Welcome to Query Saturday. Individual authors anonymously send a query to be read and critiqued by the Dear Author community of authors, readers and industry others. Anyone is welcome to comment. Published authors may do so under their own name or anonymously.
Readers, though, the way that I look at it is this: Would the hook itself interest you in reading the book. If yes, what interests you and if not, what would you change to make it more appealing?
Caroline had been sent to the research lab to interrogate a vampire, but what lay beyond the two-way mirror was far more than that…
The largest male she’d ever seen in her life was chained by his wrists to a bracket in the ceiling. His long, sculpted arms were suspended high above his head, enough to keep him from being able to rest his feet completely on the floor. He wore nothing but a pair of black pants, and she would have found that bare chest especially drool worthy if it weren’t for the dozens of cuts, gouges, and scars that painted his torso.
A glance at his face told her he wasn’t handsome, at least not by movie star standards. He was powerful. Imposing. Forceful. No…(she searched her mental thesaurus) compelling. Yeah, that was the perfect word.
His hard, squared jaw was creased by two deep lines on either side of his mouth. His features were chiseled, his forehead high. His hair, a dark shade of blond that curled around his face, was clearly due for a wash.
But it was his eyes that made her heart want to speed up and stop at the same time. A dark forest green, deeply set, they seemed to penetrate the glaring light that shone in his face to see straight through the mirror. And into her soul.
Vampire king Lucius Mallanus has been cold for so long, he can’t even remember what it felt like to care. He has been captured by his oldest enemy and tortured for weeks, and yet he does nothing to free himself. The loss of his Mate thousands of years ago has finally worn him down. But everything changes the instant Caroline Deteriot steps through the door of his cell. He knows at once she bears the soul of his former wife and Mate, and he must do whatever is necessary to protect her from his enemies, even if it means protecting her against her will.
Caroline is drawn to Lucius for reasons she can’t understand. Vampires were never her thing, and she definitely isn’t one for overbearing men, but Lucius won’t take no for an answer. She senses the sorrow in him, and what’s more, the potential to love hiding deep beneath the surface. With more nerve than courage, she decides to enter his life and see where it leads her. What she doesn’t know is that path is full of ancient blood feuds, timeless powers, and past failures. She’ll have to pay the price if she wants a future with him, but what she doesn’t realize is the price fate demands might just be her soul…
I’m xxxxxx I’ve spent most of my life in the vicinity of xxxxxxx, XX and I don’t see leaving here any time soon. I have a Master’s Degree in xxxxx from xxxx and I’ve worked in the xxxxxx for eight years. Reading isn’t just a hobby for me; it’s an obsession. I know what writing in this particular genre is like, and what makes my book different is I think outside the box. My work will stand out because my characters are unique and memorable, which will make readers care what happens to them and want to know more.
In closing, thank you for taking the time to consider my work. The full 150,000 manuscript is available upon request.
Interested in participating in Query Saturday? Send your query to jane at dearauthor.com. All queries are kept confidential. We are also going to start a First Page series in which we post the first page of both published and unpublished books to see whether the opening scenes hook you as a reader. If you are an author, either aspiring or published and want to participate, send your first page to jane at dearauthor.com or use our handy dandy input form.