Sep 4 2007
Dear Mrs Kean,
I’d like to thank you again for sending me a copy of your latest book to read. However, when you read my review, I don’t know if you’ll still wish you’d sent it. I guess your writing style and my reading preferences just don’t mesh. You’ve garnered a slew of five star ratings at Amazon so obviously it does work for some readers.
Facing the tall, brooding rider by the stormy lakeshore, Lady Faye Rivellaux clings to her goal–to rescue the kidnapped child she vowed to protect. At all costs, she must win back the little girl she loves as her own. When the stranger demands a ransom she can never pay, Faye offers him instead her one last hope –" a gold cup.
Brant Meslarches is stunned to see the chalice. Worth a fortune, it’s proof a lost cache of wealth from the legendary Celtic King Arthur does exist, as Brant’s murdered brother believed. Brant can’t return the little girl to the lady whose desperate beauty captivates him. Yet, now that he’s seen Lady Faye, he can’t let her escape his grasp; she is the key to his only means of redemption.
The last thing Faye wants is an alliance with a scarred knight tormented by secrets. But, she has no other way to rescue the child. Risking all, she joins Brant’s quest. And finds some things are more valuable than gold.
Well, where to start? You have a very dramatic (to me too melodramatic) style of writing. Lots of adjectives and adverbs when fewer would convey the intensity just as well for me. And faux medieval dialogue. Oh, I hate that. Just throwing in mayhap, nay, aye, fie! doesn’t do it. It only serves to annoy me. Faye says fie! (always with an exclamation point) a lot. And any emotion always evokes a gasp! Hate, love, anger, embarrassment, suspense, you name it and Faye will gasp when the emotion hits her. I know that you have a degree in history (though what era I don’t know) but the historical details are more like what a friend of mine would call “wallpaper” history. Maybe they’re entirely correct but too many things made me stop, raise an eyebrow, pause, ponder and write them down to check on later. Somehow I don’t think you want readers dragged out of the world you’re trying to create quite so much.
Now for the plot – two people who’ve made promises and vows and are going to keep them come hell or high water. Okay, I can see keeping your promise especially as it would have been vital then. A knight’s vow or a vow to a dying woman would have been sacred but….Brant’s vow makes little sense. Faye is going to find the kidnappers but hasn’t a clue what to do, where to look, etc but she’ll shove away the one man who might be able to help her. Brant (is this a medieval name?) is going to hunt for treasure. What!? How about keeping a roof over his head and eating? How is he surviving on his own? Does he fight in tournaments? And what is with his brother keeping a journal? A journal? Who has the money to have one and a bound one at that? I have a lot of doubts about anyone having enough money to have something just to jot down their thoughts. And could Brant not immediately figure out who had his brother’s journal? I did. In fact, I had figured out almost the entire plot by about page 80 with 300 more pages to go.
Brant and Faye haven’t met a misunderstanding that they don’t want to rush out and claim as their own. Give these two the least chance to jump to the wrong conclusion and, after a page of working themselves to a mental frenzy over what might happen (but almost never does), they will. In regard to the villain, well there’s no need not to say it’s Torr since you all but point your authorial finger at him from page seven, he is so obvious. I immediately picked up on every clue and wondered how Brant and Faye missed them. Oh, right the plot demanded it.
So…what did I like? You got a great cover. Faye is certainly determined to find and care for her friend’s daughter. Brant is kind to small animals and pock marked whores. I’m sorry but that’s not enough. As I mentioned earlier, you have lots of enthusiastic fans leaving great reviews at Amazon. Your books obviously please some readers. I’m very sorry I’m not one of them.
This book can be purchased at Amazon.