Dear Author » Humor

REVIEW: Gnome on the Range by Jennifer Zane

Jane — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:00:06 +0000

Dear Ms. Zane:

I am trying to a) read more self published books in hopes of finding overlooked gems and b) respond positively to more of the authors who take the time to write us and ask for a review. Part of the review query process requires requesting authors to send in an excerpt, usually around 1,000 words. I read all those excerpts because the title, blurb and cover can be awful but a book is about the story, the writing, and I’ll try to overlook the three things when I have the excerpt. Most of excerpts are pretty bad, but in this case, I found the excerpt cute and entertaining, enough so that I overcame my initial inclination to decline the review request based on the title (bad), coveer (bad), and blurb (bad and confusing).

Unfortunately, the excerpt was the best part of the entire book. First, and most importantly, this book was boring. Despite the hijinks, the evil DOM, and the hot fireman love interest, this took six days to read. Second, the first person narrative of the story was in the voice of a woman I found silly and foolish, the definition of TSTL. She’s the type to run into a haunted house at night, alone, when there are rumors of a mad serial killer on the lose. Third, this book sets up a reader for fun sexy times but the sexual tension was thin and forced. There were moments of humor but not enough to overcome the foregoing flaws.

I felt like this was the Bozeman Montana version of Stephanie Plum with the plucky heroine always getting into trouble accidentally and ending up around exploding cars with her supposed love interest being frustrated by the heroine’s propensity for danger.

Jane West is a single mother and widow. Her dead husband was a philanderer and so while Jane has been too busy raising her two boys alone, she feels much better off. I understand that her dead husband was a cheat, but the callousness with which his memory was treated by not only Jane but her in-laws as well was amazing particularly since dead husband was the in-laws only child. Nonetheless, this story isn’t ever going to be known for its subtlety and emotional depth.

Jane works with her mother in law, Goldie, at Goldie’s sex store in Bozeman Montana. Jane’s father in law and Goldie’s husband is an OB and the joke is that Goldie gets the folks in bed and Paul delivers the results. Jane’s life takes a turn for the worst after one of her sons buys a garden gnome at a garage sale. The garden gnome contains something of worth and a robbery turns up at her house. Instead of allowing the police to investigate, Jane decides to investigate this disturbance on her own. This leads Jane to be in the vincinity of a house the blows up, in danger of being run over by a derby car at the fair, and her trailer tampered with while camping with her sons. Even after her children’s lives are placed in danger, Jane doesn’t stop investigating. Yes, the children are sent away but I viewed this more as a convenience for Jane to be alone with her new neighbor Ty. The item stolen is horse semen which Jane throws away. Given that horse semen is mostly frozen and stored in special containers, I found it hard to believe that Jane would continue to be in danger even the semen is of no use. Yet, she is. Because how else will Jane have even the thinnest of excuses to wander around and investigate.

New neighbor Ty is a Bozeman fireman. He makes the moves on Jane but says he only wants to have sex without strings but then later, without having shared more than a couple conversations with Jane tells her that “he can’t do this” (whatever this is) because Jane is always in danger.

The forced chemistry and then conflict with Ty typifies the problems with this book. There is no organic movement in the relationship (or in the plot itself). In order to evoke a certain emotion from the reader, characters suddenly appear to have feelings where none existed previously. The machinations of the author were so obvious. The first night that Jane sees Ty across the back lawn, she is wearing tank top with no bra. She’s a 34D with two kids but apparently her girls defy gravity (she also has a tiny waist but alas no calves. Hello, Barbie?). When she sees Ty, two houses away (her mother’s boyfriend lives between them), she can tell he is staring at her breasts (these must be tiny backyards) so she places her arms under her chest only this pushes her boobs up so high that her nipple pops out the top of the cotton tank and Ty’s eyes bug out like a cartoon animal. Jane is mortified and I am thinking she acts like she’s never had these boobs before, like they were a new addition to her body house and she’s getting bruises on her knees from the knee furniture arrangement. Dude, how low cut is that tank?

The danger in which Jane was in further exemplifies the feeling of contrivance. Every time that Jane went out to investigate something, I became more frustrated with her. She never once was told by the police that they weren’t going to look into it. In fact, Ty informed Jane that the police were investigating, a statement that Jane met with incredulity. Police? She doesn’t need the police! Not after almost being a victim of robbery, almost being killed three times. The police doing what they are paid by the citizens of Bozeman, Montana to do is ridiculous! Only Jane West, manager of a sex store, could possible get to the bottom of this mystery.

Silly and improbably plot aside, the hijinks were interspersed with dozens of explanatory paragraphs about Bozeman (I felt like I was reading a travelogue complete with GPS directions); detailed explanations of what every person wore. There were quite a few of secondary characters that I knew only by their clothes and their hair; and meandering monologues about the pasts of characters, streets, neighborhoods, businesses, and what not. In sum, mundane and tedious detail of unimportant things.

About the only thing funny (besides the opening) were the unintended malapropisms. My favorite was “It was like living in demilitarized zone with all the weaponry around.” Another was “Besides, Ty pushed me out of the way and saved my life. He deserved a kiss for that. A mulligan. That’s what it was. A mulligan kiss.” A mulligan? That’s a “do over” in golf.

The editing: ”Any single woman would shoot me dead for not giving in to the obvious want I saw in his gorgeous, blue eyes. I was a piece of meat and he wanted to eat me up. That was the look on his face, not Dex’s, That was A-Ok with me.”

What does that even mean? or the term “Um. Hunh” Was that supposed to be “Um. Huh” or “Um. Hmmh”? I tried to replicate the sound a few times (because I was friggin’ bored out of my mind). There were other places that commas and periods seemed to be interchangeable. “I slid my hand gently up and down. Once, Twice.”

This took time away from books I could enjoy so while it was free to me, I regret the time spent. I appreciate that you sent it but it was not to my taste. D

Best regards,

Jane

Goodreads | Amazon | BN | Sony | Kobo

REVIEW: The Chase by Erin McCarthy

Jane — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:00:07 +0000

Dear Ms. McCarthy:

I have a feeling that this might not be the favorite book in the stock car racing series and I am going to blame it on Kendall, the heroine. She is a woman racing in a man’s sport and she feels her minority status keenly. Kendall Holbrook is the only female stock car racer and she is a member of the

Kendall’s career is on the upswing. She was pulled out of truck racing and into stock car racing (you are careful not to call it NASCAR even though everyone and their cousin does). She’s got a huge sponsor and she is all anyone in the sporting news seems to want to talk to and about. Evan Monroe’s career is moving in the exact opposite direction. He just lost a sponsor worth a half a million a race. His driving sucks. What’s worse is that Evan and Kendall were a hairsbreadth away from being a forever after couple ten years ago and these days she can’t spare him a glance.

I don’t recall many romance stories featuring a woman whose career is more successful than that of the hero’s, particularly if they are in the same industry. I guess it is considered emasculating and therefore not heroic? I haven’t fully thought this one out yet, but when I was reading The Chase, I felt like there was a different dynamic going on. Evan has to come to grips with what he wants to do with his life. Can he be a better driver? Can he deal with the woman in his life having more success than he is having at the very same career? Evan already has to grapple with being the lesser team member as compared to his brother, Elec. And with Elec married to a racing legend’s widow, Evan comes up short in measurement in all areas–personally and professionally.

Like Evan, Kendall is struggling both personally and professionally. Their character arcs mirror each other in many ways (which I always like because it’s the same arc told two different ways in the same book). Kendall hates the publicity that she has to go through to be a driver on the circuit and she has to play up to the cameras because until she starts winning, she has to justify her presence to the sponsors. Kendall is very insecure. Her family isn’t a racing family and they don’t necessarily approve of it. Kendall’s always been trying to gain her father’s approval and initially he was supportive when it was just a fun thing but when Kendall’s racing became serious, his support was withdrawn.

Kendall and Evan’s break up happened ten years ago because they were both immature. What I liked and appreciated was that all parties acknowledged it was immature and were called on it so that we, as readers, aren’t saying these characters are still stupid 10 years later.

"Okay, awkward alert," he told Tuesday in a low voice. "Kendall just showed up and she's seen us. It's too late to make a run for it."

"Why would we make a run for it? I'm the one who invited her."

Evan stared at her. "You invited your friend to join you on your date with her ex-boyfriend? That's fucked up."

"You and Kendall clearly need to talk and clear the air. You're both dragging around ten-year-old baggage and that's just stupid." She gave a cheerful wave to Kendall.

Things I loved about this book include the bromance (which is a term I use inaccurately to describe jocularity between the male characters). I.e., this exchange between Ryder Jefferson and Evan as Ryder tries to offer a hand to Evan:

"Didn't you used to date Kendall?" Ryder asked casually, tossing his helmet in his hands.

Was nothing a goddamn secret in this town? Everyone was always in everyone else's business, and Evan was tired of it. "For about a minute a hundred years ago."

"You still have any feelings for her?"

Evan lost patience with the conversation. He did not have feelings for that woman, other than a lingering annoyance that she'd been such a total wimp about breaking up with him. The least she could have done was have the decency to tell him what he'd done wrong.
"What the hell is this, Dr. Phil? You get married and suddenly you want to talk about feelings? I don't have any feelings."

Ryder laughed. "For a guy who doesn't have feelings you sound pretty riled up. Hey, I'm just offering an ear, man. And since I'm a guy who knows a thing or two about taking a second chance on a relationship, I figured I'd throw it out there that I'm around if you want to talk."

What he was feeling was damned uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation. "Thanks, but I'm good. But I'll call you if I need someone to go get a mani/pedi with."

and the girlmance (is there a better term for this):

"He has no clue why you broke up. It bothers him, it's obvious. Give him an explanation and an apology and give him the opportunity to apologize to you. It's time to move on. You said it yourself, you were eighteen, and you were clearly insecure. Hey, I get that, it's normal at that age to have doubts. But you're twenty-eight now and it's time to deal with the past so you can tackle the future."

"When did you become my therapist?"

"A friend is by definition an unpaid therapist. Trust me, both of you will thank me and sleep a lot better at night. This is called closure."

"I don't think this is a good idea."

"Don't make me bring him to your apartment."

My complaints regarding this book are two fold. First, I thought Kendall had farther to go in terms of character growth and instead of stretching her, I felt that Evan got to make the big bold moves toward the end that endeared him to the readership and left Kendall looking more heartless and immature than she deserved. I would have liked to have seen Kendall make the big gesture because it would have been more fitting with where she needed to go emotionally to end up in a good relationship with Evan. I also didn’t feel like I went far enough with Evan. In other words, his acceptance of his racing career and his place in the world seemed to easy in the end. I got that Evan easy to please and more fatalistic than Kendall and much less driven, but I still wondered at the ease of his recovery.

But I cannot discount that this is a fun, sexy, straight contemporary where we get to concentrate on the characters with few distractions. I appreciated the plot twist that you threw in there in the end. It did not seem out of place, as other reviewers have commented, because I think it highlighted Kendall’s basic insecurities and Evan’s growth as a man (I know, this sounds a little contradictory to the above paragraph). B-

Best regards,

Jane

This book is published by an Agency publisher meaning that the publisher sets the digital book price and there are no discounts.

REVIEW: Waiting in Vain by Charlotte Stein

Jane — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:34:25 +0000

Dear Ms. Stein:

I get several requests a day from authors seeking a review of their book. I generally read the first page of every book I receive for review. Often times the first page is insufficient to keep me reading. The story however opens with an engaging premise, a humorous tone, any promise of a worthwhile read. Although it was short, it was one of the more pleasurable erotic romances I have read in a long time.

I always feel awkward at the Hennessey's annual family Christmas get-togethers-’maybe because I'm just the sister of a brother-in-law. I don't have any family except for him, so I get to be the tag-a-long. But I guess this year my awkwardness isn't quite so unwarranted, when you consider that the revoltingly handsome eldest son has his hand on my thigh, under the table.

The premise is fairly simple. Nancy attends Christmases with her brother and his wife’s family, the Hennesseys. She has been doing this for three years. Not once during those previous holidays, has Nancy ever received any type of signal from Mick, “the revoltingly handsome eldest son”, so his hand on her leg under the table comes as quite a surprise.

The story is fairly short and there’s really not much that I can say about it so I choose instead to quote liberally from the story allowing the author’s voice to tell you what the reading experience will be like. This is a buoyant, charming, and and funny erotic romance. I’ve read many an erotic romance and they’re often so dark, filled with emotional turbulence that reading this lighthearted take was a breath of fresh air.

The story is told in the first person, but through conversation we come to learn of why Mick hasn’t made a move before:

"You're absolutely gorgeous! Hideously gorgeous! I hate to break it to you, Mick, but gorgeous men aren't afraid of asking clever women out on dates. Quite the opposite."

"Did you work that out in your giant alien brain?" he says. Completely deadpan.

See-’not only is he gorgeous, he's also funny enough to make me laugh in the middle of indignation.

"No, but-’"

"Were there lots of equations involved? If X has a tight bum and Y has big knockers, do they intersect in column Z?"

The erotic part of the romance comes from the fact that Mick is a bit of an exhibitionist.

"Your Gran's in the next room," I hiss at him, when he starts pushing past just making out in the middle of the night on his old bed.

But I've got no room to talk, because I seem to be rolling his t-shirt up his amazing body. If he keeps tempting me like this, I'm going to go for the buttons on his jeans, I know I am. Please stop me, Mick, before I unbutton your jeans.

"Is she? Think she can hear me spreading your legs?"

"Oh, gross, Mick. Gross. She's eight hundred years old! And besides, I'm not spreading my legs so you can just-’"

"Get you to make loads of noise? I was planning on it, but thanks for the permission."

"I don't make noise. Ever. I only have very, very quiet sex."

"Aw, that's a shame. Because I'm a talker. A shouter, even."

"I don't know why you're telling me this. I'm not going to make you shout."

"Well, where would the fun in that be? I've just told you that I'm no challenge, so making me shout would be pretty boring. Making you shout, on the other hand…"

You even throw in some clever imagery regarding the labrinth tattoo that Mick has on his arm and a bit of character growth as Nancy blossoms under Mick’s dedicated sexual onslaught. Thanks for sending it to me. I’ll be on the look out for future Stein books. B

Best regards,

Jane

This book can be purchased in ebook format. The only place I could find it for sale was at Total eBound.

REVIEW: Lead Me On by Victoria Dahl

Jane — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:00:01 +0000

Dear Ms. Dahl:

I’m probably not going to do this book justice in the review and I actually have some fear of turning people off the book based on what I am going to write. Robin and I talked about the book and she said it was brave and I agree. It’s brave because Jane, the heroine, is a complicated and messed up character that is both likeable and unlikeable afraid of her own sexuality and ashamed of her past. She is full of prejudice and bias and anger and shame and in order to achieve her happy ending, she has to overcome these things.

It’s often acceptable to read about the damaged hero finding redemption but I appreciate Jane’s road to acceptance just as much as an infamous rake redeemed story.

There is a memorable scene in the Princess Bride wherein Valerie, cries “Liar, Liar” and shakes her finger at Miracle Max for denying that Westley said “True Love” after Max extracts breath from Westley’s mostly dead body. Valerie says that ever since Miracle Max was fired by Prince Humperdink his confidence was shattered and he was afraid to perform any magic.

Jane is like Miracle Max only she never had any confidence. Jane’s mother was a prison groupie who moved from prison town to prison town latching on to various lifers. Jane’s biological father was a lifer who wrote to her from prison regularly until she was twelve. She had no male role model in her life and she thirsted for affection and approval from someone. After Jane suffered one rejection too many at a young age, with her newly blossoming body, Jane went out looking much older than she was to find the only kind of affection that she could from boys and men who never should have touched her.

She ran with a hard crowd and after allowing herself to be used one too many times, Jane had a wake up call and she changed her entire life. She dyed her hair, changed her name, moved away from her family, and suppressed every instinct that she had ever had and became, to the best of her ability, plain Jane. She works as the office manager in Quinn Jenning’s architectural firm. She is efficient, responsible, and very good at her job. She dates upwardly mobile professional men like lawyers, vetinarians, dentists. She is certainly not attracted to a man like William Chase with his beat up pickup, his tattoos, his big rough body, and his job as a excavation specialist, even if he does own his own company.

The truth is that a woman with confidence and self respect (as Jane would like to see herself) would not care whom she was seen with as long as she loved that man. But Jane lives under specter of hurt and shame. She has rebuilt but to a large extent it’s all a facade. Jane refers to herself as faking her way through each day. With Chase, she can let go and be herself but Jane isn’t even sure who she is anymore, only who she wants to be. What she doesn’t understand and has to come to grips with is that she needs to love and accept herself, all her flaws, her past mistakes, her weaknesses and her strengths because who she is is worth loving. And she’s strong. When you read about her past and how she recreated herself, you realize how strong of a person Jane really is.

As for Chase, he understands the embarassing past. He has one. He’s accepted his mistakes. He loves his alcoholic father while being saddened and angered by his father’s addiction. He’s in a good place in his life. The question, of course, is what attracts Chase to Jane who plays hot and cold, who tries to use Chase as a sexual object, who really is embarassed to be seen with Chase.

At first, Jane appeared to be an uptight secretary who might be interested in being messed up by a bad boy and then Chase realizes Jane is far more complicated. Something about her draws Chase and while he knows he’s being dicked around, he sees something worthwhile in Jane. Even more importantly, Chase knows that he can’t fix Jane, that she has to fix herself. And Jane, well, she can’t control everything:

Ending the kiss with a faint taste of her bottom lip, Chase framed her face in his hands so she’d have to meet his gaze. "I’m falling for you," he repeated.

"No."

He let her go. "You have no say in it. Sorry." Reaching past her, he opened the truck door. "Where to?"

"Chase, we can’t… There’s no future for us. None!"

"You want to go to your grandma’s house?"

She put her hand flat to his chest and pushed him. He took a step back so she’d feel some satisfaction. "Listen to me!"

"I’ll do whatever I want, Jane. I just thought you deserved fair warning."

What makes this such an easy read is though the subject matter might be weighty, the overall tone of the book is fairly light. Chase and Jane have great dialogue. There are very humorous moments interspersed throughout the book. One of my favorite is when Chase and Jane are at a biker bar and a bosomy redhead comes on to Chase while Jane is off talking to someone else, trying to get some information on her parole skipping brother.

Chase’s head jerked up so fast the room spun. Smack in the middle of that spinning was a tight bundle of angry Jane.

Her lips flattened into a thin line as she narrowed her eyes at the woman. "Would you please remove your hands from him?"

"I don’t think so, darlin’," the woman drawled, tightening her hold on Chase. He raised up his free arm to show his helplessness.

…
Jane drew in a deep breath, her nostrils flared, and he saw the flash of rage in her eyes as she went to the dark side. "Get your tits off him, you heifer!"

"Jane!" Chase coughed, a shocked laugh choking off his voice. But the woman finally let him go.
…
Arms crossed, Jane watched until she was at least ten feet away before turning her glare on Chase. "You want me to leave so you can get a closer look at those?"

"No!" He held his hands up in complete surrender. "I couldn’t get away from her."

"Funny, because you look awfully big and strong. Almost like a full-grown man."

Chase gave her his best puppy dog eyes, silently begging for forgiveness.

Further, the story is very sexy and the sex scenes, while hot and explicit, actually mean something. They advance the story, the character arc, the romance. It’s not like you can skip these scenes because they aren’t just descriptions of sex but exhibits of the state of mind of the characters and where they are in the relationship. For Chase, he tries to show her she’s worth more than a quick lay and for Jane, it’s a release, but as Jane and Chase’s relationship matures, so does their interaction during sex.

It’s really beautiful to see Jane gain her courage and embrace her confidence at the end of the story.

So why the B+ grade? Jane and Chase were so carefully drawn and so were Jane’s family, her mother, her irresponsible brother, her stepdad, and even her grandmother. Yet, conflict was inserted toward the end with Jane’s ex boyfriend Greg in a hamfisted way. Greg’s actions lack organic motivation and his portrayal seemed obviously manipulative of the events at the end of the story. Fortunately, the story does not end on this note.

This story has a lot of depth and I think it takes quite a bit of skill to write such a deep story with such a light hand. B+

Best regards,

Jane

P.S. I still think we readers deserved one last sex scene with Chase and his shaved head.

This mass market can be purchased at Amazonor eHarlequin.com in ebook format from eHarlequin.com or other etailers.

This book was provided to the reviewer by either the author or publisher. The reviewer did not pay for this book but received it free. The Harlequin Affiliate link earns us an affiliate fee if you purchase a book through the link.

REVIEW: A Black Tie Affair by Sherrill Bodine

Jane — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 18:00:35 +0000

Dear Ms. Bodine:

A Black Tie Affair begins a series about the Smith sisters who are famously as beautiful as the “Cushing, Bouvier, and Miller sisters.” The Smith sisters have had a long history with the Clayworth’s of Chicago, the last event being the hasty termination of their father, former treasurer of the Clayworth department store. There are rumors that Mr. Smith was let go because of something shady and this only serves to foster negative feelings by the Smiths toward the Clayworths, or so we are told.

Athena Smith fell in love with Drew Clayworth and he with her. When his parents died in the Fastnet sailing race, Athena was there for him. Drew felt that Athena had betrayed him and their relationship ended. With hurtful words, Drew drove Athena away and they have remained separated for fifteen years.

Despite the way in which their lives have been intertwined, Drew and Athena have had no real contact with each other until Athena is given the opportunity to do provenance for four vintage gowns owned by a Clayworth matriarch. Unfortunately when she goes to inspect the gowns, Athena is exposed to some kind of neurotoxin that acts as a truth serum. Athena claims that she has the requisite expertise to hunt these gowns down because only she knows the dedicated collectors in Chicago. This places Drew and Athena together for the first time in fifteen years. Yes, I find this to be implausible, but the entire story is kind of thin and ridiculous so what’s a few plot holes?

The mystery of the neurotoxin is never resolved. Everyone who comes into contact with the dress confesses their true feelings of love and this leads four lovely reconciliations (am being a bit sarcastic here) or five if you count Drew and Athena. Apparently the neurotoxin affects you only if you touch the dress, but not if you are near it. Athena becomes an expert in handling biohazardous gowns (plastic bags and gloves folks!).

This is a very fluffy story. There is no character growth. The plot is thinner than tissue and the excuses that have kept the two apart is embarrassingly simplistic. We end up getting a ton of details about things that have little to do with advancing the story and a lot to do with the city of Chicago and the history of the Clayworths. If only a tiny portion of that time was spent making Drew and Athena three dimensional. The story relies heavily on the quirkiness factor but even quirky stories need some substance.

The ultimate reveal of the betrayal was such a let down. This “thing” that drove Drew and Athena apart when they were teenagers was a totally immature event and Drew’s hanging on to this and failing to understand Athena’s reasoning is a joke. These sorts of statement in retrospect sounded ridiculous “Trying like he had a hundred times before to understand why she’d betrayed his trust.” Drew must be the stupidest man alive. At least he is lacking the requisite intelligence to run a major business.

I think the story is supposed to be written in an over the top farcical way but there wasn’t anything humorous about the writing. I would say I found the characters to be dull but that presumes I’m shown anything about the characters, which I am not. Other than they are stupid.

Is there conflict? Not really. The two don’t really fight their feelings for each other despite the purported betrayal. I’ve seen more drama and conflict in the diorama of barbies. The one good thing I can say about this non story is that it is short. It is only 226 pages long. D

Best regards,

Jane

This book can be purchased at Amazon (Affiliate Link), in Kindle (non affiliate link), or other etailers.

This book was provided to the reviewer by either the author or publisher. The reviewer did not pay for this book but received it free.

REVIEW & GIVEAWAY: Flat Out Sexy by Erin McCarthy

Jane — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 09:00:04 +0000

I’ve mentioned before that the contemporary romances that doesn’t feature vampires, campy vampires, werewolves, immortal peril, mortal peril, suspense out the wahoo, or extraordinary extraterrestrial extraneous circumstances seem to be fewer and far between. Every now and again I hear declarations that the contemporary romance is a dying subgenre and it’s harder and harder to find, and that if you’re not an established name, you’ll never get anywhere, because fewer people want to read contemporary romance.

So when Sarah and I read Flat Out Sexy by Erin McCarthy, we were both blathering to each other about how awesome it was and how refreshing to have actual conflict between people caused by realistic tension stemming from ordinary life experiences between two marvelous characters. Contemporary romance done right? More please! So, following this review, read more about a multi-level contest sponsored by Dear Author, Smart Bitches, Berkeley and Erin McCarthy, a contest we hope will be a semi-regular feature here and at Smart Bitches where we try to Save the Contemporary.

***

Dear Ms. McCarthy:

I have a confession to make and it might not be one you want to hear. I know that when you first started out, you wrote funny sexy contemporaries, then you branched out a bit and wrote funny sexy contemporaries featuring vampires. Then you branched out even more and wrote serious contemporaries featuring various immortal beings and those books, well, they just didn’t appeal to me as much as your light hearted contemporaries. So I admit that it was with some glee that I received Flat Out Sexy. I recall reading this book and thinking it was a lot of fun. I hadn’t thought about it again.

Then SB Sarah emailed me about the book with an “Ohmigod, this is great”, it began an exchange of “and wasn’t this a great scene when she wondered if she was a cougar?” and wasn’t it funny when Ryder told the two of them that he was running out of properties for them to have sex on? I ended up reading the book a second time and enjoyed it just as much as the first. Straight contemporaries seem to be a dying breed and I’m always glad to through my support behind a good one.

Tamara Briggs is a thirty-two year old widow with two small kids. Her deceased husband of a famous stock car driver who died in a crash. She’s still, reluctantly part of the racing scene, because her in-laws but if she remarries, it will be to a “man with a regular nine-to-five job, who came home for dinner, and who cut the grass on the weekend. A man who didn’t drive around the track at one hundred and eighty-five miles an hour every weekend, tempting fate.”

Of course, who would rev up her engine but young driver, Elec Monroe. Elec is younger than Tamara, and is the son of a racing legend, Elliott Monroe. He had been part of the racing scene since a youth. Initially, I think Elec is drawn to Tamara because of an aura that he thinks she exudes. He uses descriptions such as “classy, elegant, sophisticated.” I wondered if this was an early signal to readers to prepare them that Elec was going to be emotionally ready for Tamara because the reader has to overcome the suspension of disbelief that a young man who is living a fast and glamorous life would want to settle down with a woman six years his senior. It wasn’t hard to believe that Elec had fallen hard for Tamara. She was a great mother, a good friend, and a caring daughter. Plus, Elec was clearly over the moon in lust with Tamara. I appreciated that Elec was written with a youthful touch, that there wasn’t an attempt to make him sound older or more mature and that he still acted impulsively at times. It made their relationship more genuine and believable.

I know very little about Nascar other than having watched that bad Will Farrell movie, Talledega Nights and some special on RVs on the HGTV network which included a segment about souped up RVs for famous Nascar folks. There were enough details in the story to make it sound authentic to me but a Nascar fan might disagree. While the book doesn’t mention “Nascar”, I just inserted it automatically since it was about pro stock car racing.

It was great fun to watch the older Tamara run like hell after their one night stand and have to bluster about it not being a one night stand when called on it by Elec. In a nice role reversal, Tamara really does want to just have sex with Elec only he doesn’t want that and once he gets an inkling that is all she’s interested in, he takes the opportunity to set her straight.

I appreciated that Tamara’s former husband wasn’t demonized. He fit the stereotypical athlete but not in terms of womanizing. He was more addicted to the thrill and the fame and less addicted to his family. One element that wasn’t explored a great deal was why Elec was different; what was it about his personality or his upbringing or his past (which actually seemed very similar to the deceased husband) that made him less interested in the trappings of a successful race car driver.

Another element that didn’t seem to get adequate attention was the Hatfield/McCoy storyline that was raised between Elec’s family and Tamara’s inlaws, both racing powerhouses. The “secret” of the feud was never revealed. It was unclear why it wasn’t revealed either.

Probably the greatest strength of this book besides the sexiness (and yes, it is super sexy) is the humor, so I’ll end the review with a couple of excerpts. This is a scene from the morning after the one night stand:

She flushed, feeling the heat rise up her neck and into her cheeks. “It’s not what it looks like,” she said to Ryder, which was perhaps the stupidest thing she had ever said in her entire life.

That ridiculous lie in the face of the obvious seemed to break through Ryder’s shock. He burst out with a laugh. “Oh, I think it’s exactly what it looks like.” He grinned. “Guess Elec saw you home safely. Knew I could count on him.”

Ryder moved through the room to his closet, still grinning. “I hate to be the voice of reason-’I mean, when does that ever happen? But it’s damn near noon. I have to grab my uniform and head to the pre-race meetings with my team. I would imagine you have to do the same, rookie.”

…

Oh my God.

It was Elec. “I know you,” she said, struck dumb. “You were at a barbeque at the Briggses a long time ago. You got drunk on pilfered beer and took your daddy’s car and did doughnuts on the front lawn.”

Elec rubbed his chin and gave a sheepish smile. “Guilty as charged. But they shouldn’t have left the beer keg unattended. It was too much a temptation for a teenage boy.”

Tamara started to think she just might faint. Dear God in heaven, she had slept with a teenager. She was a molester. She scooted back on the mattress, trying to get off the same pillow as him, put some space, any space, between them. “You were like twelve then! How old are you now? My Lord, Elec, I’m old enough to be your mother!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, not looking at all concerned that she had just done a Mrs. Robinson on him. He reached for her, touching her hip, hauling her back a little toward him. “That was more than ten years ago, I imagine. And if you’re old enough to have a twenty-six-year-old child, I’ll eat my car, part by part.”

“You’re twenty-six?” Tamara’s heart rate slowed a little. That didn’t sound quite as bad. She’d been thinking early twenties, but at least he was heading toward thirty.

“Well, almost. In a couple of months.”

“Oh, my God!” She panicked and ducked under the sheet.

The morning after scene is one of my favorites in the book even though the dinner with Elec, Tamara, her friend, Suzanne, Suzanne’s ex, Ty and his bimbo du jour is another priceless piece of entertainment and if a reader is interested in knowing what that scene reads like, well, she’ll have to read the book. B+

Best regards,

Jane

This book can be purchased in trade paperback from Amazon or Powells on November 4, 2008. Ebook format forthcoming.

***

And Now: Buy a Contemporary, Save the World

Here’s the deal: we dig this book. We dig this book like damn and whoa, and we think you will too. So, in order to spread the word and the opportunity to read it we’re doing a multi-level giveaway in tandem with our reviews of Flat Out Sexy. Sarah and I are putting money where our mouth is by offering up a 1/3 of the prize money each. We coerced Ms. McCarthy to throw in some cash to the kitty and Berkley is adding 20 copies of the book.

Part the First: free books! Leave a comment, and you’re automatically entered to win a copy. We each have 10 copies of the book to give away, so drop a word Smart Bitches and here and double your chances. Comments will be open for 24 hours starting now.

Second: Spread the Word! Below is a Sprout widget about our campaign, and a simpler animated graphic. Right-click-and-save the graphic, or grab the Sprout for yourself (graphic at the top of the page), and put it on your site. Let us know that you’ve done so via email (sarah at smartbitchestrashybooks.com OR jane at dearauthor.com), and you’ll be entered to win a $100 gift certificate to Amazon.com, where you can buy this book, or many, many other books may suit your fancy. Spread the word, let us know, and you’re entered to win. That’s it.

The Spread the Word winner will be announced in 1 week, so tune in on Monday 27 October to see who wins a fierce Benjamin in our quest to Save the Contemporary.

Why? Because if there’s one thing that makes us sad, it’s the idea of contemporary romance dying out. So spread the word, buy a contemporary, and save the world.

REVIEW: Seduction of a Proper Gentleman by Victoria Alexander

Jane — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:00:32 +0000

Dear Ms. Alexander:

One thing that continually frustrates me in romance is the idea that readers will only find one type of male heroic. To wit, that only the alpha male, stern and unyielding, can make the loins aquiver and her heart to pitter pat. This is why the Duke is such a popular role as is the spy or the soldier because these men are not known for their smiling countenances, nor does he require great wit, a friendly mien or modulated voice.

From the romance novel stock shelves, the alpha male is tall, broad shouldered, generally dark haired, of grim coutenance. Surly demeanor optional for an extra $9.99. It is actually a bright spot to open a book and find a hero of a different caliber and that is what I thought I was getting after the introduction to Seduction of a Proper Gentleman. Oliver, you tell us, is a romantic. In the tontine created by his friends to see who would be the last of man standing, Oliver was sure it would not be him. He was ready to marry and to start a family. He was willing to embrace love, should it present itself on his doorstep.

The setup, it seemed, was to present a kind of role reversal so that Oliver was the romantic, longing for love, and Kate was the clear eyed pragmatist.

Although there was that bothersome character flaw of his that had kept him from marriage thus far. The twelfth Earl of Norcroft was an unabashed romantic. He didn’t just want to marry, he wanted love. His father had loved his mother. His grandfather had loved his grandmother and so on and so forth. Why, marrying for love was every bit a part of his heritage as his blue eyes and brown hair. And every bit as impractical.
Regardless, he was who he was.

Kate believed that she and Oliver needed to be married to fulfill a destiny. Her family had been cursed with misfortune for over 500 years due to an aborted marriage which was an attempt of the two feuding families to end the bloodshed between them. The curse would result in the end of both lines should they not reconcile within the 500 year deadline. Kate is left with the dilemma of how to meet Oliver, the Earl of Norcroft, and convince him to marry her.
The next thing the reader knows is that Kate is left on the doorstep of Oliver’s country home claiming amnesia. In a clever twist, the reader isn’t quite sure that Kate isn’t playing a trick or whether she actually does have amnesia. At least that is the twist I hope was intended.

The problem is that Oliver was not provided a consistent characterization. If he was indeed a romantic, one ready for love, wouldn’t he have embraced this beautiful stranger who seemed perfect for him in every way? Wouldn’t he have loved the idea that she was an amnesiac, something an irrepressible romantic would find titillating? Wouldn’t he have been thrilled that his mother, too, thought that this lovely young woman with the bad memory and the good gloves and clothing (meaning she was from a decent family) was the perfect match for him?

Instead, Oliver is full of ominous threats to find out who Kate really was and to expose her for the . . . what, fraud? of making him fall in love with her. Oliver was presented as intractable and overbearing. He was studying clouds and promising to kiss her one minute and the next threatening her. It seemed incongruous. Was he the brooding agnry man or the charming flirt? Was he the romantic or the stern, unyeilding alpha male.

Best parts of the book were Oliver’s mother. She poked fun at Oliver’s stuffiness. She intimated that the life she currently led wasn’t entirely satisfying and much to her son’s chagrin, was ready to try out her widow’s wings and live a little.

I didn’t love how the amnesia was played out. Kate would be able to play a word association game and come up with an answer. Husband – none. Children – none, but she wants them. Parents – mother at least is dead. Conveniently Kate was able to remember all the details of her life that might provide impediments for Oliver and her falling in bed together. I also felt that because so much of the book was spent with Kate “remembering” her past, that I didn’t get to see her grow as a person at all. I also thought that she was superficially dressed. I.e., she was made to be a scholar but wasn’t given to any scholarly thinking. She was an archer but that was only so that she and Oliver could have physical contacct and get into awkward social situations.

Overall, there is a good sense of humor that permeates this book and for a light, fluffy escape, there are certainly worst ways to spend an afternoon or evening, but I have to say I was disappointed in not being delivered what I thought was promised in the setup. C

Best regards

Jane

This book can be purchased in mass market from Amazon or Powells or ebook format.

REVIEW: Elrod McBugle on the Loose by Jeff Strand

Jayne — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:04:36 +0000

Dear Mr. Strand,

/>When I read the title of your book “How to Rescue a Dead Princess,” I knew you were a different kind of author. And that I had to read this book. I did and loved it and then went out and bought lots of your other books. You can thank me later but right now I want to talk about this book.

Elrod is great. His friend Scoopy is great. I bet Elrod will grow up to be the kind of guy women call “cute.” Women are more likely to marry cute guys than the class stud so Elrod just needs to be patient and get over his crush on Julie – oh and maybe stop writing bad poetry for a few years. I just hope he doesn’t name any of his children “Sludge” which I think is great for a stuffed bear to be carried around during his health class “learn to be a parent” week but maybe not such a great name for a real daughter.

And I’ll also bet that he’s going to be one of the most remembered students from Greenwater Junior High what with the gum he, Julie and Scoopy invented, the squirrel rampage, the way the school talent program ended and his interview with his pre-Algebra teacher. His teachers might not survive him but his fellow students will fondly recall him and wonder if he’s gotten out of jail yet.

The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking, “It’s like a sitcom script.” I also kept thinking how funny it is even if it’s not real life. Or at least I hope there isn’t a real Elrod McBugle out there. B

~Jayne

ebook link

My First Sale by Sandra Hill, I’m in and I’m never leaving

Jane — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:00:38 +0000

Sandra Hill’s first time traveling romance book was published over 13 years ago before paranormal was even a sub genre. She is a bestselling author of over twenty novels and four anthologies in various genres, including historical, time-travel and contemporary. Hill’s trademark is her humor and you can see it in her titles, Sweeter Savage Love, and in her interview below. Her latest book, Down and Dirty, is out November 2007.

***

I sold my first book as the result of a contest in which I wasn’t even a finalist.

But before I tell you that story, I must say that I feel a little bit like the girl who arrived at the ball in jeans, instead of a gown. A big faux pas.

When Jane asked me to write a first sale letter, I went to her website to check out what other authors had written about their first sales. Good grief! Is everyone else in the world living an exciting life while I’m out here in the boonies just doing everyday normal things?

It reminds me of the time a few years back when I went on one of those Levy book tours. I was a relatively new author at the time, and there were all these NYT bestsellers. So, we were at this banquet with all the Levy and bookseller and supermarket bigwigs (Levy sells a lot in supermarkets), and the Levy person stood up and said, “Now all the authors are going to step up, one at a time, and tell us about themselves.”

Yikes! I thought.

Then Double yikes! when the other authors started their impromptu spiels.

“I used to work for the CIA.”

“I play in a rock band on the weekends.”

“I’m really a jet pilot who does skydiving for a hobby.”

“I have lived in twenty-seven countries since my father is a famous U.S. diplomat, and I speak twelve languages.”

“I used to be a stuntman in Hollywood.”

“I’m a criminal defense lawyer.”

“I went on an archaeological dig in Egypt for research on my first book.”

“I got bored with being a surgeon and decided to write a book.”

“I was a hooker…”

No, that last one was a lie, but it could have been true. Anyhow, when it came time for me, I was soooo embarrassed. I’m just a former journalist, who is married, has four sons, a big dog, and lives in Central Pennsylvania. What could I say? “I read books for a hobby.” Well, duh! I don’t think so! So, instead, I said something really dumb. “I’m a writer of romantic humor, and my neighbor is Joe Paterno.”

Now, like you, hardly anyone there knew that Joe Paterno is the Penn State football coach. Nor did they care. Afterward, the director of the tour said, “Jeesh, Sandra, couldn’t you think of something better than that?”

I wish!

But I digress.

It was about thirteen years. I had an agent, or thought I had. I’d never talked to her, not even on the phone, and I’d been with her for a year. I hadn’t a clue if she’d even sent anything out for me. Turns out she died a short time later. Maybe she never was in her office that entire year. In those days, I didn’t know that it’s better to have no agent than a bad agent.

So, I entered this contest. Colorado Gold, I think it was called. I didn’t even final. But one of the judges, Jessica Wulf, a published author, was so appalled that I didn’t final, she called me and asked if she could talk to her agent about me.

That would be Meredith Bernstein. What do you think I said?

Within a week, I had dropped the silent agent, and Meredith had sold my first book, THE RELUCTANT VIKING. And you know, a lot about this business is a matter of timing, being at the right place at the right time, and just good luck.

I’ve always been an avid reader, and when I started out writing novels I figured I would be writing straight historicals. But then, I read a book by Constance O’Day-Flannery, the time travel that started with the woman in the dentist’s chair who ends up, after an electrical storm, back in the Old West. People think she nuts because she’s wearing what they think is a paper necklace and drooling because of the novocaine.

It was one of those lightbulb moments for me. Humor and romance together? Yes, I could do that, I thought. And the rest is history. Paranormals and humor were just coming into fashion, and I jumped onto that bandwagon.

Everyone says that all they want is a foot in the door. Not me! I said I wanted to get my behind in the door; then they’d never be able to push me back out.

So the key is: luck, timing…and a big back end.

Everything We Know About Scotland, We Learned from Romance Books

Jane — Tue, 01 May 2007 10:00:10 +0000

All Scottish men are named Jamie. But that’s only if they’re not called Alistair.
All Scottish men wear kilts, even when they were outlawed and even when they didn’t exist. All clans have an identifying tartan.
All Scottish men carry claymores.
Everyone is a Highlander because the Highlands start right at the border between England and Scotland.
Half the country has red hair and half has black. Not brown, mind you but raven, midnight black. There are no fair haired lassies in Scotland.
Speaking of Lassies, all women are lassies. Wee lassies especially. Never mind that actually refers to young girls.
All Scottish men prefer English brides.
Every other man is a Laird.
They all say “didnae, cannae, willnae, wouldnae” with the emphasis on the “ae.”
Scottish men are always drunk on single malt whisky.
Haggis is served at every meal.
Everyone lives near a loch.
They all own sheep. Sometimes drunk on single malt whisky, full on haggis, wet from the loch, they mistake the sheep for wee lassies and take off their tartan to lay on the ground and . . . well, that scene wasn’t from a romance book.
At least once a day, Scottish men say “Och, wee Lassie, doonae ken my kilt?”

Of course, our list is tongue in cheek. We know that romance historicals often take license with history and the question is to what extent can authors do this and still be acceptable to readers. Let’s be real. The majority of the romance reading public do not hold history degrees. The majority of romance reading public will not know when a desk with a drawer was first made; how terribly wrong it is for a gentleman to remove his jacket in public during the Victorian period; that potatoes didn’t come to Europe until 1570.

For me, I am not going to let a historical inaccuracy get in the way of my enjoyment of a good story so long as the inaccuracy is not noticeable or does not detract from the overall world created by the author. I loved The Raven Prince and felt that I could overlook the unlikely possibility of a young gentlewoman serving as the secretary for a titled man in the Georgian period.

For others, the craft is the story and a fork appearing before forks existed will kill the mood of the entire book. If you can’t trust an author to get the fork right, what other specious goods is she trying to pass off? Some authors are personally affronted that others don’t put as much effort into ensuring that the book is historically accurate. The problem is that accuracy can sometimes be, well, subjective.

Readers don’t always know what is historically accurate. I’ve read individuals complain that an author is too modern. This is an accusation that was leveled often toward Connie Brockway whose historicals are keepers for me. I recall people picking on Julie Ann Long for her use of “alien” in Beauty and the Spy. Ms. Long, I believe, came along and defended the etymology of the word “alien”. Alien was first used as a synonym for foreigner in 1330. It wasn’t until the mid 1900s that alien was first attributed to meaning “of another planet.” The Raven Prince also suffered the accusation of too modern of a voice for some. The hero is described as demolishing his plate. Demolish is attributed to the 1500s French word, demoliss.

I am guilty of this. Recently I read a book set in the late 1800s in England that referred to New York York harbor on Independence Day (1885); werewolf (Old English); velvet lined handcuffs (pre 1900s). The book was historically accurate but because I have had a decade of reading almost soley Regency related romances, when I first started reading, I had to remind myself of the time period. The more immersed I became in the story, the less this became a concern.

I love those old time Susan Johnson books that included footnotes. I remember reading Forbidden featuring a female Native American attorney in Montana set in the late 1800s. I was skeptical that there was such a creature, but the footnotes sold me that this could have happened.

Fn. 1. Lyda Burton Conley, of Kansas City, was the first Native American woman lawyer in the United States. Admitted to the Kansas bar in 1910, she’d begun studying law in 1904 in order to represent herself and the Wyandotte tribe in a lawsuit against the United States government.

and

Fn. 2. In 1878, the House passed Bill No. 1077, which gave women attorneys access to the federal courts. After another year of buttonholing senators in the corridors of the Capitol, the “Lockwood” bill passed the Senate in 1879 after three years of extensive lobbying, and President Rutherford B. Hayes signed it into law.

In Arnette Lamb’s, The Betrothal, the historical detail added such richness to the story that I felt I was actually there. The heroine, Marjorie Entwhistle, was the postmistress of Bath when Blake Chesterfield came to claim her hand. Chesterfield has a terrible secret to which Marjorie’s father became privy. Chesterfield must convince Marjorie to marry him or Marjorie’s father will make the secret public, damning Chesterfield and his entire line. Lamb laid out in great detail the workings of the Post and how Marjorie came to be in control of it; how important that this was as it made money for her which she desperately needed to provide independence for herself. Hogarth’s work as a cartoonist and satirist played an integral role, firmly settling the book in the mid 1700s.

To further muddy the waters, history is recorded by the conquerors of a period and many details can be interpreted more than one way. In Joan Wolf’s Fool’s Masquerade, the hero is trying to explain to the heroine how wronged King Richard the Third was by history. King Richard did not, Diccon tells Valentine, dispose of the three princes in the tower.

The earl’s dark eyes were hard on my face. “. . . Richard the Third, Valentine, is the most bitterly wronged king in all of English history.”

I held his gaze. “I only know about him from Shakespeare.”

His mouth twisted. “You and everyone else. Crookback Richard, villain, usurper, murderer. And none of it is true.”

“What was Shakespeare’s source?” I asked. One thing I had learned from my father was to evaluate the bias of historical sources before coming to any conclusions.

Lord Leyburn looked at me speculatively. “The History of Richard III by Sir Thomas More.”

“Sir Thomas More?” I shook my head. “I don’t think one can call into question the integrity of a man like More, my lord.”

“Thomas More was brought up in the household of Cardinal Morton, the Archbishop of Canterbury. Morton was the right hand man of Henry the Seventh, the Tudor usurper who defeated Richard at Bosworth Field. Morton was also, and had been for years, Richard’s deadly enemy. There is no doubt that Morton is the one who supplied the information about Richard to his pupil, Thomas More. And the history was never published in More’s lifetime. It was found with his papers after his death. It was not finished. I’ve always thought that More, who was an extremely intelligent man, never finished it because he had begun to doubt the honesty and the value of the material supplied to him by Morton.”

This was all extremely interesting. “Are there no other sources?” I asked thoughtfully.

“Nothing chronological. There are, of course, Parliamentary records and decrees, personal letters from the time, the Patent Rolls, things like that.”

I want authors to get it right. I think that they should do the research and know the time period in which they write as well as a scholar of that period. Shouldn’t we readers be the allowed to learn as well as be entertained? The thing is, though, that even if we readers want writers to strive for more historical accuracy, we don’t want slavish devotion to accuracy (whatever that may be) to take the place of a good story.

Just because I have a law degree and can barely stomach reading contemporaries featuring lawyers because so many of authors portray legal proceedings incorrectly, I don’t think that Jayne is foolish or ignorant for enjoying a book like that. Similarly, a reader who doesn’t recognize the tricorn (Georgian) from the bicorn (Regency) from the derby (Victorian) isn’t a cretin either. I believe we readers we are looking for is to be swept away into the past, even if its a fantasy past, for just a few hours.

REVIEW: Bit the Jackpot by Erin McCarthy

Jane — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 09:00:20 +0000

Dear Ms. McCarthy:

I thought since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I could get away with not posting today. But then I saw that everyone else in Blogland posted and I can’t be the one to drag us all down even though I ate enough food to feed a village. I hate the holidays. Or rather my jeans hate the holidays. I did throw up a bit when I heard that Jessica Simpson is now dating Tony Romo, new quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. If I have to hear about Jessica Simpson during my football games, I may have to swear off football. At least I have retail therapy to wash away the bitter aftertaste. As I stand in line to purchase the items that I really don’t need but am gulled into buying because of the low, low price, I’ll need a book to wile away the time. What better book than Bit the Jackpot? It’s funny, light-hearted and easy to read romance with spicy love scenes. Not just spicy, but funny, spicy love scenes.

Sure, this story has a few cliches (okay, alot of cliches) but you bring enough funny to overcome any triteness. Seamus Fox, a vampire campaign manager, is out to find information that could help his vampire presidential candidate win the next election. The setting of Vegas for vampires is perfect. I am sure that there are other vampire Vegas stories, but this is the first one I’ve read so I kept thinking that the synergy between the characters and setting was ideal. Seamus is chasing down a lead at a local strip club when he gets caught up looking at a dancer behind a screen. A very talented, hot dancer behind the screen. Seamus hasn’t had a woman in 200 years since his last hookup was disastrous but it seems that even an upright vampire citizen can be tempted beyond control.

Cara Kim is the dancer behind the screen. Not only is she a stripper but she is a virgin stripper. No groaning readers, virgins aren’t my favorite thing either. Cara’s virginity is well explained and it’s not like she doesn’t want to have pleasure. (She even admits to getting some pleasure from dancing). She just does herself recognizing that BOB^* may be a better lover than some ass off the street. She has a compulsive personality and a need to nurture which spells bad things for relationships.

Seamus goes backstage and tries his vampire mind tricks on her but it doesn’t work. (Again, stop with the groaning. He can still read her mind). Enter some bad vampires and a driver not paying attention and Cara is left dying on the street. After 200 years of abstinence (I SAID NO GROANING), Seamus can’t let the one girl who got it up for him die so he turns her. Even though this could spell doom for his vampire presidential candidate. When Seamus has Cara feed from him, she immediately orgasms. He also finds a vibrator in her apartment. These things lead him to believe that Cara is sexually experienced which sets up another comedic confrontation.

Perhaps why everything works so well for me is because you clearly don’t expect us to take anything very seriously. It’s a campy, fun romance with no pretensions of being anything but entertaining; and it is entertaining even the second time around. For those who haven’t read you yet, I’ll end with a few quotes because your writing sells you better than anything I could say about your book. Thanks for writing such fun sexy books. There’s always room in my reading lineup for these kinds of stories. B.

Best regards,

Jane

*BOB=Battery Operated Boyfriend

“I need a cage and a leash for my girlfriend,” Seamus told the store clerk . . . .

“Yeah, don’t we all,” the twenty-year-old clerk said, a grin splitting his wan face.

Huh? Seamus looked at the guy blankly for a second before realizing what exactly he’d said. “I mean for her dogs.”

“Right.” The guy’s finger came out and he made a sound with his teeth. “Probably better to use handcuffs on the girlfriend anyway.”

Cara was sorry she’d brought it up. Because now they were staring at each other, both angry, both breathing hard, Seamus looking hot and bothered, Cara feeling hot and bothered. She would not picture lying on Seamus’s bed, moaning in pleasure, legs spread, Seamus standing at the bottom of the bed watching her, his eyes dark, erection thick.

“Cara…I can see your thoughts,” Seamus said, his words trailing off into a groan.

She made a hideous noise and threw her arms up in the air. “You’re like a block of wood. You’re impenetrable. Your expression never changes. You always look vaguely annoyed. Even when I’m…you know”–"her voice dropped down to normal tones–" “you don’t even react. You don’t try to have sex with me. Not that I want you to. But you don’t even try. Are you gay?”

“No!” This was why he avoided women. They were freaking crazy. How could she not notice his erection? How could she not see his drool when he looked at her? And why did she want to penetrate him in the first place? She didn’t even seem to like him.

He nodded. “I thought I might encourage you with a little vampire persuasion.” Which sounded cheap and disgusting now that he was repeating it out loud. He was such an Irish pig. “But I assure you I wouldn’t have done anything you didn’t want me to do.” Like that made it sound any better.

“So I looked like the kind of woman who would be up for a good time?”

He wasn’t going to answer that on the grounds that she might castrate him.

REVIEW: Viva Las Bad Boys by HelenKay Dimon

Jane — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 22:00:22 +0000

Dear Ms. Dimon:

After this book, I am on an anthology diet because as a general rule, I find them dissatisfying. Your stories, particularly your first two, were like a breath of fresh air through the stale anthology shelf.

Viva Las Bad Boys is set, well, in Las Vegas, of course. It features three stories that take place at the The Berkley Hotel and Casino, a premiere luxury destination on the Strip. All three stories feature great dialogue with funny and smart exchanges between the hero and heroine. If that is your hallmark, I’ll be buying alot of your books. Good dialogue, particular flirtatious funny banter, is as rare as it is enjoyable. The last story didn’t really live up to the standards set in the first two but not by too much.

I hesitate to say much about your stories because I don’t want to spoil the fun reveal that takes place while reading. Jackpot features a jilted bride and a man jilted by his business partner. Not all is what it seems. This is a deception story and what makes it work is that the character being deceived doesn’t mind being deceived because initially their encounter is all about the sex. When it grows into something more, the characters are savvy enough to realize when someone is actually trying to hurt them and when they are trying to help. The Big Mis would have been an easy way to pad the story but you avoided that dreadful trap and ended with a strong, believable HEA. B for this entry.

Green light. He leaned forward, letting her soft fragrance drift around him. “You know, Laine, I just might be the man to help you with that.”

She snorted. “Is that a line?”

Oh, yeah, he definitely needed more liquor. A new move might not be a bad idea either. He slid back on the uncomfortable stool and signaled for the cocktail waitress to bring him a big glass of something dark and unholy.

“Admittedly that wasn't my best work. Maybe the dry air is throwing me off,” he blustered his way through the ego beating. “I might need to reassess my strategy.”

“No need. It works for you somehow.”

Player’s Club showcases a different type of heroine: one who is self aware. She was devoted to her job, but also recognized that she had power as a woman. This is so rare in books these days, particularly contemporary ones. The heroine is a consultant hired by the hotel to reform the bad boy cook. The heroine catches the bad boy chef in a compromising situation and the way in which she deals with that scene is hysterical. No stammering, no blushes, just cool, calm manner which caused the hero to feel quite awkward. The heroine and chef engage in a steamy game of one upmanship (perfect for a Vegas themed book) wherein both end up winning. B for this one too.

The fall ended with his head wedged between her soft breasts and his upper body flush against hers. The position was a little piece of heaven. His bottom half certainly thought so and swelled in welcome.

“What exactly was that supposed to be?” She choked out the question.

Too much to hope she'd be so wowed by his masterful skill to be upset about the tumble. “That didn't go as planned.”

“What, did you plan to throw me out the window and missed?”

Two of a Kind portrays a jet set hotel critic and Alex Mitchell, the hotel’s manager. The two of them get stuck in the casino’s spa when the blackout takes place. TOAK is another deception story wherein the hotel critic hides her identity from Alex. Alex doesn’t find out until late and his accusations against the critic were valid. I liked this story less as it seemed to be a bit disjointed and I didn’t find the quick resolution to the couple’s problems believable as I did in the previous two. C+ for this one.

Overall, this was a good anthology with great dialogue, good humor and belieavable HEAs. Based on the first two novellas, I can’t wait for your single title: Your Mouth Makes Me Crazy.

Best regards,

Jane

PS. Love the Bellagio and the Shinto restaurant in particular.

REVIEW: Blunder Woman by Dakota Cassidy

Jayne — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:30:26 +0000

Dear Ms. Cassidy,

I needed to pick a Changeling Press book for my epublisher review and yours caught my eye. I’m still not quite sure about the cover art (what happened to the heroine’s head?) but the book is great fun. Kind of “The Incredibles” crossed with a romance book.

Kennedy Smith isn’t quite sure what to make of this guy who’s telling her she’s some long distant relative of an Egyptian goddess and that she’s been picked to join OOMPH. The Organization of Magnificent Paranormal Heroes needs her as a positive spin-meister type, kinda person. They’ll supply her with neat magical things that will give her super hero-ish powers after she trains her butt off (really, she does loose come cellulite but no, her ta-ta’s don’t get any bigger) plus a costume. Well, the costume kind of sucks but she gets great boots! The problem? Her trainer, Captain Daring, is the real deal. A born superhero who resents this super heroine wannabe. But he’s got great eyes and is great in bed. And great in the front seat of Kennedy’s Pacer. But when the chips are down, can Kennedy come through in the clutch or will the forces of evil triumph?

Wow, hot sex, fun characters and a plot! Like I said, this one is a treat to read. I like that you let Kennedy use her talents to save the day. I love the humor but also that you reel it in before it gets too sarcastic. The sex scenes are hawt without getting too silly, purple or clinical. Good job. But is there really enough room in a Pacer for those acrobatics? ;)
B for you.

~Jayne