I do agree with the comment that while the duels may be historically accurate, I have to win the reader's trust. And I can see that this scene does not really evoke Paris since all the participants are English and the setting is a forest. Thus, I will begin in the smoky back-stage of La Folie Bergere dance-hall.

As to the horrid typos : symbols/cymbals and reins/reigns – argh!! (hitting my head). I swear that a four year old with a phonics book could beat me at scrabble. I desperately need a copy-editor!

Thanks as well to those who pointed out that I switch out of my limited omniscient perspective by describing Lucien's hands. I'll need to watch that in the future.

Again, thanks to all your wonderful comments.

And, Joanne Renauld, I hope you are already familiar with Meredith Duran's Bound By Your Touch- the hero isn't exactly a dandy, but very close in spirit. And I look forward to her new Belle Epoque novel in April!

 
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I hope Lucien is the hero, and not Max. I too have had my fill of glowering Heathcliff types. The mention of a ‘billowing cloak’ seems a bit anachronistic for the time period.

Hmmm, now this has whetted my appetite for reading romances featuring dapper Belle Epoque dandies. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Even though I liked it, I agree with a number of the comments about tone and grammar. An example of an infodump that doesn’t sound quite right is the last sentence, when Lucien thinks to himself “it was his brother, the Duke of Warwick . . .” He knows his brother is the duke, and the sentence is clearly put there so that we learn it, but I don’t think that’s how Lucien would phrase it to himself. He might think along the lines of “was Max here because he was worried about his younger brother, or was he here as Duke of Warwick, angry about the possible stain on the family’s reputation.”

I love Heyer, so I’d without question buy the book to see if I also liked this author. But I agree with everyone else: it’s so Heyer-like that my mind defaulted to the Regency period. From this page alone it’s hard to imagine this character is a contemporary of Sherlock Holmes.

Minor nitpick ” Of course, Lucien would never have the bad taste to be shot.” It is funny, but it threw me off, because I can’t imagine him thinking that to himself. He might say it aloud as a witticism, or a bystander might make that remark – but as internal musing, it seemed peculiar.

Also, I’d be slightly worried about him throwing a firearm in the air. I know nothing whatsoever about firearms, so it’s not a complaint – just to point out that it might be worth adding a phrase to explain to readers ignorant about guns, how it’s safe to toss them around. (Unless it is unsafe, and it’s meant to show him as reckless.)

I also liked how blase he was about fighting a duel. I kept thinking as I was reading “He’s awfully calm and jovial in the face of perhaps getting shot” but that’s a point of silent tension until you reveal that he has absolutely no regard for his opponent. Of course the laws of comedy dictate that he has to get his comeuppance for his arrogance, but it’s your book!

Heyer herself might not have used the term “blaggard” (which appears to be a corruption of “blackguard”), but I also mentioned Heyer imitators who might have done so. Sorry for the confusion.

Still, I’d keep reading. I enjoy your voice and am interested enough in the characters to want to know more. Also, I am really excited by the time period and setting and would love to see more of that in the manuscript.

Others have pointed out the odd typo and clumsy pov slippage, but those are easy fixes.

I’d be disappointed if Max was the hero — brooding protective dark Alpha heroes are a dime a dozen, but we need more self-absorbed dandies.

I’d take issue with all those complaining about the Regency “tone” — it’s definitely there, but there’s nothing about it intrinsic to the early nineteenth century, just what we associate with romance set in that period, mostly due to the influence of Heyer. However, Heyer also wrote many Georgians and a medieval or two, and they all had the same mannered frivolity. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t translate into the 1890s — this is the heyday of Oscar Wilde and Gilbert and Sullivan etc. after all.

I liked Lucien. Fun to read.

I’m concerned about the repetition of dark. Dark shape, dark silhouette, dark figure, dark dark dark… easy fix.

The duel is kind of throwing me if the setting is 1890. Even if there are instances of dueling in the late 19th century, it’s an increasingly rare spectacle (and the fact that newspapers sometimes got alerted to them only demonstrates even more how much more of a strange spectacle they were). I mean, even the beloved duels of Regency novels were pretty rare–dueling had been outlawed for for a long time even then, hence duels in secret, with flights to the continent, etc. On the other hand, I’m hardly an expert on the period, so I could be totally wrong.

I’m also wondering what so many Englishmen are doing in Paris–I know the rich traveled, but maybe it would help set the stage more if Lucien is facing Gervaise DuMaine, or Friedrich Holtzen, or another name that alludes to your cosmopolitan, not-in-England setting.

One sentence in the passage confused me–what’s the oblivion and darkness? Was he about to faint? Was it just his focus for the duel? If it’s a way to signify focus, I’d choose a different description.

I’d definitely read more, provided the setting got fixed. I love historical romance, but the setting should be clear, either Regency or Belle Epoch. Both are fascinating period, but pretty different.

In re the footwear — the ‘he’s never seen dew fall’ sounds like an affectation, rather than reality. If nothing else, I would expect an adult male of this class to regularly attend shooting parties.

There’s a couple few little nitpicks that aren’t important. This is stuff like, if it’s five in the morning, would Maxim’s be open for a drink when they were through?

May I be idiosyncratic here? . . . if Lucien is not the hero, I would rename him. I feel as if a name like ‘Lucien’ should be reserved to the hero rather than a secondary character. The name and being in his POV makes me assume he’s the story’s protagonist.

I was referring to Stephanie’s comment about ‘blaggard’ being ‘straight out of Heyer’.

Can’t say I flashed to Heyer with this at all, duel or no duel. :)

Wondered at the commenter mentioning Heyer because I've read all of hers (excluding the mysteries) and don't remember that.

Found it. I was thinking of The Convenient Marriage; there are two duels, one offstage (before the events in the book) and then one in the book between the brother and the hero’s heir. The offstage duel is serious, the in-book one quite humorous. It’s worth noting that this book is set in the Georgian era.

There is also a scene in Regency Buck in which Peregrine, the brother, is set up to participate in a duel by the villain, but it’s broken up. That’s the one in which the second worries about the big mother-of-pearl buttons being targets for the opponent.

The only bit I was unclear about what happens right before the rider appears. At first I thought Lucien was fainting or having a seizure or something of that nature.

I have no problem with the duel taking place and with newspapermen there. A cursory look through Google Scholar shows that duels were very common in Belle Epoque France, both with pistols and with swords. It’s not anachronistic; not only were lots of duels fought, but women challenged men as well. They were not always life-or-death events, unlike earlier times, so your depiction of the participants’ views seems okay.

I think the reason people are questioning the validity is that the passage as written sounds so Regency-ish, and duels were not common in England by the late 19th century. The passage feels historically wrong even though the duel is not, either in taking place or in terms of the reasons given. If you can provide more grounding in the place and time, the duel will make more sense.

A minor peeve: the names reinforce stereotypes. Freddy is the sidekick, Lucien is either the hero or the brother of the hero, Max rides up on a big black horse. They detract from whatever you are bringing to the table that is original.

Second peeve: why is Lucien wearing so much white? If you’re going to evoke duels in romancelandia, participants only wear white if they’re ignorant or they’re so good they don’t mind offering an easy target. In this case, it could also be because the duel is all about form rather than danger, but that doesn’t come across for me.

I wanted to keep reading. I enjoyed Lucien and hope that he grows up…

The only thing was Max’s appearance made me wonder for the briefest of seconds if this was paranormal and that was unpleasant so I’d tweak that a bit.

But I want to read more.

Good job and good luck!

Points to consider: like Sherry, I was jarred by the instances of POV slippage. One instance: “as if executing the steps of a complicated dance.” Seems like something an observer would think, not Lucien himself, unless he is acutely conscious of his own artifice at this moment (if so, this needs to be made clearer). The remark about his fingers also gave me pause. But with just a little tweaking, these moments could serve to underscore either an acute self-awareness or his already evident (and very amusing) narcissism. To wit: perhaps he admires, briefly, “the contrast between the delicacy of the blossom and the strength [apparent in] his long, tapered fingers.” (I get the feeling he pays such careful attention to his clothes because it’s a form, however small, of control. I’d believe, then, that a guy like this might draw some obscure comfort from how pretty his hands look just before he uses them to lift a gun.)

Regarding the duel — I bought it. Albeit rare, duels did take place in Paris at this time, and not necessarily in secret. (For example, here’s a New York Times article from 1897 about an upcoming duel in Paris.) But this is one of those tough calls that falls on the odder side of the “historical accuracy” line. If it’s accurate but seems incorrect, is it worth potentially throwing the reader out of the story (and the “feel” of the era) on the first page (i.e., before you’ve won her trust that you know the era of which you write)? Depends on what the duel does for your story, I suppose. If you had it in a less public place — or if a gendarme showed up to try to stop it (which very well may have happened with some of these duels) — perhaps this would make it more credible for some readers.

Anyway, as I said, I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!

His valet, too, who I assume would be no slouch, would take into account the “conditions on the ground” when assembling his wardrobe, and would not have allowed him to wear grey suede boots for the occasion, even if Lucien was daft enough to insist on it, which, I think, he would not, because he’s a man who loves his clothes.

I’m no dandy, but even I won’t wear my suede boots out in nature. It just doesn’t ring true. It reads like a shorthand means to show what a fop he is, but it also makes him seems a bit of a fraud. A well-dressed gentlemen is well dressed (meaning appropriately dressed) for any occasion, including a duel.

But once I got past my dew issues I was intrigued. I would love, love, love to read about a dandy-ized hero–if Lucien is in fact the hero.