CONVERSATION: What Makes a Sex Scene Work for You?
A few weeks ago, we discussed the emotional dynamics of sex scenes and their role in the story. Now for a broader conversation about our other likes and dislikes, what we want more of and our pet peeves. Here are the questions I asked DA’s other contributors:
In general, do you prefer sexy romances or closed door and chaste ones? How do you feel about BDSM? What are your thoughts on sex scenes that take place in public places or other unusual locations (i.e. the kitchen counter or the living room floor)? And what else can factor in your appreciation of a sex scene or makes one not work for you?
Heat Level
Jayne: I’m usually good with scenes on the chaste end of the spectrum though a steamy scene done well can work for me, too. I also don’t read any erotic romance now, not that I read much before.
Layla: In general I prefer sexy romances over closed door although I have and will read both. I’m the type of reader who would like a sexy Pride and Prejudice for example, even as I admire the original P&P and all the suppressed longing. Historical authors do it better— I don’t like inspirational or purposely chaste romances written today and I don’t read them much.
A small quibble— I don’t like when heroines who are virgins or unpracticed go right to oral sex, especially in historicals.
Kaetrin: I don’t read as much erotic romance as I used to but it’s not an active choice not to.
Janine: Same here. I still like hot romances. But at one time steamy sex was a draw in a way it isn’t now. When I started reading romance as a young teen, I avoided closed door books. I had not experienced sex and wanted as much information on it as I could get. Over time I’ve come to care less having information, obviously, but heat level also isn’t as high a priority as it was for me even in adulthood, just a decade or two ago. The novelty has faded. Overall I still prefer a book to have sex scenes, though. I often feel that I’m not getting a complete picture of the relationship when sex is left out.
Jennie: I am another reader who has gone from wanting “hot”/explicit sex scenes in romances to being sort of burned out on them or just over them. I don’t have a preference for chaste romances, necessarily, but I just don’t care as much about the sex scenes as I do about other aspects of the book. This is definitely a change from my younger days and I wonder if it’s just sort of a natural progression, as someone who has been reading the genre for nearly 30 years.
Sirius: I skim/skip a lot of sex scenes in the books I am not reviewing (or even occasionally in the books I do review, of course in that case I will warn the readers etc.). Occasionally I do find books where I find sex scenes hot and then I of course don’t skip those. But my God, that’s so rare for me.
And let me be clear – that’s not because I don’t like reading them, it is just I always care for plot/characters first in the m/m books I read and I want sex to be icing on the cake. I have read A LOT of m/m romances and books with m/m romantic elements and way too often I see plot or characters sacrificed in favor of sex. Count me out on that. I don’t deliberately seek the books with non-explicit / fade to black scenes, but it just so happens that I read more and more of those.
For me Aleks Voinov for example writes smoking hot sex scenes. I loved sex scenes in Charlie Adhara’s series and I am sure there were some more, but I honestly have to sit down and think about the names of the writers whose sex scenes I enjoyed, no joke.
I always bring Tamara Allen’s name because I love her books, and she is definitely on the non – explicit / fade to black side of the writing of sex scenes, but in The Only Gold I loved when we did see some intimacy between the couple, it was fun.
BDSM
Jennie: I am mildly (sometimes more than mildly, depending on the circumstances) turned off by BDSM. I’ve just never found it very sexy, and sometimes it strikes me as creepy. BDSM-flavored romances really boomed over the past couple of decades, and their ubiquity may have contributed to my having strong feelings about the subject. When you can’t get away from something that doesn’t appeal to you, it makes it all the more irritating each time you encounter it.
Jayne: BDSM does nothing for me.
Janine: Whether or not I enjoy BDSM largely depends on execution. Kink for sensationalism alone doesn’t work for me, but neither does anything else that’s there only for sensationalism. Sometimes I really enjoy BDSM but often that’s when it is reflective of the relationship. It also depends on what they are doing to an extent. I like bossiness but I don’t get the appeal of spanking.
Sirius: BDSM in theory works well for me, I say in theory because in practice I was so turned off by all-knowing Dom characters in my early reading, my God. I have read some books that were good though.
Everything but Penetration
Kaetrin: I’m not a fan of “everything but penetration”* sex scenes where the only thing that doesn’t happen on page is actual coitus and an orgasm. I’ve never really understood the point of that. Like, there’s explicit language and all the buildup but then, click the lights go out. Why?
(I’m talking here about m/f romances where the characters do have PIV sex but off page, when everything that leads up to it is explicitly on the page.)
Janine: It doesn’t happen often but when I read a book like that, I can only think that the reason for it is that the author doesn’t feel comfortable writing it. I’m not crazy about fade to black in the middle but I’d prefer an author wrote one of those than to force herself to write explicitly and have her discomfort with that come through.
Anal
Sirius: Pet peeve? Why oh why literally every single couple in m/m has to have anal sex? WHY? Even my most loved books usually have it. Why? Yes, I know there are couples that love it, but there are also couples that don’t, show me some, no?
Kaetrin: I’ve definitely read mm romances where the characters have chosen not to have anal sex but now I have to go away and see if I can remember any of their names! You’re right though Sirius – it’s far more common for there to be anal sex in explicit mm than not.
Sirius: The size of a novel? Of the top of my head I do not recall a single one so if you can, I would definitely appreciate a recommendation. I am not even sure if I have read a short story without anal sex in it, but I will have to double check if my recollection is correct and I have read SO MANY of m/m books over the years. I am not talking about the fade to black stories, I certainly read those, I am strictly talking about sex scenes being shown, just no anal.
I have heard I think that one of KJ Charles’ books does not have anal sex in it, but I do not recall it in the books of hers I have read and I have read a plenty. But I stopped reading her, so I would not know if it is a more recent book.
While I am at it, why does there have to be a sex scene at half point of the story in so many books? I have not seen that in all books exactly, but I would also say that vast majority have them. If the emotional beats of the story require that, sure, but the emotional beats of the stories cannot all be the same right?
Sex in Unexpected Places
Layla: Public sex or sex in unexpected places I love! Especially in historical when there is a chance of getting caught. I remember an Anne Mallory where the scene takes place in a gambling club in a closed-door space while everyone else is gambling outside.
Janine: With regard to unusual locations—it depends, but sometimes I do find that hot. There was a restroom sex scene in Linda Howard’s After the Night where toward the end a woman walks in on them! That was hot because it was passionate; they couldn’t wait because they were so into each other (their families were feuding so they couldn’t be together in public).
Jennie and I once talked about a scene in Elle Kennedy’s Off-Campus book, The Score, where Dean and Allie have sex in the living room of the house Dean shares with his friends. She thought it was gross, which I totally get, but I was okay with it because they were in college and it’s such a college kid thing to do.
Jennie: I actually remember the scene you mention in After the Night and it was very hot. All the sex in that book was very hot. I suspect that I’d have problems with the book if I read it today – I had problems at the time – but, whew, the sex scenes!
I guess with the Elle Kennedy book it just seemed inconsiderate of a shared space. Like, do I want to sit on that couch knowing what people have been up to on it?
Janine: It’s totally inconsiderate, but when people are young, they are less mature being less considerate is part of that.
Jennie: It’s entirely possible I’ve gotten more prudish as I’ve aged. I’m not against public sex but I prefer it to be spontaneous rather than planned *because* the people involved are exhibitionists. So I see that as a difference between the two books and scenes.
Word Choices
Jayne: Basically it could boil down to NOT reading about any “weeping (or “dewy”, I hate that too) center of her womanhood.” Ditto on the word “turgid.” Also no “doing the dance of time.”
Janine: You are so right, Jayne, language and style can make a huge difference. I remember a poster once talking about the sex scenes in Passion by Lisa Valdez and saying that the close focus on the anatomy of an aroused penis was so detailed that she felt like it might as well be a blow-by-blow dispatch about astronauts landing on the moon.
Kaetrin: There are some words or phrases that put me off – moist for example or, even worse, crevice. And I deeply dislike references to words that suggest gender is related to body parts – eg “womanhood, femininity, manhood, etc”. That kind of language is unnecessarily exclusionary.
Jayne: So … no moist crevices for Kaetrin!
Janine: Vocabulary-wise, there was a lot of silliness in 1970s romances I read as a kid and some of it was definitely off putting — caves, coves, rods, stalks, etc. Much of the time I’m not a fan of metaphors for body parts. Just call a thing what it is.
Kaetrin: Tessa Bailey is an author who writes very hot and creative sex scenes (It Happened One Summer was scorching) and truly excellent dirty talk but she also has a bad habit of using some of those gendered words for body parts.
Janine: I don’t like those either. But what’s worse for me is sex-negative language. In Carla Kelly’s Beau Crusoe, James, the hero, has sex with Lady Audley, an unpleasant woman who seduces him, and the sex is described in truly off-putting terms. Lady Audley knows she wants and goes after it aggressively, but James, the hero, could have walked away. Instead we get this:
When they finished, he had tried to apologize for his unbecoming conduct. She only grabbed hold of his retreating organ and rubbed it against her slimy bud until she came again. And again, bucking and panting like a dog on a hot day. He had never seen such a performance.
I am not a fan of moist but I’ll take it over slimy any day. And comparing an enthusiastic woman to a dog—yikes.
Kaetrin: I dislike romances labelled “clean”. Kisses only or fade to black is fine but no moral judgements or preaching please.
Jayne: Wasn’t there a debate years ago at some site about using the word “clean” for no-sex romances? I’m not a fan of it either.
It’s now your turn, DA readers. Tell us all about your likes and your pet peeves—those we’ve mentioned and any others you want to bring up. We would love to hear your thoughts.
No comments yet? How odd.
Well, I’m 100% with @Kaetrin. If sex is normal, healthy, and positive between consenting adults, then why the heck is a chaste romance “clean”? Isn’t using the term “clean” pandering to someone? Someones? When “clean” is included in the blurb or (worse) note from the author – the plot description or review must be stellar before I’ll read the book. Not because the romance I read must have sex scenes but because I worry about the mind set of the author.
BDSM absolutely squicks me out. I’m pain avoidant, I despise being bossed, and I have no interest in bossing anyone else. I read one BDSM book, which involved an observant Jewish woman, a butcher, and rope play. When I wasn’t cringing, my only thought was along the lines of “when does Houdini make his entrance?”.
I think that in the best stories, whether a romance is open door or not is driven by the personality of the characters.
@LML: I hope people who want to comment aren’t worried they’ll be judged.
Yes I agree with you about calling chaste stories “clean.” Why??? What’s clean about the absence of sex? Those blurbs are certainly not clean of judgement. Although–I suppose it’s the flip side of authors promoting their books as dirty or filthy. I’m not a fan of that either. All these descriptions seem pejorative to me. Either way sex is being described as if it’s something contaminated, when in my view it’s something healthy and good (providing the people having it desire it, of course).
I can sympathize with people who don’t care for BDSM but I’m not one of them. I really enjoy light kink (light bondage, blindfolding, commands). I’m not such a fan of the pain kink (IRL I’m the wimpiest person on earth, super sensitive to pain), but that can also be made to work for me if it’s expressing the emotions and the situation in some way, or if the kink is presented as a shared commonality, a joint enthusiasm. Which of course it is, in the best books.
Spanking doesn’t work for me mainly because I am old enough to have been spanked as a child and to have seen my siblings spanked. Because of that I associate it with children and childish behavior, such as hitting another child or breaking their toy.
I think that in the best stories, whether a romance is open door or not is driven by the personality of the characters.
I agree, and my thoughts here tie back to what I said in our last conversation post. That in general, the best sex scenes are attuned to the characterization, both in terms of the characters’ personalities and in terms of at what point in the relationship the scene takes place–what feelings (resulting from the plot) the protagonists are feeling at that moment in time.
@LML: @Janine: Yes – I like closed door romance just fine when it makes sense for the characters and story. I listened to The Bodyguard by Katherine Center recently and it was very low heat but full of plenty of intimacy and sizzle and banter and I didn’t feel like anything was missing. I also just finished reading A Merry Little Meet Cute by Julie Murphy & Sierra Simone and that was smoking hot! (review soon- spoiler: loved it) and, given the characters and the story, the sex was an essential part of it. It just depends on each book I reckon.
Describing non-explicit romance as clean is super gross! I quite like explicit sex in romance and read some erotic romance but am 100% turned off by (usually female) characters being called “dirty,” filthy,” “slutty” etc, as if that was sexy. (No judgement for people who are into this, but as someone who heard a lot about what “dirty” girls did when I was growing up (e.g. sitting on the couch with legs in the air and undies showing as an 8 year old) it fills me with feminist rage!) In fact, lately I read mostly mm because the gender stuff in straight romance often makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. Some mm writers seem to make a real point of showing mutuality in sex, with overt play about which character is sexually more aggressive in any given scene – special props to Dal Maclean who makes a real and deeply sexy feature of this in Blue on Blue. And special props to Neve Wilder, who, in the erotic mm romance Want Me, includes an amazing conversation between two lovers who’ve just moved in together, negotiating respectfully and fairly about who is going to do what aspect of the housework. Hottest scene in a hot book!!!
I should say, Want Me is a wee bit kinky, not BDSM but definitely playing around with power and control. There are shifts in how this works in the book, avoiding the impression that it’s somehow “natural” for one character to submit, a sex trope that really gets my goat!
I have no problem with explicit content, in fact, one of the reasons I like reading romance is that I can usually count on getting both an emotional story and some hot sexy-times. Similarly, I have no problem with bdsm or a D/s dynamic in a romance, but it really does depend on how the writer incorporates those elements. I’d rather read a story where a couple explore bdsm as a ancillary component of their developing emotional relationship as opposed to a story set at a bdsm club where the entire relationship is defined by the confines of the club. I too dislike the terms “clean” and “sweet” to describe books that do not have on-page sex; use of those terms implies there’s something inherently “dirty” (and not in a good way) about explicit content. I prefer using terms such as “closed door” or “fade to black” which don’t have a value judgment and simply relay the fact that there’s no explicit on-page sex.
I think Joanna Chambers’ Unnatural has no anal sex and no prosect of it in the future. One of the characters takes a long time to reconcile himself to being in a gay relationship and he kind of makes that decision for both of them, if I remember rightly. If not, then that happens in another historical I read a few years ago….
Other random thoughts: The ‘clean’ label infuriates me. The vast majority of sex scenes bore me and, even worse, they often disappoint me; characters I’m enjoying become just body parts as the author focusses on describing their actions rather than their feelings. Sex in weird locations makes no difference to the boredom or disappointment.
But I feel cheated by closed door romances. I want to see that intimate connection or I feel like I’m missing something important. I just don’t need the amount of detail that seems the standard these days. Sex scenes that are shorter, less anatomical, more focussed on emotions and, most importantly, relevant to the evolving relationship rather than serving no narrative purpose would be gratefully received.
@oceanjasper: Actually, maybe the book I was thinking of was in fact Emily Larkin’s Claiming Mr Kemp. Same plot and character dynamics, anyway.
I meant to add: I think the woefully underrated Julie Kriss manages to keep her books steamy without getting to clinical levels of detail about what the couple are doing. Frequently in her books, after the couple has sex for the first time, the subsequent sex scenes will be shorter or just referred to in the past tense. There’s a nice build up of sexual tension before the initial scene, but Kriss doesn’t feel the need to give us a blow-by-blow (pardon the pun, lol) of every subsequent time the MCs get together.
@DiscoDollyDeb: Have you read Anne Rice’s book Exit to Eden? It’s an erotic romance that begins at a BDSM island club. The FMC is a dom who works there and who had a hand in founding the place, and the MMC is a photojournalist who has always wanted to stay on the island (it’s by invitation only). She falls for him but she’s not supposed to, because her job is there and she’s supposed to be able to focus on any client of the club, and together they escape to allow their romance to develop beyond the club. It’s clear they’ll enjoy going back there in the future, and that she’ll stay involved with it in some capacity–it’s too big a part of her life not to–so it’s not sex negative or kink shaming in any regard. I remember everything being consensual, but I can’t vouch for none of it being offensive. I read it in the 1990s and it’s been too long. It wasn’t published as a romance but that’s exactly what it is, and a sexy one too.
@Janine: yes indeed! I seem to remember reading a lot of Anne Rice’s erotica (including the Sleeping Beauty books that she published under an alternate name), but I definitely see her books, regardless of the romantic elements, as erotica and not erotic romance. I suppose the line of demarcation between the two is pretty fuzzy, but if you remove the erotic elements from EXIT TO EDEN, et. al., I don’t think you have much of a story. Whereas in an erotic romance, even without the sex scenes, there’s still enough connective tissue to make the romance credible. I think I put on a different set of expectations when I read erotica as opposed to reading erotic romance. If I’m reading the latter, I’m definitely looking for the MCs to connect in ways beyond their sexual chemistry.
@DiscoDollyDeb: Oh, I disagree about Exit to Eden and erotic romance. It’s not at all like her Sleeping Beauty book which are pure erotica and kind of creepy IMO. I mean, sure, there’s elements of kink, but I think the story is mainly about finding love outside of this kink-laden setting, for someone who has never found it before, and doesn’t think that she can, that the two are compatible.
So in that book, really the kinks are just an origin point for the romance to start. Which you could say about many, many erotic romances. I mean the story is about a woman trying to choose between her dream career and the person she loves, because she doesn’t think she can have both. That is also a conflict found in many romances (and not just erotic ones by any means).
Also, I’m not sure I would say that you could take the sex out of all erotic romances and have it work. I can think of many romances where you can’t. I mean don’t you characterize Heated Rivalry as erotic romance? Yet could it work without sex? I don’t see how. That doesn’t mean it isn’t erotic romance, though, does it?
@Janine: I probably didn’t express myself very clearly. I meant you could remove the sex scenes from an erotic romance (but keep the clear implication that the characters are having sex, we’re just not getting to read the details) and still have a romance; whereas in erotica, without sex scenes, I don’t see that the MCs have much of a raison d’etre. But, in all honesty, I’m not a huge fan of romances that don’t have at least one fairly explicit sex scene.
@DiscoDollyDeb: Re: Julie Kriss – I haven’t read any of her books but from your description, that’s the kind of balance that would work for me in most books. Some romances develop through the sexual encounters but in most of the ones I read, the second and subsequent sex scenes do not advance the relationship. So when another one comes along that goes on for pages I just switch to skim mode and start to wonder how much longer this book will take me to finish and which book from my TBR pile I’ll start next…..
How do you all feel about unconventional sex or maybe I should say unconventional situations ? I once read a historical ( can’t remember title now) that was very intriguing because the hero has been in an accident and is basically sort of paralyzed ( he has some mobility but with a lot of pain) and the heroine pretends to be engaged to him ( he’s a recluse and she figures he will never counter her) but finally they meet and marry and most of the conflict is around sex— he wants to but can’t. All of the servants are jn on this too and want to help! I found it really moving and also I liked the unusualness of the premise.
Wanted to say that I think Elizabeth Hoyt writes really earthy sex scenes ( where people have what I think of as hot steamy sweaty —not dirty!— sex. She makes you feel there is something elemental and universal about sex.
One of my favourite sex scenes is in one of my favourite books — Kleypas Love in the Afternoon which is filled with laughter and surprise and tenderness. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone !
Last thing I wanted to say— I’m not a fan of couples that are all “tantric” forever and ever sex scenes. In one of my YA series I like Sarah Maas A Court of Thorns and Ashes series once the couple get together they have the most purple sex you can imagine. They both literally “glow” and light up when they are having their marathon sex scenes. So cartoony I couldn’t stop laughing !
For me an erotic romance is one where the sex can’t be taken out and the book would still work. It’s one where the relationship advances and grows through the sex and not outside of it. For instance, where there are trust issues and a sex scene shows the growth of trust in the relationship. It doesn’t have to be anything heavy – just that rather than not-sex showing relationship growth, it’s the sex scenes that do that work. At least, that’s how I’d define it.
There are some books where it’s bit hard to tell whether it’s erotic romance or a sex-heavy contemporary though I agree!
@Gab: I don’t think a book such as you describe — kinky, playing with control and power, but not suggesting that one character is intrinsically submissive during sex — is any less BDSM than book that does make that implication. It sounds to me like what you’re describing is *good* BDSM, or BDSM I would enjoy.
As an aside, I hate the “natural submissive” trope in m/f, because of the gender politics in our society, and wouldn’t want it to be included in the definition of BDSM. For me, even if one character only blindfolds the other, that’s enough to make it a sex scene with kink and BDSM.
@DiscoDollyDeb: For me the definition of erotic romance vs. erotica is much simpler. Both use explicit sex scenes to move the plot forward, but unlike erotica, erotic romance has a central love story and a happy ending for the characters and for the relationship. If the book is about a romantic relationship and it ends in a HEA or an HFN, it’s a romance, period.
@Layla: Re books centering on sex as part of the conflict (I think that’s what you’re describing here), I haven’t read it because of all the bad reviews, but isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey one of those? From what I understand Christian wants them to have hardcore BDSM sex and Ana wants them to have vanilla sex.
Based on the one Elizabeth Hoyt book I read or tried to read (The Raven Prince) I agree her sex scenes were earthy but somehow they were earthy in a way that turned me off. Another author who wrote earthy and elemental sex scenes was Susan Johnson. A handful of her books were very good and the rest were very bad, very problematic, or both. I recall really liking Pure Sin and Wicked.
Re the Sarah J. Maas A Court of Thorns and Roses series, I read that trilogy over the summer as you know. It was a mixed bag for me—20% of it was brilliant but I don’t think much of the rest. I didn’t find the sex scenes as laughable as you did, but they were OTT and I love your descriptions of them. You’re cracking me up.
@Kaetrin: I agree with how you define erotic romance vs. regular old romance.
@Janine: janine I didn’t mean books where sex was part of the conflict alone— I also meant books where the sex wasn’t “easy” or perfect. But somehow it was still emotionally fulfilling. Or it wasn’t between two perfect people.
@Layla: Ah I see. I can’t think of many. I’d love to read a book where the FMC doesn’t reach orgasm easily. That’s the experience of many many women but you almost never see it in romance.
There’s a Lucy Monroe Hqn Presents where the heroine has vaginismus and hasn’t been able to have sex as a result. The hero and she use dilators to resolve the condition over time and, IIRC, it’s pretty sexy as well as deeply intimate and romantic. (As to whether it is realistic and accurate I can’t say however.)
I think it’s called Blackmailed into Marriage (that’s Presents for you!).
I love BDSM in romance, but it definitely needs to be the right vibe, and I prefer F/m dynamics where the female partner (if it’s a straight couple) is the dominant one. By far, the best erotic romance I’ve read with BDSM elements is Unbound by Cara McKenna. Can’t recommend it enough. It’s definitely a romance with erotic scenes as opposed to straight up erotica. Some people might be squicked out by the sex (the dude is REALLY into rope and being “made” to come), but I feel like it’s more bondage focused than pain focused.
Other erotic romances I’ve enjoyed: Delphine Dryden’s Science of Temptation series, Penny Aimes’ For the Love of April French, Cara McKenna’s Crosstown Crush (this one is about cuckolding, so it might REALLY squick people out, but I thought she handled the taboo kink with a lot of sensitivity and hotness); Break Me Down by Roni Loren.
@Kaetrin: Yes I agree with your definition of erotic romance vs. regular romance. They both focus on a romantic relationship and end with a HEA or an HFN for the characters, but in erotic romance, the major relationship developments play out through the sex scenes alone. In straight up erotica the plot develops through sex scenes as well, but it doesn’t focus on a romantic relationship that ends in a HEA or HFN.
Oh! Sorry I’m late to this, because this is something I have a lot of interest in. :)
As an ace, I typically find sex scenes boring. But a LOT of what I read has sex, so I generally skim to be certain there isn’t any important dialog. Sometimes MF sex scenes will make me feel uncomfortable, but MM ones usually don’t. My theory is that since I don’t have the bits mentioned in a MM sex scene, I feel less bad about not having the expected reaction to it.
It’s also why I read very little FF romance, because I feel like I’m supposed to be feeling something,, because I have all the bits, so it often makes me feel somewhat broken. That said, Jae did an AMAZING thing in one of her books. One character was ace, so at the beginning of one chapter, it essentially said, there is sex in this chapter. If you aren’t comfortable reading it, you won’t have missed anything.
That made me ridiculously happy.
So I am always going to prefer fade-to-black / closed door, but it doesn’t stop me from reading erotic romances if the story is of interest to me.
I regularly joke that I just wish people would mark all the boinking bits so I’d know what I could skip without missing anything important.
I don’t fund BDSM off-putting because like MM sex scenes, I don’t feel compelled to be feeling anything, other than curiosity about how things work. Also, the ones I’ve read tend to have a lot of character development in those scenes, and seeing how the characters discover their balance / come to terms with their wants is fascinating to me.
“Unusual places” don’t bother me, unless there is a chance the characters could be caught. Then it bothers me. FREX, in MM historicals I constantly worry about the characters being caught and then Bad Things happening. (Does it matter than this is unlikely to happen in a romance? No. It just worries me.)
However, I have a huge problem with coworkers in law enforcement (etc) who are explicitly forbidden to be in a relationship, to fall in love and then hide it, rather than owning up and asking for a transfer. That is–again–the danger thing I dislike, except that they are putting other people in danger,
I also dislike books where there is a huge imbalance of power, because, well, imbalance of power and possibly being forced into an unwanted situation and not being able to say no.
Any book with hate sex will never work for me, because I am incapable of understanding how someone could be intimate with another person they hated or despised.
Truly, incomprehensible to me.
For obvious reasons, I am always pleased when characters don’t feel the need to have PIV or anal sex, because it normalizes people having different wants and desires without being made to feel less for it.
And a scene that has always stuck with me, is one where the couple decides to switch up the dom / sub, and the sub can’t stop giggling after tying up the dom up so it entirely kills the mood and the end up not having sex at all. There is something so delightful in that–where the characters are comfortable enough which each other that if something doesn’t work they just get on with their lives.
@Random Michelle: An ace acquaintance recommended The Romantic Agenda by Claire Kann to me. It’s an ace m/f romance and she said it was really good.
@Random Michelle: Oh that last book/scene does sound fun. I love when laughter infuses a sex scene of any stripe.
I also agree with you totally regarding no PiV or anal – normalising different kinds of sex is a big yes for me too.
@oceanjasper: @oceanjasper: Hm, it had been awhile since I have read “Unnatural”, I don’t recall the absence of anal sex there, but you are probably right and I should definitely reread. Thank you.
@Sirius: I think Oceanjasper amended her comment and said it wasn’t Unnatural after all but another book, Claiming Mr. Kemp by Emily Larkin.
@Janine:
Ah…. I had The Romantic Agenda on my wishlist but was squicked out by the “break up the engaged couple” vibe.
@Kaetrin: It was Dahlia Donovan’s “The Caretarker”, which is the 2nd/3rd book in the Sin Bin series. There is also an outtake with that couple that I utterly adore–involving the nurse’s excessive love of cheese.
@Layla: What is the name/author of the historical where the hero has been injured and can’t have sex? The premise is quite unusual, and I’d be interesting in reading the book to see how it is resolved (or not).
Re Elizabeth Hoyt: Unlike Janine I’ve read and enjoyed some of her books, including the Prince series (in The Serpent Prince the couple doesn’t have sex till after they are married – what a concept!). But her last few books have been too much sex, not enough plot/character, and I’ve stopped reading her. I didn’t mind the sex scenes when they developed character and relationships (when the hero of Sweetest Scoundrel masturbates in front of the heroine, he’s definitely sending a message about himself as well as learning about her from how she reacts). But sex just for sex — if too much of the story is simply an assemblage of body parts fitting together in various ways — it doesn’t interest me, which is probably why I very rarely read erotica.
An author most definitely not known for her sex scenes is Mary Balogh, yet I think her The Temporary Wife has one of the most successful sex scenes I’ve read. The hero is estranged from his father and has married the heroine explicitly to thumb his nose at his father and prevent the marriage his father has planned for him. The H/h have had sex – once – and she is writing letters when the hero comes into her room. They talk, but the conversation is awkward until she realizes that the tension is not simply that they are two near-strangers now in the closest of relationships but that it is a sexual tension. The ensuing sex scene is, to my mind, both tender and passionate and definitely moves the relationship along, even though not much detail is given.
@Random Michelle: thank you! :)
@Susan/DC: I’m sorry I’m so bad at recalling names and titles!!! I’ve searched my brain and the internet all morning and can’t find it. It’s a recentish historical romance the heroine is from a poor family and desperate she sees an ad in the paper or gossip item about this reclusive duke and in a moment of panic pretend to be engaged to him thinking it will blow over. But he reads about it and comes to London to chastise her. Instead they marry ( marriage of convenience ) and they move to his country residence. He can’t have sex at first because of his injuries— he uses crutches and has a lot of pain and issues with mobility. I’m sorry I can’t remember beyond that!! I found it fascinating to read a romance where the hero felt desire but couldn’t act on it and heroine is a virgin. They do fall in love.
I’ll keep trying to find it for you!
Agree about Elizabeth Hoyt— when there’s too much sex it takes away from the emotional and character development. But overall I think of her maiden lane series as having a good balance of sex scenes romance and character development.
@Susan/DC: also I like Mary balogh’s sex scenes. Often her stories feature a profession— two strangers who marry who have awkward sex who grow to love each other and start to have sexual connection. Or two people who have sexual connection straight away who then develop an emotional one.
@Janine: thanks I see it now. Have not read that one will check it out
@Layla: Thank you. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you are successful in finding or remembering the title.
I don’t remember if they have a problem having sex, but Marguerite Kaye’s “A Wife Worth Investing In” has a hero who’d been severely burned in a fire and is still in pain, both physical and emotional. Owen feels lost – he’d been so good at everything and now everything is a struggle. And while I’ve now wandered far from the original topic, I thought Marjorie Farrell perfectly captured the struggles of a man used to physical prowess who must now rely on others in her Regency “Miss Ware’s Refusal” — especially because the man is a duke, used to literal and figurative command (and even though I’m bored with every other book in Romancelandia being about the Duke of This or the Duke of That, this is one of the few times I actually thought it important to the story and character that he be so highly placed in society)
@Layla: @Susan/DC: That’s where Goodreads often saves my butt these days. I keep a list.
Libby (library app) also shows a reading history, in case that helps.
@Layla: Hi Layla! The book you’re looking for is ‘My Darling Duke’ by Stacy Reid.
@Bella: thank you for identifying the book!!!!! Did you read it? Like it? Recommend anything else by the author? It was such a unique book left an impression for sure!
Yes, I’ve read it and loved it. Her books are generally pretty good; well-written and steamy
(usually more than one sex scene and explicit).
Plot-wise, some worked, and some didn’t. Some of her plots can feel a bit contrived.
Her books that I would recommend:
1) When The Earl Met his Match from Wedded by Scandal Series
– It’s part of a series but can be read as a standalone. This was the first book
in the series I read, and I didn’t feel I had missed anything by not reading the previous books.
– Deaf and mute hero, pregnant heroine, a marriage of convenience trope.
– The portrayal of the deaf and mute hero felt authentic.
– An absolute tearjerker
2) Her Wicked Marquess from Sinful Wallflowers Series
– Revenge trope
– Swoon-worthy hero
– Bookish heroine
– I remember enjoying this as well. The hero kept sneaking into the heroine’s room. I thought it was very thrilling.
3) A matter of temptation
– Female secretary
– A curt hero
– Very cute
I’ve read other books by her as well, but these are the ones that stand out. I also saw on one of my FB groups that a network has picked up her Sinful Wallflowers series (not Netflix, unfortunately).
https://www.kirkusreviews.com/news-and-features/articles/sinful-wallflowers-series-being-adapted-for-tv/