I don’t agree that there’s no point in putting up a first page from a work that has been accepted for publication. Writers don’t stop honing their craft when they become published. If they’re brave enough to ask for feedback here, why shouldn’t they have the opportunity to benefit from it?

You have a point, there. Especially when the writer knows she is not likely to get reviews in every publication. And honestly, this forum is a lot more helpful than a book review, per se. Um, in that spirit, I have to say (and bear in mind, erotica is not really my thing), the cover is a bit much.

Looks like this one just came out!

What is the point of submitting a first page to an already accepted story? Or is the backlog that long on DA?

A revision would probably be best.

I was enthralled with the world you were building. The Princess was obviously in the line for a reason and I really wanted to know why. The King’s height is way too tall for me! I can’t imagine a male being that tall. That’s the only thing that really turned me off.

Good job!

I did give a snort as the Leonor king “looped off the dais”. I know it was just a spelling error but this one struck me as funny for some reason.

Also sff names are not easy to come up with but the right one can make a big difference in how a story reads. Norton called her catlike alien race Salariki, Cherryh called hers Hani. Both names easy to mentally or physically pronounce and neither are strongly reminiscent of any other common English word.

While the names in this excerpt might just be place holder names, I would suggest some brainstorming to try to come up good names that won’t have the reader having to work to avoid other associations. It might be a good idea to come up with a few conventions to be used when inventing names such as for instance having the name of one sex ending in a soft vowel while the other ends in a hard consonant or maybe honorifics can be added to the beginning or end of names to distinguish sex and/or status. And avoid apostrophes, too many apostrophes makes my head go all explody.

Also, “High Visor”? Do you mean “vizier” here? “Visor” doesn’t make any sense. If it’s short for “advisor” then I suppose you could render it as ” ‘visor ” or similar, but it still makes him sound like something you would wear for tennis.

And never call anyone “Karloff” (or “Lugosi” for that matter). It’s still too soon.

The technical flaws (the confusing first paragraph, misspellings, odd word choices above) are really getting in the way of what is potentially a very interesting story. I like the idea of powerful lion-like beings with an advanced civilization.