I also have a couple of friends who consistently have unsafe sex because somehow they think serial monogamy puts a magic bubble of protection around them or something. It’s absolutely infuriating to talk to them about it, just as it’s annoying to have to read about the “Oh but I love him, so I’m safe” attitude in books.

But I won’t necessarily throw the book against the wall if they don’t include a condom mention unless the characters blatantly have unsafe sex in a way that totally goes against their character–for example if the heroine has a huge distrust of men because her ex cheated on her, but suddenly decides to jump in bed, consequences be damned. Stupidity is great on reality shows, but not so much in books, as far as I’m concerned.

There’s been a lot of talk on here about condoms ruining the “fantasy” of the romance novel, but to me an unplanned pregnancy (especially within a brand-new relationship) is one of the least sexy things I can imagine and I really don’t like reading about them. I purposely tend to avoid the hot mama pregnancy romances, so if the heroine finds herself knocked up at the end I feel blindsided. (I’m not talking about the HEA epilogue where the H/h have twin babies and all is swell, but where the actual plot involves the heroine throwing up a lot and gradually realizing that duh, all that unprotected sex=consequences.)

One of the best tricks I’ve ever seen (in terms of pacing) is when the author mentions the condom BEFORE the sex scene really heats up. Have the couple so eager to jump in the sack that someone accidentally slams their fingers in the drawer getting out the condom. Ot it could happen even earlier. Perhaps the hero agonizes over whether or not to bring one (he doesn’t want to look presumptuous) or the heroine (who happens to be a high school teacher) buys some before her date and one of her students is bagging her groceries. That way, it’s mentioned but it can also be part of the character development.

If this happens, do I still need the ubiquitous line about the heroine hearing some foil tear DURING the sex scene? No, not really. Provided the author doesn’t give me a play-by-play of socks and dangly earrings coming off, I can just assume that protecting themselves was one of many details skipped.

Jody W. for the win.

YOU ARE AWESOME!

Survey question: Is there anything sexier than a gorgeous, hot & ready romance hero who not only gets out the condom without being ASKED, but smiles in dirty anticipation while he slides it on?

The very faint smell of household cleaning products in the air at the time because he just finished giving the house a thorough top to bottom, also without being asked?

To address you specifically ldb, you’re not alone in enjoying pregnancy storylines– you only have to look at the harlequin titles available to see that. I’ve read a few where pregnancy occurs despite the fact the h/h DID use protection, and I like that a lot better because this also happens in real life and doesn’t diminish the characters’ intelligence in my eyes.

This whole, I was so swept away I didn’t think about it thing doesn’t fly with me, but I know that’s what a lot of readers want so each to their own, I say. Romance novels don’t have to be sex education, but isn’t it cool when they can be and still be thrilling and fun? Protected sex can be thrilling and fun in real life so why the hell can’t it be in romance novels? The two things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

The one exception to this rule is when th author reminds the reader that we don’t live in a perfect world, in books that deal with unplanned pregnancys or STDs if the characters then engage in unprotected sex I think they’re stupid, once the author ruins the fantasy the characters have to play by real life rules.

Linda Howard’s heroines often worry me because they do talk about BC but they are often ant condom. If you’re going to acknowledge a chance to get pregnant you have to also consider other things.

What I'm saying is that for me, condom usage or lack thereof is – inextricably – characterization.

Yes.

As a writer, I’m pro-condom all the way. My characters don’t always practice safe sex, but they think about it, discuss it, and sometimes beat themselves up about it. As a reader, I prefer the issue of protection to be addressed, but it’s not a dealbreaker for me. I won’t stop reading because of it.

We all have our own fantasies, and our own tastes. Some women are turned off by chest hair. But, don’t we have the option to pretend as though the character’s chest is smooth, and continue reading?

So, if it's about love, then I expect the Hero and Heroine to know each other well enough by the time they have sex that they don't need condoms.

Jeannine, I can understand your not wanting explicit and detailed mention of it. Your reading tastes are your tastes! That’s hardly the same as assuming that knowing and loving someone means you can get a bead on their sexual health. Personally, I was intimidated by the idea of writing condom use into a book when I tried my hand at contemporary. Didn’t want to do it, but it worked just fine for me… in the end.

Oh, and in my romances (and yes, they are romances), sex does NOT equal love. It equals sex.

Where are people getting the idea that those of us who don't necessarily want the putting-on-a-condom scene spelled out point-blank must somehow advocate unsafe sex?

I really don’t think that anyone is suggesting that people are advocating unsafe sex. We’re just discussing the different assumptions that people make when condoms aren’t specifically mentioned.

Sadly, there are people who do advocate unsafe sex. I’m familiar with their POV and preferring to assume condom usage where appropriate instead of having it said directly isn’t even in the same neighborhood.

I can’t recall one comment made that said “if they’re in love, it’s okay” or any such thing.

Saying we’d rather not read about that part of the events is nowhere near saying that unprotected sex is fine.
Big difference.

As long as it’s not written as in the example, where the heroine asks him to “come inside her”, I can make the leap and assume that there were condoms used and am fine with that. If others are not, that’s fine too.

If it’s there and doesn’t disrupt the scene, that’s great.
If it’s not there and an assumption can be made that it happened, even better (to me).

LoriK — thanks for clarifying. :)

In a pre-20th-century historical, it doesn’t bother me so much, because I know that the characters would be likely to believe that people got all kinds of diseases from “miasmas” and what-not.

I agree with you that kids need sources other than parents for these issues, however…I really don't feel that a romance novel -’ or any fiction -’ should be that source.

It absolutely wasn’t my intention to suggest that romance novels be an info source for teens. Gah! Part of the problem is that they sometimes are and that does not end well. My comments about sex ed were a complete aside because the topic came up in the course of the book discussion. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear. Having condoms in a book =/= a PSA or sex ed and I don’t want it to.

Survey question: Is there anything sexier than a gorgeous, hot & ready romance hero who not only gets out the condom without being ASKED, but smiles in dirty anticipation while he slides it on?

The smart, eager heroine who steps up and helps him slide it on, in a creative manner?