There is a quote that was missed.
“The pain is to help her process emotions, especially painful emotions, when she’s over-stressed. If she gets off in the process, even better. They are totally different things, even though they’re related sometimes. If you did nothing but missionary with her for the rest of your lives and spanked her with your hand over your lap when she needed it, she’d be perfectly happy with that, too.”

So basically spanking was enough, the BDSM wasn’t required they just enjoyed it. It wasn’t therapeutic just good, happy, kink.

As far as how the character reacted about to people in the BDSM community who enjoyed pain, that is how a character felt, not necessarily how the author felt. If the attitudes of every character reflected on every author then how could they possibly create a villain without being arrested? Art isn’t the same as life.

There is often a rather intense reaction from members of a sub-culture whenever they are portrayed as anything less than perfect. No, it isn’t wise to treat a serious psychological illness with BDSM any more than it is to treat clinical depression with alcohol but it happens. In any case this is a work of fiction not a public service announcement and the author is creating interesting characters whose views may or may not necessarily match her own. I could be flip and point out that someone who has difficulty telling fantasy from reality should seek therapy but this seems like a fairly volatile board so I would probably get flamed for the suggestion.

In any case this story is pretty vanilla both in kink and in the approach to BDSM. If you really want a bee in your bonnet I would recommend As She’s Told which is much more intense, thought provoking, and still a great read if you enjoy being challenged.

1. I thought the review was fair and made some very good points. I especially agreed with the point about manipulating someone who does not enjoy BDSM into a relationship where they have to take on a role they’re not comfortable with.

2. Mental illness is a tricky thing and, yes, if someone is self-mutilating then they are most likely mentally ill. Is it the safest thing for mental illness to be treated through BDSM? In my opinion, no. While it’s not the safest thing, I’m sure that someone somewhere has handled thier issues that way.

As someone with a mental illness, I do have to say that if that route has worked for someone and they are at peace with themselves then more power to them. If they aren’t hurting anyone and their partner is okay with it then I’ve no right to judge them.

It seems that some people have a problem with that type of scenario being written about because it casts the lifestyle in a negative light. If the subject is approached in a certain way I don’t think it would cast BDSM in a negative light at all.

Everyone seems to be asking for a book where the characters have no psychological problems or illnesses. I believe I saw the words “damaged and “diseased” being bandied about. First, there are many mentally ill people who are not damaged or diseased. By simply putting a mentally ill character in the role of submissive it doesn’t suggest that all submissives are weak or have something wrong with them.

The same way that there are plenty of strong, well-adjusted submissives out there, there are strong and well-adjusted people with a mental illness. I find it interesting that some of the people getting upset about others attaching a stigma to the BDSM lifestyle, have no problem feeding into the negative notions about the mentally ill. There seems to be a very strong vibe of “we don’t want you in our books”.

To the person who wrote comment #80:
Your view on therapy, medication and CBT is bordering on ignorant. The combination of therapy and medication has saved many lives and will save many more. Attitudes such as yours tend to put lives in danger. There are people who need to take their meds and need their talk therapy. It’s a horrible thing to see people like you who disrespect the psychiatrists and psychologists who are out there helping people. There are plenty of doctors who do care. You shouldn’t paint everyone with the same brush of negativity.

Dearest Joan/Sarah, you seem to get off on excreting vitriol ( I take it you call them … “reviews”?) and you are just as pitiful as any simple-minded board admin, in chatrooms and whatnot, soo thrilled that you are actually writing stuff that gets read (or not!). Too much spare time, also known as no social life whatsoever?
If you can do so much better, why aren’t you writing any bestsellers?

Much easier to write spitefully about a lifestyle that you – clearly – have no knowledge of; same goes with Psychology – every therapist worth his/her salt will inform you about the meaning of katharsis (ever heard of that, referring to BDSM? It is called “a spanking session”!)and how to get relief from extreme suffering using simple methods like said spanking and /or being tied-up. If you ever actually learned anything about BDSM, you knew about its supporting effects and I am not talking about sex because a D/s-relationship is so much more than just intercourse. Kaden is not simply looking for a new sexual partner for Leah but relying on the fact that there has always been mutual attraction between them. As he loves them both, he brings them together, simple as that.
As you clearly never experienced the extreme relief from symptoms caused by emotional trauma using katharses and/or Psychodrama-based assistance in a session with a skilled Master who (and that is a fact!) GUIDES you lovingly and with compassion (BDSM in NOT always about sex, as Tymber described so perfectly!), you simply have no idea what you are talking about. There is the “scientific” method (basically taking prozac & Co. for the rest of your life, sometimes combined with cognitive behavioral therapy, given to you by an expensive therapist who could not care less about you!), and there is endorphines, produced naturally in your body, lifting you up and making you laugh after you exhausted your emotional barriers with tears, sometimes being comforted by restraints if being held by another is not your cup of tea !
And last but not least – if it is not beyond you, check out which Master assisted Tymber with his knowledge! As he is not a wannabe dilettante, one could safely assume that Tymber*s “Reluctant Dom” is as authentic, individual and multi-faceted as D/s relationships generally tend to be.

And maybe start “reviewing” something you actually know and understand – as you labeled a D/s-relationship “BDSM Romance” ??!!
If you still don’t get that it is not merely about sex … !

WupperElfe

–> Tymber – keep going!! ;-) By the way, when is Tony’s story coming out??

This is how I see this BDSM argument: There is a group of people that meet at the baseball diamond every Saturday. Two pitchers stand back to back and pitch simultaneously–one towards a batter at home plate, the other towards a batter on 2nd.

Those of us who know the rules of baseball react with “holy crap, someone is going to get hurt… and by the way, this is NOT baseball.” Yet those who are playing insist it is: they’re on a baseball field, they use gloves, ball, bats, and they are playing a game they call ‘baseball.’ They’re not playing by the well thought out and documented rules of THE game and you can only hope the neighborhood kids don’t hear about this because not only will they try it this new way, they’ll start to come up with even more daring perversions of the game and trips to the ER will ensue. There are those who desire to keep the game pure, with good reason. There are those who will say I can do whatever and however I want…

As for the *LOL’s* and *G’s*… I would imagine many were added after the first draft— without them, it would read more like strong/assertive but too many women equate that with ‘b****’ If unable to defend of your ideas with words, then simply say thanks for the review and let it go…

Also, to be perfectly frank, I did notice other authors criticizing Tymber Dalton and that is what made me the sickest. I realize you all have your opinions but… jeez. Jumping on a bandwagon because a popular reviewer said it makes me think you are trying to curry favor. Just my ‘Opinion’ and yes, that was condescending, if you need it spelled out. I have to wonder if any of the authors who criticized and sounded, yes, Condescending, have read the book and had something USEFUL to offer here.

And no, if anyone is wondering, I’m not a friend of Tymber Dalton’s, I don’t know her at all. Yes, I read her books. I also read Jill Sorenson and loved her books, in particular, Dangerous to Touch. I can honestly say I’m just a reader who loved a book and wanted to express it along with my ‘Opinion’ on the comments here.

I’m looking forward to reading your book, when I can find time to buy it and read it. :) And if you can recommend some other BDSM romances, I’m always up for that.

May I ask, what made you interested in writing about BDSM in the first place? Curious about that, considering, as you say here, that you weren’t personally involved before you started writing about it.

I’ve read many good BDSM romances, but I found so many more great BDSM romances during my research.
Doreen Orsini

Incredible.
Just incredible.

O.o

So I cringed, paged to the end of the scene, and finished the book.

I obsessed about it for awhile, and finally wrote this author to ask “Why?!” Or, at least, “why not” include a particular something that would have made it acceptable to me.

She wrote back, bewildered, to say she had.

And when I went back and looked, there it was. Right at the place in the story where I cringed and flipped to the end of the scene.

So I was grateful to her (as well as very apologetic), that she didn’t just give me the standard “thanks for reading my book, sorry it didn’t work for you” line.

I’m not saying that’s the case here. This is not a book I’d ever read. So I can’t speak to the accuracy of anyone’s comments.

But I did want to rebut the idea that an author should never contradict or question the comments from a reader or reviewer. I think there are ways it can be done well and – true for at least in my case – the reader might be grateful to have the misunderstanding corrected.

I tend to be vocal to fellow readers, and it’s very likely I would have bad-mouthed that book…and I’d have been wrong, wrong, wrong to do so.

There are also too many BDSM stories out there where the authors, frankly, obviously have no real-life experience with the BDSM lifestyle other than what they pick up on the internet. *LOL*

I very much doubt you were laughing out loud at this point.

I also find it interesting that you failed to acknowledge that I did portray Leah as a strong, independent woman outside of her relationship, with a husband who supported and encouraged her outside interests and who professed his pride in her accomplishments. (You did read the whole book, right? *LOL*)

Could it be that she doesn’t actually know what LOL stands for?

Personally, I think it's great to get a controversial review! *LOL* (Maybe I'm just weird…could be! *LOL*)

Dear God.

So yes, I was shooting for an “I'm not mad” attitude! *LOL* Because frankly, I'm not.

Yes, you clearly are quite mad.

I'm only addressing specific issues. And when there are fundamental misstatements or omissions of facts in a review about a book, then I think it's a legitimate question ANY writer should ask.

Perhaps you should quit whilst you’re behind?

Like I've seen many, many times – when a reviewer begins to quote from the story multiple phrases thrown together, it means they've set out to deliberately mislead the readers.

Wow, Rebecca, you must teach me how to read minds, that must be one very handy skill to have.

Quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing people saying this or that is wrong, people don't do that for this or that reason but if they do, they need mental or medical help. Who are you to judge? You don't know them. Get a grip!

Is this really about the review, or are you having a hard day sweetie? Come lie on the couch and tell us all about it…

I've bit my tongue for months when it's come to reading the posts on this blog. When I finally let loose, the message flies over your heads and you have to pick on the way I talk in order to find a response to it. Immature.

Who are you?

I will no longer be reading this blog.

Liar. I bet you’ll be reading it even more now, to see if anybody cares enough to beg you to stay.

*Crickets*

Moving on…

Perhaps lurking is your forte. Letting loose isn't working.

OK, this comment made me laugh out loud. *LOLOLOLOL*

“The truth was, most of what Kaden did, Leah had talked him into it even if it didn't seem like it to others. He might have had the title and obviously the demeanor of her Master, but it was all because he loved her and tried to control and heal her pain the only way he thought he could. Not because he wanted to dominate her,”

Obviously I need to read this book. Though I personally HATE stories that try and use crack pot pop psychology to explain the complex nature of a healthy BDSM lifestyle.

There are several rules regarding safe, sane and consensual that from these quotes here (In black and white and no the writer does not get to reinterpret them after the fact) lead me to believe this has got to be a train wreck of a BDSM Romance. As a BDSM male bottom I would find it insulting to have anyone characterize BDSM bottoms as “sick” confused souls that coerce people emotionally into being their Tops. As I would also find insulting the idea that Tops that really “enjoy” BDSM must be opportunistic abusive people who could care less about the bottom.

Sounds so far as if there might be an exploitive reason for using BDSM to provide the old “Hurt and Comfort” style fanfic treatment.