I’ve never actually heard of The Wolf Hunt by Gillian Bradshaw. I’d probably be too scared to read it now for fear it would screw up my own story in my head.

Anyway. I’m glad Dear Author let me throw this up here and thanks again to everyone who took a look and commented. Feedback of any kind is priceless to me. :D

The lottery dates back to the 15th century, card games in Europe to the 14th century (much earlier in China) and dice games go back *much* further. There was also medieval horse racing - and betting on it was considered the province of the wealthy.

In fact, the Encyclopedia Brittanica calls gambling “one of mankind’s oldest activities.”

The numerous historical reference and many, many medieval regulations on gambling show that it was widespread enough to be an influence on society - enough of a problem in the eyes of government (including England and France) to need to be curtailed.

There’s been several questions asked in this thread about the story, but I wouldn’t add more detail/explanation to the query, save those bits of clarification for the synopsis.

My only concern, aside from the H being a wolf, is where’s the conflict between he and the heroine?

The suggestions to clean the piece up a bit can’t hurt. Consider cutting the first paragraph completely, then moving the second paragraph towards the end (make it the second to last paragraph just before the SASE paragraph).

You have one short sentence that directly addresses Gabriel’s situation. I would make that your first paragraph with a little tweaking, including some indication of his possible conflict with the heroine—ie betrayed by one woman, can he trust another:

Trapped in his wolf form by his unfaithful wife when she learned his secret, Gabriel– once the king’s favorite knight–struggles to return to the ways of his old life at court while fighting his wolfish urges to maim and kill.

Your current third paragraph I would break into two smaller paragraphs. The first one would end with:

“…king puts her in charge of the care and comfort of his new pet wolf.”

The remaining bit could also be tweaked a bit:

Isabeau quickly realizes the beast is more than he seems, for this “wolf” was once Gabriel, the king’s favorite knight. Resolving to do all in her power to restore him, Isabeau is sorely tested as the trials of court and confrontations with those who betrayed Gabriel lead him to stray ever further from his already dwindling humanity.

You could either cut ‘for this wolf was once Gabriel’ or hint a bit more as to how she found out his identity. The reference to the ‘trials of court’ is good, but this would also be the place to state what puts her/Isabeau in conflict with him/Gabriel; ie- how helping him is a threat to her own goals.

I haven’t read the other titles brought up as comparison, and since we’re talking about a werewolf here, I’m will to suspend disbelief re the king putting her in charge of caring for the wolf (as long as it was set up right in the story). As a few other posters have commented this has the sound of a fairytale.

Good luck with this one!

Something that puts me off the description of this book is the gaming debts thing. Maybe come up with something a little more imaginative as to why the heroine is in court? Also can’t tell in what period (or analogous period) this is set. It’s hard to imagine under what circumstances a lady would be put in charge of the king’s pet wolf. However, there might be an interesting situation if there was a hound boy involved– servants who took care of the valuable hunting hounds in a lordly household, sometimes actually sleeping in the kennel. Because the hounds were usually better housed than many low level servants, one could see the desirable side of such a job.

If you are working on the angle of a legend - then infuse more of that. You do need to change the heroine’s name as it is so close it hurts to Ladyhawk.

Angle this as I do see some differences, they just aren’t portrayed in a way that would make me want to read the entire manuscript.

I don’t know why ‘GARWAF’ is written in all caps - looks like it’s supposed to be an acronym.

Writing a title in all caps is the alternative to italics when sending emails/letters. I get a lot of agent queries with the title in all caps like this.

You sign yourself off as a writer, but do you have naything to say along those lines? In terms of your writing history?

Reynard the fox as the second husband’s name is good.

Jessica

The main thing that bugs me though is the title. This is a French-based romance, correct? Even though you chose an historically accurate French term, you have to think about what it sounds like to the average reader. To this one it sounds like a dog throwing up. I would not expect romance from that name, and it would make me hesitate buying it. I seriously suggest rethinking that.

I’m intrigued by the idea, but this query doesn’t make me want to read it.

Your first paragraph is more light and jokey and doesn’t seem to match the tone of the rest of it.

Your description is complicated and too in depth about what’s least important.

Some things to hit on:

*Why is Gabriel turned and kept by the king?
*Why does I. feel compelled to help them (i.e. what is their connection and how does it come about?)
*How does the need for I. to marry wealthy complicate the story?
*Why is she put in charge of the wolf (is it a favored position or not so favored)?
*Does the king know G. is his wolf?
*What secret does A. find out and that makes her turn G. into a wolf?
*Is she a witch? Do they have reason to continue to fear her?
*Gradually rumors of G reach A. But if she turned him, shouldn’t she know where he is? What does she think happened to him? Is there a chance he could be turned back by someone else? (why is she worried about him being discovered?

That’s a few of the major questions. The point is, that you don’t focus on what’s important–the tensions between characters and the drama of the plot. Much of what you focus on is secondary to all of that.

Next. Garwaf is an AWFUL title. I like that it’s old French for Werewolf, but it does nothing at all to engage your audience and worse, will likely actually make them not want to read.

Those are my few cents worth. Best of luck. Remember that queries are notoriously hard to write. I think that this query doesn’t serve your story as well as it might.

Best,

Di