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REVIEW: Dumpersterotica by Allie Beck

Dear Ms. Beck,

One of the great things about self publishing is that books that don’t fit the mold can still find an audience. Unfortunately for readers, this also means that a great many things that should remain unpublished are now available for consumption. This book series falls into the latter category. I’m not sure who would be the target audience for this ‘erotica’ series. It’s not sexy. It’s not funny. It’s just strange and bizarre.

Dumpster eroticaDumpsterotica: How Dirty Are You was free on Kindle. It had a cute cover. It certainly had a title that made me look twice. And I figured that a romance involving a dumpster was either going to be hysterically funny or just plain weird. This falls into the ‘weird’ category. I told Jane about it, and she asked me to read the sequels and review the group for Dear Author. I agreed. As a warning to anyone reading on, please don’t eat anything while reading this review. Not because I think it will be hilarious, but because I think you will lose your appetite.

There are three books in the Dumpsterotica series: Dumpsterotica: How Dirty Are You, Dumpsterotica: Talk Dirty To Me, and Dumpsterotica: A Hole In One. I’m going to do a short review of each one.

Dumpsterotica: How Dirty Are You is about Joe and Marcia. They have been married for a few years and are experiencing marital problems. Marcia doesn’t want to have sex. Joe has to wine her and dine her beforehand, get her drunk, and then go home and have sex. Marcia also seems incapable of orgasm. Marcia doesn’t want to have sex with Joe because she is too busy constantly masturbating with her electric toothbrush. Yes, you read that correctly. She masturbates at work with the toothbrush, and at home with it, several times a day. This is the only way she can come.

Later on, Joe and Marcia are at the restaurant and Marcia is drunk and loud and getting horny. They stumble outside and she begins to try and go down on her husband. He drags Marcia behind the restaurant to get away from prying eyes and they see a police cruiser, so they get into the dumpster. They proceed to make love in the midst of all the garbage.

He looked down and saw Marcia rubbing a banana peel all over her ass.

Still clamped inside her and coming down off the sex high and the booze, Joe took a good look around. His suit pants were under a bag of bagels. Marcia balanced herself on a few torn bags of food garbage dominated by white paper cups with a coffee shop’s logo on them. Coffee grounds dotted his thighs and his wife was now writhing, her ass glowing in the open air, his cock stuck insider her while she rubbed a damn banana peel all over herself.

They get home, unable to talk about what happened. Marcia finds herself turned on so goes into the bathroom and uses her electric toothbrush on herself as well as her curling iron. Joe walks in and catches her with her curling iron shoved up her vagina, a cliffhanger to entice you to buy book two. This is very short (less than twenty pages) and is clearly to entice readers to read the next two books in the series.

Dumpsterotica: Talk Dirty to Me begins where the last story left off. Joe finds Marcia masturbating and when he finds out how often and how frequently, he is furious with her.

“So all these years your goddamn toothbrush has been getting more sex than I have? You turn me down, you claim you’re tired, you throw me a blow job here and there and I have to blow $100 on a bottle of champagne to get you to fuck me once a month, but you use the Health and Beauty aisle at the drugstore like your own personal sex toy catalog?”

Marcia is devastated that her husband has caught her and that he’s upset with her. She knows her inability to come is not normal and she has a lot of hang-ups, and she’s upset that Joe is so angry.  Joe decides that he’s going to save his marriage. He goes and gets the garbage from outside and spreads it out over their bed.

Joe laughed, a wicked, defiant sound that made her pulse quicken, a deep throb forming in her clitoris. Sweeping the pillow and her old tampons aside stirred a scent of rotten steak and she cringed.

“This isn’t exactly what I-” and then his mouth was on her, between her long-suffering thighs, tongue lightly dancing on her pulsing red nub, soothing the burn and stirring the fire all at once. She inhaled the scent of garbage, rotten chicken and blood and aloe-scented tissues and limp celery – and began to gag.

But Marcia finds that she still cannot come in the garbage on their bed. She needs something more.  When Joe catches her masturbating at work with her toothbrush again, they decide they need marriage counseling. When they see the marriage counselor, though, he makes things worse. He’s unprofessional and weird and thinks Marcia is a freak. He knows she is the woman that got her toothbrush stuck inside her vagina and had to go to the emergency room. Marcia is upset and begins to cry. This causes Joe to get defensive of her – she is his freak. He ends up attacking the counselor, and they go to another dumpster and have sex together again. He does not mind that Marcia is a freak as long as he gets plenty of sex with her.

Dumpsterotica: A Hole In One is the third episode in this series.  Joe has decided to rent a dumpster for their front lawn so he can have sex with Marcia whenever they like. Marcia is worried their neighbor will not approve of the dumpster and sue them.  Joe chats with the local cops and makes sure that he has approval for the dumpster, and then he sets to filling it. He has to steal trash by transporting it in his Prius, and brings it home to show his wife.

“Joe.” She drew out his name, her voice lifting up slight at the end, the syllable lasting four seconds but taking up half her head. “What on earth are you doing?”

Leaning in for a kiss, he laughed.Cringing, she darted to the right.

A giant chunk of greenish-white mold, the kind that forms on the top of liquid, covered his cheekbone.

They attempt to have sex inside the house like normal people, but Marcia still cannot come. That night, they sneak out to the dumpster and begin to have sex. The neighbor catches them and jerks off on the side of the dumpster and gets some on Marcia and Joe. They are naturally upset at the neighbor catching them having sex and the dumpster in front of the house is ruined for them. They go in search of a new dumpster behind a restaurant, and select a donut shop the next night, and make love amongst the donut garbage.

She made a tsk tsk gesture with her finger, then stretched back slowly. Now she was the one holding a frosted donut – directly over her spread-wide pussy, the donut’s hole centered perfectly. Candy sprinkles dotted the pink frosting, turning her vagina into a pot o’ gold at the center of a rainbow.

And Joe was ready to exercise his luck o’ the Irish.

“Have you ever made a hole in one, Joe?” she asked ,her voice smoky and provocative, like a phone sex operator ad. “If you can get a hole in one, you might make par for the night.”

Aiming carefully, Joe plunged inside Marcia, the soft dough pushing against his balls and her vulva. An urgency pushed him to go deeper, the normal sensation of filling her mitigated by the ever-flattening donuts’ thickness. In, out, in, out he thrust, smashing the [donut] ring against her taint and lips until he arched his hips slightly, slid up into her and she came with a fiery explosion, a nuclear climax that drove her body deep into a ripped bag of jelly donuts, congealed red filling covering her head, making her look like an extra in a zombie movie.

The story ends with Marcia and Joe happy with their new-found strength in their relationship, of course. Joe gets all the sex he wants as long as he can find Marcia a sufficiently dirty dumpster.

These are billed as erotic comedies. As erotica, they failed at every level. Not only were the descriptions disgusting, but the sex itself was ridiculous and full of purple prose. The descriptions of genitalia were mentioned in the most unsexy way possible. Neither Joe nor Marcia seemed happy in their relationship. In addition, the stories aren’t funny. Bizarre, yes. Funny, no.  There are a lot of shocking things mentioned in the story – the psycho counselor, the subplot with the gay cops, the toothbrush – but I didn’t find them funny. Just strange.

The subtext of the story was terrible – that Marcia is the one responsible for all their marital problems because she cannot orgasm. Marcia’s crippling OCD is laughed at in the third book (she is a compulsive hand washer and is tweezing her yard). I found myself pitying Marcia more than anything else. She doesn’t need sex in a dumpster or a toothbrush or even Joe – she needs a good psychiatrist. But instead, she is painted as an object of ridicule and someone we can laugh at.

I also do not normally speculate on the gender of the author, but I have to wonder if these were written by a man. I feel that is unfair to bring up, and yet at the same time,
[spoiler effect="blind"] when Marcia uses the bristles of her electric toothbrush on her clit and then her g-spot, I thought a man wrote this. Or when Marcia shoved her entire curling iron into her vagina and only the cord is sticking out like a tampon string. Again, I thought that a man had written this. The worst is when, at the end of the third book, Joe pushes an entire dumpster cruller (donut) into her vagina and then eats it. In the epilogue, Marcia is cheerfully at the doctor for the worst yeast infection ever, and she is happy and content… I think to myself that no woman would ever write this.[/spoiler]

What grade can I give this? What else but an F all around.

All best,
January

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January Janes

January likes a little bit of everything. She's partial to unique paranormals, erotic romances, contemporary, and YA. She has a fondness for novellas and trying self-published works, though more of those are misses than hits. She still refuses to read anything that smells like literary fiction. January also changes this bio on a regular basis depending on her reading mood.

47 Comments

  1. Isobel Carr
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 15:59:14

    The books may not have been funny, but I laughed until my sides hurt reading the review!

    ReplyReply

  2. Jenny
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:08:29

    Oh dear God, I’m traumitized. I feel like I need to shower with bleach after reading your review.

    I agree with you, a man had to have written this. Not only is it gross, it’s insulting to genuine, well written erotica. The truly sad fact is apparently there’s a market for this kind of garbage (absolutely no pun intended!). Honey, you took one for the team. Jane owes you big time, DA_January!

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  3. Shannon Stacey
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:15:24

    I’m trying to imagine a compulsive hand-washer wanting to have sex in a dumpster. Actually, I should rephrase that because I do NOT want to imagine sex in a dumpster. I find it hard to believe a compulsive hand-washer would stick her hand in a dumpster, never mind her naked ass.

    ReplyReply

  4. Jia
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:15:45

    I have no words.

    ReplyReply

  5. sasha
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:16:35

    Must agree with Isobel, I laughed at this review. Thanks for taking one for the team and reviewing this.

    ReplyReply

  6. Has
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:21:00

    O_O

    This is a definition of a dirty book LOL

    ReplyReply

  7. erinf1
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:21:03

    Oh… oh… I’m aghast and laughing at the same time. Thanks for “taking one for the team”. I, too, got this when it was free and I’m going right now to delete, delete, delete!!!

    ReplyReply

  8. LG
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:29:21

    The spoiler stuff didn’t entirely surprise me after all the other stuff I read in this review. I cringed just thinking about the kind of damage Marcia had to have done to herself.

    ReplyReply

  9. Amber
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:31:56

    Oh my gosh, I had to stop. My face was stuck between a cringe and a smile and it got painful. But here’s hoping that those people who do have a dumpster/trash fetish (oh, and I’m betting they exist) find this book!

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  10. Jane
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:32:31

    I’d like to say I was sorry for telling you to read them for review but come on. This is comic gold for us. Thanks! I do owe you.

    ReplyReply

  11. Janet
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:32:33

    I know it is unusually cruel of me but I’m so grateful that Jane made you read that whole series because I can’t stop laughing now.

    She’s a freak, but she’s his freak.

    It’s been way too long since we’ve had a worthy F review around here.

    ReplyReply

  12. Janine
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:45:02

    My hat is off to you, January, for the personal sacrifice of getting through a whole trilogy of this! I know I couldn’t do it.

    ReplyReply

  13. Ridley
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:45:26

    Oh my. You dear thing, having read all that for us.

    I want to laugh, but the blatant misogyny hurts too much. Such a sad approach to sex.

    ReplyReply

  14. Jaclyn
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:55:19

    Dumpster? Curling iron? Tooth brush? *headdesk*

    ReplyReply

  15. Renda
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 16:55:25

    Forget compulsively washing her hands, I would think she would compulsively be washing her toothbrush and her curling iron. And as soon as I read about the toothbrush, my assumption was the author is male. And I don’t think they make toothbrushes in the dimensions that are necessary for the particular cavity in discussion.

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  16. Ridley
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 17:01:44

    To be fair, using a toothbrush as a vibrator isn’t a concept this book made up. (Both links are as work safe as this site.) There’s just a right way to do it, and this ain’t it.

    ReplyReply

  17. Carin
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 17:29:27

    The toothbrush as vibrator has even been mentioned on Big Bang Theory, so that didn’t throw me. The rest, though, just no.

    I did also think, even before reading the spoiler, that it had to be a male author.

    And one more thing. I got burned on my forehead by a curling iron once as a kid. To think of it as a dildo – I just can’t even go there.

    ReplyReply

  18. Sarah Frantz
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 17:38:01

    Why couldn’t they just solve their problems by having Joe use the vibrating toothbrush on Marcia? I’m just like…obvious solution, no? No?

    What the actual fuck?

    ReplyReply

  19. Kristie (J)
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 17:39:26

    One can only hope the curling iron was NOT plugged in and/or NOT turned on – unlike the heroine who was.

    This isn’t a book I ever would have read anyway not once I saw the title of it, but oh my January, you really went above and beyond the call of a book reviewer reading not just the first one – but ALL THREE of them.

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  20. Kinsey
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 17:56:03

    Y’know, I often feel sorry for authors who wind up the target of reviewers’ and commenters’ ridicule, as opposed to criticism. Just as I often feel guilty for giggling along with #romfail.

    Not this time. Whoever wrote this stuff deserves all the rotten tomatoes thrown at him/her (I really hope it’s “him.”) This goes far beyond saving her life, fucking her ass.

    I’m just…dude. DUDE.

    ReplyReply

  21. Dani Alexander
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 18:00:36

    There… are no words. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Wow. You so took a bullet for the writing community. I think DA should start awarding gifts to reviewers for going beyond the call of duty. Like brain bleach with a giant pink ribbon.

    ReplyReply

  22. Katie
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 18:02:23

    This review captures beautifully why it is so dangerous to self publish. I think every author has at least one book sitting under their bed that really never should see the light of day. I think a good rule of thumb for those (new authors) attempting to self publish, is leave it a year before you go for it. Read it again with fresh eyes and ask yourself, why did no mainstream publisher want this?
    That said, best of luck to this author. I hope you find readers who love your work. There is a cup for every saucer.

    ReplyReply

  23. Um
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 18:07:01

    Were the books actually marketed as romance?? Sounds more like fap erotica produced for the dumpster sex fetishists. (YES, there are actual dumpster sex fetishists. And fetishists for even grosser stuff.) Aren’t we lucky that self publishing can now cater to these very, um, specific turn ons?

    *runs off to take a bath*

    ReplyReply

  24. Um
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 18:09:49

    Oh, and this was the best line: “He does not mind that Marcia is a freak as long as he gets plenty of sex with her.”

    Awww…so heartwarming!! Or heartworming. Or something, lol.

    ReplyReply

  25. Jane
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 19:25:26

    @Sarah Frantz I agree! That seemed like a reasonable and sanitary solution.

    ReplyReply

  26. MarieC
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 19:33:36

    Kudos to you for finishing all three! Way to take for the team! I was laughing and cringing in equal measures!

    ReplyReply

  27. Kaetrin
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 19:49:00

    I’m with Kristie J. Very worried about the curling iron. O-0

    ReplyReply

  28. Deb
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 19:55:43

    This would have been horrifying if it hadn’t been so baffling. I bet this isn’t the kind of entertaining the author was going for.

    ReplyReply

  29. Keishon
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 19:55:51

    I’m willing to bet there’s an audience out there for this.

    ReplyReply

  30. Cara
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 20:05:17

    Agreeing with Keishon.

    Also, I guess this falls under the YKINMK rule? I don’t even… I mean, in today’s ultra-PC age with the Internet Social Justice Brigade lurking around every corner of the web, I’m always hesitant to bash on something like this. 98 percent of us might find it utterly repulsive, but to the 2 percent who actually have something like this as a kink, aren’t we kind of kink-shaming them? Just something to consider.

    (And for the record, no, this really isn’t my kink – I skimmed the review because it was really just… not appealing to me. Just – something to think about.)

    ReplyReply

  31. DA_January
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 20:35:37

    @Cara
    I am trying to stay out of the comments and let the review speak for itself. But I did want to comment on this. I considered that this might truly be someone’s kink and I am fine with that. There are a lot of lactating/stepsister/etc erotica on kindle and those are YKINMK for me. I did read it expecting it to be erotica about people that have sex in trash, for better or for worse.

    My biggest issues with this ‘erotic comedy’ was that it treated the situation as something to be laughed at. The sex was not provocative even when dumpsters or garbage were not involved, and even if you had taken out the mentions of trash, the sex still would have been strange and unsavory due to the word choices of the author and not the fetish choices. I personally believe that a terrific writer could make anything sexy, fisting, for example. The way this fetish was treated in the book was that Marcia’s prediliction was unnatural, revolting, and something that her husband would tolerate because he could finally have sex with her on a regular basis. Also, that it was something the reader should laugh at.

    The incredibly unttractive descriptions of actual coitus, combined with the mockery of Marcia – and a vagina that can swallow anything – moved this into F territory for me.

    ReplyReply

  32. Cara
    Jan 04, 2012 @ 20:42:31

    @DA Fair enough! Like I said, I honestly could only skim your review because I personally found the subject matter repulsive. But I do see your point, and I definitely respect that that’s *why* it moves into F territory.

    ReplyReply

  33. Cara Ellison
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 00:18:12

    How utterly disgusting. I consider myself a pretty openminded person but some fetishes are just plain gross.

    I did smirk at this line: But Marcia finds that she still cannot come in the garbage on their bed.

    But that was DA_January’s, not the author’s. Sick sick sick.

    ReplyReply

  34. Jane Lovering
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 04:21:16

    I think it’s rather sad, if this was written by a man, that he should think that, for women, sex is all about the orgasms. I fear he may be a very lonely boy.

    ReplyReply

  35. cbackson
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 12:34:40

    Odds that this series originated on Literotica, anyone?

    ReplyReply

  36. kali
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 12:50:12

    In an odd way, I am happy to see that such a . . . niche . . . story has a paying audience.

    I took a look at the reviews for the trilogy, though, and most of them seem to regard it as comedy, not erotica.

    ReplyReply

  37. Hydecat
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 14:37:33

    Ew, ew, ew, ew. Also ouch (that’s for the curling iron).

    ReplyReply

  38. Lori
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 15:53:37

    I just want to know if that’s the same toothbrush she uses for her teeth?

    I’m not even going to try and understand what person would pack an electric toothbrush in their purse to take to work for masturbation breaks….

    ReplyReply

  39. connie333
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 16:12:44

    Hang on, Joe rents a dumpster, puts it on THEIR FRONT LAWN and is surprised when they get caught having sex?
    All the rest had me crossing my legs and wanting a shower. I know that everyone has their kinks and so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone then go for it, but seriously, if Marcia can get off with the use of a toothbrush wouldn’t Joe be better off buying her a decent vibrator instead of turning their bed into a health and safety hazard?

    ReplyReply

  40. Kinkstergrey
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 09:38:41

    The target audience would be people who like erotica and fetish-related stories, you fool. Which is clearly not you. And nice way to sum up your review with a totally sexist remark. Keep your day job, pal.

    ReplyReply

  41. Grey
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 09:43:31

    The target audience would be people who like erotica and fetish-related stories, you fool. Which is clearly not you. And nice way to sum up your review with a totally sexist remark. Keep your day job, pal.

    ReplyReply

  42. Michelle McCleod
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 10:40:47

    Oh wow. I think I’ll start answering the question of ‘what do you write’ with ‘nothing with dumpster sex’.

    M

    ReplyReply

  43. KB/KT Grant
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 12:20:44

    OMG I never laughed so hard reading a review.

    ReplyReply

  44. Heidi
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 12:51:17

    Oh wow that was intriguing and gross at the same time. Who thinks up this stuff? I hope to god this doesn’t end up in the pychology DSRM as a new disorder!

    ReplyReply

  45. Samantha
    Jan 09, 2012 @ 17:56:05

    Oh wow! I don’t know whether to find this book horrifying or hilarious. I think I gagged a little at the excerpt about having sex in doughnut shop garbage. So not sexy.

    ReplyReply

  46. Amy M
    Jan 12, 2012 @ 11:42:16

    That is gross. I find there are often more misses that hits on the kindle free list.

    ReplyReply

  47. Mack
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 14:45:18

    You all must be wrong about this series. There are 9, count ‘em 9, 5 star reviews on Amazon for the first. The “What other items do customers buy after viewing this item” are interesting. No electric toothbrushes but there is Santa Enters the Back Door by Whiskey McNaughton.

    ReplyReply

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