Archive for the 'Haiku' Category
You are new to me
And I love a good contemp
(And hockey heroes)
 Sadly, this was not
The read I was looking for.
Almost, but not quite.
Faith is ex-Playboy
Bunny and stripper who wed
A millionaire
Sound familiar?
Yep. It’s a romance spin of
Anna Nicole Smith.
But Faith is ’special’.
Because she loved the geezer
Not just his money.
The geezer bumps off
And leaves Faith his hockey team.
(Sounds like SEP)
Team Captain Hero
You saw this coming a mile
away, didn’t you?
They bicker, smolder
And eventually land
in bed together
Predictable plot.
I’ll spare you all the rehash.
Carebear ending too.
My main problem? Faith.
Kept waiting for her to grow
A spine. Still waiting.
The story conflict?
‘Evil’ son of tycoon who
Bullies heroine.
Faith is also very
Nonchalant about stripping
But in a weird way.
Players would treat her
Like a ho, but she was fine
With it…why? Oh wait.
Her thought? She DESERVES
The lewd comments. She took off
her clothes for money.
She is fine with her
Sexuality…but dresses
Like a dowdy nun.
Her fogey husband
Wanted a lady, you see!
Not a stripper ho.
So to recap Faith:
No spine. Gold digger. Moral
Stripper. Nun Wardrobe.
Don’t get me started
On Layla, Faith’s ‘bad’ stripper
alter-ego. Ugh.
Your writing style? Cute.
Could have been a great story.
But I am unmoved.
C
This book can be purchased in mass market from an independent bookstore or …
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Auto-buy for me
Jane Austen and zombies? This
is my dream come true.
 At first, I’m puzzled.
Why is Jane Austen sharing
copyright with Seth?
Public domain book
But I read and it is clear
more ripoff than new.
The text, dialogue
word for word what Austen wrote
…with minor changes.
This book reads more like
wild usage of “Find/Replace”
tool in MS Word.
At first, this is cute.
Men are judged by number of
kills, not money. Nice.
Darcy is a catch
Because he is a master
of zombie slaying.
The Bennett daughters
act the same, talk the same
but they are…ninjas.
My eyebrows? Raised but
I still read. Netherfield Ball?
Invaded by dead.
Darcy slights Lizzy
Instead of laughing it off,
she wants to…gut him????
This is where you start
to lose me. Despite Bennett
bloodthirst, I press on
But when Darcy asks
Lizzy to dance with him,
the story has changed.
Instead of the Austen
version where she declines, she
gives him ‘cut direct’
I realize at
this point that Grahame-Smith?
Doesn’t know his Jane.
I don’t mind a spoof
Of beloved author. BUT.
You missed the basics.
Give the cut direct?
MAJOR deal in Regency.
But no one here blinks.
I realize that it’s
A bit silly to get mad
over a detail.
But missing that small
detail showed me …
You are Chris Brown to
my Rihanna – it hurts but
here I come again
 I keep saying that
I am off the wagon, and
Yet I read this book
‘Read’ is not correct
More like ‘devoured it whole’ or
‘inhaled’ or ‘wolfed down’
This book’s not a fave
But I liked it far better
Than poor Phury’s book
Ehlena is the
Love interest to Rehvenge.
Nurse and nurturer
Rehvenge is emo
I mean, the hero. He feels
Not worthy of love.
Buying this for the
Romance? It felt a little
Too ‘teenage’ to me
The slang gets worse too
‘Freshies’ and ’stillies’ and all
that drives me nutsies
We get a small taste
Of Rehv’s story in Phury’s
Book, expanded here
Symphaths and drug lords
And evil princess, oh my!
(oh, and an angel)
There were so many things
I liked about this book, yet
I am left wanting
Five main storylines
We have Rehv, and Wrath and Lash
John Matthew and Tohr
Rehv reminded me
Of Z with “I’m not worthy”
Mere coincidence?
I thought so too…but
Then Xhex’s storyline? I’d
Seen it before. Dunno.
Book felt…too crowded.
Just when I got invested,
plot shifted again
And, your heroines…
Sigh. As before, they feel weak
& barely show up.
Lash is obviously
A fave of yours. Not mine. I
skipped his parts (sorry)
I think my issue
I am too big of a fan.
Standards are way high
Is this a good …
What can I say that
Has not already been said
By Joan’s fab review?
 Not a non-fic fan
Was not expecting to like
As much as I did
For me, the best joke?
The list of eye-colors for
Building a hero
Best, that is, until
I saw the ‘heroines list’
Then I wept laughter
But…then I kept going
And giggled at ‘alpholes’ and
The dictionary
By the time I came
To ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’
And Chapter 30?
I HEART YOU, Bitches.
Take my fifteen dollars, cause
It was so worth it.
This book was breezy,
Smart but irreverent, light
But very filling.
I learned a lot, too.
Like Candy’s Pirate fetish
Sarah’s is secret
(my vote is for sheikh romances)
If I had to bitch
About something, I’d have made
Following changes:
One: Loved, loved the list
Of heroine types. But there’s
No hero types list?
Two: Chapter on your
Blog kerfluffles. Bit odd
In a reference guide
Despite my nitpicks
This was well worth the money
And an A from me.
So when does the Bitch
Encyclopedia of
Romance come out, hmm?
This book can be purchased in trade format from your favorite independent bookstore or ebook format from the Sony Store and other etailers.
I am a big fan
You are on my auto-buy
I love your writing
 Am less of a fan
Of your contemporaries
But still a fun read
My fave was the first
Loved Sugar Daddy. But the next
Was a little dark.
STS is a
Return to light and happy
But remains poignant
Ella – ‘Dear Abby’ type
But ‘Miss Independent’ is
Not so much her name
Had a rough childhood
Learned to blend with surroundings
Caves to a stronger man
Vegan hippie Dane?
Ella’s boyfriend and the worst
Character ever.
I struggled to start book
Until Jack appeared on page
And then I am hooked
Typical Kleypas
Hero – hot, emotional,
And devoted. Yum.
Sometimes this book feels
More like Luke and Ella’s tale
Than a real romance
Ella does not feel
Strong to me. My main complaint.
Kept waiting for strength
(still waiting)
The baby plot is
Pretty much entire novel
Don’t like kids? Avoid.
Will she get to keep
The baby? Won’t she? Who knows.
Plot makes me anxious.
Stomach stays knotted
As I read. I do not see
How it can end well.
Kleypas pulls out a
Happy end, though, never fear
Put away Pepto.
Those who like baby
Stories? This is an ideal
Read for you. B grade.
This book can be purchased in hardcover from Amazon. No ebook format.
This? Legendary.
At least to comic book fans
I am piqued by hype
 First impression: LOOOOOOOONG.
Story is intricate and
Convoluted too.
Quick recap for newbs:
Watchmen used to be heroes
Govt made them retire
One ends up murdered
The others reunite to
Try and save the world.
The heroes are a
Bit hard to like. Let’s recap:
Rorschach? Psychotic.
Silk Spectre II? Only
Girl and romantic interest
She’s wishy-washy
Night Owl II? A dud.
Doctor Manhattan? BLUE WANG.
Ozzy? Too remote.
That’s the thing here
None of these characters are
Noble, likeable
Felt more like a big
Character study than epic
Heroic saga
There is a romance
Love triangle between girl,
Blue dude, and the dud
Did I mention that
This is a really LONG book?
Felt endless to me
Boat? Must have missed it.
Kept waiting for it to blow
Me away. Just blows.
Joke. Wasn’t that bad.
Wasn’t that great either, too.
Might just be over-hype.
But in the end, what
Does it say that I liked
the psycho guy best?
Too long, dense and no
one to root for. Add unsexy
Blue pecker. C grade.
This book can be purchased in paperback from Amazon.
Another contemp
I become predictable
Sorry DA Fans
 This one – first person
The POV is light, fun…
Also present tense. :-(
Is ok, Higgins
I forgive for present tense
Because your book? Great.
Men do not want Chas
Female jock masquerading
As dating leper.
Chas still wants Trevor
Her first lover & first love
But they are just friends
I love your voice BUT
Trevor’s “hot fudge sundae eyes”
Every chapter??
The subplots are fun
I wept last hundred pages
Sad but happy end
The best character?
Has to be Scorpion Bowl
Steals the scene, always
Light, fun. I stayed up
Too late reading. Now looking
For backlist. B+
This book can be purchased in mass market from Amazon or ebook format from the Sony Store or 30% off from Harlequin as part of the DABWAHA extravaganza and other etailers.
Power Play by Deirdre Martin
Celebs faking love
Same plot as the SEP
But here I love it
 Eric’s a player
Both in hockey and dating
His new team hates him
Monica? Soap star
In trouble — about to be
Upstaged by rival
Cure to their problems?
Fake romance for publicity
It’s a win for both.
What’s fake becomes real
They fall for each other fast
Will true love fix all?
What I liked about this:
Both enjoyed being celebs
No whiny bitching
Monica wants her
Picture taken, and so does
Eric. Feels HONEST.
Eric is a dork
And at times, sleazy – but I
Like the dual nature
Choosing between this
Book or WHAT I DID FOR LOVE?
No contest. B grade.
This book can be purchased in mass market from Amazon or ebook format from the Sony Store and other etailers.
Chasing Stanley by Deirdre Martin
 Another Blades book
This one features Eric’s twin
Jason as hero
The heroine here?
Jewish dog-walker and all
around stick-in-mud
Right away, I feel
these two are DOOMED for divorce.
Relationship fail.
He wants to party
She’s a homebody who loves
Animal Planet
He wants to party
(even more) but she is scared
To meet new people
He lies to her a
LOT. She can’t add him to her
Busy schedule. Sigh.
The only thing tying
These two together? Jason’s
Massive dog …
First DA Request
You guys are killing me here
Haiku seppuku
Cover made me think
That Passion was Spanish gal.
Nope. English Redhead.
 Story starts with bang
No really, hero bangs her
After public grope
Valdez likes words that
Make me cringe: quim & cunt. I
Titter like schoolgirl
Hero talks dirty
They have nasty public sex
I am on page…ten?
Her: Call me Passion
Him: I’m Mark, like the Bible
Me: Puke barf puke
Before we go on
Can we discuss Passion’s dual
chambered vagina?
Hero pushes in…
then… further in? Makes me
Check MY lady-parts.
I have had sex, too.
Last time I checked? One
Chamber vagina.
They repeatedly
Have public sex behind screen
It seems so, so wrong.
Book is like train wreck
PASSION, wish I could quit you
But I still read on.
Goes downhill from here
They have sex and sex and sex
Oh plot, where art thou?
Oh wait, here it is
Sandwiched in middle of book
Hero is blackmailed
Mark needs heirs for line
Passion is ‘barren’. Romance codespeak
for pregnancy plot.
He is to marry her cousin
Oh noes! Cue up one hundred
pages of emo
This is a romance
So all is well that ends well
(and sequel bait too)
My over-all thoughts?
Valdez is talented…but
There is too much skeeze.
Hero is a dirty talker
He tells Passion that she wants it
And how, where…and why.
He is less sexy
And more like a date rapist
And Passion? Doormat.
Creepy …
(Based off of Shakespeare’s famous sonnet)
 Shall I compare thee to the A Grade?
Thou art more grating to my skull
A good contemporary should be a lively parade
But I find this book amazingly dull.
Sometimes the heroine whines about life
And the hero pretends to be a jerk
Round after round of endless sniping strife
I despise both and hope it does not work
But just when the lies cannot get any thicker
Georgie decides that she loves Bram – it’s fate
Though they do naught but f&ck & bicker
I hate both of them – hate hate hate hate hate
All say, “Good contemp? Read a SEP!”
A great writer, but I hate your MCs.
C
This book can be purchased in hardcover from Amazon or ebook format from the Sony Store and other etailers beginning January 27, 2009.
Two years on the run
Lissa and Rose return home
Vampire boarding school
 You know the drill here
Hot boys, bitchy rivals, and
Vampire PE class
The tale? Not so fresh.
But before you haters scream
I still liked this book.
Rose is a dhampir
Half-vamp and a mental bond
With Princess Lissa
Rose in Lissa’s brain
Kind of like Dragonriders
But without tent pegs
Dimitri? Cuteness.
Christian? Emo cuteness.
Mason? Ginger. Bleh.
Vamp society
Unique, complex and detailed
Mead outdid herself
Wanted more strigoi
(and maybe just a little
More Dimitri sex)
Adults will enjoy
As well as teenage girls
My vote? Solid B.
This book can be purchased in mass market from Amazon or ebook format from the Sony Store and other etailers.
In a contemp mood
SBs say your book is good
I am won over.
 McCarthy virgin
No vamps or angels. Nascar?
Oh boy. Could be bad.
One night stand with guy
In Chapter One. Way to give
the milk for free, cow.
No hate for Tammy
BUT that is kind of cliché
Happens too often
Despite rocky start
(and the Nascar – not a fan)
This is a fun read
The hero Elec
Where have you been all my life
Young, hot, devoted
Ty, Ryder – I smell
Scent of sequels upon you
A bit obvious
Heroine is meh
But I enjoy the hero
And the sex is hot
I waffle on grade
Dahl is hard act to follow
I’ll give you a B.
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