REVIEW: Double Dare by Jeanne St. James
Dear Ms. St. James,
This book put me to sleep. I mean, I’d had four hours sleep the night before I read it and I was in bed trying to nap, but srsly, this book totally put me to sleep. In the middle of (one of) the (many) big sex scene(s). This is Not Good.
Quinn (I could NOT get used to the fact that Quinn was a woman) had just been dumped by her boring-as-shit boyfriend of five years and was squeezed into a Pepto-Bismol pink bridesmaid’s dress trying to get completely smashed when she meets Logan, everything she thinks she doesn’t like in a man except she gets immediately wet for him. She comes on to him, he turns her down because she’s drunk, but takes her home anyway when he finds her trying to get into her car. In the morning when she’s no longer drunk and miraculously gets rid of her hangover between one sentence and the next, they go at it like bunnies. Then Logan’s boyfriend walks in. His big, black, athlete, well-hung boyfriend. Yay for stereotypes! They convince Quinn to come back the next weekend and try both of them out. She does, and they fuck like bunnies….
See what’s missing here? There’s no conflict. There’s no personal growth (although there’s a lot of growth elsewhere). There’s three people in lust, then love (so we’re told), but there’s no reason to have a story about it, except the fucking like bunnies part. And really? That’s boring when it doesn’t actually mean anything. Sure, they’re breaking a few taboos here and there (race, number of partners, etc.) but it’s bo-o-o-o-ring unless it MEANS something to the characters. Unless they have to struggle with something besides a completely under-developed superego (what will people think?) and some concerns about their parents (what would Mom and Dad say?) and a little bit of jealousy between the men, there’s nothing there, no reason for us to be watching them except for the sex, and yanno, sex like that IS just porn and is pretty boring.
“Am I your first black man?”
He ensnared her cotton top in his fist and yanked it over her head, tossing it in the same direction of his own.
“Are you frightened?”
She had on the black lacy bra she had picked up at the lingerie shop earlier in the day. She reached behind her to unsnap it, but his hands were there, brushing hers to the side. He skillfully unclipped the little eye hooks.
Her breasts, now free, peaked to hard points. Ty leaned in, but he didn’t touch them.
Instead he gave her a kiss that sent electric heat scorching through her body.
“Because I’m black?”
A shiver of arousal moved through her. “No. Because you’re too big.”
Did you really have to go there about race? I mean, really? Like having sex with a black man was something to collect? And the whole thing about a guy being too big for a woman’s vagina is anatomically a little silly. Babies come out of vaginas, yanno. We stretch. Unless he’s really monstrously huge like this guy around or this guy long (NOT SAFE FOR WORK, folks!), penises fit in vaginas, and while Tyler is supposed to be big, I don’t think he’s supposed to be as big as those two guys.
You also need to work on your dialogue a bit. I started reading because I enjoyed the dialogue in the excerpt online. But beyond that first chapter, the conversations are forced, boring, and seem to…well, peter out (harhar) when the action starts, because the point in this book is not the conversation, but the action, not the why, just the how. And like I said, that just put me to sleep.
Most of the book, to be honest, I was just wondering HOW did they do that? It was all about contortions and who put what where, rather than how they were feeling about it:
She slid back until Ty’s cock lodged between the crevice of her ass cheeks. There was no way she wanted to take him that way. She was still too sore from the first time; plus, Ty was much bigger than Logan. And Logan had been plenty enough.
She could feel the warm stickiness from his cock on her back. She leaned forward and barely brushed her puckered nipples against his abs. Just enough so they could both feel it. He clenched his abdominal muscles, and her nipples pebbled harder.
What? I mean…what? I still haven’t figured out what was going on here. Except you know what wasn’t going on? Emotions. Feelings. Any indication of what this all meant.
And then this was very odd:
Logan stiffened. He let her go and stepped back from her. “I’m not gay.”
Quinn turned and opened her mouth to argue, but quickly shut it. His expression was dark and closed. He had curled his fingers into fists, his arms stiff by his sides.
“If I were gay, I wouldn’t like women. I love women.” He shook his head, his hair sweeping against his face. He closed his eyes, took two breaths, before opening them again.
Quinn could see him visibly relax once more; his fingers uncurled, and his shoulders lowered.
“Quinn, I can see how you’d think we’re gay. But in reality, we’re bisexual.”
“Sorry.” She looked down at her bare toes. “I didn’t mean to upset you. This is all new to me.” That was an understatement.
Within two strides he had a hand under her chin and an arm wrapped around her back. He tilted her face up. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve lived with that stereotype for a long time.”
What stereotype? The one about how being in a sexual and emotional relationship with another man for five years might make people think you’re gay? As a bisexual, I do understand this issue, but really, I think Logan’s response was a little over-the-top.
Then again, both men’s motivations switch and change at the drop of a hat. Tyler is worried about Quinn coming between him and Logan, so he’s the one to suggest that they ask her to stay longer. Wha…? Logan bottoms to Tyler and realizes he hasn’t done it in a while, promising himself he’ll do it more, so he…exerts his authority over Tyler as top as often as he can. Wha…? Quinn isn’t ready to commit to her relationship with her “boys” so she stages a huge coming out spectacle at a Country Club charity auction put on by her parents. Wha…?
It’s book like this that are the reason they call romance porn for women. It’s illogical and silly, with cardboard cutout characters, bad dialogue, and weird bodily contortions. Every now and then the sex is hot, but mostly it’s just…boring.
P.S. Sod farmers?! Logan and Tyler are sod farmers? Rly?!
This book can be purchased at Loose ID in ebook format or other etailers.