In more recent years I’ve been in the kink scene and I’ve run across a few abusers and a few people for whom it was part of their self-destruction, but most of the people I’ve met through kink seemed completely healthy and normal, just into some crazy shit :) And I do think in general that kinky people have thought more carefully than the average Joe or Jill about what consent really is. You’d be surprised, though how reckless and just plain dumb some kinky people can be, especially the young ones – but again, it’s no different from all the other reckless college students doing dumb things. Sometimes when people are giving the “BDSM is not abuse, the community is unfairly vilified” speech, they make it sound like everyone into BDSM is conscientious and self-aware, and that is definitely not true.

I also agree with the person above who pointed out that the insta-recovery from emotional trauma plot is a problem with many many romances, with or without a BDSM element. Even if a character’s recovery unrealistically fast, it usually doesn’t bother me as long as it doesn’t feel emotionally shallow – the speedy recovery is part of the fantasy – but if handled clumsily it can seem like the trauma is just a plot device.

I am looking for some high quality short stories for a new website that we are launching. We are going to start with a free site, and if it is a success, we will probably launch a paid site.

Are you interested, and do you know any other authors I could contact?

Thanks!
John Sander

Living in the BDSM world requires a tremendous amount of responsibility on both parts… that is especially true when writing fantasy stories about it. You have young people (people just learning to explore their sexuality) and people who are, yes, “taking a walk on the wild side”, and everyone in between.. but if you are going to entertain someone, possibly make them curious.. maybe even curious enough to try it.. do you really want the responsibility of them going out and trying what you wrote about when they end up getting hurt because you did not do your research? (did everyone understand that incredibly jumbled sentence?)

All I’m saying is regardless of what type of romance novel you are writing… write it responsibly. Fantasy may be fantasy, but you have people out there thinking it’s ok to bind and gag someone and leave them alone, because it excited them in that book. Heck, if you MUST write such drivel, (and I too, write BDSM short stories) use footnotes stating DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!

Just my two cents.

I AM looking for a story. Anah Crow’s Uneven is not realistic. It doesn’t have the conversations about BDSM you’re supposed to have. It’s visceral and vicious and so so brilliant. Ann Somerville’s Jerna is scifi-based, but is the closest to “real” BDSM I’ve read. I’m looking for books that get the psychology of the experience correct, and I think that’s the commonality among the first three books here: Kersten’s, Matthews’, and Dubois’ books all misrepresent the psychology of BDSM. IMO. You can be fantastical about a lot of stuff, but, I’m sorry, it’s just not cool to depict someone unable to consent as part of an intense BDSM relationship.

Ak, I’m saying this wrong. Look, there’s dubious consent in Uneven. They do horrifically dangerous stuff without discussing it. But they’re doing it for the right reasons, for real, believable reasons. Joey Hill’s paranormal characters do impossible stuff that’s incredibly dangerous. But again, they do it for the right reasons. The psychology is right.

And yes, the really squicky part of Kersten’s book is that the abuse Cavan suffers as a child is detailed a little too much and a little too closely and with intent to arouse. ::shudder::

On the other, though, it really bothers me, viscerally, when people leave the realm of feeling uncomfortable with what someone wrote and start talking about how something they do “should be portrayed.” If the author is clearly aiming to be believable and failing, that’s one thing. (I saw a horrible story just earlier today in which the author invoked stereotype after stereotype of an indigenous population and left the brief note “I just watched some movies about this culture and thought it was neat.” That’s just sloppy.)

But if the author is writing something that very clearly isn’t supposed to be believable, or that doesn’t require actual accuracy not to look horribly stupid, that’s something else. That very often gives me the vibe that the reader/reviewer is not looking for a story, but rather looking for an accurate documentary of what X or Y is like.

So the question is “does ‘BDSM romance’ require subculturally accurate representations of BDSM, or does it not?”

And I am not sure, because I’m not certain what makes something a “BDSM romance,” but my guess is that it doesn’t. Here’s why.

I do BDSM. I don’t write BDSM romance, whatever it is, but I do write BDSM erotica.

Some of it is sweet and gentle. Some of it is passionate and intense but clearly about characters having fun and enjoying one another.

Some of it — much of it, actually — is quite dark. With these stories, even when they are consensual, they’re twisted and violent and about characters who are not healthy and thoughtful.

Why? Because stories are places where things can happen that I would be horrified about in real life.

I would not want people to decide they know what BDSM is from reading one of my stories that involves something dubiously consensual (or nonconsensual, for that matter.) That is true. But I also do not open up my word processor going “This, that, and the other fantasy are right out and I can’t put them on paper. I am a role model.”

Because I’m not a role model. I don’t write to be one. I write to tell a story, and sometimes it is a story about the actually ugly places in the human heart.

Now, the story you describe in your review. I have not read it, and I think it’s very important not to do too much discussing something when you haven’t even read it. So this comment, like all things, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Simply put, it sounds awful. The premise — which seems from your description to involve an awful lot of details about an extremely young kid who is used for sex — is not sexy to me in any way whatsoever. The book sounds beyond terrible.

But I’m not sure that its terribleness is a shame because it gives people the wrong idea, because I’m not sure stories exist to make sure people get the right one. Yeah, didactic writings and writers exist, and I’m not dissing them. But I don’t believe that some authors intending to use their writing to make points about how things are or should be done implies a universal duty on authors.

We write all kinds of different things for different reasons.

@A and @Jet: Thanks for sharing your POV they were great reads :)

I tend to agree on the placement of the ring as well. I know a number of BDSM practitioners who are actively involved in their local kink communities that don’t conform to the old Leather rules. Although, in this particular case, if the dominant was older and involved in the community back at that point… I could see it coming off as unrealistic, but it would not be an immediate red flag for me in general.

A: It's hard to research anything, hell I was trying to write an essay on Freud and Jung, and whilst Freud is my best friend – Jung confused me so that I decided to change my topic because using your word I was bewildered at how to explain and evaluate his theories.

I think, in order for a writer to translate any activity successfully into his/her craft…the writer must relate to or empathize with the activity. By that I don’t mean the writer must actively participate, or even entertain interest, but there needs to be clear understanding and ability to relate.

When I read several books about the BDSM community, I found myself adopting a real “cafeteria mentality” about the culture’s aspects. I bought into some concepts, and felt I related to them, but there were many things I admit I did not relate with very well.

Because of my fractured understanding and my own lack of “openness” to the subject, I’m convinced my efforts to portray BDSM in fiction would also be fractured. I think that is what is happening with a lot of BDSM fiction now. Authors either “don’t get it” but believe they do, or authors know they don’t get it and decide to write anyway (essentially “faking” it).

My comments are not intended to denigrate or invalidate BDSM culture or any authors of BDSM fiction.

They do nothing -’ NOTHING -’ that vanilla people wouldn't do when having sex. And then Bailey thinks:

She was slipping into a place that she'd only dreamed of. Subspace; the sensation of floating on air, a bliss so sweet it could be painful. She'd read about it, talked to others about it, but until Aidn, she hadn't had an inkling of what it might be like to feel it. She gave herself up to it, gave herself and her pleasure over to him, and he was taking her there, making her fly. She was a different woman than she'd been just hours ago.

There are many ways to get to the realm of subspace. It’s not just a matter of kink level or endorphine high. Sometimes there is just simply a shift in the mood or a word or a sensation that starts to guide you in the right direction, but I agree that the ‘subspace’ of the romance novel is often dissapointing and completely ridiculous. While its clear that this writer had no clue what actually slipping into subspace feels like, there is some validity to going there without overly kinkifying a scene. Subspace is as much a mindset as well as the occasionally ‘flying’ experience. You don’t tend to go there without a shove in that direction by some kink that sets you off… for some people its the feel of rope tightening against their skin for others its slipping to thier knees and for others its the first bite of hand against their ass.

From what you’ve described of Thirty Days I’m shocked that this book got published somewhere not on a kink fantasy site but in book form. There are some truly twisted porn sites out there and this one seems to belong in the bad slash fiction submission section. As a Domme I’m vaguely offended having heard what you’ve spoken about. (I say only vaguely offended because I haven’t read the book and tend not to judge what I havent experienced myself) There are thousands of Dom(es) that refuse to acknowledge other law abiding dominates simply to to personal preferences and treatment standards… I can’t imagine a Dom refering to clear and obvious physical torture and abuse as BDSM or refering to the monster that inflictd it as a Dom.

@Teddy pig- It its hard not to address the ‘rights and wrongs’ of BDSM in a novel about BDSM because there is agood deal of stigma about what BDSM is. In america where the government is extremely religious and the news paints everyone as angels or whores what can you expect. We are in someways a rapidly polarizing nation where those who are on your side are right and good and those who are not are devil worshipers, sadist and marilyn manson all rolled into one.

Well I for one enjoy marilyn mansion, spanking a sub to a teary eyed mess, and what I like to believe is the freedom to do both without being painted the sadistic nut that appears in so many of these terribly BDSM novels…I dont’ want honestly unwilling or unable to decide for themselves partners in my bed anymore than any sane peson does. Rape fantasy has its time and place. There are a good number of people that enjoy it extensively, but actual rape and torture is abhorred even by those in jail for other variously sickening crimes.

Everything from jumping into intense bondage sessions to bloodplay and rage taken out in BDSM book scenes is yet another nail in the coffin of this now blooming genre.

I did read impacted…. i nearly died of boredom… It was like reading what a vanilla person imagines BDSM to be but didn’t want to outright say that they just don’t get it. There is an intense passion that well up inside one in a moment of sexual passion that is completely lost in all these scenes, even though the premise is decent. the book reads like someone was trying to make a political statement rather than write a romance novel.

Oh, and P.S.? No dom is going to pierce his sub's left nipple. Left side flags dominant. Right side flags submissive. Do your research.

I disagree with this entirely. A dominant may ask a sub to get anything peirced. While there is still some adherance to the old Leather Guard standards about peircings and clothing meaning specific things, there is enough personal preference in the BDSM community to not make these hard and fast rules. To some degree there is some hesitance and a lot of conversation that goes on about mixed signals in the community. Not to mention the ever seemingly complex minds of Switches who enjoy both someties simultaneously. Peircings only left nipple could simply be a preference or a sign of submissino in terms of reliquishing ones body, the sde of the body referencing homosexuality is traditionally the left however this has flip flopped over the past 60 or some odd years in american history alone. Thirdly, asking for any permanent mark on your subs body is a huge step and not something serious BDSM couples step into lightly ( I say this and I’m sure someone will immediately point out a contradicting experience, but what the hell I’m gonna put it out ther). while some degree of peircing and tattooing for ownership purposes still goes on, there are a great more that don’t simply because people in general are typically pretty good at saying no when it comes to permanent changes t their body without previous discussion. there are ‘pre-scene’ dscussions for a reason and there are typically highly personalized commitment routines for others. Whether it be a more traditional ‘collaring’ ceremony or the sometimes prefered placement of a master’s ownership in the form of a tattoo, it is up to those involved.

On the surface, it looks like the conflict between the characters is a deep betrayal, but underneath, the conflict is actually a Big Misunderstanding that pits The Plucky Hero and Heroine against The Evil BDSM World. BDSM is the enemy. Anyone who does it as more than spice in a relationship is evil and a torturer. And anyone who feels the need to do it more than occasionally should be willing to give it up to please their partner. And yes, technically, sometimes people who do BDSM are evil, but really, statistically, many more vanilla people are evil than kinky people. Grade: D

This is an on going themes in the kink genre of romance novels. The same thin often occurs in polygamous or polyamorous storylines in which the poly side of things is eventually what hurts everyone and rips the couple apart… its such a waste in my opinion. One may write a novel for a variety of reasons but more often than not novels like these are all about drawing in the crowd of people that enjoy the activity only to slap them in the face with the ‘morality’ or ‘wrongness’ of what they enjoy. In some ways I equate it to hate writing in others its pure ignorance. Some authors clearly have no problem getting money from the people they think are freaks, and thus seek to bite that hand that feeds.

But not all of us read for fantasy – shock horror. As I said before, I like my realism – shoot me. Not going to apologise for it.

But you are “judging” other peoples BDSM fiction based on your interpretation of a BDSM buzz phrase like “Safe, Sane and Consensual” which is sorta about real scenes which has nothing to do with BDSM Fiction or erotic fantasies in general and then saying the title “Ways not to write BDSM Romance” does not imply a generalized “how to”.

That is obviously not what I got from it or from your comments.

I think what’s gotten your back up is the ‘wrong’ part of the title, but hasn’t it occurred that maybe the reference to wrong was a personal one? Like, hey this is wrong for me. I don’t like the way this scene is written because I think it’s unrealistic. I’m not saying that’s what the OP may have been getting at – but when I use that word in a reading context I’m talking about MY reaction/opinion. I’m not generalising a whole community or speaking on behalf of one.

That’s fine if you and your friends have enjoyed BDSM books that have no relevance of how it is practiced* and as you say yourself have been enjoyed by people who do actually practice BDSM. That’s fine – because I have no idea how many times I have to keep saying the same thing here; that’s cool. You don’t think I read books that are laughable, and think ‘oh hell it doesn’t make sense but it’s fun/hot etc’? Believe me I do. But not all of us read for fantasy – shock horror. As I said before, I like my realism – shoot me. Not going to apologise for it.

Nonny: Wow, lol I’m glad I’ve never read her books then. My introduction was pretty standard hell pretty vanilla compared so some BDSM books I have read later on. I think I was more shocked at the character/dom making his sub lick his shoe or something, and me sitting there raging how dare he ;) but you’re right I think it was the whole package that made me go OMG. I think when the story is bad and the characters are revolting it brings more emphasis on the BDSM aspect (for me) cause I’m all you got everything else wrong, why not have done a tad research and gotten an understanding of BDSM a little. Oh and I didn’t say you were against authors researching, sorry if you thought I was.

January: I salute you.

Kirsten: You have your fantasies, I have mine. I wouldn’t call you a freak, and to be honest I could care less what tickles someones fantasy – but as January said why can’t we have no child molesters, and sick doms and obsessive guys or gals who like their subs cleaning the toilet with their tongue. I’m sorry but I don’t think BDSM in any way shape or form can be boring. I take that back – apparently some authors can actually make BDSM boring. Dear God.

A: It’s hard to research anything, hell I was trying to write an essay on Freud and Jung, and whilst Freud is my best friend – Jung confused me so that I decided to change my topic because using your word I was bewildered at how to explain and evaluate his theories.

*(and again I’m not talking on behalf of anyone, but when the word fantasy is used on things that aren’t fake – then there is an understanding that what is written is a load of crap)