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REVIEW: The Gingerbread Tryst by Nichelle Gregory

This isn’t really a review so much as book summary so spoilers ahoy.

Dear Ms. Gregory:

The Gingerbread Tryst CoverWhen I saw Karen Scott post about this book, I thought it was a joke. Surely no one was writing Gingerbread man porn, right? Right? Because what is the point of taking a Mother Goose nursery rhyme and pornogriphying it (made up word, I know)? What’s next? The menage a quatre with the three blind mice? I’ve really always wondered what happened when the Dish ran away with the Spoon…

Marisa is a lonely suburban housewife. She has three main pleasures: masturbation, baking and magic. Her husband Don is a good provider, but he’s often gone away on business and while some nights he can pleasure her until dawn other nights he’s tired. Don always brings her to orgasm, but he doesn’t do it enough. Marisa needs to get off once a day:

On good nights they’d make love for hours and on the nights he fell asleep too tired to have sex, Marisa would sulk. She wanted to make love all the time and her day wasn’t complete unless she had achieved an orgasm.

Marisa has a tough life. She has enough discretionary money to buy whatever she likes. She doesn’t work. Instead she spends most of her day masturbating:

Marisa considered masturbation an art form. She could spend hours playing with her pussy until she achieved the perfect climax . . . or two. She loved creating the mood for her me-fuck-me sessions and always took special care to set up before pussy play.

She’s so into her own pleasure that she gives head to a dildo in one scene. At one point, I wondered if I was reading a play by play of some porn video on xtube, Lonely Housewife Gets Dirty. When she is not masturbating for hours, she bakes or dabbles in magic. The three pleasures in her life coalesce one day when she is rolling out gingerbread dough. Without first baking said Gingerbread Man, she proceeds to frost and decorate the cookie. She places red hots for the mouth, raisins for the hair, a cinnamon stick for a cock and raisins for balls. Then she takes a book of incantations she found in some store and wishes for the gingerbread man to come to life so it will fuck her.

And he does. The dough rolls off the counter and pops up a fully formed man. His muscles are huge! His hair is soft and gorgeous molasses. (I assume that makes his raisin balls soft and molasses-y too, right?). Mr. Gingerbread advances and then says:

“Run, run, run as fast as you can; I’m going to catch you . . . I’m your gingerbread man!” He called after her as she raced around the island.

When he kisses her, “She let him control her with a deep, tongue-melding kisses that tasted like . . . red hots!” His lips had a hot sensation. I worry for her and his cinnamon stick cock but apparently the burn is turning her on. After she gets a good rogering from cookie man, she falls asleep

In an almost dreamlike state, Marisa slipped from her straddled position and into his arms. With her cheek pressed against his chest, she could hear his heart beating rapidly and distantly marveled at how a cookie could have a heart before she fell fast asleep.

Right, because after she just had sex with a cookie, the fact that he has a heartbeat is what fills a person with wonder. Fortunately for Marisa, the cookie has incredible stamina. Unfortunately for Marisa, Don comes home and finds her fucking the cookie, only it looks like a man to him. Marisa tries to explain that it’s not really a man, but some thing she conjured up but the fact is that she is having sex with another person. Don is suitably enraged and is angry at Marisa. His response is…something I never anticipated. Maybe I should have.

Don drops trou and after accusing Marisa of being a cheating whore, proceeds to force her to have the best sex of her life with him and the Gingerbread man. That’s right. Marisa’s punishment for cheating on Don is to have a threesome. My eyes are like Oreos at this point, in keeping with the food theme. But poor Marisa might have met her match in cookie because he is insatiable and continues to chase Marisa around crying “Run, run, run as fast as you can; I’m going to catch you . . . I’m the gingerbread man!”

What is there to say other than there are things seen that cannot be unseen and this story is one of those things that is burned into my brain, destroying my fond memories of gingerbread cookies, red hots and cinnamon sticks. It’s an F for romance and sexiness but probably an A in destroying my childhood innocence. Bravo.

Best regards,

Jane

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Jane Litte is the founder of Dear Author, a lawyer, and a lover of pencil skirts. She spends her downtime reading romances and writing about them. Her TBR pile is much larger than the one shown in the picture and not as pretty. You can reach Jane by email at jane @ dearauthor dot com

43 Comments

  1. gwen hayes
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 12:09:56

    The night after this romfail, I went to dinner with friends. With the check, the server brought us each a tiny little gingerbread man. I, of course, lost it.

    I ate him, nonetheless, but I’ll never feel good about it.

    ReplyReply

  2. Raine
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 12:33:11

    I ate him, nonetheless…

    Gwen, you dirty girl.

    ReplyReply

  3. Amie
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 12:47:43

    @gwen hayes:

    HOWLING….bad Gwen bAD!

    ReplyReply

  4. Lori
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 13:12:18

    I’d like to bring a tollhouse cookie to life but only because I’m hungry right now and I’d eat it.

    ReplyReply

  5. A
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 13:15:16

    My goodness. I once read a faerie tale where a female cook sculpted a life-size gorgeous man from marzipan, he comes to life through magic and they live HEA, etc…

    Somehow it was just better without the erotica.

    ReplyReply

  6. Sandy James
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 13:22:23

    This has rendered me speechless. A first. ;-)
    I think I will just sit back and watch the pastry puns take shape… Could be very entertaining.

    ReplyReply

  7. May
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 13:57:04

    I can’t stop laughing. Oh my. WOW. Thank you so much for sharing this tasty morsel of a review with us.

    Anybody else loose their appetite for cookies? I know I just did.

    ReplyReply

  8. rebyj
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 14:44:22

    I lol’d during the twitter conversation over this book, but I laughed harder at Gwen’s statement above lmao!!!
    Sandy we should all think of pastry analogies to describe our honeypies (how was that one?)

    ReplyReply

  9. Sandy James
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 14:57:07

    @rebyj:

    Perfect. :-)

    ReplyReply

  10. Marissa Turner
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 15:06:52

    My mind, it boggles at the cookie man.

    And I can never, ever eat gingerbread again. I’d feel bad if I ate someone’s love-toy.

    ReplyReply

  11. Maddie
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 15:40:11

    Then Marisa and Don went to Costco and dropped dough on a pallet of Monistat for the wicked yeast infection Mr. G gave her.

    ReplyReply

  12. hapax
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 16:18:30

    Wow. I’m waiting for the sequel, THE STUD MUFFIN.

    ReplyReply

  13. becca
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 16:46:56

    eew. just eew.

    ReplyReply

  14. Linda Rader
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 17:01:06

    Sounds like a case of being too original. Strange what gets published these days.

    ReplyReply

  15. Sandy James
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 17:05:45

    @Linda Rader:

    I understand why these stories get published — there’s an audience for them. What bothers me is that good books — real romances — get lumped together with them. Makes me sad that I get fantastic review after fantastic review and I can’t outsell something like this…

    ReplyReply

  16. Nonny
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 18:49:42

    Tell me about it, Sandy. Tell me about it. *sigh*

    ReplyReply

  17. Sandy James
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 18:56:23

    @Nonny:

    ***hugs*** It’s a tough business, ain’t it?

    ReplyReply

  18. Ros
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 19:43:07

    I know, I know, the whole thing is made of bogglement. I just can’t get over the fact that she decorated the gingerbread man before she baked him. Why??? You’d think if baking was her hobby she’d know better. And besides, if a giant gingerbread man is coming to get me, I’d rather he was fully baked. Think of all the stickiness of the dough! Although the other way, I suppose there would be crumbs. Ew. Ew, ew, ew.

    ReplyReply

  19. Tweets that mention REVIEW: The Gingerbread Tryst by Nichelle Gregory | Dear Author: Romance Novel Reviews, Industry News, and Commentary -- Topsy.com
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 20:01:53

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Erotic Romance, gwen hayes, buriedbybooks, Cally Beck, dearauthor and others. dearauthor said: New post: REVIEW: The Gingerbread Tryst by Nichelle Gregory http://bit.ly/8hNN5Z [...]

  20. K. Z. Snow
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 20:51:50

    @hapax: :- D

    ReplyReply

  21. evie byrne
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 20:53:52

    I can’t stop laughing. omg. *wipes eyes* Thank you, Jane.

    ReplyReply

  22. Rebecca
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 21:02:05

    I remember this #romfail. My favorite part is still the cinnamon stick cock. You’re conjuring a magic cookie, and the most creative dick you can come up with a cinnamon stick? Come on.

    Who knew cookie porn would make me want to gag.

    ReplyReply

  23. A
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 21:25:18

    @Sandy James:

    @Linda Rader:

    I understand why these stories get published -’ there's an audience for them. What bothers me is that good books -’ real romances -’ get lumped together with them. Makes me sad that I get fantastic review after fantastic review and I can't outsell something like this…

    It’s not a pleasant thought, but I suppose the premis of this story would certainly appeal to a potential reader’s quest for novelty or “something different.”

    I’m reading and preparing critique right now for a historical novel romantica ebook. Its not a good book, there are some real issues with it — yet it’s also not the worst book I’ve ever read. The writing’s ice-cream smooth, history well-researched, language/speech patterns and other appropriate details well done. But there are some serious structure issues that prevent enjoyment (my opinion.)

    The irony is I’m examining other customer reviews on the publisher’s website…and they’re all 1-star reviews, the comments qualify as “hateful.”

    I’m scratching my head, because I’ve read other books from the same publisher that were worse — dramatically worse — in terms of editing, structure, and execution where customer reviews gushed about “what a great story” it was. They’ll overlook obvious, frequent typos, awkward language, irregular pacing, bland or inconsistent characterization, plot holes, you name it… as long as, overall, they find the book likeable.

    I realize taste is subjective and maybe not every reader “knows what s/he’s looking for” and so can’t identify the strengths and weakenesses of a book. I still think it’s weird, though.

    Believe it; somewhere someone thinks gingerbread man erotica is good to read.

    ReplyReply

  24. Angelia Sparrow
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 22:59:52

    I’m sorry, you lost me with “spends hours playing with her pussy” and only gets “an orgasm or two.” If I spent hours on that pursuit, it would be enough orgasms I wouldn’t be counting.

    As for the rest…lol. Just silliness.

    ReplyReply

  25. Sharron McClellan
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 01:13:43

    All I can think about is “The Stinky Cheese Man” story– a take-off on he Gingerbread man story. Either way…it’s just so wrong!

    ReplyReply

  26. LG
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 01:17:34

    Was this written in a humorous way, or did the author actually take all of this seriously? Also, is the author actually a woman? Because some of the quotes leave me wondering if this is actually a man going by a female pen name – this really does sound like porn by guys for guys.

    ReplyReply

  27. Kaetrin
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 04:07:34

    Now I can’t stop thinking of “the Muffin Man” from the Shrek movies….

    ReplyReply

  28. Sandy James
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 08:34:03

    @A:

    ” They'll overlook obvious, frequent typos, awkward language, irregular pacing, bland or inconsistent characterization, plot holes, you name it… as long as, overall, they find the book likeable.”>

    I think this holds true for all genre, not just erotica. My favorite romance author head hops like crazy, sometimes within the same paragraph.

    There’s plenty of well-written erotic stories out there. This just isn’t one of them.

    ReplyReply

  29. Elyssa Papa
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 11:16:06

    @gwenhayes had the best comment, but Jane has the funniest line: “It's an F for romance and sexiness but probably an A in destroying my childhood innocence. Bravo.”

    ReplyReply

  30. Lori
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 11:24:40

    Does he cum icing?

    ReplyReply

  31. Sandy James
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 11:43:20

    @Lori:

    Now that’s the type of comment I’ve been waiting for. Choked on my Diet Coke. :-)

    ReplyReply

  32. Karen Scott
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 12:54:57

    Aww, this is one Romfail that I would have definitely found amusing.

    I bet this book ends up being her best-seller ever. There’s no such thing as bad publicity after all.

    ReplyReply

  33. ami
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 15:40:52

    Wow just wow. I agree with posters in thinking it might be a male writer… it just plays out too much like porn on the internet

    ReplyReply

  34. Ros
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 17:14:16

    @ami: There are a lot of women writing that sort of porn on the internet, too.

    ReplyReply

  35. XandraG
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 21:13:45

    Rule 34, gang. If it exists, there is pr0n of it. And it’s lesser-known correlant, if it exists on the internetz, somebody, somewhere, is masturbating to it.

    ReplyReply

  36. LAmonkeygirl
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 21:53:02

  37. Pam
    Jan 24, 2010 @ 22:04:41

  38. Donna Lea Simpson
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 13:40:03

    I’m trying to diet. Cookies are a no-no.

    This review was good for that… I no longer want cookies!!!

    Can you come up with a review of a porny ‘romance’ using brownies??

    Er… I don’t think I want to know!!

    ReplyReply

  39. Kathryn Smith
    Jan 27, 2010 @ 11:13:10

    Wow. Just wow.

    ReplyReply

  40. Amie
    Jan 27, 2010 @ 11:58:11

    @hapax:

    GOAL!!!!!!!! LOL

    ReplyReply

  41. We’re All Mean Girls Now « Read React Review
    Sep 09, 2010 @ 20:38:51

    [...] Author’s Jane on The Gingerbread Tryst: What is there to say other than there are things seen that cannot be unseen and this story is one [...]

  42. Bethann Camilo
    Apr 13, 2011 @ 22:54:52

    Hey, nice site! Lot’s of good information, I will be back soon. Thanks for this

    ReplyReply

  43. LucianiFan
    Apr 03, 2013 @ 14:41:38


    And here I was, thinking I’d seen it all.
    I’ve heard the term “food porn” before but I never thought I’d see actual porn with food. What mind would create this and find it a turn-on? I’ve had squicky fantasies before but… Jesus…

    ReplyReply

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