Sep 21 2006
REVIEW: Passion by PF Kozak
Dear Ms. Kozak:
This book. Well, let’s just say that words are not sufficient to describe my feelings about this book. So I resorted to pictures. You have my permission to use this is an ad for your book, if you like. Just wondered if your book was James Frey inspired or girl with a one track mind inspired?
edited to add summary:
Passion Flower is a writer who decides she wants to learn to ride a horse. Ivan Kozak is a professor spending his summer helping out a friend at his stables. Ivan and PF engage in various sexual escapades wherein PF is mostly dominated and humiliated but after their first sexual encounter comes to realize that she looooves Ivan. When I realized that the hero’s name and the heroine’s name matched the author and her dedication, I wanted to poke my eyes out with the pencil. That’s the story.
Best regards,
Jane
Send to Kindle
Sep 21, 2006 @ 18:25:36
So, is this what the future of reviews looks like?
I love this!
Sep 21, 2006 @ 18:53:47
I’m still laughing! It almost (I said almost!!) makes me want to read the book just to find all your references. But I think my $$ will be better spent else where.
God that was great. I laughed out loud I tell you.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 19:49:13
That was fabulous. I got about three chapters into this dreck, and had enough torture to satisfy angry nuns set on penance.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 19:52:51
Oh wow, that was great! Even DH got a laugh out of it.
You poor poor woman for having gone through the agony of reading that.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 20:20:49
That was awesome. I don’t care what this book was about and I can’t be bothered to find out…I’m speechless. Although, you really don’t see the word “jizz” used often enough, IMHO.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 20:41:41
Best. Review. Ever.
Still laughing.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 21:01:07
POV 1: Oh. My. God.
POV 2: Love. It.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 23:05:51
Most of me loves this. Fucking awesome pick me up for 6 am.
The rest of me? Thinks you have way too much time on your hands, Jane.
Sep 21, 2006 @ 23:51:04
I have to agree with lorelielong, don’t you have enough to do with fixing my blog?
*g*
Very creative dear jane, very
Sep 22, 2006 @ 04:05:46
Oh holy hell, has anyone been to her website? http://www.pfkozak.com
Stop and watch the intro. First is the close up of a unibrow. Then’s the so-hairy-he-might-have-hypertrichosis dude. Then comes the guy swimming in so much oil, all he needs is some balsamic vinegrette. (Aw shit, that mentally led to a tossing salad reference. . .)
Sep 22, 2006 @ 06:31:20
I didn’t quite catch what the book was about – but it didn’t matter. This is an awe inspiring review!!!!! Kudos!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 06:31:38
OMG! THAT was great! I’m crying here … and staying far away from Passion. yeeesh.
Sep 22, 2006 @ 09:45:02
Haven’t read this.
Completely loved the review!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 12:03:57
Well, the book may have been painful but the review is hilarious! A for you, Jane.
Sep 22, 2006 @ 12:33:33
Dear God, I’ve just discovered this sites. It’s fantastic! Surfing the bad reviews for comedy reminds me of MysteryScience2000, or like watching a terrible car crash. You don’t want to watch it. Youre not proud of yourself for watching it, but you can’t help it. You drive past stealing a glance at the mayhem. You sneak a peak at the tv while pretending distain at your dh’s taste. That’s what I feel like reading these reviews.
Don’t you worry that you’ve set the bar for scathing reviews too high? How are you going to outdo yourself when you read another stinker?
Did either of you Ja(y)nes read Sins and Secrets by the same author? I hear its a lot better. But then, could it be worse?
I hope poor Passion Flower didn’t throw herself on her pen upon reading this review! (Having said that, why didn’t it get an F?)
Sep 22, 2006 @ 12:46:08
Jane, you’re a goddess!
This is so freaking hilarious!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 13:10:21
I think someone (Angie W) commented once that my grades are inconsistent and it is probably true. I grade by feeling and this felt like a D book because the writing was a bit simplistic but not clunky (minus all the exclamatory phrases) and because I felt like I couldn’t give it an F based solely on my distaste for the idea of an autobiograhpical sex novel. :(
Thanks for all the compliments though. It was fun to put together. Ned, my DH, did all the stick figure drawings as I am artistically challenged. As for raising the bar for negative reviews, nope, the bad books always give good fodder for negative reviews. It’s the C reviews that are the hardest to write.
And I want to try to do this for a book I really liked which I think would be the ultimate challenge.
Sep 22, 2006 @ 14:27:25
I know what you mean about the C grades. Its hard to know how to take them. I LOVED “Night Spell,” thought it was very clever how the author got the spanky S&M thing stuck all in the dream in the first story. I didn’t have to find a way to forgive the whip-bearing hero for getting me off! It was all her imagination. (Of course, maybe that’s all my kinky taste!) Not so sure I liked the tortured animals in the last story. On the other hand, I thought “The Hired Hand,” another of your C grades, was tedious enough to put me to sleep!
Congratulate Ned his artistic abilities. Pencils in the eys were particularly good!
I’m off to explore the archives now!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 14:53:49
Lorelie, I visited Pf’s website, thanks for the link, it was unbelievable, definitely a “oh holy hell”. The intro was really cheesy, cementing the fact that she totally deserves Janes video. The review video was a perfect accompaniment. also, when her website pans to homo erectus, i thought at first it was some animal, and i was looking at its bung hole! It was gross, then the video kept panning out until i saw it was this guys stomach / chest, i could not stop laughing.
Sep 22, 2006 @ 15:34:55
OMG — I am probably headed straight for Author Hell, but I am laughing my fool head off over here! The video review is hi-larious, Jane! Is this a self-pubbed book? I’m almost afraid to ask that . . . .
Thanks for hands-down, the best bad review I’ve ever seen. You’re so creative! LOL
But really, only a D? I can’t imagine what an F would require!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 16:16:09
For me the hardest designation has always been between C+ and B-, but I try to remember a bit of wisdom imparted to me when I had to grade college essays: a B- denotes mediocrity with flair. So for those books that hover in the C range, I’m always on the lookout for the “flair” (totally OT: anyone else love the movie Office Space?).
Sep 22, 2006 @ 16:59:42
Thanks for the summary :) I thought it was a riot before but with the summary in mind – well what can I say – it is a classic!
Sep 22, 2006 @ 17:08:09
Exactly Robin! And “flair” is more open to debate and tast than sheer meocrity, badness, or something that’s obviously stellar to everyone’s tast.
Sep 23, 2006 @ 08:22:29
This was f. funny. I had to share this with everybody in the house. You are just…what’s the word here for you: awesome. Good job.
Sep 23, 2006 @ 09:06:43
wow, very refreshing way of book reviewing. wonder what will be the result if it were a book that meets with your approval.
Sep 23, 2006 @ 11:28:26
This is hysterical.
Sep 23, 2006 @ 19:10:59
My hats off to you, Jane. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! The song in the background just pulls it all together for me. “You just got to let it go…”
Sep 24, 2006 @ 04:13:16
I liked your review VERY much!
All the same I am very tempted to find this book and read it. I have to admit to having read the Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice. Yes. All of them. I had to. My best friend did. It was a matter of pride at that point…sigh…
Oct 02, 2006 @ 00:41:40
Oh my God, that was effing hilarious! Haven’t read this yet, soooo looking forward to it now! Fucking genius Jane.
Nov 03, 2006 @ 21:16:57
that’s… the best review i’ve ever read.
JANE, you MUST review her next book. Sins and Secrets. It’s CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE, man! You gotta!
Nov 03, 2006 @ 21:21:35
Bam – I seriously thought you were kidding until I went to Amazon. The book has a choose your own sexual dominant partner scene? I think this would be hilarious to read, but I certainly don’t want to pay for it!
Nov 03, 2006 @ 21:27:03
Goddamn it, jane. Looks like I have to persevere through it for the both of us and review it myself. I don’t know how to make Youtube videos, though, you Scorsese you. I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Damn.