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Thinking back on it now, it seems I should have known something was about to happen when I woke up to find Fiona staring at me. She couldn’t content herself with any old stare, either. No. Fiona, in all her infinite wisdom, had decided to climb on my bed, stretch out beside me, and shove her face RIGHT UP into mine. We’re talking “noses touching” level closeness here. I was used to things getting pretty touchy-feely with her, but this went into borderline crazed stalker territory. Now here’s a question for you. When you had a lovely dream about Jensen Ackles (well, at least a character he plays) confessing his undying love for you, and you’re still half-asleep, and there’s somebody warm on your bed, who are you going to call them? That’s right. “Dean…”, I murmured, wrapping my arms tight around this mysterious presence. I was rewarded with a small snort, a muffled laugh, and a “Nope, sorry.” Huh? A GIRL?
That was when I opened my eyes to discover the LOOMING FACE right in front of me.
Now, even when you know the face, this is not generally what you expect to see first thing in the morning. Knowing Fiona, I should have expected it, but still….I reacted the first way you usually would when faced with this sort of thing.
“Aaaack!!” I screamed, launching myself backwards in an effort to quickly reclaim my personal space. I was in such a hurry, as a matter of fact, that I actually managed to both crack my head on the headboard and fall off my bed, finally tangling myself in my sheets on the floor.
Fiona, in the meantime, had hopped off the bed. Now she had come around to me, where she was observing me make a fool of myself with the barest trace of a grin.
“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine. I see you wore the ducky pajamas.”
I turned pink. “Don’t make fun! They’re comfy.”
“I’m not making…OK, maybe I am. But seriously, Jules, they’re bright yellow and have little ducklings all over them. Adorable ducklings, but such fun to mock.”
“See. Even you, Miss Hipster, admit they’re cute.”
“What’s wrong with being a hipster?”
“ Nothing if you have a problem with cute things.”
“What’s wrong with cute things? Isn’t this outfit cute?” She put on an exaggerated fake pout. “And after I worked so hard to get pretty for our date today…” I rolled my eyes. It was the same vintage tee and jeans thing she always wore, except today the jeans were a bit darker than her usual shade and the Rolling Stones tee looked like it actually dated post-1970. “Please. It’s a little late to call it a ‘date’ when you’ve already been in my bed…”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why must you twist everything I say into flirting?”
“Because you can’t deny our secret love. Deep in your heart, you totally want some of this body.”
“You’ve discovered my hidden passion. I should have known.” She was so deadpan, people who didn’t know her as well as I did might actually think she was serious. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. At the sight of me giggling, she couldn’t hold her poker face any longer, so then we were both giggling. Not a bad way to start the morning. I finished kicking off the sheets and straggled to my feet.
“I think me calling you ‘Dean’ proves that I’m straight.” Rubbing my head where I had banged it, I glanced at the clock. 8:30? The hell does she want so early in the morning? “Er, Fi?”
“Not that I don’t love you, and not that it’s not wonderful to see you and all, but most people are still sleeping in on the first day of spring break. What are you here for?”