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REVIEW: Patience by Lisa Valdez

PatienceDear Ms. Valdez:

It’s here. After five years of wondering and waiting, the much anticipated sequel to Passion is in the bookstores. In the days leading up to my reading of Patience, I recalled with some fondness a few of the more memorable parts of Passion. I’m not certain what astounded me the most: the number of times the main protagonists would couple behind a screen in the Crystal Palace during the World’s Fair or the length of Mark’s member which was so tremendous that it actually rearranged organs inside the heroine’s reproductive area. I cannot think of Passion without humming the tune to “Break On Through to the Other Side.”

Truly, there is some alchemy in your writing in that readers remained so curious, so desirous of reading a sequel to a book originally published nearly 5 years previous. Fortunately for us readers, this alchemy has not subsided. If anything, Patience is bound to stir up as much or more discussion and dissent as Passion. There is a certain conviction to your writing that gives power to your story.

There are two plot arcs that occur simultaneously. The overarching narrative is Matthew’s path to redemption, both personally and professionally. The other narrative is the sexual relationship that brings Matthew and Patience together and binds them in mutual sexual predilection and emotional satisfaction. Patience has a character arc, too, but hers is more subdued.

The plot is thus: Because of an indiscreet letter from his mother to a purported friend, it has become known that Matthew is not a beloved son of Earl of Langley but rather the result of a union between his promiscuous mother and an estate gardener. When this information came to light, Matthew’s fiance broke with him and the abandonement and general character disaparagement by Matthew’s then putative father in law has placed Matthew on the brink of financial ruin. He is determined to exact his revenge: ruin his fiance and her father.

While Matthew initially decries love (because he proclaimed to love his fiancee deeply), he is attracted to his new sister-in-law, Patience. She is close in proximity, living in his brother’s home. Somehow Matthew knows that Patience is sexually submissive and he sets out to please her and himself by drawing out and exploiting, for her benefit of course, her hidden submissive desires. How Matthew knows Patience is submissive is unclear. Perhaps there is an eau de soumise that the body emits and causes nearby cocks to throb, pulse, swell, ache, and twitch. (Matthew’s cock is so vividly described in with these adjectives that one brings to mind the pulsing heart ripped from the body to pump helplessly in the hand of the villain).

Patience is a virgin but she responds positively to Matthew’s suggestions that he knows just what she wants, what she needs. In the oft read excerpt, Matthew, after only one sexual encounter with Patience, whisks her away from a ball to an upstairs bedroom where she is ordered to remain tied to the bed, in the exact position until he returns. Shades of Secretary here, but Patience lies still for a long time, falling asleep in fact, soothed by the domination of a real man, until Matthew returns to give her surcease in her favorite fashion. Which is, of course, allowing her to deep throat him until she feels him in her esophagus. The feel of his “organ of dominion” in her mouth followed by fierce ejaculate, “like the fiery waters of the river Styx” makes her find her “rapture.”

Her mouth was stretched and full of him. Her hips tilted and gyrated, and her clitoris flamed with the need to be possessed.

…. And with each fury of thrusts, his cock seemed to sink deeper, filling and stretching the entirety of her throat.

… His fingers tightened in her hair, and crouching like some fallen angel, he shuddered over her, thrusting his organ of dominion into her with a wild and unrelenting ferocity. …

And in her mouth, Patience felt his come pulse up his cock before it spewed down her throat. And like the fiery waters of the river Styx, his come was a fierce and flowing tide.

As he ejaculated his hot, glutinous seed, her blood roared and her heart thundered. And, though he gave no touch to her straining cl!toris, she found her rapture while drinking voraciously of the virile communion he fed her.

I appreciate how quickly the religious imagery is brought to bear here, to warn, err provide foreshadowing, of things to come. The use of this is typology, a theological doctrine in which what is found in the Old Testament is not literal but serves as an allegory or foreshadowing for the New Testament events. The most commonly known type/shadow is the Jonah and the Whale story wherein Jonah is swallowed by the whale as a consequence of his sin. Jonah resides in the belly of the whale for three days and nights. This is an allegory for Christ’s death on the cross and his subsequent resurrection three days later. Is it any coincidence that this book is published so soon after Easter? I think not.

(As an aside, I believe that the whole of my religious upbringing was undertaken to allow me to adequately review this book. In fact, my entire purpose for being might now be complete).

Of course, Patience does not truly understand the beauty that Matthew is trying to draw out and from time to time will disobey him. For instance, when he tells her not to move, sometimes she moves a step or attempts to scamper from the room knowing full well that Matthew can catch her in two steps. Thank god that Matthew has Job-like patience because how else will he ever be able to make Patience realize the full potential of her true submissive nature.

Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

James 5:11

Matthew recognizes the truth in life. Eve was created for Adam and like Eve, Patience must be comfortable in her nakedness and receptive the pleasure that Matthew is trying, so hard, to provide her.

"You will learn to be completely comfortable in your nakedness, Patience." He pulled firmly on his cods and stroked himself steadily as he spoke to her. "Many women can only bear their own nudity during the throes of their passion. You, however, will relearn what it is to be Eve. Eve, who was created to pleasure and serve her husband in all things. Eve, who was created to be pleasured and protected by her husband in all ways."

Patience doesn’t really absorb these lessons and tells Matthew that she will be leaving for London shortly to take lessons from a cello master. She will be his first female student. (In an amazing coincidence Matthew is also a celloist and he trained under the London cello master). It’s like God created Patience just for Matthew. A submissive woman who plays the cello to match Matthew, the dom, who plays the cello. Given Patience’s ability to blow Matthew’s horn, it really seems more appropriate that she play a wind instrument but that is such a minor detail amongst all the rest of the insanity.

Patience’s refusal to understand what is good for her leads to one of the darker but more glorious moments of the book (and by glorious, I mean so horrific that I still have nightmares about it and no rock ballad from the 60s has been able to dispel this scene from my mind), Matthew is forced to run after Patience, spank her over 50 times, leash her, arouse her to the point of orgasm again and again, and then, graciously allows her to hump his leg for release. That Matthew. He’s a giver.

And then he pulled her to the right with the leash. "Use my leg."

Patience fairly leapt upon him. Sitting on her heels, she straddled his foot with her splayed knees …

Sucking in her breath, she hammered against him. …And then she squeezed her eyes shut, and with a long and throaty cry, her cl!toris ruptured, filling the entirety of her body with the hot and succulent nectar of submission.

I believe that the “hot and succulent nectar of submission” is the source of the eau de soumise.

And just when I thought I read everything, comes the literal truth hinted at throughout the book. To wit, God created woman to be dominated by man. It is a Biblical imperative for women to submit in all things. You do not give the scripture so I will quote it for you

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-33

You see, Matthew knew from a young boy (12) that he was meant to be a dominant, from the time that he “ripped the belt that was meant for me from my governess's hand, pushed her over my school desk, and belted her bare bottom."

As he grew older, he gravitated toward bawdy houses that could fulfill his sexual predilections. In particular, he enjoyed going to one house founded by a man who “a philosophical and biblically based belief in feminine submission, and he knew I was dedicated to gaining a deeper understanding of it."

"I'll tell you something, Patience." Matthew's voice drew her attention back to him. "I think this life-one shared between a man and a woman in true and deep accordance with their natural predispositions-must be very close to the life God meant for us."

Matthew stroked his hand down her arm to her wrist. "Whether they were created individually or together"-lifting her hand, he held it against his own larger one-"did God not create Eve more delicately, more softly, because she was not meant to resist Adam, but rather to submit to him?" He brushed his nose against the skin over her pulse. His eyes closed briefly, then he turned his dark gaze back upon her. Patience felt her heart quickening. "In fact," he continued, "did He not create her so that in order to be filled with the seed of life, she must submit to Adam's penetration?"

Patience drew in her breath as he pulled her hand down and pressed it to his thick erection. "Men carry the staff of their dominance between their legs, Patience." He held his hand over hers and thrust against her palm. "What greater proof could there be that feminine submission is God's will?"

Unfortunately while Patience and Matthew might have found sexual bliss, Patience does not believe in Matthew’s love. Further, Matthew is consumed by his desire for revenge which Patience finds quite distasteful.

Patience’s fear is premised on the fact that when her mother died, her older sister spent much of her time taking care of the youngest child, Primrose, and Patience’s formerly close relationship with Passion dissolved.

There are so many other epic things in this book that I did not have the space to address here. There’s the reference to Matthew as a dark angel, the bloody taking of Patience’s virginity, Patience’s years of practice with the cucumber, Matthew’s preference for sucking over fucking, the cello humping love scene, and the list goes on and on.

I have to reluctantly admire your brazenness in writing such a story, your conviction in the tale. It will no doubt engender huge response. I guess you were abiding by this scripture:

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Revelations 3:15-16. You are definitely not lukewarm. D

It’s one of those books that you must read, if only to be able to say you read it and you know from whence the term “Staff of Domination” originated. I predict it will become an iconic book within the genre when inspirational erotica really takes off.

I’ll leave you this others 60s refrain:

The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was

Best regards,


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Jane Litte is the founder of Dear Author, a lawyer, and a lover of pencil skirts. She self publishes NA and contemporaries (and publishes with Berkley and Montlake) and spends her downtime reading romances and writing about them. Her TBR pile is much larger than the one shown in the picture and not as pretty. You can reach Jane by email at jane @ dearauthor dot com


  1. Nadia Lee
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:32:59

    So what’s the grade? :confused:

  2. Leslie Jordan Dicken
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:33:57

    Meh. I didn’t read the first book and I don’t think I can stomach this one. Instead I wonder more about editors and publishers who publish this. Just because it has a lot of sexual situations, does not mean it’s a book worthy of being published.

    Thanks for taking one for the team, Jane. I’d rather not waste a few precious hours on it.

  3. Jane
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:35:14

    @Nadia Lee I gave it a D.

  4. Angela/Lazaraspaste
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:37:48

    Wow! Great review, Jane. I said it before and I’ll say it again, it sounds like the romance world’s version of Guns N’ Roses “Chinese Democracy”: much anticipated and excessive in its final, glorious disaster. I’m going to have to have this book. I’m also going have to try to work the phrase “organ of dominion” into one of my final papers.

  5. Nadia Lee
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:40:58

    @Jane: Thanks. I couldn’t find the grade in the review. (Or maybe I read too fast…?)

    BTW — the whole Biblical “obey your man/husband” thing is really creepy. Ugh.

  6. Nicole
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 10:45:44

    Wow, that book sounds awful. Not even fun awful, just awful awful. Internal organs dislodged by peen? I think not! I’m impressed that you even ventured to read Ms. Valdez’s next book.

  7. Preeti
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:11:57

    *Clap, clap, clap, clap*. Tour de force review! PASSION was hot yet laughable. By adding the domination-submission and religious elements, I have a feeling reading this one would tip me over from laughing into rage.

    Thanks for service! Even though you rightly point out this is a book to read simply because it will become part of Romancelandia’s narrative, I think I’ve picked up enough from reviews already to partake fully. :-D

  8. Kati
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:15:59

    Thank you, Jane. I read this book with a “WTF?!” face the entire time.

    The thing that got me about the book was how the heck Matthew knew that Patience was a submissive. I mean, Valdez never, ever laid even the tiniest foundation about that.

    Between that and his *endless* pontificating, this book was laughable almost the entire way through. I kept wondering why she didn’t say to him, “I know I’m a submissive, but would you please, in the name of all that is holy, shut the hell up?!”

  9. Christine Rimmer
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:17:03

    Okay, changed my mind about this… Never mind.

  10. Bonnie
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:29:06


    Suddenly, I don’t care so much that I can’t get this book on Kindle.

  11. trish
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:30:09

    WOW. Interesting review. I laughed, I cried and was amazed. It’s been so long since I read PASSION that I guess I forgot how over the top her sex scenes are. I’m really surprised a mainstream publisher would go for this. I figured the D/s stuff would be fairly mild, but the leash? I’m surprised Berkley didn’t pub this under their erotic imprint “Heat”. But I think I’m gonna read it anyway!

  12. Ridley
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:31:45

    I hated Passion quite a bit. All that womb banging, the constant use of the word “cervix” in love scenes, that Mark’s cock was repeatedly described as being 10 1/2 inches (10 inches wasn’t ridiculous enough, I guess), the gratuitous F-bombing (and I’m a Bud drinking, working-class, Boston sports fan. It takes a lot to make me think, “potty mouth.”) – safe to say, I didn’t get the hype.

    I did, however, finish it. Like Stormfire, another legendary book, I was enthralled against my will and had to know how it ended. So I had read the excerpt for Patience, and being a huge fan of blow jobs (best sentence ever, imo) and especially of hair-pulling, D/s flavored blow jobs, I’ve been dying to read this one.

    Good to know that it’s no less ridiculous than its predecessor. That’s not really a surprise, but I did hope 5 years might have mellowed the purple prose and foolish obsession with dick size.

    I’m still going to read it, D grade or not, once I figure out how to get it in ebook form. Books that ridiculous need to be read.

  13. Janet P.
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:34:50

    Thank the Deities above for the Penguin/Amazon contract dispute that kept my $6 safely in my wallet.

  14. Kelly L.
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:40:32

    I had heard before that it was bad, but I didn’t know it was bad with a side order of preaching. Eeeuurrrrgh!

  15. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:44:00

    The excerpt from Passion was enough to tell me that this was NOT a book for me. Seems like Patience takes it to a whole new level of dreckatude, warning me in flashing neon to avoid this author at all costs.

    Thanks for taking one for the team (so to speak).

  16. Jen X
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:50:14

    I didn’t care for PASSION so I wasn’t planning to read this but I know that alot of people have been anxiously awaiting PATIENCE. Obviously, Ms. Valdez has an audience. I think if they would simply market this book and her previous one as erotica it would save everyone alot of pain.

  17. willaful
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:50:34

    Now me, I want to read it even more! ;-) Thanks for the hilarious review!

  18. Babs
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:56:17

    Wow. I didn’t think it could get worse than PASSION but apparently I was wrong…! Yet I am strangely tempted to read it.

    Must. Resist.

  19. Nadia Lee
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 11:58:31

    I still haven’t read PASSION. It’s on my TBR right now. You’re making me very worried.

  20. CathyKJ
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:02:43

    I haven’t read Passion, actually hadn’t heard of it before today, I think. As I was reading this review I (honestly) kept checking the date thinking this must be an April Fool’s joke.

    I think I’m glad this isn’t available for the Kindle, otherwise I might be tempted to spend the $6 or so to read the trainwreck for myself. Probably best not to.

  21. Robin
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:04:45


    The thing that got me about the book was how the heck Matthew knew that Patience was a submissive. I mean, Valdez never, ever laid even the tiniest foundation about that.

    Well, of course; he used his hero’s x-ray vision! It comes with a free girl-speak decoder ring and feelings translator.

    I am *so* gonna read this one. I actually enjoyed Passion, despite the, uh, excesses. I think it was the way Valdez managed the Victorian setting — not historically *accurate,* per se, but still somehow fitting for the voice/characterization of the novel and well-suited to the particular campiness of the book. Am hoping the camp in her writing carries this one, too.

  22. Christine M.
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:06:27

    Am I the only here who winced and squeezed her tighs when she read that Patience’s cl!toris ruptured!?!?!?!

    I now know why men hurt when they see another guy getting kicked in the nuts…… *shudders*

  23. Ridley
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:11:37

    @Christine M.:

    Please say that she used the term incorrectly or figuratively. Please.

  24. Christine M.
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:19:10

    @Ridley: It’s ambiguous to say the least from the quote Jane put in the review but even if it was figurative… that first image that poped in my mind? Not pretty. Not pretty at all. And it *hurt*.

    There are only so many images you’re allowed to used to imply a woman had an orgasm. That’s not one of them IMO.

  25. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:21:15

    @Jen X:

    I think if they would simply market this book and her previous one as erotica it would save everyone alot of pain.

    Not in my opinion. The problem here isn't that the book is too hot or too erotic, it's that the writing is too purple, and the ideas behind it (the whole dom/sub thing) is expressed in a way that is simply squicky (whereas other authors can handle this scenario and not make me want to laugh and/or shower).

  26. Ridley
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:24:55

    @Christine M.:

    Ah, now I see it. I’m gonna call that figurative, as well as inadvisable word choice.


  27. Jen X
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:33:09


    I see what you mean. I just figured it would be better catagorized as erotica b/c I personally allow for more “excesses” (ex: 10.5 inches of anything, LOL) and fantastical situations in erotica moreso than I would in mainstream romance. But you are right, what detracted me from PASSION was the heavy writing and not the hero’s, uhm, potency.

  28. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 12:53:41

    I’ll totally agree that these are likely to be “erotic romances” based on what I’ve seen of them, but I don’t think that label alone would prepare me for the onslaught of purple prose and cringe worthy descriptions (I’m with Riley on the horror of a rupturing clitoris *shudder*).

  29. Carolyn Jewel
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 13:16:54

    Holy . . . uh, moley.

    Seriously. I haven’t read the book so I guess I won’t comment further.

  30. katiebabs
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 13:17:42

    All about the cucumbers and the river Styx!

  31. Mireya
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 13:28:10

    So, what is all the hype about … I’ve read people talking about “Passion” and how much they were looking forward to this one, etc… and I yet have to figure it out. And no, don’t tell me to read it. I have had “Passion” in my TBR pile for years now… and now I have even less inclination to go read it :P

  32. Karen Scott
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 13:46:27

    I’ll deffo be reading Patience. I rather enjoyed Passion, Mark’s massive wanger notwithstanding.

  33. Mari
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 14:01:48

    To all those with “P” in the TBR pile, go ahead and read it, this is just one review and ALOT of people have liked it and read it.

    In all seriousness, could not disagree more with the “Passion” comments. I thought it was brilliant in its description and utter honesty of eroticism and, well, “passion.” Valdez is looking for almost a new “language” to describe the bone deep linking (har) between erotic love and spiritual love. And I admire her reach (maybe not the reach of her male characters though, har.) if not her excution, a point that Jane makes.

    I found “Passion” to be a compelling, even hypnotic read and unique. Says something about a writer if she can generate (with only two books!) this much buzz, while writers with twenty or thirty books to their credit barely make a ripple with each new release. Proves its quality and not quantity that counts.

    Can’t wait to read “Patience.”
    Seems to me this is a book you either love or hate and kudos to Jane for aknowledging the pull it is likely to have on readers inspite of the disdain being heaped on it here.

  34. Amy
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 14:23:09

    I bought Passion based on the amazing number of of positive reviews on Amazon. This was back in the day when I didn’t pay close enough attention to the negative reviews. I have no trouble with erotica and in fact read quite a bit when the mood strikes me. But Passion was so bad and the sex scenes so laughable that I sort of jumped and skipped through the book, reading perhaps about 50% of it in detail. I kept going because I thought to myself “It must get better. All those Amazon reviewers think so!” [rolling eyes.] I couldn’t even add that book to the library donation pile when the time came to clear my selves; I didn’t want to burden some other reader with that cra*. So Passion went into the trash/recycling pile.

    I honestly couldn’t figure out why so many folks online (and even on posts here at DA) kept talking about how eagerly they were waiting for the release of Patience. This review just reaffirms my desire to never spend our hard-saved money for any Lisa Valdez book.

  35. anon
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 14:28:02


    It always amazes me, the way one reader’s quality is another reader’s garbage.

    “Garbage” being the word that came to mind when I read the excerpts.

    I can’t imagine reading an entire novel written like that. It’s about as off-putting a thing as I’ve read in romance fiction.

    And yet some people seem to love it.

    As I said, amazing.

    I guess if all readers liked the same thing, it would be a very boring world.

  36. Ridley
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 14:34:20


    Proves its quality and not quantity that counts.

    I think the axiom you were looking for was actually “You will never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”

  37. John J.
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 14:34:27

    This sounds…painful and confusing, in that order. The first time I read the review I laughed, because the over the top writing is just…yeah. The second time, I swear I cringed a million times. HOW IS WRITING THAT SEXY? Matthew sounds like a freaky pervert/stalker/rapist! Cucumbers? CELLO HUMPING? I’m sorry, but I fear I either have to read book one simply because it seems so absurd to combine obvious biblical allegories and questionable erotica…or I may have to read some Harlequins to get my romantic sanity back after the excerpts you’ve put in….*shudder*

  38. Sue T
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:11:23

    Ew, just ew. How can that over-the-top prose even be taken seriously? Triple, ew.

  39. Cristiane
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:19:38

    He pulled firmly on his cods and stroked himself steadily as he spoke to her.

    What, he has fish down there? No wonder her clitoris ruptured.

  40. Robin
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:21:36

    re. erotica v. Romance, Valdez’s comments here are pretty interesting:

    I am trying to figure out if she doesn’t think erotica exists or she doesn’t think anyone can have sex outside of love, or what, but I really wish someone who is versed in BDSM would comment on her remarks related to the submission/dominance dynamic in the novel.

  41. meoskop
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:39:28

    What’s that word for me enjoying your pain? The non-sex related one?

    So, so much. I might have to take up smoking.

  42. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:43:17

    First, I just threw up a little in my brain. Clearly the lurid, purple prose in her books IS her voice. She just can't help it.

    As for the dom/sub thing, she makes the same error that I see repeated in almost ALL romance BDSM books: that the dom is the “controlling” partner. This couldn't be further from the truth. The sub is the one in control in all things. That's the whole point. The sub sets the limits, the sub draws the lines, the sub gets to say no, always. Makes me bloody nuts when I see what is basically rape and abuse trotted out and held up as BDSM. Ugh.

  43. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 15:44:10



  44. Meljean
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 16:37:52

    Count me as someone who enjoyed Passion, and who has been looking forward to this one … and still really curious about how Valdez handles the romance overall.

  45. CourtneyLee
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 16:42:37

    I knew when I saw “BDSM” and “Inspirational erotica” in the tag list that this review was going to be a doozy. I hadn’t heard of Passion, either, but it looks like I’ve learned all I want to know about either book. Unquestioning female submission as a biblical imperitive? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    As for Matthew knowing Patience was submissive with no outward clues, why, it was his subdar, of course! All good doms have it, didn’t know know?

    @TKF That drives me nuts, too, when I come across it. Luckily, I’ve read a lot of BDSM from online erotic romance publishers and they often (not always; every barrel has its bad apples) offer books that hold the safeword and the true nature of the D/s power balance as sacred as it is held in real life.

  46. TKF
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 16:49:02


    Well that’s good to hear! It’s not my lifestyle choice, but I do know a lot of people who are in the scene (like my sister’s roommate who’s one of the top female doms in San Francisco).

  47. Lynn
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 16:57:11

    Jane, thanks for the review.

    I didn’t care for “Passion” due to the OTT writing. There was just too much of everything in the book. The characters had some growth at the end of the book, but most of the growth was focused on Mark’s 10.5 inch wang. Plus she cried ALL of the damn time. Well, I granted her a tear or two at the cervical breeching and organ rearranging part. I don’t mind some hot sex scenes in books, in fact I prefer it, but come on. Enough is enough. I got bored after the first Crystal Palace public up against the wall screw weeping body parts experience.

    I swore I wouldn’t read “Patience” after reading “Passion” last month, but now I’m just morbidly curious after reading your review. (Kind of like when you see a wreck on the side of the road).

    Alas, I’ll have to wait until it’s available for my Nook. Right now it’s only at Sony and Mobipocket. So, I’ll just bide my time and read the comments here.

  48. katie
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 17:10:57

    Is the reviewer offering the sciptures quotes, or are they in the book?
    If they are not, I don’t understand the use of them.

  49. Debra
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 17:19:52

    I have to say I read Patience and I really liked it. For me it became a book about trust. The BDSM didn’t bother me, trust me I have read others that were more then this one. I liked how Matthew and Patience were. And the chapter where he finely got Patience to tell him her feelings and how she reacted with the chello was great. I could not put this book down.

    I enjoyed the first book, and I really liked this one.

  50. Janine
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 17:38:53

    I am *so* gonna read this one. I actually enjoyed Passion, despite the, uh, excesses. I think it was the way Valdez managed the Victorian setting -‘ not historically *accurate,* per se, but still somehow fitting for the voice/characterization of the novel and well-suited to the particular campiness of the book. Am hoping the camp in her writing carries this one, too.

    This captures my feelings about Passion exactly. I definitely plan to read Patience.

  51. Shuzluva
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 18:35:21

    Amazing review, Jane. I don’t think I can stomach this after reading Delicious. There’s only so much insanity one can handle in a certain amount of time.

    I’m interested in eau de soumise. Do you get a free gift when purchasing at Bloomingdales?

  52. Throwmearope
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 18:52:51

    Years ago I had a patient who during “the best sex of her life” ripped her renal artery off of one of her kidneys. (Hint: the kidneys are really, really far away from the vagina.)

    Dang near bled to death, had to have 4 blood transfusions, emergency surgery, lost a kidney. . .

    So, of course, I had to ask her if it was worth it.

    She said it certainly was.

    Lots of speculation in the ER about the size of her partner’s appendage.

  53. Jill Sorenson
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 19:00:24

    Good review! I think I’ll try Passion first and go from there. I’ve enjoyed some pretty over-the-top erotic historicals (Susan Johnson, Cheryl Holt) so I might like this.

  54. Ann Bruce
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 19:18:53

    @Jill Sorenson: If you really want to try Passion, e-mail me your addy and I’ll send you my copy.

  55. Bonnie
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 19:25:29


    “Years ago I had a patient who during “the best sex of her life” ripped her renal artery off of one of her kidneys. (Hint: the kidneys are really, really far away from the vagina.)

    Dang near bled to death, had to have 4 blood transfusions, emergency surgery, lost a kidney. . .”

    Sweet Jesus.

  56. Keishon
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 20:16:22

    I enjoyed Passion but will pass on the sequel. Sorry. After five years, I’ve moved on. The thrill is gone, folks, the thrill is gone.

  57. Kaetrin
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 20:46:16

    hmmm…. very concerned about the ruptured clitoris and is his ejaculate really an Indian spice (or was that a typo)?

    enquiring minds and all that. :)

  58. Jill Sorenson
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 21:01:39

    @Ann Bruce: Oh, thanks so much! I’ll take you up on that. I’ve been meaning to read this book for ages. :)

  59. loonigrrl
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 21:15:37

    Great review, Jane. Still can’t believe it’s finally published.

    I’ll probably read it . . . eventually, but I’m in no rush.

  60. Maura
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 22:04:14

    …..If she’s been practicing on cucumbers, surely she shouldn’t be bleeding the first time she experiences Matthew’s cucumber. Oh my.

  61. Lynn
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 23:03:38

    @Maura: In the first book all the sisters were orally practicing on said cucumbers…together….unless Patience went rogue and practiced on her own. But I haven’t read Patience, so I can’t confirm any private practice on her part.

    Luckily for Mark and Matthew, England was home to some very large and seedy cucumbers.

  62. Anon76
    Apr 06, 2010 @ 23:08:46

    I’ll admit I’d never heard of this author or her debut book before.

    But now…I think I’m in the league with the morbidly curious. I may very well have to get these books just to say I read them.

    Kinda like when I had to have the Beauty Trilogy books written by Anne Rice under a psuedonym.

  63. EC Sheedy
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 00:21:28


    This was just too damn funny! I am so glad I wasn’t drinking, or I’d have been forced to sue for computer rupturing.

  64. Brooke N.
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 03:09:04

    Sweet. Jesus.

  65. Anonny
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 05:32:55

    This makes me sad for all the struggling authors out there who don’t know the key to a publishing contract is a ruptured clitoris.

  66. CEAD
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 06:53:04

    This review is a very strong contender for “best review of anything ever”. I had to read it twice.

    My reaction to Passion was very mixed, and I hadn’t made up my mind whether to take a chance on Patience or not. Now I’m torn between wanting to say I’ve read it and not wanting to actually spend money on it. Generally I enjoy period-set erotica, including BDSM, but this religious stuff and the “You’re a sub because I said so, hold still so I can rearrange your anatomy, boink boink boink”… eh, not so much.

  67. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:01:40

    @Kaetrin I think his ejaculate really is an Indian spice.

  68. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:01:59

    @Keishon That thrill can be renewed and you know it.

  69. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:02:49

    @Maura She only practiced oral on the cucumbers. She got to be so good that she wouldn’t strip even one thread off the skin of the cuke.

  70. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:03:21

    @Lynn I think that they practiced together but I also think Patience practiced on her own.

  71. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:07:07

    @Throwmearope wow, it … I… hmmmmmm

  72. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:07:44

    @Shuzluva No because it is terribly expensive. I mean, it is only harvested from the sweet nectar of submissives

  73. katiebabs
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:09:16

    I wonder why Valdez didn’t have a cucumber scene with Patience and Matthew? Too shocking? But then again Patience didn’t mind get smacked on the ass almost on every page from the middle of the book to the end.

  74. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:10:00

    @John J. Yes, a friend of mine despaired that I wasn’t able to fit in more of the naked cello playing but alas, you can only include so much in a review.

  75. Jane
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 07:15:03

    @Kati You have a good point. Matthew was rather didactic in his position on “MAN THE DOM”

  76. Mari
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 08:55:42


    Nope. That wasn’t the axiom I was looking for. Stand by my opinion. I have sat on many book awards committees and as another reader pointed out, if we all liked the same things it would be a very boring world. One thing that always impressed me was it didn’t matter how intelligent and well educated the members of the committee were, with advanced degreess and whatnot, it all came down to our subjective personal opinions regarding the books. Can’t tell you how many books were voted “best” that left me shaking my head in wonderment and throwing up my hands.

    And I can guarentee this book would probably divide us sharply down the middle, with both sides unable to see the POV of the other. Doesn’t make anyone “right” or “wrong” -its all just opinion.

    I like Jane’s reviews, they are intelligent, well written and thoughtful. And give me something to chew over in my mind. But I like them even more because I know when she really hates a book, its a sure sign I will like it and vice versa. I’ve had the experience many times (not even nessescarily with the reviews on this site) of running out to buy a book after a reviewer reccomends it and then wondering what the heck the reviewer was reading, because the book I was reading was lousy as all get out! Or maybe not really “lousy,” just not to my own taste.
    So I tend to read reviews with a very jaundiced eye, keeping in mind my own taste and what I want in a romance book.

    As I say, its all very subjective. So if I ever publish my own book, all I can say it, hopefully I will react (heh, probably not! :( ) with a big shrug when I read “D” reviews of it, and not get too excited if it gets really well-reviewed.

    I guess if you really liked “Passion” you will like “Patience,” all I can say don’t be put off by all the scorn here, Passion did win a whole bunch of awards, the opinions expressed here don’t reflect the opinions of lots and lots of other people. That’s my opinion and I am sticking to it. :)

  77. KMont
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 09:13:27

    My passion and patience to read this book just wilted. Completely. It’s dead. I think it was when I read that he’d leashed her. In addition to the order to get her hump on, well, any appeal the book may have had just went down the shitter.

  78. Janet P.
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 10:28:44

    As I recall Passion and Mark, all the weeping, pulsating over large body parts aside, not to mention Passion’s amazing ability to self-dilate her cervix to open her womb to accept those full 10.5 fully veined inches … it was a LOVE story. Neither were ever an unwilling participant in the relationship that I recall. Nobody had to be spanked, restrained, abused or otherwise taught to accept their role.

    To me this whole thing sounds creepily Stockholm Syndrome-ish and about as far from romantic as it could possibly get.

    BDSM is very difficult to write well but the key point that separates many of these acts from rape is the fact that a partner submits himself or herself willingly to it. The fact that some sort of orgasm is eventually achieved is certainly not proof of consent.

    I haven’t read Patience, I don’t know if I will read Patience — but I’m not seeing any of the strength of the first book in this review.

    And yeah, I think I’m also finding myself morbidly curious. LOL

  79. TKF
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 10:50:22

    I was thinking that the axiom we were all looking for is “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

    That said, after reading the excerpts and reviews of both books, I’m going to have to leave these books in the “garbage” category. I just can't get past the writing. It's sooooooooo awful (lurid and purple), as opposed to say Julia Ross and Pam Rosenthal who manage to pull off hot and lyrical.

  80. Ridley
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 11:19:49


    Pfft, but where’s the snark in that?

  81. TKF
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 11:51:15


    “One’s man’s trash is another man’s treasure . . . but it’s still trash.”


  82. Tanya
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 17:43:09

    I’m not into the whole dominance and submission thing, especially all that stuff about spanking. However, I loved Passion and I also love Lisa’s writing, so I think I’m still going to order a copy of Patience.

    To paraphrase what somebody else said, if we all liked the same things, the world would be pretty f*****g boring. :-D

  83. Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense. - Southern Fried Chicas
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 20:33:33

    […] such an exceptional writer, that I’m going to give the book a chance. Dear Author panned it (Grade: D), but AAR gave it a thumbs up (Grade: B).  So, like Passion, it appears that Patience is a book […]

  84. Denise
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 06:52:29

    Ugh. After reading the excerpts with prose that is almost day-glo purple and describe what sounds like agonizingly painful sex, I’ll pass.

    A couple of years ago I might have wondered how something this bad got published. No longer. There’s something supremely marketable about this kind of stuff. People talk, reviews pour in, folks want to read, even if it’s just out of morbid curiosity. The train-wreck factor definitely sells. Ms. Valdez has managed to capture the all important but often elusive buyer fascination.

    The cover is lovely, but if the excerpts are representative of the overall content, I’ll hold on to my cash. Rupturing clits, a man who ejaculates cumin and stretches a woman’s throat during fellatio (obviously her gag reflex is nonexistent) just gives me the crawlies. No thanks.

  85. Jen X
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 08:23:31


    I agree with you. Reviews are subjective. I have read reviews that trashed books I loved. Here on DA, when a bad review is posted there is a lot of piling on. I know Ms. Valdez has alot of fans and they shouldn’t be snarked to death.

  86. Jody W.
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:22:18

    Apparently the spice must flow. I heard it controls the universe? That would explain things.

  87. GrowlyCub
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:28:20

    I just finished Patience. I liked it.

    Not as much as ‘Passion’, mostly because I’m not Christian so that whole ‘you need to be Godly’ bit really annoyed me. Note, however, that I’m not talking about the submission/bible parts here, at all, but the ‘you have to forgive your enemies’ bit that has always baffled me about the faith.

    I felt the book started strong but then it got too symbol heavy for my taste and it lost some of its immediacy due to the (wait for it, folks who know me, know what’s coming) unnecessary suspense plot that Jane so rightly describes as part of Matthew’s character arc.

    As to those who have not read the book but voiced BDSM issues: there is a safe word and when Patience uses it, Matthew honors that completely.

    At no point did I feel Patience was doing anything she did not want to, even though nominally Matthew was the one in control. There are many instances that describe how at peace, content and happy she felt in her submission, as I’ve read in other books that have been lauded by folks who live BDSM.

    I admit the ‘ruptured clitoris’ made me wince and there were 4 or 5 instances where author and copy editor really fell down on their job with regard to what words *really* mean and how one uses them correctly in the English language.

    As to how Matthew knew Patience was a sub, I’m kind of surprised at the amount of sneer evinced in the comments (especially by those who profess they haven’t read the book) because in real life people do recognize each other.

    I’d really like to know what Valdez would have had to do to make folks believe that one person could recognize similar inclinations in another. Especially in light of the fact that Dahl wrote a novella in which the protagonists recognize each other and their sexual preferences right off the bat and nobody blinked an eye at that.

    As I’m not in the scene or however the correct expression is, I’d love to hear from somebody who is, how they know/find out if somebody they meet is interested in the same direction.

    Suffice it to say, I had no issue with that part of the story.

    I doubt, Patience is going to be a frequent re-read for me, but mostly due to the ‘turn the other cheek’ New Testament rather than the Old Testament ‘women are submissive to men’ doctrine.

  88. Jane
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:34:06

    @Jody W. I have to do a mea culpa here. I wasn’t sure what the Indian spice referred to until I read the comments left recently. Yes, that is a total typo on my part. I had emailed an excerpt to a friend and changed the word because of her work filter and I didn’t catch it when I pasted it here. I’m so sorry for that misrepresentation. Carry on.

  89. Jane
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:36:33

    @GrowlyCub I think Dahl made an effort to show why there was this instant attraction between the characters and the woman in Dahl’s story tests out her assumption by subtlety propositioning the sheriff. There is no subtlety here (I don’t think Valdez is capable of it) nor does Matthew test out any assumption. He does not assume. He knows. It’s the knowing without any signs that is questionable here. Valdez has a very heavy hand and she wields it in all aspects. It is part of her strength – the certainty of her voice and story – but it is also a great weakness.

  90. Jody W.
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:48:08

    @Jane: So there’s no mention of spice in the book?? The sandworms are v. sad. But they’re a bit bigger than 10.5 inches, so…

  91. GrowlyCub
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 09:48:46


    I thought the first kiss set the scene for how both of them knew what the other wanted and that they were compatible in that regard. Uncertainty has not ever been a hallmark I’ve seen described for a dom. Maybe I’m not reading the right books.

  92. Allison
    Apr 08, 2010 @ 13:51:33

    I enjoyed the story. For all it’s over-the-topness, I thought Patience was a good emotional read. I do still have a preference for Passion… maybe it’s like how (movie) sequels are never quite as impactful (is that a word…) as the original.

  93. Elizabeth Gunther
    Apr 16, 2010 @ 00:35:53

    What is really sad is that I remember the submission Bible verse from Church–a 7th grade girl had the privilege of reading it for Class Mass in 2000. I think it was part of the reason I stopped going to Church. The other part is the sanctimony that is the Vatican =). Anyway, I don’t think I could ever read this book…way to misogynistic for me.

  94. Selene
    Apr 17, 2010 @ 14:21:10

    I’m late to this party, but since I just finished reading Patience, I thought I'd chime in anyway.

    Looks like I'm in the minority here, but I really liked Passion. Yes, I could happily have done without the guy's huge penis and the somewhat unnecessary melodrama towards ending, but overall I thought it was a very good book because IMO Valdez managed to write her characters with that rarest of things: honesty.

    Not only were her characters true to themselves, they fought for the kind of honesty about their feelings that is difficult to share, and that ultimately
    bound them together.

    It's the kind of honesty about desire that is really rare to find in Romance, especially on the part of the heroine. In this sense the book reminded me of Robin Schone, because she also often builds tension between her characters by having them almost force honesty from each other about their desires, physical and otherwise.

    Regarding Patience, I find myself much in agreement with GrowlyCub. I was not overly fond of the beginning, which lacked setup of the characters (IMO she should have written the first chapter from the heroines POV, but that's an aside), and the ending, which was rushed and filled with religious messages that annoyed me. (I also didn't like the references to Eve and submissiveness and a woman's “role”.) Sometimes the prose was a bit purple, but most of the time it was straightforward and refreshingly without annoying euphemisms. I liked to read all the f*cks, c*nts and so forth. :-)

    Aside from this, however, IMO Valdez did a good job with the BDSM. Before they have any sex whatsoever, Patience tells Matthew what is off limits. He gives her a safe word. (Bonus points for not talking about all these things as if negotiating some sort of BDSM contract between two experienced dom/subs!)

    Even after all this, Matthew starts off by giving her every opportunity to consider what she's getting into and walk out on him if she wants to. She stays because submitting makes her happy.

    Yes, Matthew spanks Patience and what not, and she disobeys him to test him. To me, it is quite clearly stated in the novel that she is worried he will leave her, that everything will fall apart (like it did for her in the past.) Instead, he is saying “Don't worry. Whatever you do, I won't bail out. I'll be here for you. I will take care of you, and cherish you, and give you what you need and want.” Bear in mind here that she wants to submit, that it turns her on to do so. His spanking and punishing her is the equivalent of some other guy waiting for his woman when she comes home with the house cleaned, the bathtub full of scented water, followed by dinner, a massage and foreplay to make you swoon. It's the dom giving the sub what she wants. What is more romantic than a guy making a lot of effort to really care for his lover?

    Anyway, IMO, Matthew was less of a mind reader than many a Romance hero. The initial kisses between them foreshadow their relationship, and it actually takes him a lot of time and effort to get under Patience skin, figure her out, and help her get over her past.
    (Which I am incidentally very happy didn't include any abuse–the normal “reason” for sexual submissiveness in Romance.)

    All in all, not a perfect book, no, but one that is definitely worth reading.


  95. Kendra
    May 07, 2010 @ 08:35:43

    @Mari: I agree with you Mari. I think its all subjective,I personally loved Passion and couldn’t wait for the new book. I like the more erotic romances. Love Lora Leigh, she is super erotic.

  96. Jennie
    Jun 20, 2010 @ 22:31:54

    I have about 80 pages to go, and I have to say that I could really do without knowing the status of Patience’s clitoris every other page. I get it. It’s throbbing. It’s pulsing. It’s aching. Occasionally, it’s bloated (imagery I could do without, honestly). I think the book would be a lot shorter if the reader were just given to assume that Patience’s clitoris was throbbing at all times and save the status updates for when something changes.

    Besides that, I’m really starting to hate this book. BDSM is so not my thing, but I knew that the book was about that before I bought it, so I don’t blame it for that. But bringing the “staff of dominance” into it and making it sound like all relationships should be male-dominated because it’s in the Bible – yuck, yuck, yuck. If I weren’t an inveterate book-finisher, this one would be hitting the wall.

  97. Review: Patience by Lisa Valdez | Smexy Books
    Apr 11, 2011 @ 14:08:49

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  98. Never Say Never Again | Emma Barry
    Mar 03, 2014 @ 00:04:18

    […] their legs …What greater proof could there be that feminine submission is God’s will?” In its review Dear Author went as far as to characterize the novel as “inspirational […]

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