the world. Lady Cathcart rode to town for lying-in at our grandfather’s house, near the Medical School. My mother and aunts joined her.
Goodtrees, left to me and my siblings and the Cathcart girls, was dull as ever.
I chafed at our constrained habits and orchestrated an outing to mark the first day of spring. Had my English-born cousins not protested, I’d have summoned my brother’s carriage and climbed Arthur’s Seat for a view of the castle, the Forth, and the mountains beyond.
Any good Scot preferred to walk uphill.
Instead, we spent the afternoon tramping through the woodlands at Goodtrees. Pine straw crunched beneath our feet. My petticoats snagged. I caught them up with one hand and tugged my sister Anne closer with the other. Two years my junior at sixteen, she was as well-tutored as I, though her tastes inclined to the mathematical. She’d brought a volume of poetry for the occasion and was chirping her way through Thomson’s “Spring.”
“And shiver every Feather with Desire…” At this Anne broke off, laughing.
I snorted. “A guinea for such verse? You cannot say it!”
“Jamie claimed as much.” She closed the book and turned it over in her hands. “Perhaps the fine binding is where the value lies.”
A woodlark sprung up a few yards from us, driven aloft by the girls’ playing hide-and-seek among the lilacs and willows.
“Up-springs the Lark!” I mocked, quoting Thomson. “Perhaps our poet had keener insight than we’ve credited.”
“Lord, I hope not. How dispiriting, Peggie, if your London suitors prove little more than a ring of glossy-plumed, Roving Tricksters.” Her eyes spoke her fondness, if slanted a bit in disappointment since she couldn’t accompany us.
“I shall make them dance in circles and Retire disorder’d.”
I’d buy it, based on this page.
Good luck.
There’s a lot to like here. Lady C sounds interesting, the voice of the narrator is good, but this is back story and baby-sitting. You even tell us Cathcarts is dull. So, why are you boring us with it?
You tell us Peggie is an author, rather than showing us, as a result, she really seems like a girl playing with her sister and waiting for her fairy Godmother to give her a London season.
I was interested in Lady C, but she exits stage left to give birth and it’s hard to see how she will play much of a role in the story unless it really starts in a few years (in which case, start the book then).
You write well, you may have an interesting story, but based on this sample, I’ll take a pass.
I think you have something interesting here, but it needs some tightening. There’s a lot of information on the first page, but I’m not sure what to do with it, and there’s not much action – I found myself a little bored and confused.
I was pretty taken with the line “I sunk all my hopes in the scheme” – it made me want to know more. But then I felt like it meandered a bit – I’m still not sure why she so desparately wants a season – because she wants to write about it? If it’s a more common Romancelandia reason like needing to marry or wanting to have fun, there’s no hint of it. I’d probably read on a bit more to find out more about why this scheme is so important.
I loved it. I’d read on.
I like the writing overall. The first part seems more like a journal, in that it reads like a record of events rather than something that is actively happening to our heroine. Perhaps if those bits of information were sprinkled throughout some sort of action narrative or the conversations between Lady Cathcart and Peggie, it would be more compelling. You definitely have something here, and I would keep reading to find out what it is, but I am more patient than many readers, possibly because I grew up reading books with a long lead-in. Give us the stakes for the heroine at the start, and I’d be turning pages to find out how it goes.
I am intrigued! I think this needs some tweaks but it’s a fine start.
I agree with Rebecca. Start us in the middle of the action – maybe the walk up the hill and the conversation? and feed us the backstory as we go. Also, figure out what bits of backstory we need at that specific moment, and dole it out as we need it.
I also want to know more about Lady Cathcart. She seems like the most intriguing character. If she’s not going to be “on stage” in the story you may have to eliminate her, just because I’m dying to meet her and would be waiting for her to come in for the whole story.
Well-written though it needs some tightening. However, I’m absolutely done with and over writers as main characters. I wouldn’t read this. But I’m sure others may.
I don’t read a lot in this genre so I don’t have a lot of knowledge for comparison.
However, I do think there is too much upfront telling for my taste.
Your writing is strong, but I think this piece would benefit from something happening (which doesn’t mean a bomb must go off or a fight must be happening). I think it is important to establish a goal for the protagonist early on and right now I’m not sure what that is. I’m also not sure what’s at stake and what the story is going to be about.
Consider starting at a different point, where a goal is established, and (as others have mentioned) sprinkle in backstory.
Lastly, and this may just be me, but I stopped at the name of “Jamie” since that is the name of the male love interest in the popular historical novel (set in Scotland during the same time period), Outlander.
Best of luck!