This actually sold after a few revisions, and is now available from Noble Romance Publishing:
https://www.nobleromance.com/ItemDisplay.aspx?i=173

Here’s the “official” blurb:
Lady Kathryn's father sends her to court to find a husband, but being penniless and disinterested doesn’t bode well for her success. Bored by the petty intrigues of court, her frustration and loneliness are eased when the king charges her with the care of his newest acquisition: a wolf he and his hunters have recently captured. What the king doesn’t realize is his remarkable pet was once Gabriel, his favorite knight, cursed into wolf form by an unfaithful wife.

Only Kathryn’s affection and determination stand between Gabriel the wolf and Gabriel the man. But when Reynard returns to court, will Kathryn's love be enough to keep Gabriel from exacting a brutish revenge that will condemn the wolf to death?

To learn more about this book and my upcoming releases, visit me on the web at:
http://heirtotheunderworld.com/

~E.D. Walker

I’ve never actually heard of The Wolf Hunt by Gillian Bradshaw. I’d probably be too scared to read it now for fear it would screw up my own story in my head.

Anyway. I’m glad Dear Author let me throw this up here and thanks again to everyone who took a look and commented. Feedback of any kind is priceless to me. :D

The lottery dates back to the 15th century, card games in Europe to the 14th century (much earlier in China) and dice games go back *much* further. There was also medieval horse racing – and betting on it was considered the province of the wealthy.

In fact, the Encyclopedia Brittanica calls gambling “one of mankind’s oldest activities.”

The numerous historical reference and many, many medieval regulations on gambling show that it was widespread enough to be an influence on society – enough of a problem in the eyes of government (including England and France) to need to be curtailed.

There's been several questions asked in this thread about the story, but I wouldn’t add more detail/explanation to the query, save those bits of clarification for the synopsis.

My only concern, aside from the H being a wolf, is where’s the conflict between he and the heroine?

The suggestions to clean the piece up a bit can’t hurt. Consider cutting the first paragraph completely, then moving the second paragraph towards the end (make it the second to last paragraph just before the SASE paragraph).

You have one short sentence that directly addresses Gabriel's situation. I would make that your first paragraph with a little tweaking, including some indication of his possible conflict with the heroine-’ie betrayed by one woman, can he trust another:

Trapped in his wolf form by his unfaithful wife when she learned his secret, Gabriel– once the king's favorite knight–struggles to return to the ways of his old life at court while fighting his wolfish urges to maim and kill.

Your current third paragraph I would break into two smaller paragraphs. The first one would end with:

“…king puts her in charge of the care and comfort of his new pet wolf.”

The remaining bit could also be tweaked a bit:

Isabeau quickly realizes the beast is more than he seems, for this “wolf” was once Gabriel, the king's favorite knight. Resolving to do all in her power to restore him, Isabeau is sorely tested as the trials of court and confrontations with those who betrayed Gabriel lead him to stray ever further from his already dwindling humanity.

You could either cut ‘for this wolf was once Gabriel' or hint a bit more as to how she found out his identity. The reference to the ‘trials of court' is good, but this would also be the place to state what puts her/Isabeau in conflict with him/Gabriel; ie- how helping him is a threat to her own goals.

I haven’t read the other titles brought up as comparison, and since we’re talking about a werewolf here, I’m will to suspend disbelief re the king putting her in charge of caring for the wolf (as long as it was set up right in the story). As a few other posters have commented this has the sound of a fairytale.

Good luck with this one!

Something that puts me off the description of this book is the gaming debts thing. Maybe come up with something a little more imaginative as to why the heroine is in court? Also can’t tell in what period (or analogous period) this is set. It’s hard to imagine under what circumstances a lady would be put in charge of the king’s pet wolf. However, there might be an interesting situation if there was a hound boy involved– servants who took care of the valuable hunting hounds in a lordly household, sometimes actually sleeping in the kennel. Because the hounds were usually better housed than many low level servants, one could see the desirable side of such a job.

If you are working on the angle of a legend – then infuse more of that. You do need to change the heroine’s name as it is so close it hurts to Ladyhawk.

Angle this as I do see some differences, they just aren’t portrayed in a way that would make me want to read the entire manuscript.

I don't know why ‘GARWAF' is written in all caps – looks like it's supposed to be an acronym.

Writing a title in all caps is the alternative to italics when sending emails/letters. I get a lot of agent queries with the title in all caps like this.

You sign yourself off as a writer, but do you have naything to say along those lines? In terms of your writing history?

Reynard the fox as the second husband’s name is good.

Jessica

The main thing that bugs me though is the title. This is a French-based romance, correct? Even though you chose an historically accurate French term, you have to think about what it sounds like to the average reader. To this one it sounds like a dog throwing up. I would not expect romance from that name, and it would make me hesitate buying it. I seriously suggest rethinking that.

I’m intrigued by the idea, but this query doesn’t make me want to read it.

Your first paragraph is more light and jokey and doesn’t seem to match the tone of the rest of it.

Your description is complicated and too in depth about what’s least important.

Some things to hit on:

*Why is Gabriel turned and kept by the king?
*Why does I. feel compelled to help them (i.e. what is their connection and how does it come about?)
*How does the need for I. to marry wealthy complicate the story?
*Why is she put in charge of the wolf (is it a favored position or not so favored)?
*Does the king know G. is his wolf?
*What secret does A. find out and that makes her turn G. into a wolf?
*Is she a witch? Do they have reason to continue to fear her?
*Gradually rumors of G reach A. But if she turned him, shouldn’t she know where he is? What does she think happened to him? Is there a chance he could be turned back by someone else? (why is she worried about him being discovered?

That’s a few of the major questions. The point is, that you don’t focus on what’s important–the tensions between characters and the drama of the plot. Much of what you focus on is secondary to all of that.

Next. Garwaf is an AWFUL title. I like that it’s old French for Werewolf, but it does nothing at all to engage your audience and worse, will likely actually make them not want to read.

Those are my few cents worth. Best of luck. Remember that queries are notoriously hard to write. I think that this query doesn’t serve your story as well as it might.

Best,

Di

FRENCH: I am unfamiliar with the ‘Bisclavet’ and ‘lai’ references – maybe it would be helpful to include a very brief description of content or definition?
Unlike an earlier commenter, I didn’t get the impression this is supposed to take place in medieval England, but in France. Maybe would be helpful to specify?
I don’t know if the average reader would know that ‘Reynard’ means fox in French. But I thought this was kind of intriguing – the hero and villain both being canines. Would seem to set them up for some type of climactic battle at the end, not to mention, since the hero’s first wife went on to this second canine that there is potential for the fox to become interested in the heroine as well.

HEROINE: I’m the type of reader who generally focuses on the female lead’s development. Somehow, she doesn’t really move into the foreground here. It’s all about the wronged hero and the much more active sounding villainess. She is vague from the beginning (if she is quickly ‘bored’ by court intrigue, does this mean she’s familiar with court intrigue elsewhere? Because a sheltered young woman from the country would probably not be ‘bored’ by such intrigue, rather ‘overwhelmed’) to the middle (is she somehow known for skill in animal handling, to justify him being given into her care rather than, say, the king’s master of the hunt? how does she find out the wolf is human, what does she do to rectify the situation?) to the end (what role in deflecting the scheming of the villains?)

KING: So – he knows the wolf is enchanted and content to have it that way since he thinks his favorite knight somehow betrayed him? Or he thinks his favorite knight is dead (which would explain how the villainess could have remarried)?

Good luck!

The only thing that tripped me up about the query was the POV. I started thinking that the story would be told from Isabeau’s perspective, but then began to wonder if it would actually be Gabriel’s or Alison’s. Isabeau just seemed to get lost somewhere. Also, aside from the fact that she’s an adulterous wife, why does Alison hate Gabriel so much, and why do members of the court dislike him? Is it just jealousy, or something else?

Good luck with your submission! It seems like an appealing spin on a popular subject, and I bet we’ll be hearing about your “first sale” soon!

Unless I'm the only one who went there.

Not at all, Carolyn. If the man doesn’t inhabit his human body at some point–well before the end–how will these two get “romantic”?

I agree that the opening questions are unnecessary. I also think most of the stuff after “dwindling humanity” is superfluous. We know there is trouble and intrique at court. The details you share are interesting, but I think shorter queries work better, and I’d rather get a little glimpse at how the romance develops. Does she fall in love with the man in wolf form?

Even as is, this is a good query. I’d call it a winner. Tighten things up and send it in! Best of luck to you.

(Aside: Highly, highly recommend any book by Gillian Bradshaw.)