I’d also love to see a “thoughtful, positive, in depth defense of female submission that explores the power dynamic” too. In fact I want to see it so badly, and it’s such an interesting subject to me, that I might have to write it.

I would also argue that the ability to cause and withhold pleasure is power. In the above scenario, the sub is giving the Dom pleasure, but he’s still in control.

@Angela: Ultimate power? Yes, that makes more sense to me.

I just feel like this “sub has all the power” expression is trotted out to ease the concerns of anyone who finds D/s problematic. It has never clicked with me. I’d like to see a thoughtful, *positive*, in depth defense of female submission that explores the power dynamic instead of dismisses it.

But the sub is also making that decision, and the ability to call a stop to everything is pretty damn powerful in a Dom/sub relationship. I think that the ‘sub has all the power’ comes from that dichotomy. They aren’t in control of the details through their submission, but they are in control of the overall picture with that one simple word.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense. You’ve made me think about this a lot last night and this morning.

Maybe think of it in terms of both parties. After all, the Dom is receiving their pleasure from the sub’s apparent powerlessness. It is hard to explain. The way I think of it is that it’s kind of like giving fellatio. It can seem like the giver is in a ‘weaker’ position, but really, giving head is a super-powerful thing?

The sub’s pleasure is what drives the Dom, even if that pleasure appears to be out of their control. It’s what gives the Dom their job, and without it, there’s nothing. Idunno, it’s hard to explain, that’s for sure, and I’m no expert. I just think about it and fantasize a lot ;)

We definitely need some more experienced BDSM voices to chime in, here, however!

I’m annoyed every time I read the phrase “the sub has all the power.” I can’t stand it! I wish someone would explain this to me with a longer post. IMO the D/s relationship features a negotiation of power, and the turn-on for a submissive is in ceding control. How can you have it both ways? Sure, she/he can say no or use a safeword, but the entire point of a submission fantasy revolves around a certain level of powerlessness and letting go.

Yeah, Jane. This blog SUCKS!! Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh.

Sorry. I can’t help but think of Beavis & Butt-head, hunched over their computer preemptively powning all the “snarky” review blogs before their self-published romance comes out on Amazon. “We’ll never get a bad review now! Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh.” Sorry. Stopping now …

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/jennifer-ashley?store=ebook&keyword=jennifer+ashley

YUCK(!) on the chocolate thing.

Self-publishing is increasingly well-received by readers? Do tell!

@Darlynne: A lot of people seem to think that artificially leveling the playing field is competition.