REVIEW: Missing Mother-to-Be by Elle Kennedy
I ordinarily don’t pick books from the category Suspense line. Most of what I’ve read in that line has glaring problems in balance between a believable suspense and a believable romance but I like Elle Kennedy books and I wanted to try to get back into the Intrigue game (it sells really well as a line). Unfortunately, it is so effed up and crazy that in true Nonnie style, I have to review this in list format. Beware, there will be spoilers because I cannot express how crazy and insane this book is without spoiling it. If you plan to read the book, don’t read the review.
For those who don’t want to be spoiled, the summary is thus: A very innocent and stupid heiress is kidnapped and she falls in love with one of her kidnappers. Their love is endangered by her kidnapping and his involvement. Things happen. HEA. F for many reasons articulated below the cut:
1. Heroine is an heiress but she hates money.
Deacon had that look about him, the smug one of a man who’d totally pegged her. “I bet you even gave your trust fund to charity, didn’t you, Lana?”
Her lips twitched. Yep, he had her pegged. “The day I turned twenty-one,” she confirmed. She neglected to mention that her irate father had promptly deposited the same amount back into her account. She didn’t have the heart to give the second trust away; spoiling her gave her father such silly pleasure.
2. The hero and heroine have a one night stand. He leaves her hotel room without saying a word. She gets pregnant and figures it out two weeks later that she may be pregnant. She actually takes a pregnancy test in a train station bathroom in Italy.
3. She gets on the train and is kidnapped. Guess what? One of her kidnappers is Deacon, the guy she had a one night stand with. Deacon is not an undercover agent secretly working to protect her. Instead, he’s a mercenary.
4. Deacon is surprised and unhappy that the guy he is working for is a total dickhead who is okay with hurting women and would even allow his men to rape and beat a woman that they kidnapped. WHAT DOES HE EXPECT? He’s a hired mercenary. Who has he been working for before? Santa Claus?
5. Heroine determines that Deacon is a good guy because he must be. He’s the father of her child. Also because she has this sixth sense about people so even though Deacon had a one night stand, left her before she woke up, kidnapped her, and won’t help her escape, she knows he is a good guy.
6. The heroine loves her daddy, a US Senator, even though he has constant affairs. She knows this is “embarrassing” to her mother but still, he is her daddy. She thinks her brothers who have turned their backs on their dad are just being too hard on him.
7. She is kept captive for a month and still believes her daddy is going to save her. He loves her. A MONTH!
8. During said captivity, she is guarded 24/7 by a number of men, but Deacon and her have plenty of time to have sex and long discussions about her captivity, her feelings on love and romance, and family. They even have loud arguments about how he needs to help her escape.
9. She is an artist and Deacon gives her paper and charcoal and she proceeds to sketch everyone in great detail and leave the pictures lying around and is shocked that the leader is angered by this. She would never use them against her captors! She promises. She just needed something to do with her hands! She is an artist and she must paint. It never occurs to her to hide these pictures and when Deacon sees them he thinks, oh, maybe that isn’t so good but then he doesn’t hide them either. What the every loving hell?
10. The mother is contacted by the husband that their daughter has been kidnapped and she’s pacified by the husband’s promise that he’ll take care of it. Her brother is super wealthy. Her sons are wealthy and powerful but her husband tells her that things are “complicated” and that they can’t call in the authorities and that he’ll take care of it. Remember, this is the guy that cheats on her regularly.
11. Dad sends in ONE GUY to save her and that one guy gets her out except before they escape the grounds, the bad guys confront them. It is her and her rescuer against four bad guys including Deacon. She doesn’t want anyone to get shot and so she lays down her gun and returns to the bad guys. The bad guys then shoot her rescuer between the eyes.
12. After the guy is shot, she goes back to the cabin where the head bad guy leave her and Deacon alone and Lana, the heroine is so distraught, she sexually attacks Deacon.
13. A week passes after Lana’s mother is called by the father. Guess what, honey, still haven’t gotten our daughter back and my operative got shot between the eyes, but I’m still going to fix this. What conclusion does she come to faced with this:
She gathered up every iota of strength in her body, slowly lifting her head. It was becoming glaringly obvious that if she wanted her daughter home safe and sound, she really did need to do the impossible.
Trust her husband again.
What? No. You call your brother, the effing billionaire, and say “save my daughter by whatever means possible and if it includes endangering my lying, cheating husband’s life, so be it.”
14. See the kidnappers wanted the father to trade himself for the daughter. They kidnap the father to lure her father, a US Senator, out of “hiding”. Because he is involved in a plot to assassinate the president and then backed out. But he knows too much and they have to kill him. They have enough operatives to kidnap the daughter and keep her in a remote sophisticated setup in the mountains in California but they can’t kill one friggin’ US Senator?
15. Also, this family is so wealthy and powerful that the mom can just call up the military and get her son, a member of DELTA, to abandon his post and go save his sister. The family is so powerful that after Lana is recovered, they just make all the kidnapping charges against Deacon melt away. Yet getting the daughter back takes over a month?