I “get it” now. At least, I get that I don’t get the SM part of BDSM and probably never will, as opposed to that this book was missing something.

It’s strange because I am a monogamous heterosexual but I have read books where the H/H are both male, female, bisexual, or where there is 3 or more in the relationship and have found them a sexy enjoyable read. It’s not my thing personally but I enjoyed the stories (well, some of them, some were shite but that’s because there was NO story).

I guess I expected this would be similar – eg, even though I personally have no interest in a threesome, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a story about one. In the same way, I thought – just because I don’t like pain and don’t enjoy inflicting it, didn’t mean I couldn’t (in theory) enjoy this story. But, I just didn’t. I guess there is a line which this genre crosses for me in a way that others have not – must be like opera (without the surtitles) LOL!

You’ve spurred me to articulate something that I know didn’t come across in my review because I didn’t actually separate out in my own head until now: Uneven is one of the first BDSM romances I’ve read where the sadism and masochism (the SM part, as you say) is as important as the domination and submission (D/s part).

If you think about it, D/s is something that most romance readers can understand. They might not consciously understand it or enjoy it in its overt form, but all romances are about which partner has control over the other and why. The point of most hetero romances is when the man finally admits to himself and his lover that she has power over him because of his feelings for her. D/s romances (either male-dom or fem-dom) just take that power and make it overt, and it’s not too much of a stretch to understand that. This is why Joey Hill does so well, I think. Her novels are all about power plays, about the domination and the submission, not about the sado-masochistic aspects of BDSM. So while her doms might use pain as a way to dominate, it’s all about the power and are therefore just more intense versions of vanilla romances.

What Uneven did was foreground the SM of BDSM (and to a lesser extent, the bondage and the discipline). And very few BDSM romances do this. This book reveled in the fact that Rase was truly a masochist and needed the pain as much as the submission. It reveled in the fact that Gabriel was truly a sadist and needed to hurt as much as he needed to dominate. Rather than the SM being a tool for the D/s aspects, here the D/s was a way to access the SM parts. And I think that is truly unique to Uneven (as least as far as I’ve read) and it’s brilliantly done. So, while romance readers might be able to stretch themselves to appreciate D/s aspects of a BDSM romane, the SM parts are probably just weird if you don’t get them, if they’re not truly part of yourself.

I use the opera analogy in Pretty Woman a lot: Edward says to Vivian, “People’s reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don’t, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.” I think SM (much more than D/s) must be like that. If it grabs you viscerally, there’s nothing you can do about it. If it doesn’t, there’s probably nothing you can do about it, either. You can learn to appreciate erotic spankings, but you’ll never understand the people who truly seek to hurt or be hurt by their partners.

Because, let me tell you, if it grabs you, welts and bruises and, oh heavens, blood, are beautiful and incredibly sexy–they’re badges of courage, of submission, of power, of ownership. But I don’t think it’s ever something I could explain in a way you could understand unless you “get” it. Which is by no means to say that there’s something missing in you–more likely something’s missing in me–but that I don’t think any explanation I give will make sense to you and I won’t be able to find the words to convey what I can feel inside so clearly.

The way I do try to explain away my inability to explain it is that it’s like being gay. If you feel it, there’s nothing you can do about it–it’s how you were made. There are more sexual orientations out there than Kinsey’s gay/straight continuum. That doesn’t even being to cover it. There’s a continuum for D/s, for sadism, for masochism, for topping/bottoming (as Gabriel showed, different from D/s), for many many things that aren’t covered by a single focus on gay/straight as the only descriptor of sexuality.

So, a non-answer as an answer. Does it help a little?

I can answer some of your other questions a lot more quickly: AFAIK, licking blood is no more or less dangerous than swallowing semen. It all depends on the open wounds you might have in your mouth. You’re not more likely to contract anything just because it’s blood rather than another bodily fluid. If your mouth is intact, then it’s just like any other liquid. I might be wrong–I’m sure a medical professional can correct me!

I read Gabriel’s previous relationship with the lawyer as one of a professional dominant with a client. We’re all very used to the images of the “dominatrix” woman, but I think Gabriel was acting as a male prodom. Truly professoinal prodoms don’t have sex with their clients–it’s illegal after all, to pay for sex. But they’re certainly still considered sex workers and thereby skirt the edges of the law. Again, I may be wrong here–I think Gabriel’s previous life was purposefully kept secretive.

As for the “alpha” part of Rase–this is one of the things I loved so much about the story. That to all outward appearances, it would seem that Rase is in control, in power: he’s older, he’s richer, he’s a “captain of industry,” Gabriel’s a stock boy. But the story did a great job of showing both how outward appearances are sometimes worth nothing and also how, in a D/s relationship, there is caring and protectiveness on both sides of the equation. Rase wants to protect Gabriel as his lover, as any lover would want to protect the one he cares for. He also wants to stake his claim, again, as any lover would. But then there’s the overlay of the D/s aspects of the relationship to complicate things. The reason I liked this book so much is that it showed how a D/s relationship works in every day life, as well as in the bedroom; it showed how similar to a vanilla relationship D/s is, no matter the “trappings.” But then, it also showed the D/s and SM are not merely trappings, that they’re integral parts of the relationship. And yes, it’s incredibly difficult to explain. Which I guess is why I liked the book, because it didn’t explain–it just showed.

However, I think BDSM (or at least the SM part)is not my cup of tea. If this is one of the best examples of it, then I think I’ll pass in future. I just didn’t get the blood, bruising, HURTING thing. I’ve read books in the past where there’s been some light spanking and I got that, but actually drawing blood and leaving welts and bruises that last for days? I just didn’t understand why anyone would want this and after reading the book I am none the wiser.

(also, what is with the whole “licking blood” thing? Isn’t that like, unhealthy/risky?)

I didn’t understand what was meant by Gabriel’s previous “relationship” with the lawyer dude. I mean, I thought I did, but then he said there was no sex and I thought, well what WAS there then? Is it that I am somewhat naive or was this just not clear?

I also didn’t understand how the sex was SM but at other times Rase was the “alpha” (for want of a better term – I know this isn’t completely the right one) in the relationship, taking Gabriel to dinner, his hand on the small of Gabriel’s back, etc how there could be a change from him being so completely submissive to taking charge and kissing Gabriel etc (toward the end of the book). Maybe I just don’t understand the whole BDSM thing (probably!) but I had hoped that there would have been some exposition of how this works, not in a text book kind of way, but as part of the story.

Oh, and I agree so much about the “whining”. I really thought that word was misused and it was pretty off putting.

I’d give it a C for writing but an F (as in WTF?) for the SM stuff – but that’s just me.

It’s good to see lots of different genres reviewed on DA though. Thank you.

I have never felt so emotionally involved with characters as I did reading Sacred Secrets.