Jun 23 2008
Great Sex Shouldn’t Last All Night
According to a survey of members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, good sex lasts between 3 to 13 minutes. Anything from 10-30 minutes (and I suppose longer) is “Seriously, Houston, we’ve got a problem.” I guess that’s why they call it fiction.
Thanks Rebecca for the linkage.
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Jun 24, 2008 @ 00:25:59
Why do I picture the members of this society to be a bunch of guys with premature ejaculation problems sitting around a table deciding on a good time range, one guy insisting that they keep lowering it until they hit three minutes?
Jun 24, 2008 @ 04:01:29
Honestly? Imagine what constitutes “good sex” for a second. Something like this works for me:
He picks you up in his very clean, good looking car: 5-20 minutes
You drive to some place nice (movies, dinner, the awaiting limo where you fly to your destination, etc.): 5-120 minutes
He gets you from the car into the location, covering your hair if it's raining, holding your hand or resting his hand on your lower back allowing for your slower walking time in those fantastic Manolo Blahniks you splurged on: 10-20 minutes
You dance, you have wine, you eat fabulous food, you watch movies and share popcorn-’whatever you do, he flirts with you with his eyes and doesn't even notice the gorgeous young waitress or Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader convention: 60-180 minutes
He returns you home: 5-120 minutes
You decide that oh yeah, he's a keeper: (no time wasted here…you've figured it out about 10 minutes in)
The actual “sex†part: 3-30 minutes
He says you are the most beautiful and amazing woman he's ever seen in his life and is practically rendered speechless by you: 3-30 minutes
Add all that up…NOW we've got ourselves some good sex, and we're looking at anywhere from an hour and a half to over 8 hours.
All the therapists in the world don't know what romance novelists know…it's not the in-and-out that gets it done. It's everything before and after…if you're lucky, YEARS after. :-)
Looking for a good free read where the “sex” takes the whole book? Check out my website… and have a great day. http://www.readmoore.com
Jun 24, 2008 @ 05:15:59
*shrug* I agree. I go numb after a while, frankly.
Jun 24, 2008 @ 08:39:33
LOL, I reported on this when it came out. It was a very popular hit. Very interesting article. All the men are cheering out there.
Jun 24, 2008 @ 08:40:43
The study is talking about vaginal intercourse length, which, I am told, is just one part of sex :)
Jun 24, 2008 @ 18:58:31
Quite. And most romance books realise there is more to sex than an uninterrupted period of vaginal intercourse. Assuming, that is, that the female wants to come as well which tends to take 20 minutes or so on average.
Jun 25, 2008 @ 12:02:58
Jan, I think I agree with you.
What WERE the demographics of the group? And how did they define ‘good’?
Jun 25, 2008 @ 17:06:48
Okay, I’m down with that part. It’s how much time we spend doing *whatever* BEFORE that, and AFTER that, which this study doesn’t address, that matters to me.
I do think that some erotica and pornography paints an unrealistic picture of the length of that one sex act — in my [limited] experience, it’s the stuff written by [and for?] men that focuses on “how long he lasted.” Romance, romantica, erotica written by and for women tends to look at the bigger picture, and the thrill is derived from the whole series of actions, not the one we’ve been conditioned to think of as “the main event.”
How sad to be a man who feels inadequate because he “doesn’t last,” when the real inadequacies are, from a woman’s perspective, very different. Studies like this would do a service if they de-bunked that particular myth; I just wish they could do that without bolstering the myth that “real sex = vaginal intercourse” and the rest doesn’t matter.
I’m with Moira; hours, even years, and it’s good for me.
Jun 25, 2008 @ 17:25:43
Wow. Good to know most of the men I’ve dated had a “problem”. *rolls eyes* Seems more like this is propaganda for premature ejaculators (cause you know men should never be made to feel bad/inadequate about their penis or what they can do with it).