Welcome to Query Saturday. Individual authors anonymously send a query to be read and critiqued by the Dear Author community of authors, readers and industry others. Anyone is welcome to comment. Published authors may do so under their own name or anonymously.
Readers, though, the way that I look at it is this: Would the hook itself interest you in reading the book. If yes, what interests you and if not, what would you change to make it more appealing?
Hello. My name is ___________. I’m looking for an agent to represent my book, Pierce the Darkness. It’s a 116, 000 word hard-core, paranormal romance that would be the first in a series of books.
It was the lowest level of hell. It needed to be burned. By his hands. The Lycan fortress looked almost exactly the way it did when he first stepped foot on the flagitious soil almost three hundred and fifty years ago. The jagged gray rocks twisting and interlocking to trap the evil within, the endless forest of evergreen trees looking like dragon’s breath had scorched them, and the reeking smell of Lycans polluting the murky air with their foulness. It was the black-hearted serenity only the devil could love. And the devil was about to die.
Draven-the Vampyran King- was forced to watch as his amora-wife- and unborn child are savagely murdered in front of him by the Lycan leader’s cruel hands. Upon their deaths, he vows two things: to kill the Lycan leader, and to never love another. Vengeance and drugs have become his only solace in his lonely immortality- until he meets a Vagrant named, Sadira. With her, he begins to find himself dangerously close to breaking his vow to never love another. But when she betrays him to the monster who took his life away from him…
Sadira hunts for the Shadow Dwellers who murdered her parents, kidnapped her sister, and turned her into the same type of monster she hunts. When one of her victims leaves her with a name, she is urged to go to the Vampyran King for help. Immediately, she is drawn to Draven. Everything in her craves his touch, but when she is told Draven is the one who sold her sister to the Shadow Dweller she sought, she wants vengeance. But can she kill the man she loves?
Now, a little about me. I have read many paranormal romance novels and have found that my taste in reading reflects in my writing. What sets this story apart from others in this genre is that it is very action packed, and filled with many characters that will entrance the reader. Per your guidelines, I have enclosed the prologue of my book for your review. The full manuscript is available upon your request. Thank you for taking your time to consider my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Interested in participating in Query Saturday? Send your query to jane at dearauthor.com. All queries are kept confidential. We are also going to start a First Page series in which we post the first page of both published and unpublished books to see whether the opening scenes hook you as a reader. If you are an author, either aspiring or published and want to participate, send your first page to jane at dearauthor.com or use our handy dandy input form.