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REVIEW:  Sweet Home by Tillie Cole

REVIEW: Sweet Home by Tillie Cole

Sweet Home Tillie Cole

Dear Tillie Cole:

This book was/is burning up the Kindle bestseller list. A football hero and an English transplant? Buying it was a no brainer to me but there were so many things wrong with this story.

First off, the football. The hero is the starting quarterback for the Alabama Crimson Tide and is talked about as a number one draft pick. However, his Alabama parents hate that he plays football and his father believes his son, Romeo Prince, is wasting his time. Football is a religion to Tide fans and there is just no way that Alabama parents aren’t in love with the fame and glory attendant to a Tide starting QB who is leading his team to a National Championship game.

Here’s where it is interesting. It was clear to me that there was some research done, but it was written by someone who didn’t have a clear understanding of football or how to interpret her research. For instance, when Alabama played Notre Dame in the book, the players are referred to as “Dame linebacker”. Romeo is constantly referred to as a first draft not a first pick in the draft or a first draft pick. The phrase “first draft” was so irritating throughout the book. When the next play or set of downs is described, it is referred to as the next phase:

For over three hours we’d watched as Alabama scored, swiftly followed by Notre Dame. Alabama now had the offensive team on the field and with seconds left, they could take the win, if Romeo successfully completed the last phase.

I gave some leeway considering the narrator was a young British woman so I excused the use of pitch to describe the football field or referring to the distance in meters instead of yards. But just the feel of it was wrong. Early on in the book, the heroine, Molly Shakespeare, attends the football game and the hero throws a ball that hits her in the glasses. Romeo then runs off the field and into the stands to cradle her in his arms and then give her a kiss.

Nothing about that scene is remotely plausible. How crappy of a QB are you if you are throwing the ball into the stands? Sure, you have a gun for an arm, but your aim is so bad that even the Bad News Bears are going to bench you. And a QB running off the field into the stands? Sure, if he could fight through all the people on the sidelines, past the security guards that ring the interior, and then over the chest high barrier.

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Because football was such a big part of the story and so many of the elements were so obviously wrong, it was really hard to give myself over to the narrative. My mental red pen was out at every juncture (not to mention some cringing typos like “with a vicious growl, he wrenched my legs apart to straddle him, his hardness lying perfectly against my scolding centre.” She has vagina dentata? I mean that’s the only way I can figure out that her “centre” is capable of scolding anyone.

His tongue wrestled with mine, and he drew out all of my latent need with every wet lash. With an exasperated sigh, he broke us apart, his tan skin a scolding temperature to the touch.

he wrenched my legs apart to straddle him, his hardness lying perfectly against my scolding centre.

Scolding tears ran down my face as I clawed at his forearm. “Romeo, I’m so sorry.”

I don’t know. Is that a British spelling for scalding? But if you can set all that is wrong about the football aside and close your eyes to the grammatical issues, the plotline is so over the top ridiculous. Romeo Prince’s parents treat him like crap and yes there is a somewhat (although weak) explanation at the end, their actions are vaudeville like. Romeo’s father punches him in the face one early morning on campus. (Like this wouldn’t have been all over ESPN and the blogs) At another juncture, Romeo’s mother gets physical with Molly.

Romeo is a dominant in the bedroom and out of nowhere, starts ordering Molly around. The sex scenes were probably the best part of the story, scolding centre aside.  He likes to be in control and that’s the one area that he has it. (He’d also have it on the football field, but whatever).

Molly is a TA from Oxford at the age of twenty. She’s helping a professor prepare a paper that will be presented at Oxford. In the meantime, she’s randomly inducted into a sorority and then moves into the sorority house right away. (Let’s not even begin to talk about how inaccurate the sorority representation in the story was – Molly and her two friends get into the sorority by agreeing to kiss a frat boy blindfolded and guess what he ate. Okay.).

The larger girl in the story is a friend of Molly’s and I think it was supposed to be a positive presentation but it came off so wrong. She was portrayed as a vulgar food obsessed woman. When Molly is knocked off her feet by the football, Cass asks where her “large bag of chips and root beer” is. Cass is described as chowing down on her third corn dog and then loving meatloaf. All the other women in the book either don’t eat or drink diet and eat salads.  Cass likes crotchless panties and cut out boob bras and lube.  Our delicate heroine likes “soft, subtle” and not “pornographic” or “hooker” like attire.

So that was disappointing. It’s not an unreadable book as evidenced by the fact that I finished it but the football was all wrong, the portrayal of Cass was offensive, the over the top soapy extreme characterizations obviously worked for a lot of people but not for me.  D

Best regards,

Jane

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REVIEW:  Zipper Fall (A Steel City Story) by Kate Pavelle

REVIEW: Zipper Fall (A Steel City Story) by Kate Pavelle

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Wyatt Gaudens, an advertising executive and adrenaline junkie, has fine-tuned the art of breaking and entering into apartments, misusing his considerable rock climbing skills. Once inside, he steals a pretty, shiny thing or two. When his friend Reyna complains that her jerk of a boss makes her workplace a living hell, he breaks into her boss’s home to get even. More than any other pretty thing, what really catches his eye the most is her boss, Jack.

Working hard to overcome his own lingering problems, investment specialist Jack Azzuri focuses on his second chance at making his business grow. But grief for his sister, Celia, recently killed in a suspicious climbing accident, sabotages his attempt to start over. When he meets Wyatt, he’s strongly attracted even though Wyatt is the last person he should associate with. With Jack’s explosive temper and Wyatt’s adrenaline addiction, the path to a stable relationship will be a tough climb. They might succeed if they can sort out what really matters, as well as learn to take the good with the bad. Wyatt hopes to speed their progress by solving the mystery that’s weighing Jack down: how did Celia really die?

Dear Kate Pavelle,

Unfortunately your book was a frustrating reading experience for me. I bought it specifically because I was in the mood for reading the story about a bad boy, but not so bad that he would be a killer, and a burglar who enters into apartments to steal pretty things sounded perfect.

Things went south very fast for me, though. I understand that Wyatt was supposed to be portrayed as an adrenalin junkie, but there is a fine line between that and overwhelming stupidity. There is no way for me to be convinced that Wyatt could have lasted for years as a successful burglar. When he enters an apartment and finds the owner home asleep, he decides that he is so smitten with the owner’s Greek god looks that he decides to film him, instead of you know, waiting till it is safe and making his escape pronto. Sorry, but no. And he knows that he is smitten within minutes, if not seconds.

When Wyatt continued to behave like an idiot and lost his day job in the most stupid way, any sympathy I had developed for him evaporated and unfortunately never came back.

The growing romance between him and Jack gave me whiplash. It was as if the writer expected me already to know these characters before the book began and did not give them motivations for their behavior that made sense to me. A lot of things were touched upon – dead family members, alive but feuding family members, past love traumas that weren’t really traumas — but nothing was developed in depth and very little made sense to me.

For example, more than halfway through the book we learn that Jack apparently has a controlling personality, and that apparently Wyatt decides he is not happy about that. But what was shown on the page was not strong enough for me to buy into his controlling personality, and more importantly, he does a 180-degree switch very fast. And then, hilariously, Wyatt does his own equally rapid 180-degree switch – one minute he claims he is being controlled and not happy about certain things Jack has done, but then when Jack starts treating him differently (as I said – very fast page space wise), he is unhappy that he is being treated like a “girl”.

I was also extremely confused about Wyatt’s relationship with his family. Based on his monologue, he was supposedly feuding with his father, but his father was right there at the first sign of trouble Wyatt got himself into (that he told his family about). I could have believed that because no matter how much we argue with the family, they will often still come to support us in times of trouble (of course not always). What I was confused about is that the story seemed to go back and forth about how much communication he had with his father and siblings in the first place.

I was also confused about Wyatt’s past love life, in the sense that I did not understand the purpose that the appearance of one of his exes served. I felt like the story kept manufacturing conflict out of thin air, but then failed to really develop it, so the potential for drama just went away. Please do not get me wrong – I was *not* looking for manufactured drama and angst! Earlier in the review I used the word “whiplash” and I think this is the best word to describe how I felt after I finished with this book. The story was pulling me in many different directions and did not properly take me in any of those directions to satisfy me.

I cannot really say anything bad or good about the writing style. It felt competent to me, but as I tried to explain above I was not happy with the story and I really was not that in love with the writing that it transformed the story for me. I cannot even choose the quote to give you a taste – probably reading the sample is the best way to get a feel for it.

Oh have I mentioned that halfway through, the story decided that it wanted to be a mystery as well? The less said about that the better.
Grade: D.

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