Romance, Historical, Contemporary, Paranormal, Young Adult, Book reviews, industry news, and commentary from a reader's point of view

Big Changes to Dear Author, Goodbye For Now

litagency

Dear Author’s third anniversary is almost here on April 4, 2009. It seems like it has been far longer than three years. I’ve met so many people and learned so much about the industry in such a short time. Through the blog and through my ventures out into the world of publishing, I’ve been fortunate to meet a number of publishers, editors and authors.

It came to my attention that I could marry my love for books with my legal knowledge. In the past, I’ve been able to play matchmaker, in a low key way, with authors and editors. Several people at RWA last summer suggested that perhaps I should look at opening my own literary agency. My life was such that I felt like I couldn’t take a risk but my my circumstances have changed and I am excited to announce that I am opening Dear Author Literary Agency. I’ve signed up a couple of authors including emerging talent, Ann Aguirre whose latest novel Blue Diablo is in stores now and an exciting new organization called International Consortium of Heroes.   I know that the latter sounds a little far fetched, but this organization is a group devoted to the furtherance of romance and romance hero tropes.   It’s an amazingly interesting group of guys and their writings will be fascinating.

I’m thrilled to be evaluating literary contracts and pushing for better terms with publishers for our authors. Under the new Dear Author Literary Agency, we’ll be able to leverage our legal background to achieve superior deals. Further, we will actually be able to advise authors on exactly what each term within the contract means and how we can circumvent those clauses to our benefit. So few agencies can provide that level of service.

One of the things that I see, too often, are authors not being properly compensated for their works. I’ve got some great ideas about monetizing new streams of incomes for authors by leveraging the emerging technologies. But old ideas still have their purpose. For example, one new client we signed at DA Lit Agency found that their work was wrongfully being published in another’s book. We immediately filed a petition for damages and a request for temporary permanent injunctive relief. You can read more about the legal matter here. The authors are well known to this community and I am sorry to have to subject them personally to this matter but when faced with the facts and the law, these two authors refused to back down. It was really a personal tragedy for me. Sarah and Candy, authors of Beyond Heaving Bosoms, have decided to copy, against legal advice, literary work of another group of individuals, work that was private, confidential, and copyrighted. We are confident that the law will stand behind us despite what Simon & Schuster might claim.

Because I am going to be agenting and because of the time commitments involved in starting a new business, I will no longer be able to keep up with my obligations here at Dear Author. I wish that I could devote more time to winding up the business here and creating sufficient content to make sure that Dear Author will flourish, but I have confidence that the others can take up the void.

In any event, April 4th will be my last day of blogging here. I hope that you will all join me at the Dear Author Literary Agency site: dalitagency.com. I’ll be bringing over some of our favorite features here such as the First Page and First Sale series. Additionally, every post that I’ve written here will be exported over to the DA Literary Agency site in the near future.

It’s been a lovely time with the community here and I can’t wait to see the growth of a new community at DA Lit Agency site.

Jane Litte is the founder of Dear Author, a lawyer, and a lover of pencil skirts. She spends her downtime reading romances and writing about them. Her TBR pile is much larger than the one shown in the picture and not as pretty. You can reach Jane by email at jane @ dearauthor dot com

104 Comments

  1. MichelleR
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 03:18:14

    I have very strong feelings about your allegations against The Bitches, but I’ll take it to email!

    ReplyReply

  2. Ann Wesley Hardin
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:02:56

    Ok, you DID have me going for a few minutes– enough to read more about the ultimate Internet girl group flame war. Then I remembered the date. OMG this was good. Good I tell you! Congrats!

    ReplyReply

  3. Mireya
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:16:50

    And here I was hoping you would open an uber publishing company … oh well …

    ReplyReply

  4. Katharina
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:20:35

    Ermm, I know it’s the first of April … but I am too stupid, is there an agency now or not. … Sorry, not my brightest day, today.

    ReplyReply

  5. Sarah Frantz
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:24:50

    But….what about Dear Author? I don’t know that we can keep it going, Jane. You’re so much the backbone of this website. I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell us about this, give us some sort of advanced warning. I’m just stunned.

    ReplyReply

  6. Katharina
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:25:15

    Again me …. hahahaha, still laughing. Beyond The Codpiece. ROTFL.

    ReplyReply

  7. Jia
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:54:55

    Thanks for giving us advanced warning, you bitch.

    ReplyReply

  8. Lizzy
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 04:56:44

    Hi-larious! I love it.

    ReplyReply

  9. Barbara Sheridan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:05:30

    Heh heh. Good one.

    My fav:

    We have a sledgehammer, an ax, a mace, a club, and all kinds of other weapons from the medieval to the modern. Going with any other entertainment agency will only render you substandard service. Either you want success or you don't.

    If it wasn’t a joke you’d still probably be better than some folks I’ve come across over the years who claimed to be agents for romance authors. Just sayin’

    ReplyReply

  10. Erastes
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:13:27

    *giggling*

    Well done!

    ReplyReply

  11. Nalini Singh
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:17:05

    Wow, you guys were prepared! That was awesome.

    ReplyReply

  12. German Reader
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:18:48

    When I read the lawsuit letter about the heros’ trade secrets and the ICV my first thought was, there must be a lot of loose screws.
    But with Nipplegate, Monicagate and so many other gates in mind where the ordinary European was stunned about the land of unlimited impossibilities – who knows?
    So I googled, found the ICH website, Smartbitches reply but I didn’t find the ICV villains and then todays date hit me! Hahaha!

    You have really put a lot of effort into this!

    ReplyReply

  13. Mandi
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:21:03

    *giggles* Good thing you have Lord Perry on your side.

    ReplyReply

  14. Kristen
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:23:52

    I love how much you committed to selling this. Brilliant! lol

    ReplyReply

  15. Sonya
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:25:38

    Holy lolcats, you almost gave me a heart attack. :-)

    Well done!

    ReplyReply

  16. KristieJ
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:32:53

    OK – You had me going good there!! It wasn’t until I started reading the comments the AHA light went on!!

    Very Good One!!

    ReplyReply

  17. Bonnie
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 05:45:38

    Heh…heh…. you girls kill me.

    ReplyReply

  18. Heather Massey
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:01:51

    *wipes away copious tears of laughter*

    ReplyReply

  19. Tabitha
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:18:46

    Uggh, I almost had a panic attack, lol.

    ReplyReply

  20. Keishon
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:21:30

    Ok, today is April Fools Day. Not buying it.

    ReplyReply

  21. katiebabs
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:34:46

    Love the new page! *snicker*

    ReplyReply

  22. Nice Mommy~Evil Editor » Blog Archive » Links you must read today
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:40:15

    [...] Jane Litte to form literary agency [...]

  23. Lynne Connolly
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:42:21

    You know you’re going to get lots of submissions, right? April Fish or not, there are authors hunting down agencies as we speak!

    ReplyReply

  24. joanne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:46:43

    by Jia April 1st, 2009
    Thanks for giving us advanced warning, you bitch

    Yeah, what Jia said!

    Oh, and do you think you could take a look at the ms for my newest non-fiction-fiction? (I’d really like it to be ready before Oprah’s Christmas give-away-the-kitchen-sink show)

    ReplyReply

  25. Danielle
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:49:42

    Very funny!!!!!!!!!! You had me to for awhile — Happy April 1st Everyone.

    ReplyReply

  26. Courtney Milan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:51:45

    Jane,

    What a brilliant concept. I have always thought that increasing a revenue stream by suing your readers was the pinnacle of intelligence in terms of marketing! But you are the first literary agency to take that principle to its logical conclusion by suing the publishers. Genius! They will all be too scared to reject any manuscripts you submit.

    I salute you and your marketing chutzpah.

    ReplyReply

  27. Jennifer McKenzie
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:51:48

    Dear Miss Litte,
    What can happens when you throw pearls before swine?

    I’d like you to consider my 250,000 word erotic romance “Pigs Get Rich”. Penelope Swooner is a big breasted, hot heroine who can wield a Glock like the pros. When a mysterious mystery mucks up her vacation from the rigors of being a Navy Seal, she dives in feet first to solve it. Too bad Blade Buckley keeps distracting her from the details.
    Blade Buckley is a hunky private dick with more than just Penelope’s side arm in his sights. Their investigations cross as they try to discover why Pig farmers are suddenly dropping off like bacon at a church breakfast.

    I’m a member of RWA and my husband read this manuscript. He said I should totally query you.

    Yours Truly,
    Jennifer McKenzie

    ReplyReply

  28. Kathleen
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:52:49

    Good one! :-) And MAN you put a lot of work into this one! I clicked on a link or two, just to see how far you’d gone!

    ReplyReply

  29. Michelle W.
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:57:35

    WELL DONE!! I was totally fooled and upset about it all! You did an excellent job on pulling this one together!!

    ReplyReply

  30. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 06:57:40

    Tired of us mean girls ripping your deathless prose? Check out the new “Fluffy Bunny Reviews.”

    ReplyReply

  31. Keri M
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:08:30

    Ladies, bravo….ya’ll had me going there for one hot minute! :-) Too damn funny! I haven’t been punk’d that in a long time. My hat off to you all. ;-) I luv the fluffy bunny reviews…lol.

    ReplyReply

  32. Marcia
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:13:32

    Hold on. My friend Randy “ShottGunn” Biggs, the CEO of Bank Slush Inc. on Wall Street, said he signed on with you for his memoir entitled Raising Smart Bitcheseses Children on a Pistachio Pudding Budget. Was he drinking too much absinthe or did you guys not have time to get his info up on the site? His forty-two children want to know because they where hoping the book would sell and Poppa would give them some money for summer camp, which starts this weekend. Please. Don’t disappoint the children.

    ReplyReply

  33. Hydecat
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:15:29

    Wow, this is awesome. I especially love the ICH site.

    ReplyReply

  34. Will Belegon
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:19:14

    Impressive. Most impressive.
    >/Vader voice<

    Fantastic! Thank you for starting my day with a smile. Especially the ICH.

    ReplyReply

  35. Lori
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:25:24

    What a brilliant, not to mention hysterical, prank. Did the bitches know in advance? It would have been amazing to see their reactions.

    If you get any real queries will you let us know?

    ReplyReply

  36. Crystal Jordan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:31:14

    Beyond the Codpiece was such a great book! I’m so glad you signed the author!

    ReplyReply

  37. KCfla
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:31:56

    Well done! We’ve been Pwned by the masters!

    (and OMG- the ICH site! The gentlemens’ *snort* discriptions- hell, even their e-mail addys. Teh Funny x 10!)

    I have a pain in my side, and my cat is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. I do have a question though- where the heck to you find the time ????

    ReplyReply

  38. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:33:58

    @Marcia I did not get it. All envelopes are weighed, though, before opening to see if the Crane 110 lb Cove Wove was used. Tell him to buy using our Amazon link and resend. Sounds fabulous.

    ReplyReply

  39. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:34:41

    @Jennifer McKenzie Please send on 110 lb Crane Cove Wove paper purchased through our amazon link. I think I have a buyer for your work. If not, we can always pursue other options.

    ReplyReply

  40. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:35:45

    @Courtney Milan Thank you! I have always thought the RIAA was just one step away from true genius. It seemed like a natural conclusion to reach out to publishers in this manner. The court system is simply one tool in a whole chest full of methods authors should use to get their books published and be compensated in an appropriate manner.

    ReplyReply

  41. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:36:25

    @joanne Only if it is a true non fiction fiction memoir. Please send on Crane 110lb paper purchased through our Amazon link. Thanks!

    ReplyReply

  42. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:38:31

    @Sarah Frantz I told you about it a week ago. Twice. You forgot. Twice. Sorry.

    ReplyReply

  43. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:39:05

    @MichelleR Someone has to stand up against tyranny and I’m just the girl to do it.

    ReplyReply

  44. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 07:40:46

    @Jia Stay classy Jia. I’m sure that anyone reading your comment can’t imagine why I wouldn’t want to continue to operate here.

    ReplyReply

  45. Leslie Kelly-Parrish
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:00:34

    lolololol!!! It really is a good thing you use your powers for good.

    ReplyReply

  46. M E 2
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:01:53

    Sadly or is it fortunately, I believed it up until you brought Sarah and Candy in to it and then I was like . . . . . . nah . . . . . . .

    ReplyReply

  47. Cathy
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:08:50

    Wow, nice one! Best April Fools joke I’ve run across in a while.

    (I love that the ICH website is run by Michael Tyson, very funny.)

    ReplyReply

  48. Ann Aguirre
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:09:40

    Thank goodness I finally get to write the book of my hart. *hair-toss* I had a dream about a beautiful white stag in a forest, who turned into a sexy male, who then totally deflowered this virgin widow. I knew then I had to write this book. It was just SO POWERFUL.

    ReplyReply

  49. Silver James
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:13:43

    Jane, I’ll be submitting my 1000 page autobiography to you imediately for you to represent. I am the NEXT NORA ROBERTS!!!!!!! and teh TRUE story my wild life of unrelenting hedonism is sure to make the New York Times Best Seller list, debutting at number one!!!!! LOL. I’ll be sending the manuscript via individual emails w/ one of the 100 chapters attached to each one and then I will mail you the printed copy, two. I know you won’t mind that I used my dot matrix printer with my old ribbon. because I needed to use up that old stack of perforated paper and the ribbon. I am green, you know. Wchich is why I’m not sending a SASE envelop.

    Please send me your contract so you can start sending my masterpiece to Harlequin, HQN, Dorchester, and TOR. I know they will get in a big bidding war and I’ll make as much money as JK Rowling. Because my story is TRUE!!!!. None of that magic and stuff.

    I know you don’t want to miss this opportunity so get busy!

    **************

    Briliant job, DA and SBTB! You guys rock my socks off!

    ReplyReply

  50. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:15:46

    @Silver James OMG – I was just talking on twitter how I think I can use the litigation process more effectively as a sword for underappreciated authors. Am thinking of filing a suit against Nora Roberts and her publisher based on creating a monopoly on the bestseller list and in the hearts and minds of authors and creating an unfair restraint of trade. Please contact me off comments. !!!!

    ReplyReply

  51. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:16:13

    @Ann Aguirre I loved your story. My ladysoftness was weeping creamy thoughts at the first scene.

    ReplyReply

  52. Fae
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:19:14

    Gah, you totally had me going and my heart just fell. *thwaps you* I’m such a sucker, jeez.

    ReplyReply

  53. Jia
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:19:20

    @Jane: Whatever. If there’s someone with a problem, it’s you, not us. The readers here have no idea what kind of shit we have to put up with. At least we don’t have to deal with your bullshit anymore!

    ReplyReply

  54. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:25:41

    Damn, I was hoping we were finally rid of Jane. She’s such a prima donna.

    ReplyReply

  55. Anon76
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 08:58:26

    Okay, I was totally sucked in. My heart damn near stopped over the SB thing.

    Verra, verra, clever!

    ReplyReply

  56. Nifty
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:03:56

    Man! Until I read that cease-and-desist letter, I was thinking this was all for real. But…psych! Happy April Fools!

    ReplyReply

  57. Julie James
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:17:09

    Am thinking of filing a suit against Nora Roberts and her publisher based on creating a monopoly on the bestseller list and in the hearts and minds of authors and creating an unfair restraint of trade.

    Brilliant. Genius. I’m thinking class action and punitive damages. No one should be that beloved, successful, and good and get away with it. ;-)

    ReplyReply

  58. Sarah Frantz
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:18:14

    @Jane: I KNEW I wasn’t on some of the DA email loops. You guys are keeping me out of stuff because you don’t like teh buttsecks. I’m going over to SBTB, where they like teh ghey way more AND they swear. I’m done with ALL you guys!

    I think Robin/Janet knew about this, dammit. She was getting so sneaky on Twitter.

    ReplyReply

  59. Christine Rimmer
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:20:09

    OMG! You so got me. Please. Just don’t sue me!

    ReplyReply

  60. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:24:57

    @Julie James: Sadly, there is nothing like quoting one’s misstatements to make them appear so clear. I meant, hearts and minds of readers. I was thinking that your character Taylor, in Just the Sexiest Man Alive, she could help me in pursuing this litigation. She’s a tiger in the courtroom.

    ReplyReply

  61. Jill Sorenson
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:25:17

    Oh, man. That was cruel. I feel like such a sucker. Congrats?

    ReplyReply

  62. rebyj
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:25:31

    Sarah’s last message last night had me thinking she was dying or her husband decided he was THE BOSS and was not gonna let her do her book signing appearances LOL

    Applause to Jane and Sarah! Best April fools EVER!

    ReplyReply

  63. Silver James
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:33:38

    Am thinking of filing a suit against Nora Roberts and her publisher based on creating a monopoly on the bestseller list and in the hearts and minds of authors and creating an unfair restraint of trade.

    @Jane – ROFL… I think “authors” is apropos, too! LaNora has cowed us all! If you need a second chair for the litigation, I’ll volunteer the DH. He loves tilting at windmills and will happily work pro bono.

    ReplyReply

  64. SandyW
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:39:39

    Fabulous. Second-best April Fool prank ever. The best prank was completely ruined for me when the nurse said, ‘No, Mrs. W., You really are in labor. You're going to have a very big baby real soon.' She was correct.

    Unfortunately, you have caused me to injure myself laughing, so you'll be hearing from my attorney – just as soon as we figure out which party has the deepest pockets. The April Fool baby is now in college and costing me a mint.

    ReplyReply

  65. » I don’t like April Fool’s Day
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:41:24

    [...] Dear Author cracked me up, mostly because she would rock as an agent. And Mrs. Giggles is too funny with the [...]

  66. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:44:29

    Oh – have new sale!!

    1. In order to recoup legal costs, Sarah Wendell has agreed to sign with DALA. It’s a “licking fucking sucking dripping drumming darkness” a paranormal erotic menage romance (it’s excerpted in the back of Beyond Heaving Bosoms)

    2. to Heather Osborn at Tor, “The Angel and Angela,” under the pseudonym Sarabeth Tagen Brown, about a woman who develops the ability to see everyone’s past lives, and the angel sent from heaven to kill her

    ReplyReply

  67. Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:57:03

    Dear Jane,

    I’m hoping you can help. I originally signed with Rumpelstilzchen, LLC. My agent promised me that he could spin my story into gold and he did. It was amazing!

    I’ve been on the FairytalesRUs bestseller list for the last 52 weeks. But the thing is that all these added fees he’s charging are bankrupting me and now he wants my firstborn child. Which is rather funny when you think about it, because if he’d have asked me last week when the child was throwing a tantrum because that stupid golden goose (did I mention that RC, my agent–that’s what he’s liked to be called–got me that goose as part of my advance?) wouldn’t stop looking at my darling brat and then added insult to injury by wanting him to play. Right then and there I would’ve gladly handed the little prince charming over. But now that RC’s demanding my little prince charming, well there’s just no way.

    RC says that if I can figure out his real name that he’ll consider renegotiating my contract but each time I discover the alias or rather legal name change he had in other countries: Martinko Klingáč in Slovakia or Tom Tit Tot in England, he says that I haven’t dug deep enough.

    Yesterday, I thought I had him. I figured out the legal name change here in the States but it’s some damn princely symbol. But nooooooo….RC says that having the symbol isn’t enough, I have to be able to say his name if I want to save destiny’s child from his clutches. How the heck am I supposed to say his name when his name is some unpronouncable glyph?

    So do you think you can help?

    Signed

    Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks for the next big fashion look
    FTRU best selling author of The Impossible Task, The Hard Bargain and The Spinning Wheel

    ReplyReply

  68. ReacherFan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 09:57:41

    Jeeze – I almost had a heart attack for a moment, especially when I saw there really was another website. Sometimes I’m just so gullible. You’re better than my brother and father combined – and believe me, that’s a very big compliment.

    ReplyReply

  69. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:01:36

    @Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks: This sounds like we have a two fold issue. First the publication of your non fiction fiction memoir which, as I stated before on the DALA site, is one of the hottest sub genres around. Second, the lawsuit against your former agent. I’m happy to sue him regardless of his unpronounceable name. The fact that he is changing the terms unilaterally might give you the option to declare the contract breached and seek representation elsewhere.

    Send me your query on the 110 lb Crane’s Cove Weave Wave through my Amazon purchase link.

    ReplyReply

  70. Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:03:46

    You’ll have my query shortly although I’m not sure about the 110lb Crane’s Cove Weave Wave. How about something spun out of gold instead or perhaps goose feathers?

    TSTL

    ReplyReply

  71. Maya M.
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:04:58

    hee.

    Does the logo on the sword at the ICH site mean anything? I don’t speak headsectionese.

    ReplyReply

  72. Robin
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:04:59

    Jane, as sad as it will be to see you leave, I know you will blow the competition out of the water!!

    ReplyReply

  73. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:07:02

    @Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks: No, I am sorry we do not accept queries etched in gold. 110 lb Crane paper only. Purchased through Amazon link. Can’t you read? #queryfail #queryfail #queryfail #queryfail

    ReplyReply

  74. Casee
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:08:23

    Blonde moment 7,165.

    My mouth was hanging open as I was reading it. LOL

    ReplyReply

  75. Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:14:04

    But, Jane, my story’s special and I already have a proven FairytalesRUs track record. Surely I should be able to move to the front of the line and pick and choose the rules I want to follow. Afterall, you couldn’t possible have meant for someone with a story like mine.

    In fact, now that I think about it I’m kind of insulted that you’re even considering making submit me a query. Don’t you know how I am?

    TSTL

    ReplyReply

  76. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:14:12

    @Jayne: I’m a prima donna? Let’s see how well you coordinate all the stuff that goes on here. Ha. Don’t come crying to me when things don’t run smoothly.

    ReplyReply

  77. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:15:19

    @Jia: When you point a finger at me, four point back at you.

    ReplyReply

  78. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:16:58

    @Totally Suggesting Tye-Dyed Locks: I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m the right agent for you. Please stop questioning my procedure. If you cannot follow the guidelines then I doubt you will be able to craft decent sentences.

    ReplyReply

  79. ReacherFan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:23:10

    @Maya M

    I just looked up the motto on the sword and posted it over on Smart Bitches

    Explicit leuctotem; da mihi potum
    Work’s done. Where’s the beer?

    ReplyReply

  80. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:23:29

    You “Ha!” at me and I’ll “HAHAHA” back at you threefold. Do you know how many times I’ve re-edited your unending Tuesday lectures to the blogosphere? Fixed your links? Added book covers to reviews? I’m tired of it! Tired, I tell you!!!!!

    I feel a flounce coming on….

    ReplyReply

  81. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:28:30

    @Jayne: Flounce away sister. At least I review romance books which is more that I can say about you, Bill Bryson humorist lover. You think people want more of your love for the civil war nattering?

    ReplyReply

  82. Jaci Burton
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:31:19

    Deer Autherz

    I hopz u kin halp mee. Mai kirent agent waont selz my lotza werdz bukz ROHMNANZ 4 KITEHS reeten eentowrly in LOLspeek.

    Youz weel selz eht 4 mee 4 beeg moneez plz?

    emalz me plz nao.

    kthxbai

    ReplyReply

  83. Carolyn Jewel
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:33:11

    I’m preparing my submission now! Question: Will the hero in my proposal need a release from the ICH?

    ReplyReply

  84. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:36:44

    @Carolyn Jewel It’s pro forma for publishers to ask for release. That’s the way that it has been done in the past.

    ReplyReply

  85. Maili
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:36:55

    You’re leaving? Awesome! That means the DA reviewers can now finally realise their dream of taking over the world through this web site. The dream of making everyone amend the first letter of their given name to J. Mary? Jary! Diana? Jiana! Susan? Jusan! Natalie? Jatalie! Rosalie? Josalie! Devon? Jevon! Helen? Jelen! Elizabeth? Jlizabeth! So many possibilities.

    ReplyReply

  86. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:38:46

    You’re a bitch, Jane! I’m starting to agree with Lanaia Lee about you. Hater, mean girl!

    ReplyReply

  87. Jane
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:39:26

    @Maili Jizabeth? Really? The world, it should fear.

    ReplyReply

  88. Jess Granger
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:40:33

    I still can’t believe the work you put into this. Good job!

    Jess

    ReplyReply

  89. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:42:54

    Jizabeth? Haf to agree with Jane on that one. Almost as bad as saying a heroine is either spunky or full of spunk. Check the British meaning of the word.

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  90. Melissa Blue
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 10:48:21

    I applaud you on your efforts to fool. The websites and content priceless, but you lost me the moment you mentioned Ann Aguirre. Her agent rocks socks. You eat legal for breakfast, so it’s plausible, but no.

    ReplyReply

  91. Courtney Milan
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 11:03:23

    Dear Jane Litte,

    As I am sure you are well aware, you may not trample upon others intellectual property in your selfish grab for literary power.

    http://www.courtneymilan.com/ramblings/2009/04/01/dear-author-stop-violating-our-intellectual-property/

    For shame!

    ReplyReply

  92. Maya M.
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 11:40:31

    @Reacherfan

    Thx! Very funny. Though I’m surprised it wasn’t ‘ale’ or ‘mead’…

    ReplyReply

  93. joanne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 11:59:39

    You “Ha!” at me and I'll “HAHAHA” back at you threefold

    I’m having that put on my gravestone.
    Please feel free to dig me up and sue.

    And earlier I forgot to say Well Done Ladies!

    ReplyReply

  94. Janine
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 12:02:54

    Jane, how could you! Shame on you for recruiting us and then abandoning us to our own devices! Can’t you see that with you leaving, the rest of us are going to pieces here? Covering up our grief and sorrow with rage and bad manners? Please, Jane, don’t go! Or take me with you! I can be your slush pile reader.

    ReplyReply

  95. Kathryn Smith
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 12:17:57

    I fell for it. lol. Good job!

    ReplyReply

  96. Joonigrrl/Leslie
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 12:27:28

    Please, Jane, don't go! Or take me with you! I can be your slush pile reader.

    Traitor!!!! Pull yourself together woman!!! I say good riddance!!!

    ReplyReply

  97. Jayne
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 12:51:16

    I'm having that put on my gravestone.
    Please feel free to dig me up and sue.

    If anyone can sue dead people and win, it’s Jane. I will be retaining her legal services in exchange for reviews.

    ReplyReply

  98. Keziah Hill
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 13:55:26

    I'd like you to consider my 250,000 word erotic romance “Pigs Get Rich”. Penelope Swooner is a big breasted, hot heroine who can wield a Glock like the pros. When a mysterious mystery mucks up her vacation from the rigors of being a Navy Seal, she dives in feet first to solve it. Too bad Blade Buckley keeps distracting her from the details.
    Blade Buckley is a hunky private dick with more than just Penelope's side arm in his sights. Their investigations cross as they try to discover why Pig farmers are suddenly dropping off like bacon at a church breakfast.

    Sounds good! I’d read it!

    ReplyReply

  99. Ally @ The Cata Network
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 15:15:31

    Hilarious and well done. Thanks for letting us get in on the fun, re: The Buckillionaire's Virgin Lawyer. Oh, and thanks for the check. ;)

    ReplyReply

  100. Lynne Connolly
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 16:13:48

    Dear Agent,
    My name is Kinky Venus (well, that's not my real name, but it's the one I want to use) and I've written a book that I know you'll want to see. Think Emmanuelle meets Robin Hood, who is really a New Yorker. Teh finished book is just over 300,000 words and I wrote it by hand because I don’t believe in computers. It has taken me 20 years to write.
    The story is set in the Middle Ages, and Robin comes across from NY to fight in the Crusades. He goes to the Holy Land, and after he thrashes the Arabs, he comes home to find that wicked Prince John has grabbed his land and his woman. Robin brings back his band of Merry Women, a band of kick-butt Amazons who demand sex as their payment.
    The women attract men, and in between robbing the rich and giving it all away to the poor, they fight Prince John and attract a few men to join the band. Little John, who is really very large, converts Robin and he becomes gay in the second half of the book. When the Merry Women object, Robin orders them to perform orgies for him and John. The men join in and everybody is happy.
    The story ends when they fight Prince John and his men, and force Prince John to resign in favour of one of the Merry Women, who becomes Queen. They then return to New York, where they find more problems to overcome in future books.
    I have a history degree and I have researched the era thoroughly, so the book is sexy and historically accurate. My friends say this is the best book they have ever read. I'd like to know how you plan to sell it and where to, and when the film rights will be sold. This is only the first book. I plan to introduce Henry VIII and other well known characters from the Middle Ages into future books.

    ReplyReply

  101. Lorraine
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 19:39:50

    Wow, the organizational skills and time that went into this is awesome. It was truly lol-alicious!

    ReplyReply

  102. Kaetrin
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 20:04:18

    Wow! You so totally had me going there for a while! (In my defence, it is the 2nd of April here right now!

    ReplyReply

  103. SonomaLass
    Apr 01, 2009 @ 21:56:29

    Of all the days not to get to my blog list until evening! And to read SBTB first!! I’ll never know how I would have reacted to this post first thing in the a.m.

    Brilliantly done, and well done everyone who played along and had fun with it. I’m going to spend the next hour following all the linkety links.

    ReplyReply

  104. April Fool Jokes Are No Laughing Matter | avidbookreader.com
    Apr 04, 2009 @ 23:31:12

    [...] and had to laugh. Of course I didn’t believe this _cough_ but this was good! Also, hat tip to Dear Author for their April Fools joke this year. It was fun but, no, I wasn’t [...]

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