Jun 20 2006
Dear Ms. McKenna:
It’s a bit ironic that I would write the following because yours is a story where I would recommend to readers to skip the story and just read the sex scenes. Because your sex scenes are pretty good. It’s when the three of the characters step outside the bedroom, or dressing room, or car, or . . . well, you get the picture, that the book falls apart. Let’s start with the beginning.
What is most important to Brianna Wyatt is threatened by her father if she does not agree to have sex with Cole Masters and beget a male heir. How would Andrew Wyatt get Cole Masters to agree to this? I have no idea. After all, according to you, “He was rich beyond measure, many times over her father's own wealth, had a powerful corporate drive, and was way younger than most of his competitors.” and “As for the man himself, she had seen him many times in the media. He was a handsome, much coveted bachelor who regularly dated beautiful, sexy women. Women who fawned over him, batting their eyelashes and cooing like imbeciles. Women who had far more experience than Brianna could ever hope to have.” Ultimately, I think that Cole doesn’t agree to it but is struck with instant hard on and must fuck Brianna or die.
Your characterization of Andrew Wyatt is a joke. He’s so insane that when he speaks to Brianna he is literally foaming at the mouth. How this insane man could run a business and be a multi millinaire is beyond me. So Cole meets Brianna. He gets immediately hard and takes her into his life. She is a virgin, of course, which is extra exciting for Cole because he can train her to be the ultimate sexual toy for he and his BFF Tyler. (BFF= Best Friend Forever). And train her he does. She has never given head before so he takes her mouth roughly because he doesn’t want to have to go back and retrain her.
If the book was just honest about itself – that is was hot sex story featuring two guys who loved to share, that would be fine. The sex scenes were hot and who wouldn’t want to be part of a Cole/Tyler sandwich or be subject to all that lavish male attention. But when you try to make this a romance, a love story between the three and that all comes about in less than 4 days, it is a laugh. Cole and Tyler love that Brianna is the ultimate sex toy who does whatever they want but I don’t think that they love her as a person. They don’t know her as a person. Only as someone who deep throats them and will obey their sexual commands without question. And all that is perfectly fine, just don’t try to make it into something more than it is.
Your attempts at creating external conflict through Andrew Wyatt and a jealous rival is also comical, in a bad way. I saw that you lived in St. Louis but the depiction of upper crust St. Louis society appeared, um, inaccurate, or at least unbelievable. Based on the bestselling status of your book, I would guess that you don’t really have to write a good believable story in order to sell. You just need to write hot sex. The real unfortunate part is that toward the latter third, we don’t even get a good sex scene until the epilogue. If you would just stick with writing the hot sex, this book would be so much better. B for the sex scenes but D for the rest of the story so a C overall.