Romance, Historical, Contemporary, Paranormal, Young Adult, Book reviews, industry news, and commentary from a reader's point of view

Where Even Erotic Romances Have Yet to Go

There are some people who send you links of the weirdest, strangest, grossest stuff on the internet (like me, err I send those links, not that I am the . . . you get the picture). Robin aka Janet is not one of these people. Usually she sends me links to law related articles so we can go OMG did you see the ruling on the last Daubert motion that came down from SCOTUS? or OMG can you believe the mysterious nixing of whole test sections of a recent South Carolina Bar. Really fascinating stuff.

But today she sent me to Margaret Cho’s myspace site where Ms. Cho relates the perils of injecting botox collagen into your vagina. Yep, not safe for work which is why I am posting it now. Margaret Cho refers to this as “my vagina just feels like there is a gel insole in there.” To which I told Robin that you could now exchange greetings like the following:

“are you va-gellin’?”

“I’m va-gellin’ with a collagellin’ in my melon.”

Suffice to say that getting botox in my vagina which

  • a) requires some ob (I have a male one) to feel me up until he finds the g-spot
  • b) inject my vagina full of lidocaine or some other anesthetic until I am totally numb downstairs and then
  • c) stick another huge ass needle up my woo woo and inject a poison collagen there to make the surface of my g spot larger

isn’t going to happen unless it’s in a pill that I can take with my baby aspirin.

I think what is sad about this whole story is that the sex toy industry is really failing us women that we have to go to such lengths for the big O.

Jane Litte is the founder of Dear Author, a lawyer, and a lover of pencil skirts. She spends her downtime reading romances and writing about them. Her TBR pile is much larger than the one shown in the picture and not as pretty. You can reach Jane by email at jane @ dearauthor dot com

51 Comments

  1. Jeaniene Frost
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 21:05:00

    “are you va-gellin'?”

    I laughed until I literally had tears at this.

  2. Sarabeth
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 21:24:57

    I got totally wigged out for a bunch of reasons, but the biggest one is because you wrote “botox”. She had collagen injected, like the stuff people get injected into their lips to make them larger.

  3. Jane
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 21:53:22

    You are so right, Sarabeth. I got botox on the brain when I was talking to Robin.

  4. Jaci Burton
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 22:05:22

    oh. my. God.

    *crosses legs*

  5. Karen Templeton
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 22:16:02

    That is so…wrong. On so many levels.

    But then, just the idea of nipple piercings in intimate places turns me green.

    (Shudder.)

  6. Leslie Dicken
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 22:20:00

    I went to Cho’s site… the really sad thing is that not only did it NOT work and give her extra sensitivity, now she has no sexual desire:

    So since then, I haven't felt any sexual enhancement at all. If anything it makes me not want to do it, which is incredible because I always want to do it – so it doesn't work as any kind of aphrodisiac, but would be a good punishment for sex offenders. Now my vagina just feels like there is a gel insole in there. Like my cervix is wearing boot socks.

    Whew, good thing I read that first…I was about to call up my GYN!! ;-)

  7. Shiloh Walker
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 23:16:34

    Oh, now that is just so not what I wanted to here.

    I was skeeving there for a minute over the botox. Seriously. Even the thought of people using it on their face, etc freaks me out. I don’t care if it’s done by doctors or not, it’s derived from bacteria. That…to me?

    But collagen, still…uh…no. No, no…no…and needles? there?

    Can we say HELL NO?

  8. (Jān)
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 23:25:00

    ….

    Someone’s not buying the right sex toys. ;D

  9. Keishon
    Apr 03, 2008 @ 23:35:10

    I am toally not va-gellin here. I am . . . speechless. [g]

    Amazing that someone will allow a needle down there but then I can’t understand getting your navel pierced, nipples, tongue, etc, whatever.

  10. Radish
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 00:59:51

    Needles?!

    Sorry, honey, but ain’t nothin’ that skinny is going up there.

    Just damn.

  11. Janine
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 03:20:08

    “are you va-gellin’?”

    “I’m va-gellin’ with a collagellin’ in my melon.”

    Hilarious! But very sad too.

  12. ilona andrews
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 05:03:22

    No.

    I’m reading this first thing in the morning and now it will stay with me for the whole day. Just no.

  13. Kristie(J)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 05:20:20

    OK – I can’t even think about that without getting totally and completely squicked out. So I’m not going to – just not going to

    signed the person who has to get herself dopped out for one of those exams

  14. Has
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 05:59:47

    This is worse than anal bleaching :P

    Some people are just insane!

  15. Jill Myles
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 06:32:26

    Oddly enough, the part that bothers me the most is the doctor trying to ‘find’ your g-spot.

    “Here?”
    “No.”
    “Here?”
    “No.”
    “Here?”

    Gaaah.

  16. Anion
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 07:26:27

    Am I the only one who thinks that, far from being helpful to women, all this g-spot business only makes women who don’t have or can’t find theirs feel even more sexually inadequate for not being able to have the vaginal orgasms “everyone else” apparently has with ease? Seriously.

  17. (Jān)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 07:34:47

    You’re right Anion. This surgical scheme is just preying on women like that. While there are good reconstructive surgeons who do wonderful work, many plastic surgeons are living off our feelings of inadequacy.

    What I fail to see is how shooting your vagina full of gel is supposed to make it more sensitive. Wouldn’t this procedure just be akin to wearing a centimeter thick condom over the very thing you want to stimulate?

  18. Gennita Low
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 08:11:47

    With the new comfort support, I suppose her vajayjay now gets better mileage…..

    Badumbum.

  19. lisabea
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 08:27:14

    I don’t get why these ladies have such a hard time with the big O. I mean, what’s the deal? It seems like they should be injecting their partners with that shit and not themselves. Better reach.

    If you know what I mean.

  20. Sherry Thomas
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 08:38:58

    These days I must be becoming increasingly old-fashioned. But why sex toys? What’s wrong with just masturbation if a woman wants to get off? It costs nothing and satisfactory is guaranteed. :-)

  21. lisabea
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 08:47:10

    But Sherry, every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten!

    http://www.blueq.com/shop/item/114-productId.125837693_114-catId.117440547.html

  22. (Jān)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 08:56:27

    Sherry, it’s only guaranteed if you can achieve orgasm that way. There are some women who only achieve them through the help of toys. And even if a woman can without them, while that’s great if it’s what she wants, she shouldn’t have to stick to one method if she wants to play with something more. Sex toys are fun to use alone and with a partner. These days many are made to hone your pleasure. They’re not the old standard white vibrator anymore. Everyone likes something different when it comes to sex, and if it’s not hurting anyone they should go for whatever they want. :)

  23. Leslie Kelly
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 09:23:13

    Oh. My. God.

    Okay, laughing hysterically over va-gellin’. But…ewwwwwwwww. To do it–painful. To tell the world about it? Yeesh.

  24. Jill Sorenson
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 09:53:20

    Am I the only one who thinks that, far from being helpful to women, all this g-spot business only makes women who don't have or can't find theirs feel even more sexually inadequate for not being able to have the vaginal orgasms “everyone else” apparently has with ease? Seriously.

    You’re not the only one. I’ve read some literature that makes a pretty good argument that the g-spot doesn’t exist. And that all female orgasms are clitoral, either from direct or indirect contact.

    But Sherry, every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten!

    OMG, lisabea! ROFL!

  25. SandyW
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 10:16:22

    So, I'm reading bits of this aloud to the Man of the House, early this morning. The only thing he could think to compare it to was men who get their ‘parts' tattooed. Our general conclusion was that if you're not doing things right by the time you get to that point, neither fancy pictures nor injections of animal proteins are going to fix your problem.

    It was a rather hilarious conversation.

  26. Anion
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 10:25:00

    Thanks, everyone. It seems like every couple of years the media trots out a new g-spot theory and all it does is make a lot of women wonder what’s wrong with them, that it isn’t happening for them. It really bugs me. Do we need something else to feel insecure about? Not only are other women bigger- or smaller-busted, prettier, taller or shorter, thinner or more curvaceous, but they’re all having wild, effortless orgasms too?

    Instead of injecting crap into our ladyparts, why aren’t we focusing on implanting little vibrators into men? I’d get behind that study. “Rick’s woman never goes unsatisfied…since he got the Vibex implant over his pelvic bone!”

  27. Anion
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 10:27:37

    Oh, and Jan (sorry I don’t know how to do the long A thing), I guess the idea is that the g-spot may hide when it isn’t directly stimulated, so plumping it up makes it more easily rubbed?

  28. (Jān)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 10:37:35

    I don’t think they’re plumping up the g-spot though, but the skin that covers it. As someone said, the g-spot is likely just the root of the clit, so basically you’re added another layer there which doesn’t seem helpful to me.

    I like your idea of plumping up the men with vibrators. Heck everyone would enjoy that. Unless the guy’s vibrator malfunctioned in a meeting and he acquired another pointer.

  29. rebyj
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 10:39:01

    geeze
    If you want plumper lady parts, do it the old fashioned way, eat more cookies.

    If you want to cure yourself of worrying about vaginal plumpness, have a vaginal birth, wait 2 days, get a mirror and after taking a .5 xanax look at your own twat. After you rouse from your faint, you’ll get over vajayjay vanity.

  30. Cathy in AK
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 12:17:21

    Though somewhat off topic, this reminded me of a news story I recently watched about women who are getting cosmetic surgery to make their va-jay-jays “prettier.” Wa-huh?

  31. Jaci Burton
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 13:04:55

    Unless the guy's vibrator malfunctioned in a meeting and he acquired another pointer.

    *dying laughing*

    Thanks for that Jan!

  32. Radish
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 13:14:59

    Who gives a damn about any woman’s self-esteem so long as there’s a buck to be made?

    But I want to know this — why aren’t men bombarded with similarly insane beautification programs, or being pressured into surgically invasive vanity procedures?

    ‘Tain’t fair.

    ‘Tain’t right.

  33. Bev(BB)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 13:37:53

    I like your idea of plumping up the men with vibrators. Heck everyone would enjoy that. Unless the guy's vibrator malfunctioned in a meeting and he acquired another pointer.

    Snicker. Oh, this brings back memories. Not personal ones, mind you. But the ex’s. He was a agriculture major. Had a animal science professor who had an extremely unusual pointer someone had made for him to use. Use your imaginations. Think equestrian, though.

    Hey, I’m not spelling it out any more than that ’cause I’m a gently bred Southern la-dee.

    Oh, shut up. ;p

    As to the real topic here, I don’t even have pierced ears. Think anyone’s going there with a needle?!? I don’t think so. Nope. Ain’t happening.

  34. Sherry Thomas
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 14:06:51

    Jan said,

    Sex toys are fun to use alone and with a partner. These days many are made to hone your pleasure. They're not the old standard white vibrator anymore.

    Jan, take me shopping. :-)

  35. Karen Templeton
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 14:16:34

    ::But then, just the idea of nipple piercings in intimate places turns me green.:

    Oh, Lord. That’s what I get for posting just before bed, after reading the article to my husband. Who was too appalled to speak, BTW.

    Obviously, I meant “piercings in intimate places.” Although I supposed one could interpret my goof to mean having one’s nipples pierced in an intimate setting, or something.

    I’ll shut up now.

  36. Lleeo
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:08:09

    I read about this a couple days ago and it makes me think about this topic that we talked about in my gender philosophy course two years ago. Basically one of the articles we read talked about the ‘Myth of Vaginal Intercourse.’ The author talked about how rare it really is for a woman to receive any stimulation whatsoever from vaginal intercourse but how the myth that every woman usually can has led to a lot of women feeling that they’re abnormal or that there’s something wrong with them. I don’t really know how rare or how often women see stars when they have intercourse but personally, I feel nothing down there. It’s all about the clitoris for me.

    I just found the article interesting because from the way the media and romance novels portray it, if you have a good sexual partner, vaginal stimulation happens to every woman! There are stars! You see another universe!

    So I’m actually really curious now whether we’re all propagating a myth. I think a survey should be done. Inquiring minds want to know.

    I’m also convinced that the whole ‘magic g-spot’ thing is largely a myth designed to sell more copies of Cosmopolitan. ;D

  37. Robin
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:08:32

    But I want to know this -’ why aren't men bombarded with similarly insane beautification programs, or being pressured into surgically invasive vanity procedures?

    There’s a huge (haha) industry around male sexual enhancement, but it’s mostly aimed at performance (Viagra and penile implants and all that stuff). In fact, I’ve often ranted about how so much medical attention is paid to male sexuality, but women have really been shortchanged in so many ways. For example, hysterectomies are still terribly over-recommended and performed, and many women lose their ovaries when all they really need to have removed is their uterus (and the difference is really monumental, since the ovaries continue to produce essential hormones, even in the absence of the uterus). And then there’s the fact that Viagra is so often covered under medication insurance policies with low co-pays, but as of 2008, affordable birth control prescriptions for women available on college campuses are a thing of the past.
    And let’s not even get started on the battles over the morning after pill.

    As for the exploitation of women through plastic surgery, amen. Although I am torn because I think women should pursue anything that makes them feel better about themselves and is not unreasonably harmful (I mean, all surgery has risks, so it’s not 100% safe). But the fact that our society feeds women’s insecurities, thus fueling the abundance and variety of these procedures is whacko, IMO. Although Margaret Cho is so damn funny, I’m still cracking up at her post (of course I happen to think Cho is comic genius — her imitations of her mother are hysterical; I’d pay big bucks to see her and Lewis Black perform together). One can only imagine what she’d do with the subject of anal bleaching . . .

  38. (Jān)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:11:34

    Jan, take me shopping. :-)

    Seriously? Online is a good way to go. There are many discreet shops geared towards women with reviews by women (and some men), and prices usually ranging from around $10 to over $100. I don’t know that I should give out names of sites here. But if you wanted a couple I like, you could email me at [email protected].

    I lost all shyness about it after being dragged by a French friend of mine to such a store in RL. She was delightfully blunt and open, and I just couldn’t look at the things the same way since. ;D

  39. Robin
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:14:07

    I don't know that I should give out names of sites here.

    I don’t know; given the nature of what women seem to be willing to do to themselves, it might be a public service (and a helluva lot cheaper!).

  40. Gwen G
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:26:52

    I adore Margaret Cho but it is possible to be too obbsessed with one’s vagina. I saw a really funny music video she did about her vagina. If I remember where I saw it I’ll post it here. If you’ve seen all of Cho’s standup DVD’s and followed her hilarious take on her own sexual odyssey, it’s interesting to see that she’s now in a relationship with a transgender male. A woman who has become a male. Which might be the perfect solution for women who long for a more sensitive man. A sort of perfect androgynous hybrid.lol. Is it only me but did anyone else find that transgender man on “Oprah” yesterday who is pregnant – absolutely adorable?

  41. Cathy in AK
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:31:04

    Most of the gobs of spam I get are related to enlarging *my* pen!s and take pot shots at *my* embarrassing size, or rather lack thereof, and how women are all laughing at me : ) So guys get their share of pressure, but nothing like women receive. And most of their remedies are short-term. Cosmetic surgery has its place, but IMO it’s not down there (shudder).

    Robin, Margaret Cho and Lewis Black on the same stage? I’d buy that ticket in a heartbeat!

  42. Lleeo
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:33:48

    I’ve never heard of Margaret Cho until a few days ago. Methinks I’ll have to check her out on Youtube. ;D

    Gwen G–wasn’t he just the biggest sweetie-pie on earth? I just found him so sweet and honourable and endearing. He and his wife are so brave and I know they’re going to make fantastic parents. I like what he told Oprah, “I think love makes a family.” How true. I was surprised how attractive I found him. I think he’s a great role-model for the trans community. :)

  43. Sherry Thomas
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:44:24

  44. Radish
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:57:26

    Robin says:

    There's a huge (haha) industry around male sexual enhancement, but it's mostly aimed at performance (Viagra and penile implants and all that stuff).

    Yep. But that’s all geared towards male pleasure, and has nothing to do with making the man more visually agreeable to the feminine gaze,… which is why bedroom lights have an ‘off’ switch.

  45. Robin
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 15:59:49

    I think he's a great role-model for the trans community.

    And yet, some folks in that community have denounced and rejected him (and as a side observation, am I the only one who thinks that Oprah looks disappointed when she can’t get the family and neighbors to rant uncontrollably over these controversial guests?), which I hope changes now that he’s gone public with his story. What really amazed me was how so many doctors turned down handling his pregnancy, unless they simply didn’t feel they had the medical experience or knowledge. He and his wife seem like such incredibly gentle and loving people, don’t they.

    I did have one question, though, which is sort of related to the Cho story. Thomas indicated, IIRC, that his hormone treatments allowed him to grow a penis of sorts from his clitoris. But wouldn’t that make it just too sensitive to wear outside without a coat, so to speak? I’m sorta confused about that aspect of his transgendering process.

  46. Robin
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 16:06:02

    LOL, Radish. But it does really illustrate the extent to which women are still socialized to measure their self-worth by their physical appeal to others.

  47. (Jān)
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 16:07:08

    LOL, Jane OK’d this. I’m sure this will be spam filtered though:

    Eden Fantasy
    Vibe Review
    Spicy Gear

    I’ve used all of those and been, er, satisfied.

    I think the thing to do personally is to start cheap with a few things that look interesting, and you’ll figure out what works. Then you’ll want to invest in something better quality.

    And watch for allergies. Some people are allergic to different materials and lubes, and that’s not fun. :(

    And it’s really really important to keep them very clean so getting something easily washable helps (most are, and many toys are waterproof, but some aren’t). Some people like the tempered glass dildos that can be put through the dishwasher. It’s up to you to explain to your grandmother what it is though when she goes to put dishes away. XD

  48. Sherry Thomas
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 18:42:24

    Some people like the tempered glass dildos that can be put through the dishwasher. It's up to you to explain to your grandmother what it is though when she goes to put dishes away.

    ROTFL!

    Oy, my mom comes to my house every day. And she always likes to sort things for us. Maybe I better rethink this “broadening my horizon” thing.

  49. Anion
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 18:43:20

    If you’re in the UK, Lovehoney is a great site, with great service and very affordable products. I’ve bought a few things from them. (I’m assuming it’s okay to post this comment, but if it isn’t I apologize.)

    Oh, and I second–since I only just got up the nerve to try the whole toy thing a year and a half or so ago, lol–it’s much better to get something basic and inexpensive to start with. The Rabbit looks great and is famous, but until you know if you’ll even enjoy toys in general don’t spend the money. I bought a plain bullet-shaped one to start (I am SO glad I’m anonymous)–you know, the kind they advertise as a “back massager”? I think it was £5 or something. It’s not waterproof or flesh-colored or any of that, but it was great to start getting comfortable with (mentally I mean.) Now I’ve branched out a little bit, but I’m glad I didn’t scare myself with some monster contraption! (Plus if you’re planning on using them with a partner, small and sleek is better, IME. Not so intrusive.)

  50. Lleeo
    Apr 04, 2008 @ 22:59:43

    And yet, some folks in that community have denounced and rejected him

    Yeah, I don’t really understand that. What’s wrong with wanting to have a baby and bring her up in a loving family? Sure it’s unorthodox but you’d think that the trans community in general would be very tolerant and understanding toward one of their own. I don’t see how this issue could be giving them bad press. Huh. I’ll have to research what some of them are saying because I’m honestly curious.

    am I the only one who thinks that Oprah looks disappointed when she can't get the family and neighbors to rant uncontrollably over these controversial guests?

    Yeah, and she seemed really uncomfortable with the whole issue but hey, if she’s willing to listen to them, put them on her show and help them tell their story, even if she is uncomfortable with the issue at least she’s doing more than those doctors who refused to help them.

    What really amazed me was how so many doctors turned down handling his pregnancy

    Hearing this really saddened me, actually. It’s not that I know there’s a lot of ignorance and intolerance toward trans individuals out there but usually doctors are so good at being objective. Don’t we always hear stories about doctors helping enemy soldiers during wartime? Unless they really didn’t feel qualified or were afraid for their jobs (so the intolerance isn’t all coming from them). But the doctor who treated him said that because he’d stopped taking testosterone for 2 years before trying to conceive, his hormone levels were normal and is capable of having a perfectly healthy baby. Thomas seems like a very responsible, empathetic person who is very concerned with his baby’s welfare.

    Thomas indicated, IIRC, that his hormone treatments allowed him to grow a penis of sorts from his clitoris. But wouldn't that make it just too sensitive to wear outside without a coat, so to speak? I'm sorta confused about that aspect of his transgendering process.

    Yeah, me too! I was like, “But isn’t a clitoris more sensitive than a whole penis?” Or maybe it got less sensitive as it got bigger and more like a penis? I’m really curious, too, because I had no idea that testosterone could grow you a penis. I always assumed that trans FtoM individuals had to do without a working penis. I like being a woman but I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to have a penis. ^_~

  51. 18 Really Awesome Things About the Romance Community | Dear Author: Romance Book Reviews, Author Interviews, and Commentary
    Apr 15, 2008 @ 04:01:39

    [...] a legitimate reason to talk about sex [...]

%d bloggers like this: