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	<title>Comments on: First Page:  Unnamed Contemporary</title>
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	<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/</link>
	<description>Romance, Historical, Contemporary, Paranormal, Young Adult, Book reviews, industry news, and commentary from a reader&#039;s point of view</description>
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		<title>By: Heidi</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177739</link>
		<dc:creator>Heidi</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 23 Oct 2008 02:42:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177739</guid>
		<description>maybe it&#039;s because I&#039;m bad at math above algebra...but that didn&#039;t bother me, it made me snigger. Can you be immature at 46? YES YOU CAN! I think someone should come and remove my 11 year old daughter from my despicable influence...please??????

Anyway, I was drawn in and want to read more! Maybe I bought the premise easier of female writing male action figure because I&#039;ve been watching &lt;strong&gt;Nim&#039;s Island &lt;/strong&gt;over and over again the last month with my 4 year old. So, I kept picturing Gerard Butler (I think that&#039;s the actor&#039;s name) at the door and that was a SWEET visual. Thanks for that.

I want to read more!

Heidi</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>maybe it&#8217;s because I&#8217;m bad at math above algebra&#8230;but that didn&#8217;t bother me, it made me snigger. Can you be immature at 46? YES YOU CAN! I think someone should come and remove my 11 year old daughter from my despicable influence&#8230;please??????</p>
<p>Anyway, I was drawn in and want to read more! Maybe I bought the premise easier of female writing male action figure because I&#8217;ve been watching <strong>Nim&#8217;s Island </strong>over and over again the last month with my 4 year old. So, I kept picturing Gerard Butler (I think that&#8217;s the actor&#8217;s name) at the door and that was a SWEET visual. Thanks for that.</p>
<p>I want to read more!</p>
<p>Heidi</p>
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		<title>By: DS</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177498</link>
		<dc:creator>DS</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:14:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177498</guid>
		<description>Just wanted to add that I liked this one also.  I&#039;d be very tempted to buy it.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Just wanted to add that I liked this one also.  I&#8217;d be very tempted to buy it.</p>
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		<title>By: John Ringo</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177417</link>
		<dc:creator>John Ringo</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Oct 2008 01:14:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177417</guid>
		<description>Ghost won &#039;Best Romance of the Year&#039; in 2005.

If you think you wanted to tear your eyeballs out, imagine writing it.

Try March Upcountry.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ghost won &#8216;Best Romance of the Year&#8217; in 2005.</p>
<p>If you think you wanted to tear your eyeballs out, imagine writing it.</p>
<p>Try March Upcountry.</p>
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		<title>By: Liz L</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177175</link>
		<dc:creator>Liz L</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:20:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177175</guid>
		<description>Oh John Ringo...

I once heard his name uttered in the same breath as David Weber (whom I adored for his scary-intense, competent female action heroes).  So I went to see what he was all about.

And then I pulled my eyeballs out of my head so I could give my sockets a good scrubbing.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Oh John Ringo&#8230;</p>
<p>I once heard his name uttered in the same breath as David Weber (whom I adored for his scary-intense, competent female action heroes).  So I went to see what he was all about.</p>
<p>And then I pulled my eyeballs out of my head so I could give my sockets a good scrubbing.</p>
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		<title>By: Tae</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177165</link>
		<dc:creator>Tae</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Oct 2008 01:08:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177165</guid>
		<description>I didn&#039;t mind the math bit either, and I was the only girl on the math team in high school.  

I don&#039;t enjoy political correctness in my books.  I like characters that are a little offensive and appear to be a real person.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I didn&#8217;t mind the math bit either, and I was the only girl on the math team in high school.  </p>
<p>I don&#8217;t enjoy political correctness in my books.  I like characters that are a little offensive and appear to be a real person.</p>
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		<title>By: Kaetrin</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177161</link>
		<dc:creator>Kaetrin</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:23:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177161</guid>
		<description>Personally, I liked the math thing....</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Personally, I liked the math thing&#8230;.</p>
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		<title>By: Lorelie</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177150</link>
		<dc:creator>Lorelie</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:45:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177150</guid>
		<description>Not to hijack the thread, but I clicked on the John Ringo link. And then had to shovel my brains back into my head with my keyboard.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Not to hijack the thread, but I clicked on the John Ringo link. And then had to shovel my brains back into my head with my keyboard.</p>
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		<title>By: Julia Sullivan</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177144</link>
		<dc:creator>Julia Sullivan</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:47:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177144</guid>
		<description>Yes, for heaven&#039;s sake, lose the math thing!  And the &quot;superior&quot; thing, for that matter.  Do something more fun and playful, like &quot;Women and men are at least equal in all arenas except upper-body strength and belching&quot; or something that isn&#039;t off-putting.

I think this is a hilarious idea, and I like your voice.  You can get away with a lot more direct information transfer in first person (&quot;This is me, this is what&#039;s going on with me&quot;) without it seeming too info-dumpy.

Make her less of a jerk, though.  I know that she&#039;ll be changing and growing during the book, but you don&#039;t want her to be so much of a jerk on page 1 that lots of people will stop reading.  (Sarah Bird&#039;s &lt;i&gt;How Perfect is That&lt;/i&gt; does a good job of turning a protag from love-to-hate-her to love-her, if you want to check out how someone else has done it.)

And, yep, I thought of John Ringo too.  Hee!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Yes, for heaven&#8217;s sake, lose the math thing!  And the &#8220;superior&#8221; thing, for that matter.  Do something more fun and playful, like &#8220;Women and men are at least equal in all arenas except upper-body strength and belching&#8221; or something that isn&#8217;t off-putting.</p>
<p>I think this is a hilarious idea, and I like your voice.  You can get away with a lot more direct information transfer in first person (&#8220;This is me, this is what&#8217;s going on with me&#8221;) without it seeming too info-dumpy.</p>
<p>Make her less of a jerk, though.  I know that she&#8217;ll be changing and growing during the book, but you don&#8217;t want her to be so much of a jerk on page 1 that lots of people will stop reading.  (Sarah Bird&#8217;s <i>How Perfect is That</i> does a good job of turning a protag from love-to-hate-her to love-her, if you want to check out how someone else has done it.)</p>
<p>And, yep, I thought of John Ringo too.  Hee!</p>
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		<title>By: Maura</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177134</link>
		<dc:creator>Maura</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 18:12:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177134</guid>
		<description>I wanted to stop reading as soon as I hit &quot;excepting upper body strength and math.&quot;  The perception that women are inherently poor at math (which plays into why women lag behind in studying math and math-based sciences) bothers me in society at large, and having it tossed off so casually here-- even if meant tongue-in-cheek-- put me off immediately.  If this were a book, I would have put it down right then.

The rest of the page, once I managed to go back and read it, was light and interesting.  I was simultaneously put off and intrigued by the narrator&#039;s description of her writing, and like other responders, I want to know what makes her write what she does and whether she thinks at all about it beyond the size of her paycheck.  In short, the writing is clear and intriguing, but with just this page to go on, this may not be a heroine I&#039;d want to spend time with.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I wanted to stop reading as soon as I hit &#8220;excepting upper body strength and math.&#8221;  The perception that women are inherently poor at math (which plays into why women lag behind in studying math and math-based sciences) bothers me in society at large, and having it tossed off so casually here&#8211; even if meant tongue-in-cheek&#8211; put me off immediately.  If this were a book, I would have put it down right then.</p>
<p>The rest of the page, once I managed to go back and read it, was light and interesting.  I was simultaneously put off and intrigued by the narrator&#8217;s description of her writing, and like other responders, I want to know what makes her write what she does and whether she thinks at all about it beyond the size of her paycheck.  In short, the writing is clear and intriguing, but with just this page to go on, this may not be a heroine I&#8217;d want to spend time with.</p>
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		<title>By: ME</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177108</link>
		<dc:creator>ME</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 14:34:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177108</guid>
		<description>I feel the same as the previous commentator....the back end didn&#039;t go with the front!  However, I am not a person that generally likes to read in first person...but this author nailed her voice in that forum for sure...</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I feel the same as the previous commentator&#8230;.the back end didn&#8217;t go with the front!  However, I am not a person that generally likes to read in first person&#8230;but this author nailed her voice in that forum for sure&#8230;</p>
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		<title>By: Erastes</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177096</link>
		<dc:creator>Erastes</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 08:47:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177096</guid>
		<description>Agree with everyone - it&#039;s an interesting voice and it does make me want to read on.

The first half didn&#039;t seem related to the second half somehow - so the &quot;So&quot; introduction seemed a little strange.

Other than that - excellent.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Agree with everyone &#8211; it&#8217;s an interesting voice and it does make me want to read on.</p>
<p>The first half didn&#8217;t seem related to the second half somehow &#8211; so the &#8220;So&#8221; introduction seemed a little strange.</p>
<p>Other than that &#8211; excellent.</p>
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		<title>By: Kaetrin</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177090</link>
		<dc:creator>Kaetrin</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:46:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177090</guid>
		<description>I don&#039;t usually read these.  But, I started and couldn&#039;t stop.  I too, don&#039;t usually go for the 1st person thing, but I did enjoy what I saw and would like to read more.  Who is the guy in the khakis?

Well done.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I don&#8217;t usually read these.  But, I started and couldn&#8217;t stop.  I too, don&#8217;t usually go for the 1st person thing, but I did enjoy what I saw and would like to read more.  Who is the guy in the khakis?</p>
<p>Well done.</p>
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		<title>By: Megan H.</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177089</link>
		<dc:creator>Megan H.</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 04:24:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177089</guid>
		<description>The first line pulled me right in. The third put me right off. I read this just before heading out to volunteer at an event aimed at encouraging girls to consider engineering as a career option, so you can imagine that the math comment had me sputtering. It also reminded me of the &#039;Math is hard&#039; Barbie that was taken off the market in the early 1990&#039;s. I didn&#039;t get the feeling from the rest of the page that this was the characterization you were looking for though.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The first line pulled me right in. The third put me right off. I read this just before heading out to volunteer at an event aimed at encouraging girls to consider engineering as a career option, so you can imagine that the math comment had me sputtering. It also reminded me of the &#8216;Math is hard&#8217; Barbie that was taken off the market in the early 1990&#8242;s. I didn&#8217;t get the feeling from the rest of the page that this was the characterization you were looking for though.</p>
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		<title>By: The Author/Lori</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177084</link>
		<dc:creator>The Author/Lori</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 02:26:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177084</guid>
		<description>Oh Chicklet, you nailed it!!!  That&#039;s where the idea came from. When my friend discovered those books we went right into &quot;What if a woman wrote something like that.&quot; You totally nailed it!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Oh Chicklet, you nailed it!!!  That&#8217;s where the idea came from. When my friend discovered those books we went right into &#8220;What if a woman wrote something like that.&#8221; You totally nailed it!</p>
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		<title>By: Chicklet</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177083</link>
		<dc:creator>Chicklet</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 01:59:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177083</guid>
		<description>I really like the voice, and I understand the narrator&#039;s smugness, providing Horner&#039;s books aren&#039;t as crazily misogynistic as, say, &lt;a href=&quot;http://hradzka.livejournal.com/194753.html#cutid1&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;John Ringo&#039;s.&lt;/a&gt; If someone has a CafePress store selling &quot;OH JACKSON HORNER NO,&quot; I&#039;m not sure I can hang with Terri. *g*</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I really like the voice, and I understand the narrator&#8217;s smugness, providing Horner&#8217;s books aren&#8217;t as crazily misogynistic as, say, <a href="http://hradzka.livejournal.com/194753.html#cutid1" rel="nofollow">John Ringo&#8217;s.</a> If someone has a CafePress store selling &#8220;OH JACKSON HORNER NO,&#8221; I&#8217;m not sure I can hang with Terri. *g*</p>
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		<title>By: Jill Sorenson</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177082</link>
		<dc:creator>Jill Sorenson</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 01:42:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177082</guid>
		<description>&lt;blockquote&gt;Jill, I hereby invite you to my house the next time the UPS guy delivers. I *totally* understood this part. (I once wrote a book where my romance writer heroine celebrated finishing her book by shagging the UPS guy and made it a major plot point. Though it might have been Fed Ex...) ;-)&lt;/blockquote&gt;

Hmm...I&#039;m rethinking my comment. Of course we see men as sex objects!  I crane my neck every time I pass a construction site.

I guess the UPS guy has been flying under my sexy radar.  : )</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>Jill, I hereby invite you to my house the next time the UPS guy delivers. I *totally* understood this part. (I once wrote a book where my romance writer heroine celebrated finishing her book by shagging the UPS guy and made it a major plot point. Though it might have been Fed Ex&#8230;) ;-)</p></blockquote>
<p>Hmm&#8230;I&#8217;m rethinking my comment. Of course we see men as sex objects!  I crane my neck every time I pass a construction site.</p>
<p>I guess the UPS guy has been flying under my sexy radar.  : )</p>
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		<title>By: Deb Kinnard</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177072</link>
		<dc:creator>Deb Kinnard</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:04:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177072</guid>
		<description>Author, you caught me at line one. Anything I&#039;d add to the above comments would be mere nits to pick. I get a feel for this that her misogynistic side gets her comeuppance, and though I can&#039;t identify with her disdain for her readers, I can sure understand it. How many writers do the commercial-fiction thing when they&#039;d rather be writing something else?

Nice twist on the fact that so many female SF writers used male-sounding pseudonyms, back in the day. Hurry up &amp; sell this so I can haz the rest!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Author, you caught me at line one. Anything I&#8217;d add to the above comments would be mere nits to pick. I get a feel for this that her misogynistic side gets her comeuppance, and though I can&#8217;t identify with her disdain for her readers, I can sure understand it. How many writers do the commercial-fiction thing when they&#8217;d rather be writing something else?</p>
<p>Nice twist on the fact that so many female SF writers used male-sounding pseudonyms, back in the day. Hurry up &amp; sell this so I can haz the rest!</p>
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		<title>By: K. Z. Snow</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177070</link>
		<dc:creator>K. Z. Snow</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:35:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177070</guid>
		<description>Congrats on your sale, Lori!  As others have said, aside from some tweaking via judicious editing (mostly having to do with punctuation --  e.g., comma placement to separate clauses, hyphens to connect compound modifiers), this is an engaging start.  I also fell prey to the Dodge Hart/Dodge Dart confusion.  It threw me off for a second.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Congrats on your sale, Lori!  As others have said, aside from some tweaking via judicious editing (mostly having to do with punctuation &#8212;  e.g., comma placement to separate clauses, hyphens to connect compound modifiers), this is an engaging start.  I also fell prey to the Dodge Hart/Dodge Dart confusion.  It threw me off for a second.</p>
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		<title>By: EC Sheedy</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177069</link>
		<dc:creator>EC Sheedy</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:09:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177069</guid>
		<description>I wasn&#039;t looking for political correctness or sexism when I read this--just the voice, the fiction, and the fun of it. It really worked for me. 

I hope the author keeps to her vision and doesn&#039;t go into some kind of angsty guilt trip about what she does for a living. At least not this early in the book.

Signed, she who lacks both &quot;upper body strength and math skills.&quot;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I wasn&#8217;t looking for political correctness or sexism when I read this&#8211;just the voice, the fiction, and the fun of it. It really worked for me. </p>
<p>I hope the author keeps to her vision and doesn&#8217;t go into some kind of angsty guilt trip about what she does for a living. At least not this early in the book.</p>
<p>Signed, she who lacks both &#8220;upper body strength and math skills.&#8221;</p>
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		<title>By: Ciar Cullen</title>
		<link>http://dearauthor.com/features/first-page-features/first-page-unnamed-contemporary-3/#comment-177068</link>
		<dc:creator>Ciar Cullen</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:06:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/?p=7045#comment-177068</guid>
		<description>Kinda has a screenplay feel to it to me. I think I&#039;d rather watch it. But you&#039;ve got to publish it first. Lots of fun!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Kinda has a screenplay feel to it to me. I think I&#8217;d rather watch it. But you&#8217;ve got to publish it first. Lots of fun!</p>
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