When ever I go back to Taiwan people are always amazed by the fact that I can speak chinese but here in America people are amazed with my english speaking ability even thought I’m born and raised here. So sometime in a sense I am neither Chinese or American.

Sorry for the off topic reply

Terra’s father sounds unfortunately familiar. I think North of Beautiful is a book that definitely needs to be read. And can I just add that I love the fact that my library has North of Beautiful and Girl Overboard!

Also interestingly, he went to China a few years ago and while he loved it, he did come across many Asians who thought he was a Chinese speaker and were not so politely irritated when he wasn’t. He’s not even Chinese, actually, but apparently they all thought he was because a common name he was called by these unhappy folks was an “ABC”–American Born Chinese. No idea how the initials came to be an insult, per se, but once he figured out that they were insulting him and not asking him if he spoke English, he cracked up about it.

I’ll have to take a look at this one.

Lissa and Jill, thank for sharing your experiences! Anything that set a kid apart can be hard for him/her when growing up, and I think that probably is even harder for girls than for boys because all the beauty standars out there.

I think if I read this and the character didn’t think anything was wrong with her birthmark (however healthy that mental realization is), I’d probably toss it across the room because my own mileage was so very different.

I guess the point of this is that I wonder why it is that things like scars and birthmarks become such tragic tropes in novels. I suppose if you have one and you are told all your life that it is gross and unsightly, then it would shape your outlook on life, but on the other hand, some things are out of your control and they just are, so why would it change who you are or how you are perceived by others. I would never think to walk up to a stranger and comment on a birthmark, a scar, their weight, a handicap or any other physical aspect and I always wonder about the upbringing of those who do. Do they not realize how rude they are? How unfeeling? How their comments can be perceived?

I think it’s a ‘tragic trope’ because having strangers comment on it or make you feel weird about it is the *norm*, rather than the exception.

Or rather…it’s not that people will walk up to you and tell you how ‘gross’ you are, it’s that you as the teenager are painfully aware of how ‘different’ you are and that does a number in your head. I still (to this day) cringe whenever people assess me, because I still think they’re seeing the weirdo with the back brace, or wondering if they can tell that my spine is curved or that my shoulders don’t match.

People are hard on you when you are different, but I think, sometimes, that we are harder on ourselves than others are. That knowledge that you are different/freakish can really eat you up inside, even if no one says a word. A long stare or a double-take can destroy your confidence faster than anything.

(Now, where’s Dr. Phil when I need him?)

My oldest son was born with a birth mark on his right cheek; at 18 months it was necessary, for medical reasons, to have it removed. He had to have an additional surgery a year later to remove cysts that had formed in the scar. What he ended up with was a scar on his right cheek that extended from just under his eye to curve about 3 inches down his cheek. His paternal great grandmother had a fit. She accused me of ‘scarring my child for life’ – which I suppose I did, but my other option was to let him die. I will take a scar any day.

We always treated the scar as just a part of him – like his blonde hair and blue eyes, but it was both interesting and maddening to see and hear other people’s reactions to it. Strangers would comment – asking how it occured, stating how ugly they found it to be, asking us why we didn’t have it ‘fixed’ – things I would have never thought to ask or say to someone I didn’t know, or someone I did know for that matter. Once the surgery healed completely, there was a period of time when the scar was only visible after physical activity – his face would be red and the scar would show white against it, but then he had a growth spurt.

The scar lengthened and spread – as the plastic surgeon told it would and became a very visible part of his face. The surgeon had told us that when he was finished growning (at about 18) the scar could be repaired and made to look as it did shortly after it was first healed. When I asked my son at 18 if he wanted to talk to the surgeon about repairing the scar, he looked at me rather oddly and asked me why I would think he would want to take it away. He liked his scar, said it made him unique and he was fine with it the way it was. He is now 25, married and has a beautiful son of his own.

I guess the point of this is that I wonder why it is that things like scars and birthmarks become such tragic tropes in novels. I suppose if you have one and you are told all your life that it is gross and unsightly, then it would shape your outlook on life, but on the other hand, some things are out of your control and they just are, so why would it change who you are or how you are perceived by others. I would never think to walk up to a stranger and comment on a birthmark, a scar, their weight, a handicap or any other physical aspect and I always wonder about the upbringing of those who do. Do they not realize how rude they are? How unfeeling? How their comments can be perceived?

I will have to pick up this book and see if the public reaction to her birthmark matches the reactions my son and I received both about his birthmark and the subsequent scar. I know the differences between the character’s upbringing and my son’s has to do with how her parents react to the birthmark, but it is an interesting subject to me. Thanks for the review.